Best AZB Qutoes

I don't feel like getting out "The Bank Shot and Other Great Robberies", but Fats used to say something to the effect: "Those mooches wouldn't bet fat meat was greasy!".
 
A guy sitting at the bar tells the bar maid, "You should see me play pool. That, Willie Mascara, taught me to play. He told me to never play for under $100 a game". $700 later, the guy sitting next to him was broke.
 
I said to the slowest player I've ever met, who was looking over a safety I had just played: "C'mon, Herb, my grandmother could get out from there, and SHE'S DEAD!"

Another player, in referance to the one above: "He plays so slow, we call him Cobweb."

Player A: "Naw, I don't wanna play today, tomarrow, maybe."
Player B: "Yeah, I'll send a cab for ya."

Gary Pinkowski: "I got the solid gold, platinum-plated Brazilian nuts!"
I've heard different variations of "the nuts" for years.
 
Terry Ardeno said:
Some of the very funniest lines have been uttered by "The Professor" himself, Grady Mathews....


* "He scrutinized the multi colored spheres longer than the time I took to select my 2nd wife."

* "I want to know if you use hair color. I suspect you do."

* "I'll give him a 1 way ticket to anywhere in the world, provided he stay a year."

*"What a splendid speciman of womankind."

*"That cue looks like an 8th grade woodshop project, with a D grade to boot."

*"That's his power break, which won't hurt our ears."


Grady Mathews is such a wonderful character!
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TAP! TAP! TAP!
 
I don't know who quoted this,:D But I'm still laughing!
"They all have a plan until I hit them In the face".Mike Tyson
 
not from AZB

This is not from AZB, but while discussing my recent (bad) experience at a pool hall kind of
far away, my friend knows the place real well, and said to me:

"Those rails are forty thousand years old".
 
Me playing a slow player.
“You could clock this guy with a calendar.”
or
“This guy plays at a glacial pace……drip……..drip…….drip..”

Me playing a guy in a wheelchair that was moving back and forth in front of me on a difficult shot in a close match.
“You better roll your shiny chrome ass the F*** out of my line of sight next time I get down on my shot.”
He never beat me again.

Me after getting slug racked again after requesting a re-rack.
Me, “Rack em again.” The racker “They’re tight.”
Me, “Evil Knieval couldn’t clear the gaps in your rack with the rocket cycle from Snake River canyon!”

After my opponent rattled one in….
“Did you see how bad he hit that ball…I cant believe that went in!”
“For him to have hit that ball any worse and have it go in the very laws of physics would have to cease to exist in the vacinity of the of the corner pocket…Some kind of rift in the space time continum…like a black hole, sucking the ball down. Yea, ..Nice shot Hawking.”

After I put an impossible lock up safe on a guy.
Me out loud to my buddy. “Did you see that shot?…..That was brutal…Like the Roman legions….100AD………the coloseum…..lions eating Christians and sh**.”

After three fouling a loud, obnoxious, angry woman in a tournament.
Me, “That’s three fouls.”
Her, very loud “You didn’t tell me I was on two!”
Me next the next inning “You’re on four.”
Me the following inning “You’re on five.”
She went on tilt after that.

Overheard.
Playing one pocket – Oh,… you woke up you mother F***r
 
Heard from an opponent who just lost in the finals: "Man, you put me in a coma!"
 
Paul Mon said:
You obviously never heard this one.

You make a lucky shot.

Your opponent says: "I can't believe how lucky you are." Or something similar.

You reply: "The more I practice, the luckier I get."

This line has been attributed to Jack Nicklaus,

Wish I said it first.
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Actually it was Gary Player. But I like it nonetheless.
 
One of the players in our league is known for excessive flukes. One day he fluked his way into back to back to back safeties and I had to make a comment. He replies, "I don't fluke! It's simple...I miss so often I am just getting really good at it!"

Same player likes to practice banking for hours on end. Just sits there hitting standard cross sides at light speed as hard as he can. Once I walked by and said,"keep up the good work...one more rail and the whole table will play dead!". Unfortunately he simply changed tables...

After kick out of a safety that results in an even better safety:
"So, it's like I told Efren..."
 
PoolSponge said:
One of the players in our league is known for excessive flukes.
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The Law of Flukes

One is an accident
Two are coincidence
Three or more - you are watching rare talent:D :D :D
 
JoeW said:
The best quotes on AZB would be ones that you have repeated to someone.

I can’t find who said this but I have used it the most.
“Did you see that pocket move.”

Pushout, “I had a stroke. I had it when I came in, I KNOW I did.

I_Need_D_8, “My opinion is worth what you paid for it.”

Chilli66, "Time won't leave me as I am, but time won't take the boy out of this man" - U2
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" He was shaking like a dog shitting razor blades"
 
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