How to have everything?

For example, you will do <some sort of chore> if she accepts your pool night?

Uh uh. :nono:

Once you take on an extra house hold chore, its yours for the rest of your life.

My wife and I do 50/50 things to help each other out. I do some of her laundry to make up a load.

But you have to be very careful of what you are volunteering for.

Once you show your enthusiasm for doing dishes, guess what, it yours now Buddy.

This is more of a trade off situation. You get a night out and so do I.
Not a, I am willing to do more around the house if you let me go out.

Maybe try this approach. Stay in and be an obnoxious dick head.
Drink beer, throw the cans on the floor, belch, fart etc.
I do this anyway, my wife is used to it.

After a few nights, she will be happy to get rid of you for one night.

Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
 
Have you attempted to open some sort of negotiation or initiated any type of bargaining session?

For example, you will do <some sort of chore> if she accepts your pool night?

As much as i hate to admit it, you are dead on, chores is the key. Man i thought slavery is over!
 
Uh uh. :nono:

Once you take on an extra house hold chore, its yours for the rest of your life.

That might be true - if you are a weak negotiator. Consider bargaining skills the same as you think about playing skills. Practice making deals for lesser things before you go for the critical deal.
 
Have you attempted to open some sort of negotiation or initiated any type of bargaining session?

To some extent every relationship is different, but ^^this is what works best for my wife and I. One of us wants something (a pool night, for instance), the other one doesn't, it's time to negotiate. We're both committed to being fair to each other, and we both speak up when we feel something is unfair, and it all works out.

-Andrew
 
I have no idea why I'm offering advice, I usually do not get in the middle of stuff like this, but for some reason I thought of something that happened about 30 years ago that may apply:

I'm jewish and my wife is catholic (and very smart). The first time my wife (Diane) met my mother, who lived in a different state and before we were engaged (but serious), my mom took her to lunch. Mom mentioned to Diane in "passing" that she would hope any girl who married my son would convert to judiasm if they weren't jewish already. Diane said without hesitation, "Just as Dave's upbringing is a big part of who he is, being catholic is a big part of who I am and what made me what I am today. Dave & I love each other for who we both are and she wouldn't think of changing that." Or something to that effect. It was awesome and my mom has not brought up that subject in our 28 years of marriage (in May).

Well I guess I was compelled to tell you that in hopes that maybe some of the thought process would apply to you and your family - pool is a big part of your life and has helped shaped you as the person you are today. She must of liked something about your total package to have a family with you. You can decide whether this story is pertinent to your situation or not and how to deal with it, but for some reason I thought it might help.

On a side note, Diane did two things in that one statement that I love: 1) she stood her ground to a jewish mother; and 2) my mom was speechless for a few minutes...not an easy thing to accomplish. I wish I was there to witness it. :) :thumbup:

Good luck,

Dave

(I hope I don't regret writing this post) ;)
 
Consider bargaining skills the same as you think about playing skills.

See, thats the point Allan. A relationship should be 50/50. A relationship is not the same as bargaining for a deal on a car or chesterfield.

When you have to start bargaining for your little freedoms and trying to out smart your partner with sharp negotiating skills, then you're in trouble.

Even if you happen to win this go round, you will soon become resentful that you had to negotiate for something that should be a given.

My wife and I played team together last night. Tonight, I go out and play on another friends team and my wife will be happy to
curl up on the couch and play with her lap top and surf the Sat dish.

Thurs, we play Scotch together. Fri or Sat night might find us together at the hall or the bar that sponsors us for some more pool.

Sat afternoon I will be playing our weekly 9 Ball tourney at the hall.

Sorry guys, I guess I just don't understand this negotiating stuff. In the summer, there is always a spot for my wife behind me on the Harley. She doesn't feel or get left out of anything that she doesn't want to. Every couple of weeks, I ask if she wants to see a movie or I go out shopping with her even tho I may not want to. See how this works?
 
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Sorry to chime in again so late, We've been moving. There shouldn't be any negotiating. There shouldn't be any chores. She gets a night out and so should you. Plain and simple. If you explain it to her that way and she still complains, then you need to find the underlying issue.
 
#1 - You never put pool before your family. Quote from IP Man - "Is winning more important than having dinner with your family>"

#2 - Go to work, on time, every time. Take care of your family before your table or cue.

#3 - The amount of time you spend reseraching, buying and selling billiard related items, should be a fraction of the amount of the time allocated to your duties as a BF/fiance/husband, unless it's your entire family's hobby.

#4 - Be a stand-up guy at pool rooms so that if your family wants to come and support you sometime, pool buddies don't approach you and start talking about a past matches, betting, cues, etc. that you never disclosed to your family.
 
I just wanted to update this thread, recently through meeting some female players she's gotten into pool enough to help run a few tourneys for us guys around here, and play a mixed scotch doubles summer league where tonight her and I recorded our first Ero together. She's gonna catch that bug soon. Then I'll be *****in when she's out all night like me lol

Including her was a great way to go, now she's talking about pool more than 200 Mile away bowling and my late nights at the local room. ...and she seems to be having a great time. Thanks to all

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2
 
I guess I should have added we are not married. She does have a beautiful ring on but no date set yet. I defenetly don't want to let go of pool, I don't think one night a week is all that much specially since she knows the scene and everyone in it now, I usually only play with my brother after league is over. I make sure to introduce her to everyone and let her know like " yep this is it, this is all I do here" She just thinks pool is pathetic and a waste of time and money(although I'm buying her new bowling ball so she can learn the curve). I really don't understand it, she has always been on me about us needing our own things and time apart and now we spend alot of time apart doing our own hobbies and thats become the problem ha! I tried to get her into it and she's actually a natural shot maker with a strait stroke so I bought her a Pechauer JC10 but still a no go. I agree we probably should just sit down and talk, which I figured but just looking for more experiance before we do since I'm sure alot of people have gone through this. Thanks for the insite everyone!

There's a strong possibility that it is a jealousy problem. I had this problem early on in my marriage. At first, my wife was fine with it. She even sat with me on the third night of our honeymoon while I played pool all night, and I do mean all night!

After a while though, she started hating pool. We finally had a big blowup, and she accused me of loving pool more than her. I promptly got my cue and smashed it over the kitchen sink, then asked her who I loved more.

Next week she bought me a new cue with her entire paycheck. Since then, I have been free to go out any night and every night if I so choose to. She is welcome to come with, but seldom does. She's just not into pool.

So....maybe you just need to get across to her that you love her more than pool?? She might not even be looking at bowling as bowling, but as "family time" with her family.
 
Pick a night of the week. Make it simple for the complicated sex so she accepts and expects.

Then she can hopefully also find and plan a regular release that night. :thumbup:

Then bang her brains out when you bring home the cheese on "boys and girls night out".
 
Explain you have been doing some thinking on the best way to grow our relationship going forward. Confess you both made a mistake by not setting up Ground Rules. She gets to add 1 selfish rule, and you get 1 self rule, all the rest are general guidelines. Her rule might be simple, No Cheating on her. Your rule is don't mess with my weekly pool night or monthly poker with the guys, because you have learned from past relationships, these are key items necessary for you to be there for her all the rest of the time. A relationship without rules is like pool without rules, it makes no sense. Definitely, under no circumstances can either party violate the one single rule you each set. If she can't come to terms with one rule, let her know then both parties are open to seek other partners who will be more compatible and therefore it is an open relationship, she doesn't want that. They insist on Exclusivity, so there is a price to pay for that.

I told my lady when we first met that I have only one rule, and if she followed that we could be together. That rule was simple, and it said, if it ever crosses her mind to tell me not to go play pool or to stop playing pool in any way, she had to agree not to say it, and just grab her suitcase and leave. I promised not to stop her leaving, and would only stop playing pool one time, just to help her pack and give her what money I could to go. Guess what, my lady has never said once don't go play pool, and I play about 20 to 40 hrs a week, 3-5 nights a week. I tell her a friend wants to play, she says go. No problems. All I had to do is agree not to cheat, which I was going to do any way. See a compromise without compromising or much negotiating away. If my current relationship ended, I would do the same on the next.
 
You want to play pool all night?

That's easy. Don't sweat her bowling and make it a tit for tat. You want your time then you find things to do for her that go above and beyond. Take some burdens off of her, or give up more sex and freaky sex focused on her. Do the laundry, do the dishes, make the beds, fix the shelf you promised to fix 6 months ago. In other words when you make her life easier in little ways that count then she is all too happy to let you go do what you want.

And if you are already doing that and it's not working you need a better relationship. Making dinner a couple times a week goes a LONG way to having a wife who stays in love with you and doesn't mind when you stay out playing pool a couple times a week.
 
I just wanted to update this thread, recently through meeting some female players she's gotten into pool enough to help run a few tourneys for us guys around here, and play a mixed scotch doubles summer league where tonight her and I recorded our first Ero together. She's gonna catch that bug soon. Then I'll be *****in when she's out all night like me lol

Including her was a great way to go, now she's talking about pool more than 200 Mile away bowling and my late nights at the local room. ...and she seems to be having a great time. Thanks to all

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

In case you people continuing to suggest items influenced by your own expeiences missed it.

The girl wants to kick some ass, and like her man, she don't giva fuuuk (if it is bowling or pool)!

Pretty cool, to have a competitively-spirited gal. Keep us posted on her progress, and don't be wussin out on the updates when she starts giving you a little spot, just to keep it fair!:wink:
 
Lie to her and say you're going to a whorehouse.

I like this suggestion. After you say you are going to a whorehouse and she blows up and starts yelling you can act all dejected and pick up your cue case and say "Well, ok honey, you won this round, I guess I'll just go shoot pool instead" and slink out of the room.

*edit* glad it is working out for you, keep the whorehouse trick for something else!
 
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I guess I should have added we are not married. She does have a beautiful ring on but no date set yet. I defenetly don't want to let go of pool, I don't think one night a week is all that much specially since she knows the scene and everyone in it now, I usually only play with my brother after league is over. I make sure to introduce her to everyone and let her know like " yep this is it, this is all I do here" She just thinks pool is pathetic and a waste of time and money(although I'm buying her new bowling ball so she can learn the curve). I really don't understand it, she has always been on me about us needing our own things and time apart and now we spend alot of time apart doing our own hobbies and thats become the problem ha! I tried to get her into it and she's actually a natural shot maker with a strait stroke so I bought her a Pechauer JC10 but still a no go. I agree we probably should just sit down and talk, which I figured but just looking for more experiance before we do since I'm sure alot of people have gone through this. Thanks for the insite everyone!

Wait, what? She's a bowler and thinks pool is a waste of time? Whoa i'd have to get mid evil on my woman on that note.
 
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