Funniest Gambling Story (Or one of)

crawfish

crawfish

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
I have to tell this one because A: It is true and B: I cry every time I tell it laughing.

Well, all of the talk about gay nicknames and stuff reminded me of Steve Elkins.

OK, I am giving weight to this guy (too much as I found out after the first set for $300 or was it $500?). We are all drinkin' and talkin' sh#$ to eachother in a very friendly way. Everyone is getting along just fine. We are playing an eight ahead set somewhere in NC. I can't give away too much here. Well, I am down a set. We offer to lower the spot and raise the bet. Well, the guy agrees to lower the spot but not raise the bet. So, we take all the side action we can get, which wasn't much. Ok, now to the funny part. Steve, or Captain Steve, is a boat captain. He stands about 6'4" and about 260 with a fumanchu beard, shaved head and an anchor for an earring. He has a really deep Sam Elliott voice. He kind of has a commanding presence. Here goes.

They, my opponent and Steve, are discussing the bet for the next set. Steve was in with me. Steve suddenly turns to the guy and says, "Hey, I know where I know you from, now. Give me a minute and I'll try to place you." The nameless opponent racks and breaks for game one. Steve busts in again, "Yeah, I thought you looked familiar from this angle. I used to fu#$ a guy that was about your size in prison. So, don't make any sudden moves, it kind of excites me." The guy busted out laughing. Steve was dead silent and motionless. The guy was dumbfounded. He didn't know what to say. Steve is straight as an arrow and has never been to prison. I knew that, Steve knew that. The guy kept looking back at Steve the whole set. I won in less than an hour. The guy laughed about that to this day. Steve put one kind of move on. He still uses that line from time to time. Funny as hell.
 
crawfish said:
I have to tell this one because A: It is true and B: I cry every time I tell it laughing.

Well, all of the talk about gay nicknames and stuff reminded me of Steve Elkins.

OK, I am giving weight to this guy (too much as I found out after the first set for $300 or was it $500?). We are all drinkin' and talkin' sh#$ to eachother in a very friendly way. Everyone is getting along just fine. We are playing an eight ahead set somewhere in NC. I can't give away too much here. Well, I am down a set. We offer to lower the spot and raise the bet. Well, the guy agrees to lower the spot but not raise the bet. So, we take all the side action we can get, which wasn't much. Ok, now to the funny part. Steve, or Captain Steve, is a boat captain. He stands about 6'4" and about 260 with a fumanchu beard, shaved head and an anchor for an earring. He has a really deep Sam Elliott voice. He kind of has a commanding presence. Here goes.

They, my opponent and Steve, are discussing the bet for the next set. Steve was in with me. Steve suddenly turns to the guy and says, "Hey, I know where I know you from, now. Give me a minute and I'll try to place you." The nameless opponent racks and breaks for game one. Steve busts in again, "Yeah, I thought you looked familiar from this angle. I used to fu#$ a guy that was about your size in prison. So, don't make any sudden moves, it kind of excites me." The guy busted out laughing. Steve was dead silent and motionless. The guy was dumbfounded. He didn't know what to say. Steve is straight as an arrow and has never been to prison. I knew that, Steve knew that. The guy kept looking back at Steve the whole set. I won in less than an hour. The guy laughed about that to this day. Steve put one kind of move on. He still uses that line from time to time. Funny as hell.
Click to expand...

WHOA!
If Steve had put that line on Easy-E and DeadPoked they would have raised the bet and then laid down. :killingme: :dance:
JoeyA
 
Ha Ha

JoeyA said:
WHOA!
If Steve had put that line on Easy-E and DeadPoked they would have raised the bet and then laid down. :killingme: :dance:
JoeyA
Click to expand...
IM NOT SCARED OF ANYONE THAT WEARS A EAR RING!!!!!!:angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: BECAUSE I ALLWAY HAVE THE EQUALIZER WITH ME!!!!!:D :D :D :D
 
Bullshit, I don't believe a word of it.

Dave(The Atheist)born with onboard fully functioning bullshit detector)(The Admiral)Nelson. My statue in Trafalger Square is so revered that even the pigeons respect it.
 
=)

I found out that one of my best freinds wife was cheating on him.. I was a good freind and told him about it.. So this leads to a night of drinking and playing pool with the crew. So He keeps saying that hes going to whoop the guy when he sees him... So where drunk and on are way home.. and We ask him where he wants to go.. HIs Reply "I wanna go F--- HIm and whip her." I still laugh to tears remembering that.. Not really pool related but funny non the less.
 
Robertduke said:
I found out that one of my best freinds wife was cheating on him.. I was a good freind and told him about it.. So this leads to a night of drinking and playing pool with the crew. So He keeps saying that hes going to whoop the guy when he sees him... So where drunk and on are way home.. and We ask him where he wants to go.. HIs Reply "I wanna go F--- HIm and whip her." I still laugh to tears remembering that.. Not really pool related but funny non the less.
Click to expand...

That's funny?

Dave Nelson
 
I used to work with a guy named Ted who wasn't gay but would act gay sometimes at work just for laughs. Big guy, ex marine. At the company picnic this other guy who was gay got drunk and went up to Ted and kissed him on the mouth.

A few people had to intervene to keep Ted from hurting the guy. Ted never acted gay at work anymore.
 
If you get a little drunk and get freaky with the other members of your APA team does it make you gay???????????? :confused:
Even if it was only once and you never talk about it again???????
 
crawfish said:
I have to tell this one because A: It is true and B: I cry every time I tell it laughing.

Well, all of the talk about gay nicknames and stuff reminded me of Steve Elkins.

OK, I am giving weight to this guy (too much as I found out after the first set for $300 or was it $500?). We are all drinkin' and talkin' sh#$ to eachother in a very friendly way. Everyone is getting along just fine. We are playing an eight ahead set somewhere in NC. I can't give away too much here. Well, I am down a set. We offer to lower the spot and raise the bet. Well, the guy agrees to lower the spot but not raise the bet. So, we take all the side action we can get, which wasn't much. Ok, now to the funny part. Steve, or Captain Steve, is a boat captain. He stands about 6'4" and about 260 with a fumanchu beard, shaved head and an anchor for an earring. He has a really deep Sam Elliott voice. He kind of has a commanding presence. Here goes.

They, my opponent and Steve, are discussing the bet for the next set. Steve was in with me. Steve suddenly turns to the guy and says, "Hey, I know where I know you from, now. Give me a minute and I'll try to place you." The nameless opponent racks and breaks for game one. Steve busts in again, "Yeah, I thought you looked familiar from this angle. I used to fu#$ a guy that was about your size in prison. So, don't make any sudden moves, it kind of excites me." The guy busted out laughing. Steve was dead silent and motionless. The guy was dumbfounded. He didn't know what to say. Steve is straight as an arrow and has never been to prison. I knew that, Steve knew that. The guy kept looking back at Steve the whole set. I won in less than an hour. The guy laughed about that to this day. Steve put one kind of move on. He still uses that line from time to time. Funny as hell.
Click to expand...
Guess you had to be there.
 
JoeyA said:
WHOA!
If Steve had put that line on Easy-E and DeadPoked they would have raised the bet and then laid down. :killingme: :dance:
JoeyA
Click to expand...

omg, that is hilarious joey.
 
Ktown D said:
If you get a little drunk and get freaky with the other members of your APA team does it make you gay???????????? :confused:
Even if it was only once and you never talk about it again???????
Click to expand...

I hope not.
 
Ktown D said:
If you get a little drunk and get freaky with the other members of your APA team does it make you gay???????????? :confused:
Even if it was only once and you never talk about it again???????
Click to expand...

Not if you are the Captain and the rest of the team are hot chicks. Otherwise yes it makes you gayer than a fruit stand in a Turkish prison
 
Javolin

One nite a friend of mine was gambling 50 dollar sets. With a guy that had absolutly no business even being on the same table with him. But this guy kept getting unbelievable roll after roll and won the first set. Like any good player knows he who lives by the roll dies by the roll. So he goes another set and not only do the rolls not stop they get worse. He's down 4-1 on a race to 5.
I tell some of the guys watching he's almost on tilt and about to lose it..they responds "that'll never happen he's too good a player for that". Well its his break because of his frustration he breaks a little too hard the cue ball goes off the table and of course the 1 9 belly's up in the corner.

All the sudden we hear an AAAAARRRGGGGHHHHH I look up and he's chucked his cue like a Javolin across the poolroom(it had a wonderful harmonic wobble through the air). The cue hits one of those cardboard lifesize cutouts of Dale Earnhart.
At this point it is dead silent in the poolroom and Earnhart has a cue sticking out of his chest.
He doesn't say a word walks over and pulls the cue from the carboard chest.(not so much as the first ding in the cue)
He says "Sorry Dale I feel better........ another set?"
 
Mr. Steve Paternastro

Mr. Stever was an elderly gentleman who frequented THE SPORTS PALACE back in the late 70's and 80's. I met him around 1981. He was an old school one pocket player and while he didn't gamble but for a few dollars, he played rather well. He had a respiratory problem and was an insomniac and you would seldom see him until around midnight. He would come in quietly and stand near the pool tables until a young buck would ask him to play some cheap one pocket. He had already clocked everyone's speed and he stayed away from the tables of the best players and would only do some minor blood letting from the lambs, never taking their last monies.

I couldn't spell one pocket at that time and he would always ask me to play for a dollar or two or sometimes if he knew I had made a score he would ask to play for five dollars. I lost every single time I played him for money or for the time. After two years of taking azz whippings from him, my game jumped a little bit and I was able to beat him. Keep in mind, that I had never one one single dollar from him in over two years. We didn't play everyday or anything like that but I looked forward to getting a cheap lesson from him. I knew that I could either break even with him or beat him and so one night when he slipped in like a shadow, I approached him and offered to play him some five dollar one pocket. Mr. Steve looked at me very seriously and said, "Oh no, son, I can't beat you anymore. You're too good for me". You could have knocked me over with a feather because this guy had beat me for YEARS and now that I had a chance to compete with him he wasn't going to play me any longer. I whined and said, "But Mr. Steve, you beat me for over two years. I never one one match against you. Now that I have a chance to break even with you, you're not even going to give me a chance to get some of my money back?" He looked at me even more sincerely and said, "Oh no son, that money is locked up and it will never come out of the safe". The regulars who heard our exchange cackled like a flock of geese because they knew how Mr. Stever was and how ignorant I was and what was coming. I was the only one that stood there in shock not believing that Mr. Steve was serious. We never played again. That was an early and cheap pool lesson in gambling. :smile:
JoeyA
 
Dave Nelson said:
That's funny?

Dave Nelson
Click to expand...


I thought it was reasonably funny.
Lighten up, Dave, you ole crabapple.

That Atheism thread has caused you to lose your sense of humor.

But, you know what? Jesus still loves you.:D :D
 
Hey Joey, here's one just for you.

I am in Dillon, SC. A place called the Razzle Dazzle. I was on my way to Florida to visit my grandmother and got wind of this spot where there was plenty of action. From the outside, the place didn't look like much, so I actually checked into the only hotel within thirty minutes of the joint. A nice Pakistani man took my cash and I went to the room. Quaint, nice, clean. Now, I was off to the poolroom (or nightclub I later found out.).

As you go in, they take a picture of you and your ID. I guess there was a reason for knowing who everyone is there. So, I hold my cue near my face and they snapped a pretty good shot of me. As I get inside, I am in instant action. I don't remember all the details, I just remember I won about $300. While I am doing this, this hot young lady was watching my whole loud song and dance. She said she was amazed at watching that level of pool. Well, the place had a dance floor, and I commenced the "moves." She was in.

We decided to go back to the hotel for a "swim." She "swam" really well. And we swam and swam. Well, the next morning, she asked me where I was heading. "Disneyland!" She decided to go with me. WOW, what a better start to a trip? So, we stop off a couple of more places on the way, and had a blast. I booked NO losers while in front of this little dynamo. We did end up at Disney, also. But, I had to be back on Monday for work. So we headed back.

We pull into the hotel Saturday night, so I figured I'd check in and hit the Razzle Dazzle again. As I walk into the lobby, my little Pakistani man was yelling for me to get out of there! You are wanted by the Police for kidnapping! I had no idea this girl was just recently separated, and they had been looking for her. And now, ME!

There I was with my pool cue by my face on the page of the local paper. It was the picture from the Razzle Dazzle. It took me almost two days to clear it all up. I even had to talk to the FBI. I was scared to death with my smilin' pic in the newspaper.
 
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Article

crawfish said:
Hey Joey, here's one just for you.

I am in Dillon, SC. A place called the Razzle Dazzle. I was on my way to Florida to visit my grandmother and got wind of this spot where there was plenty of action. From the outside, the place didn't look like much, so I actually checked into the only hotel within thirty minutes of the joint. A nice Pakistani man took my cash and I went to the room. Quaint, nice, clean. Now, I was off to the poolroom (or nightclub I later found out.).

As you go in, they take a picture of you and your ID. I guess there was a reason for knowing who everyone is there. So, I hold my cue near my face and they snapped a pretty good shot of me. As I get inside, I am in instant action. I don't remember all the details, I just remember I won about $300. While I am doing this, this hot young lady was watching my whole loud song and dance. She said she was amazed at watching that level of pool. Well, the place had a dance floor, and I commenced the "moves." She was in.

We decided to go back to the hotel for a "swim." She "swam" really well. And we swam and swam. Well, the next morning, she asked me where I was heading. "Disneyland!" She decided to go with me. WOW, what a better start to a trip. So, we stop off a couple of more places on the way, and had a blast. I booked NO losers while in front of this little dynamo. We did end up at Disney, also. But, I had to be back on Monday for work. So we headed back.

We pull into the hotel Saturday night, so I figured I'd check in and hit the Razzle Dazzle again. As I walk into the lobby, my little Pakistani man was yelling for me to get out of there! You are wanted by the Police for kidnapping! I had no idea this girl was just recently separated, and they had been looking for her. And now, ME!

There I was with my pool cue by my face on the page of the local paper. It was the picture from the Razzle Dazzle. It took me almost two days to clear it all up. I even had to talk to the FBI. I was scared to death with my smilin' pic in the newspaper.
Click to expand...

Please tell me you have the newspaper clipping...it would be priceless. Great story. I love swimming;)
 
CamposCues said:
Please tell me you have the newspaper clipping...it would be priceless. Great story. I love swimming;)
Click to expand...
My ex wife found the page and threw it away. It reminded her of past flames. You see, I went back and visited, and she also came to visit me here. This was before my marriage. Oh, the good times.
 
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