Funny pic/gif thread...
- Thread starter dfweyer
- Start date
Welfare Poem
I cross ocean, poor and broke,
Take bus, see employment folk.
Nice man treat me good in there,
Say I need to see welfare.
Welfare say, 'You come no more,
We send cash right to your door.'
Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep you healthy!
By and by, I get plenty money,
Thanks to you, American dummy.
Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them 'come fast as you can.'
They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks
They come here, we live together,
More welfare checks, it gets better!
Fourteen families, they moving in,
But neighbor's patience wearing thin.
Finally, white guy moves away,
Now I buy his house, and then I say,
'Find more aliens for house to rent.'
And in the yard I put a tent.
Send for family they just trash,
But they, too, draw the welfare cash!
Everything is very good,
And soon we own the neighborhood.
We have hobby it's called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.
Kid's need dentist? Wife's need pills?
We get free! We got no bills!
American's crazy! He pay all year,
To keep welfare running here.
We think America darn good place!
Too darn good for the white man race.
If they no like us, they can scram,
Got lots of room in Pakistan
It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890.00 and each can also get an additional $580.00 in social assistance for a total of $2470.00.
This compares very well to a single pensioner who after contributing to the growth and development of Americas for 40 to 50 years can only receive monthly maximum of $1,012.00 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.
Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!
I cross ocean, poor and broke,
Take bus, see employment folk.
Nice man treat me good in there,
Say I need to see welfare.
Welfare say, 'You come no more,
We send cash right to your door.'
Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep you healthy!
By and by, I get plenty money,
Thanks to you, American dummy.
Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them 'come fast as you can.'
They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks
They come here, we live together,
More welfare checks, it gets better!
Fourteen families, they moving in,
But neighbor's patience wearing thin.
Finally, white guy moves away,
Now I buy his house, and then I say,
'Find more aliens for house to rent.'
And in the yard I put a tent.
Send for family they just trash,
But they, too, draw the welfare cash!
Everything is very good,
And soon we own the neighborhood.
We have hobby it's called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.
Kid's need dentist? Wife's need pills?
We get free! We got no bills!
American's crazy! He pay all year,
To keep welfare running here.
We think America darn good place!
Too darn good for the white man race.
If they no like us, they can scram,
Got lots of room in Pakistan
It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890.00 and each can also get an additional $580.00 in social assistance for a total of $2470.00.
This compares very well to a single pensioner who after contributing to the growth and development of Americas for 40 to 50 years can only receive monthly maximum of $1,012.00 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.
Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!
I still love this mutha fuc...you get my point.
Thanks for the laughs. I am also disgusted (uwaite, thassa fo you!)
Thanks for the laughs. I am also disgusted (uwaite, thassa fo you!)
Sorry no picture
I saw this license plate on the road last night and knew right away the vehicle belonged to a pool player:
TRUSNO1
Hu
I saw this license plate on the road last night and knew right away the vehicle belonged to a pool player:
TRUSNO1
Hu
Rules to Date My Daughter
1. You may call my daughter by her name. Her name is not "Mama", "Houchie", "Babe", "Yo *****", or any other name currently in the vocabulary of your age group identifying young women. With her permission, you may call her by her nickname, "Sam." If I hear any of these other terms used to refer to my sweet girl you will get an immediate response from me, her father.
2. If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
3. You do not touch my daughter in front of me.
You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
4. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
5. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.
Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
6. In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this.
The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
7. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
8. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car?
9. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies that feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks' homes are better.
10. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged, dim-witted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.
Do not trifle with me.
*Final Note* Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight, speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car.
There is no need for you to come inside.
The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
*PS* My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these rules from memory. I'd be embarrassed too--there are not that many of them, for crying out loud! And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I'd have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn't remember them. (I checked into it and the cost is prohibitive.) I merely told him that I thought writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate--ink washes off--and that my wood burning set was probably a better alternative.
1. You may call my daughter by her name. Her name is not "Mama", "Houchie", "Babe", "Yo *****", or any other name currently in the vocabulary of your age group identifying young women. With her permission, you may call her by her nickname, "Sam." If I hear any of these other terms used to refer to my sweet girl you will get an immediate response from me, her father.
2. If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
3. You do not touch my daughter in front of me.
You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
4. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
5. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.
Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
6. In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this.
The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
7. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
8. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car?
9. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies that feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks' homes are better.
10. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged, dim-witted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.
Do not trifle with me.
*Final Note* Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight, speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car.
There is no need for you to come inside.
The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
*PS* My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these rules from memory. I'd be embarrassed too--there are not that many of them, for crying out loud! And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I'd have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn't remember them. (I checked into it and the cost is prohibitive.) I merely told him that I thought writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate--ink washes off--and that my wood burning set was probably a better alternative.
2007 News stories
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
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