Funniest thing you have heard a league player say

With an APA league going on the other side of the room , I was practicing when a young lady approached my table and just stood there quietly.

Finally, I said, "How are you?"

She said, "Would you sign my cue stick, please?

I said, "Excuse me? Why would you want that?"

She said, "Everyone tells me you play on the tour with all of the pros."

That's when I started laughing and told her that I run a tour on which some pros play but I wasn't a pro.

She frowned and said, "So, you won't sign my stick?"

I said, "Honey, there's only two people on the planet that would recognize that signature. One is me and the other is my mother!"

Stones
 
My league partner broke, ran the table to the 8. He hooked himself and missed his kick giving his opponent BIH and leaving the 8 right in the middle on the short rail. His opponents balls were perfectly spread out and just about anyone could have run this one out. My partner walks over to me, sits in his chair and says

"I've got him right where he wants me"

You know, it hurts when beer comes out of your nose.
 
The funniest I have ever heard...League players were playing along with some people watching. A guy breaks 9 ball and was watching the balls roll around and seen that he was going to be straight in on the one (with a few balls still rolling) he turns quickly around to get his playing cue and when he turned back around to the table a ball had come up and froze to the cue ball hooking him on the one. He says "where the hell did that ball come from?" A guy in the crowd said, as serious as can be, "Belguim, I think?" It was hilarious at the time
 
Just remembered a couple other ones.

Back during the anthrax scares that were going around, someone had left some powder on one of the rails. I asked my opponent if he thought it was anthrax or cocaine. He said "well, I am qualified to tell if it's cocaine"

I was drunk, gambling with a good friend of mine for $5 a game. My friend was being very generous and only winning every 2/3 games so things didn't get out of hand.

Another friend of ours walked up and asked how things were going. I told him that my opponent would fear me before we were done. While we were talking my opponent broke and ran another rack. Our mutual friend looked at the coin we used to keep score and said "why? Are you going to hit him with your stick?"
 
At the BCA National 8-ball event in Vegas, my team were playing at 9am. We were all out till about 6am the night before, but four of us did make it by 9am. One of the players from Amsterdam Billiards, a good friend of ours, had joined our team for this event and he was there at 9am also to complete our five man team. It was 100 degrees outside so we were all, naturally, wearing shorts as we have for APA Vegas trips. This is not allowed in BCA, and we were told that we could not play in shorts. Our adopted teammate was the only one wearing pants ... (I'm sure you can see what's coming .... ) . My teammate who was up first looked him straight in the eye and said "Give me your pants". Poor guy had to watch his adopted team play in his underwear in full view of everyone else. Fortunately our opponents were good sports and laughing along with us too! (especially when we were exchanging the pants between us after each match)
 
"There was this one shot I pulled off and it was crazy, everyone saw it because they watch me all the time, I am like..........a cult icon"

My mouth is still hanging open at that remark, he is a decent player but obviously he thinks he is more than that.

And the most common thing I hear is "What's your rating?", like it matters? Are people that insecure that they NEED to know other people's rating so they can feel better about themselves? I don't play league and don't have a rating, call me a 2 if it makes you feel good.
 
Southpaw said:
I heard an APA player say one night that some nights he could play as well as "Johnny Mosconi"...I just shook my head and said "really?"

Southpaw
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Maybe he could, you ever see Johnny play, he wasn't all that much. :D
 
I used to run a small league at our American Legion that was popular and had a waiting list to get into. We had a new (younger 20 something) member want to join the league. We were playing $5 a game for practice at the time and this kid comes up to us and says "I paid all of my college expenses playing pool, hustling, and beating the others at school." Well needless to say this kid couldn't run 1 ball let alone a table. We quit after we stuck him for about $50. He then says "I can see all of these 3-4 rail shots and combos but I can't make them" One of my friends looks at him and says "Well I guess the table at college must have played different then" :D

Needles to say, he didn't want to join the league after that, but I sure want to go back to school if he paid all of his expenses hustling the others at college. :D
 
This actually happened a couple of nights ago in my APA 9-ball league....I'm playing an SL3 and during one of the racks I slop in the 3 ball :) but still got shape on the 4 ball. So....I hear one of her teammates yell, "that's OK...that's APA for you!" I just smiled and ran the rack out. I later explained that it's not an APA rule and it's part of 9 ball.

Rob
 
"I hate when people show off using all that fancy english."

Was explaining a hard shot that nobody likes to shoot when I asked a apa player, Who is the best player in the world? He responded with "I dont know, Allen Fisher?" I agreed with him and walked away.

I overheard this conversation of a guy who just got back from India I believe... He said that over there, you pay someone to rack for you..."but they guy didnt even know how to rack, Im not going to pay someone to rack who cant do it right" As he is saying this, he is racking 8-ball..... with all of the like colors beside each other. Then he spins the 8 ball and lifts up the loose rack. It was priceless.
 
true story

I know this is going to sound like a joke but it actually happened.

One night I'm at my lathe putting on some tips. Leauge player walks over and says, "I need a new tip, do you have any good ones?" I tell him that I only have "good ones" and ask if he has any idea what kind he would like. He then asks me "What is the very best tip made?" I think for a moment then reply, "Well, that would be debateable."

He was dead serious when he said "Well, how much does a debateable cost?"
 
M HOUSE said:
I know this is going to sound like a joke but it actually happened.

One night I'm at my lathe putting on some tips. Leauge player walks over and says, "I need a new tip, do you have any good ones?" I tell him that I only have "good ones" and ask if he has any idea what kind he would like. He then asks me "What is the very best tip made?" I think for a moment then reply, "Well, that would be debateable."

He was dead serious when he said "Well, how much does a debateable cost?"
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Now that's funny!
 
"sandbagger"

Its quite common in our APA division to be accussed of sandbagging after winning a match in very few innings. Obviously a true sandbagger would do the opposite, but this logic is lost to many.
 
The funniest thing I here league people say is when you hear somebody yell "Great Shot" the team is High Fiving each other. Then I look at the table and the player is completley hooked. The player made a ball but is completely hooked from making another offensive shot. This happens over and over.
 
M HOUSE said:
I know this is going to sound like a joke but it actually happened.

One night I'm at my lathe putting on some tips. Leauge player walks over and says, "I need a new tip, do you have any good ones?" I tell him that I only have "good ones" and ask if he has any idea what kind he would like. He then asks me "What is the very best tip made?" I think for a moment then reply, "Well, that would be debateable."

He was dead serious when he said "Well, how much does a debateable cost?"
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You should have told "if he has to ask, he's not ready".
 
question to division rep . . .

Around 2001, I moved and my old APA division was too far of a drive. I was very happy to find a new room with 14 9 footers and even happier when they started an in house APA division. The same league operator was in charge of this division and asked me to be division rep. I agreed, but it turned out to be a real pain. I think we had like 12 teams and less than 5 people had ever played APA. My name was at the top of the scoresheet, so I spent the better part of each night explaining fouls, ball in hand, etc.

About half way through the session, a young lady came up and asked me if I had another job or did I make all my income from the APA:eek:
 
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I have posted this before but it is true and funny.

First time this fellow is playing the APA. He is probably a 5 ? 6 handicap but started as a 4 like all new players. He has just been told all the rules including the coaching rules. At the time the whole damn team might get up and help coach a player.

He watches one match then it is his turn. There is a reasonably difficult shot and perhaps three ways to play it, including a safe. This fellow walks around the table looks at the shot a few times and sees the whole team ready to pounce. He backs away from the table about three feet and starts sucking his thumb.

The way he did it, like a little kid, we all cracked up.
 
BCA and APA

A few years ago when I played APA 9 Ball a "gentlemen" SKL 7 had just won the lag and as I said "Good Luck", he replied "Yup, your going to need it".

He came up dry on the break and I ended up winning 63-3 (Or whatever a SKL 7 needs).


Last year while playing BCA I broke and flew the cue ball. My opponent takes BIH and puts it in the middle of the table. After he shoots, I declare a foul and explained why to which my opponent yells "You're a referee, you were supposed to tell me" :D
 
hobokenapa said:
At the BCA National 8-ball event in Vegas, my team were playing at 9am. We were all out till about 6am the night before, but four of us did make it by 9am. One of the players from Amsterdam Billiards, a good friend of ours, had joined our team for this event and he was there at 9am also to complete our five man team. It was 100 degrees outside so we were all, naturally, wearing shorts as we have for APA Vegas trips. This is not allowed in BCA, and we were told that we could not play in shorts. Our adopted teammate was the only one wearing pants ... (I'm sure you can see what's coming .... ) . My teammate who was up first looked him straight in the eye and said "Give me your pants". Poor guy had to watch his adopted team play in his underwear in full view of everyone else. Fortunately our opponents were good sports and laughing along with us too! (especially when we were exchanging the pants between us after each match)
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Was no one willing to give the guy their shorts? He's nice enough to give up his pants, and he couldn't borrow the shorts of the guy he loaned his pants to? That's cold (in more ways than one).
 
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