Relax man...this isn't a writing forum. DJOVERBOARD told an excellent story. I enjoyed it and didn't have a problem understanding it.
A Story Thread
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Relax man...this isn't a writing forum. DJOVERBOARD told an excellent story. I enjoyed it and didn't have a problem understanding it.
Chicago
In the early 80's I lived on the West side of Chicago near O'hare. There was a lot of action in the bars along Mannheim Rd. Mark Jarvis, New York Tony, Robert LeBlanc, Tommy Spencer, Rocketman all used to hustle out there in Northlake and Stone Park. One frigid Friday night I go into a big club where there was always $5 challenge 9 ball on their bar boxes. I believe the place was called "Texas Ranch". Big noisy place with live music. I put my quarters up and win my game against a guy who immediately put some more quarters up. When his turn comes around again he asks if I want to play for $10 and I say sure. Well, I win that game too and he suggests that we go across the street where there's this quieter bar with more tables and far fewer patrons and he'll play some $50 sets.
So we meet over there and he seems to know the bartender and a couple of other people. I get the impression he's a regular. I win the first set easily and he pays up. In the second set he starts getting a little aggressive and abusive when he misses a shot or I win a game. I think, OK, I've seen this before, no big deal. He's not a real big guy, maybe 6' 185lbs. but well-built with huge hands and very muscular forearms. After a couple more games, when I'm close to closing out the set, he leans down close to my ear while I'm over my shot and hisses, "If you win one more fu$king game I'm going to drag you outside and knock your teeth down your throat!" Well, I wasn't very wise in those days and I stood up and (before my mind engaged itself) I said, "I don't think you're going to do shit".
He sort of looks away for a split second and the next thing I know he grabs me by the throat with one of those huge hands and it feels like I have the jaws of life crushing my esophagus. All of a sudden there's a pop like a shotgun going off and the bartender, who has just slammed a baseball bat on the bar, yells, "you two take it outside, now!" Hell, that was the last thing I wanted. I tell the bartender, "look, you know this guy and he's obviously crazy. You saw him assault me so, just kick him out." Nothing doing. He says, "take it outside".
I head for the door hoping to get a little head start. Outside, I have to cross the big parking lot and then cross Mannheim Blvd. because my car is parked at Texas Ranch. There's not a soul in sight. About halfway across the dark parking lot I hear feet running across the frozen gravel coming at me. I turn just as the guy swings his cue stick at my head. He misses but on the next swing he breaks the stick across my shoulder. I grad him and we go to the ground. He's still trying to hit me with the butt of the cue, but I'm able to pin that arm and sprawl on him in sort of side-control with all my weight on his chest. The guy is so strong that, even with my weight high on his chest, he starts to twist and get up.
I figure if he gets up he's going to splatter my brains with the cue stick. No one came out of the bar. It's just me and him in the dark. My head is right up next to his and with my free hand I find his eye. I push my index finger into the side of his eye and I can feel him shudder. But, he's still struggling to get up. Then I ask him, "is it worth it?" and he twists some more and says, "now, I'm going to fu$king kill you!" I'm struggling just to keep a grip on him. I push my finger deeper into his eye and I can feel the optic nerve. I ask him again, "is it worth it? because I'm about to pull your eye out". Suddenly I feel this shudder go through his body and he howls and stops struggling. I get up and start running across the street and I look back and he's right behind me still holding the cue butt. Just then the blue lights come on and a cop car slides to a stop in front of me.
One cop grabs me and the other cop grabs him. Thank God the bartender had called the cops. The bartender comes over and tells the cops what he saw and they ask me if I want to go to the station and press charges. At some point the cop who was questioning the other guy shines his flashlight in his face so that my cop could see the condition of his eye. It was the size of an orange. The cop asked me, "Jesus Christ, how did you do that?" I said, "I did it to save my life".
Fear will bring out the savage in anyone. I later learned he was a pitcher on the Cubs' farm team. Luckily, I never saw him again.
In the early 80's I lived on the West side of Chicago near O'hare. There was a lot of action in the bars along Mannheim Rd. Mark Jarvis, New York Tony, Robert LeBlanc, Tommy Spencer, Rocketman all used to hustle out there in Northlake and Stone Park. One frigid Friday night I go into a big club where there was always $5 challenge 9 ball on their bar boxes. I believe the place was called "Texas Ranch". Big noisy place with live music. I put my quarters up and win my game against a guy who immediately put some more quarters up. When his turn comes around again he asks if I want to play for $10 and I say sure. Well, I win that game too and he suggests that we go across the street where there's this quieter bar with more tables and far fewer patrons and he'll play some $50 sets.
So we meet over there and he seems to know the bartender and a couple of other people. I get the impression he's a regular. I win the first set easily and he pays up. In the second set he starts getting a little aggressive and abusive when he misses a shot or I win a game. I think, OK, I've seen this before, no big deal. He's not a real big guy, maybe 6' 185lbs. but well-built with huge hands and very muscular forearms. After a couple more games, when I'm close to closing out the set, he leans down close to my ear while I'm over my shot and hisses, "If you win one more fu$king game I'm going to drag you outside and knock your teeth down your throat!" Well, I wasn't very wise in those days and I stood up and (before my mind engaged itself) I said, "I don't think you're going to do shit".
He sort of looks away for a split second and the next thing I know he grabs me by the throat with one of those huge hands and it feels like I have the jaws of life crushing my esophagus. All of a sudden there's a pop like a shotgun going off and the bartender, who has just slammed a baseball bat on the bar, yells, "you two take it outside, now!" Hell, that was the last thing I wanted. I tell the bartender, "look, you know this guy and he's obviously crazy. You saw him assault me so, just kick him out." Nothing doing. He says, "take it outside".
I head for the door hoping to get a little head start. Outside, I have to cross the big parking lot and then cross Mannheim Blvd. because my car is parked at Texas Ranch. There's not a soul in sight. About halfway across the dark parking lot I hear feet running across the frozen gravel coming at me. I turn just as the guy swings his cue stick at my head. He misses but on the next swing he breaks the stick across my shoulder. I grad him and we go to the ground. He's still trying to hit me with the butt of the cue, but I'm able to pin that arm and sprawl on him in sort of side-control with all my weight on his chest. The guy is so strong that, even with my weight high on his chest, he starts to twist and get up.
I figure if he gets up he's going to splatter my brains with the cue stick. No one came out of the bar. It's just me and him in the dark. My head is right up next to his and with my free hand I find his eye. I push my index finger into the side of his eye and I can feel him shudder. But, he's still struggling to get up. Then I ask him, "is it worth it?" and he twists some more and says, "now, I'm going to fu$king kill you!" I'm struggling just to keep a grip on him. I push my finger deeper into his eye and I can feel the optic nerve. I ask him again, "is it worth it? because I'm about to pull your eye out". Suddenly I feel this shudder go through his body and he howls and stops struggling. I get up and start running across the street and I look back and he's right behind me still holding the cue butt. Just then the blue lights come on and a cop car slides to a stop in front of me.
One cop grabs me and the other cop grabs him. Thank God the bartender had called the cops. The bartender comes over and tells the cops what he saw and they ask me if I want to go to the station and press charges. At some point the cop who was questioning the other guy shines his flashlight in his face so that my cop could see the condition of his eye. It was the size of an orange. The cop asked me, "Jesus Christ, how did you do that?" I said, "I did it to save my life".
Fear will bring out the savage in anyone. I later learned he was a pitcher on the Cubs' farm team. Luckily, I never saw him again.
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Great story Bama but PLEASE, PURTY PLEASE, break those sentences into some paragraphs.
All of that in one jumble is hard to read. Not *****in at ya just trying to help.
taking it outside, speaking of eyes and ears too.
This is in response to Bamadog's nice post. More about fights than pool but two were over pool and the third person mentioned was a gambler, usually poker though. Be warned, a bit of blood and gore, almost as bad as a G rated movie now.
When I was young and dumb I got into one of those fights over a pool table. It was closing time just afterwards and we went outside, odds were three to two, or so I thought. My neighbor was with me. Me and the biggest of the three were facing off and he was mouthing off. He made the mistake of holding out the money thinking he was going to play games. I snatched it out of his hand quicker than a hungry coyote!
Now we are face to face legs spread and braced but he yaps on and on and on and on ... I'm getting bored. Drunk and sleepy anyway. All of a sudden he plants a world class kick between my legs with a cowboy boot. I was about 6'-1" and maybe 170 at the time and I think that kick lifted me about six inches in the air! The kick landed about six inches too far back and I barely felt it, more like a bucking horse. His partner tried to move in from the side but a couple punches were enough ball him up on the ground. The third guy ain't playing and my neighbor is leaning on a signpost laughing!
Well the big guy was into gouging eyes and all kinds of crap, anything but clean fighting was fine with him. Funny thing, I was blocking what he tried then doing it to him. After awhile he is on top, has me pinned down trying to choke me. He didn't know how to do that either so I rested a couple minutes while he was wasting time. When that doesn't work for him we go back to other things. He is on top when purely by accident I got a finger in his mouth, front to back! I use the finger in his cheek to pull him underneath me. About the time I did that about an inch of cheek tore, he was going to have a big big smile on that side! This didn't dissuade him. More fighting.
Then by accident or intent his finger got into my mouth all the way to the bottom knuckle! Knowing what I did to his mouth I clamped down as hard as I could with his finger between my teeth from front to the jawbone! Pure fear not wanting to be defaced for life I locked down like a pit bull and held on for a few minutes. I made sure that by the time I let go all he wanted was his finger back. Then he stood up and starting whining like a baby, I didn't fight fair!
Nuther story: Long before there was Mike Tyson there was old Bill. Bill weighed less than 150, wasn't much over five feet tall, and a generous portion of that weight was in the beer gut he invested in most regularly. Everybody warned me don't mess with Bill. He was a one trick pony when it came to fighting, he bit somebody's ear off! Not a little nibble like Tyson, the whole damned ear. He said there was nothing to it, get the whole ear in your mouth, then it was just biting through a little skin and cartilage. He said once you bite somebody's ear off they freaked so badly that it was easy to kick their butt! Fortunately I had no issues with Bill, wasn't looking for any either.
Ah well, one more for luck!
Al was shooting pool at a boat landing, bait shop, outboard motor repair, fish market, honky-tonk and pool hall. I know I am leaving a few things out like the owner renting out boat slips and camper spaces but you can get the drift, he knew how to make the eagle scream! He was gonna get a bite out of everybody one way or another. Being this kind of person he had jammed six tables where four would have been pushing things.
With the tables so close together people were constantly bumping into each other, having to wait for other people to shoot, you couldn't even get in a shooting stance on the side of a table without bumping the table next to you. The table next to Al had a mouthy fellow from out of town and they had words a few times in passing.
It has been a few minutes since words were exchanged for the last time and Al is bent over peacefully shooting pool when the fellow broke a one piece house cue across Al's back. Al was a bit vertically challenged at five feet two but that was how wide he was too. Even a gentle soul like Al can get annoyed about people destroying the pool hall's property like that. He gave the fellow a gentle tap, the guy flies a little ways, hits the bar and goes nighty-night at the base of the bar. Most people walk around him without stepping on him but it was that time of night and the place was crowded, a few people might have stepped on him accidentally. Al went back to playing pool.
Not too long later the guy wakes up and climbs up the bar. He has blood on his mouth and manages to slur out he needs a napkin, he has a busted lip. The bartender looked at him, "You don't have a busted lip, all of your teeth are gone!"
Just another night out to see the lights in a small country town. A friend and I stopped in that same place one evening. We were going night fishing and it was still daylight. A guy came up and asked if anyone wanted to play pool. Very shortly afterwards my friend came up, he was busted and needed me to get his money back. I did, then I got all of the other guy's money. "Heck with fishing, let's go party on his dime!" More to this story but just about partying and we have all been there. Perfectly normal for people to come sliding down your windshield when you are going seventy miles an hour down a crooked river road.
Hu
This is in response to Bamadog's nice post. More about fights than pool but two were over pool and the third person mentioned was a gambler, usually poker though. Be warned, a bit of blood and gore, almost as bad as a G rated movie now.
When I was young and dumb I got into one of those fights over a pool table. It was closing time just afterwards and we went outside, odds were three to two, or so I thought. My neighbor was with me. Me and the biggest of the three were facing off and he was mouthing off. He made the mistake of holding out the money thinking he was going to play games. I snatched it out of his hand quicker than a hungry coyote!
Now we are face to face legs spread and braced but he yaps on and on and on and on ... I'm getting bored. Drunk and sleepy anyway. All of a sudden he plants a world class kick between my legs with a cowboy boot. I was about 6'-1" and maybe 170 at the time and I think that kick lifted me about six inches in the air! The kick landed about six inches too far back and I barely felt it, more like a bucking horse. His partner tried to move in from the side but a couple punches were enough ball him up on the ground. The third guy ain't playing and my neighbor is leaning on a signpost laughing!
Well the big guy was into gouging eyes and all kinds of crap, anything but clean fighting was fine with him. Funny thing, I was blocking what he tried then doing it to him. After awhile he is on top, has me pinned down trying to choke me. He didn't know how to do that either so I rested a couple minutes while he was wasting time. When that doesn't work for him we go back to other things. He is on top when purely by accident I got a finger in his mouth, front to back! I use the finger in his cheek to pull him underneath me. About the time I did that about an inch of cheek tore, he was going to have a big big smile on that side! This didn't dissuade him. More fighting.
Then by accident or intent his finger got into my mouth all the way to the bottom knuckle! Knowing what I did to his mouth I clamped down as hard as I could with his finger between my teeth from front to the jawbone! Pure fear not wanting to be defaced for life I locked down like a pit bull and held on for a few minutes. I made sure that by the time I let go all he wanted was his finger back. Then he stood up and starting whining like a baby, I didn't fight fair!
Nuther story: Long before there was Mike Tyson there was old Bill. Bill weighed less than 150, wasn't much over five feet tall, and a generous portion of that weight was in the beer gut he invested in most regularly. Everybody warned me don't mess with Bill. He was a one trick pony when it came to fighting, he bit somebody's ear off! Not a little nibble like Tyson, the whole damned ear. He said there was nothing to it, get the whole ear in your mouth, then it was just biting through a little skin and cartilage. He said once you bite somebody's ear off they freaked so badly that it was easy to kick their butt! Fortunately I had no issues with Bill, wasn't looking for any either.
Ah well, one more for luck!
Al was shooting pool at a boat landing, bait shop, outboard motor repair, fish market, honky-tonk and pool hall. I know I am leaving a few things out like the owner renting out boat slips and camper spaces but you can get the drift, he knew how to make the eagle scream! He was gonna get a bite out of everybody one way or another. Being this kind of person he had jammed six tables where four would have been pushing things.
With the tables so close together people were constantly bumping into each other, having to wait for other people to shoot, you couldn't even get in a shooting stance on the side of a table without bumping the table next to you. The table next to Al had a mouthy fellow from out of town and they had words a few times in passing.
It has been a few minutes since words were exchanged for the last time and Al is bent over peacefully shooting pool when the fellow broke a one piece house cue across Al's back. Al was a bit vertically challenged at five feet two but that was how wide he was too. Even a gentle soul like Al can get annoyed about people destroying the pool hall's property like that. He gave the fellow a gentle tap, the guy flies a little ways, hits the bar and goes nighty-night at the base of the bar. Most people walk around him without stepping on him but it was that time of night and the place was crowded, a few people might have stepped on him accidentally. Al went back to playing pool.
Not too long later the guy wakes up and climbs up the bar. He has blood on his mouth and manages to slur out he needs a napkin, he has a busted lip. The bartender looked at him, "You don't have a busted lip, all of your teeth are gone!"
Just another night out to see the lights in a small country town. A friend and I stopped in that same place one evening. We were going night fishing and it was still daylight. A guy came up and asked if anyone wanted to play pool. Very shortly afterwards my friend came up, he was busted and needed me to get his money back. I did, then I got all of the other guy's money. "Heck with fishing, let's go party on his dime!" More to this story but just about partying and we have all been there. Perfectly normal for people to come sliding down your windshield when you are going seventy miles an hour down a crooked river road.
Hu
I was at a dr.'s office when a rather elderly couple came in. He sat down she registered. In a few minutes a nurse came out and called for the lady. She stands up and sees that he also stood up. She takes a couple steps and sees he is following her. In a stern voice she asks "where are you going"?
He softly replies "with you".
She admonishes him with " sit down you old fool. You havent went back with me in 50 years".
I waited a couple minutes then looked at him and said "you probably dont get to go shoot pool either".
He softly replies "with you".
She admonishes him with " sit down you old fool. You havent went back with me in 50 years".
I waited a couple minutes then looked at him and said "you probably dont get to go shoot pool either".
Genuinely laugh out loud funny!
That was laugh out loud funny! I wore the pants around my house and had my wife's permission to say so. Reminds me of an old joke.
This couple had just gotten married. The man pulled off his pants. "Put these on!" When his wife tried they dropped around her ankles. "They won't fit." He said "Remember that!" She pulled off her panties. "Put these on." "I can't get into those." She said, "You aren't going to until you change your attitude!"
Hu
That was laugh out loud funny! I wore the pants around my house and had my wife's permission to say so. Reminds me of an old joke.
This couple had just gotten married. The man pulled off his pants. "Put these on!" When his wife tried they dropped around her ankles. "They won't fit." He said "Remember that!" She pulled off her panties. "Put these on." "I can't get into those." She said, "You aren't going to until you change your attitude!"
Hu