Funny Things Said to You at the Pool Room

One Saturday early, I was getting my morning practice and the youngster wanted to challenge my table as all the rest were empty. I tried to be gentle and explain that, "I am a money player." He puffed right up and replied, "I Am a Money player too!" Oh and as he racked for 9 ball Freebird came on the jukebox. "He looks up and says, "I never lose to Freebird." .....His allowance was gone before the tune was over. Shrug 🤷‍♂️. At the pay and surrender, I said "I never lose to Freebird either. " 🤷‍♂️ true story.
 
I was home on leave getting ready to be stationed in Taipei, Taiwan and I was in the old pool hall where I worked as a kid when an old guy who fixed the tables saw me playing pool.

He came up and asked me if I was still in the Army and I said, "Bruce, I ain't in the Army, I am in the Air Force."

Bruce had drank about a dozen or more beers by this time and he just smiled and asked, "where you going to be stationed now?" and I said, "Taiwan."

He laughed and said, "Taiwan! I'm gonna tie one on right now."

Bruce was good for "tying one on" pretty much every day. He would come in the first thing in the morning and sip Budwiesers with a shaker of salt all day until he was buzzed really good and then he would call a cab and go home.
 
I played in a tournament in my home town and several of my college friends came to play also. Many of the locals didn't care for out of towners coming in to play, especially if they were good. At the time, the opponent racked for the breaker. Before Troy broke, he checked the rack. A guy says out loud "he must have seen that on ESPN". Later in the game, Troy makes a fantastic safety shot, caroming off a ball midtable and sending the cueball three rails to rest behind another ball on the rail. Troy comes up to me and whispers "I saw that on ESPN too".
 
9BallKY said:
Two guys were woofing one day when one guy offered the other guy the 8. The other guy replied
“I’ll get down on my hands and knees and crawl naked all the way to your place for that game”. It was about 50 miles away
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In Maryland there was a local trick shot artist named Chester Morris who once got quoted in a local newspaper as saying he'd "swim a sea of sewage to play Minnesota Fats." When I saw that article, I got a girl I knew at the pool room, Jenny Gale, to draw a picture of Chester swimming across the sea, complete with a snorkel, while on the other side a terrified Minnesota Fats was sitting on his throne with a king's robe, sweating bullets. I wish I still had that picture.
 
Inaction said:
Many of the locals didn't care for out of towners coming in to play,
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Uh oh that brings a favorite memory. I was passing back through Weaverville the town I was born in and graduated high school from. It was kinda fun beating the local champion as he bragged of deflowering the girl that I had a crush on in high school and oh yeah he was allstar at baseball and football too. So naturally he was the best pool player in town. So as I was enjoying the beer I was winning, a transplant siddled up alongside me at the bar and uttered, "WE don't take kindly to hustlers beating on the locals."
I got a good chuckle and pointed in the direction of the hospital and explained that's the hospital that I was born in. The old high school the other way is the one I graduated from. You Can't get any more local than that." His threatening posture kind ah just melted away. Shirley it dawned on him that the local champion and I were friends. Well both very competitive towards each other in sports but on the same team when it came to locals vs transplants. . 🤷‍♂️
 
A new player in town asked me if I wanted to play him some 9 ball sets. I said sure. He asked how much did I want to bet. I told him I didn't ever ask anyone to bet. The poolroom got quiet as many eyeballers wanted to know the game. The new guy said quite loudly "Well, you're not going to play me for free." at that, laughter broke out and he asked why they were laughing. I told him "Let's find out." We settled on a nominal bet and I steamrolled him 2 sets before he quit. As he paid me he said "I never thought an old man could play 9 ball like that."
 
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