Heres what you tell her....
"Me pool table, you kitchen!"
"Me pool table, you kitchen!"
How to have everything?
- Thread starter thehoneybadger
- Start date
First of all I don’t want to sound like a three stooges skit however you’re a victim of circumstances. It took me only reading a few things and tie that in with your location, know what the issue is.
Mankato has more than its fair share of shady characters in the pool scene. Sorry but its true. Now, your wife/girlfriend is a bowler, meaning she’s probably been to the bowling alley in ‘kato. Well, my friend there is the tie. One of the bartenders there is in the pool scene and shady beyond shady. She’s probably judging you based on that dude. (I hear he tries to sell t-shirts every now and again too)
What you need to do is add a little driving to your pool night, not to spite her but to get the heck out of ‘kato. Come north 45 minutes and play. You drop the association and with the friendly people to your north, would be quickly in the good graces of your wife.
Sorry to say, I know all of this for FACT because this guy is my teammate, so it has to be true.
By the way, don’t buy into this “marriage is tough” thing, I know it’s not that hard, I’m about 90% of the way thru my THIRD successful marriage, so I know this for a fact too!
TCo
-ps, see you in two weeks at the tournament - 2nd of 3 tournaments in the month for our team. We're going to see if there is a discount rate if our whole team gets a divorce at the same time.
Mankato has more than its fair share of shady characters in the pool scene. Sorry but its true. Now, your wife/girlfriend is a bowler, meaning she’s probably been to the bowling alley in ‘kato. Well, my friend there is the tie. One of the bartenders there is in the pool scene and shady beyond shady. She’s probably judging you based on that dude. (I hear he tries to sell t-shirts every now and again too)
What you need to do is add a little driving to your pool night, not to spite her but to get the heck out of ‘kato. Come north 45 minutes and play. You drop the association and with the friendly people to your north, would be quickly in the good graces of your wife.
Sorry to say, I know all of this for FACT because this guy is my teammate, so it has to be true.
By the way, don’t buy into this “marriage is tough” thing, I know it’s not that hard, I’m about 90% of the way thru my THIRD successful marriage, so I know this for a fact too!
TCo
-ps, see you in two weeks at the tournament - 2nd of 3 tournaments in the month for our team. We're going to see if there is a discount rate if our whole team gets a divorce at the same time.
Well, you came to a pool forum for advice.
You're going to get a pool players advice.
First of all, ignore anybody on here that has said you have to man up and be a father, blah blah blah, spend more time with the family blah blah blah. It's all about making compromises blah blah blah.
It's obvious that this isn't your problem.
Your girlfriend/common law wife needs to understand what's good for the goose is good for the gander. End of story.
If she's unable/unwilling to do this, you're future with here is pretty grim anyways.
At this point I say cut your losses and be the best father to your kids you can be while not being in a relationship with someone who won't allow you to follow your passions.
Give in to her now, what will you be giving up when she comes back to you next time? Think about it.
If you think a night of pool is all she can take away from you, you'd better thinks again.
I'm qualifying all this advice from your first post where it seems you just want an equal night out the same as what she has.
You're going to get a pool players advice.
First of all, ignore anybody on here that has said you have to man up and be a father, blah blah blah, spend more time with the family blah blah blah. It's all about making compromises blah blah blah.
It's obvious that this isn't your problem.
Your girlfriend/common law wife needs to understand what's good for the goose is good for the gander. End of story.
If she's unable/unwilling to do this, you're future with here is pretty grim anyways.
At this point I say cut your losses and be the best father to your kids you can be while not being in a relationship with someone who won't allow you to follow your passions.
Give in to her now, what will you be giving up when she comes back to you next time? Think about it.
If you think a night of pool is all she can take away from you, you'd better thinks again.
I'm qualifying all this advice from your first post where it seems you just want an equal night out the same as what she has.
Keep in mind she loves you for who you are. If she changes you will she still enjoy the new guy as much as the one she fell for?
James knows, I agree.
It is good to know that you aren't married. This should be a warning sign
of possibilities to come further down the road.
If she is like this now, think of what can happen once you have that piece of paper.
Cut your loses and be the best Father you can be to your kids.
Like I mentioned before, you will eventually grow very resentful and the end result will be the same only the divorce will be much messier once you sign that piece of paper.
The word Pussy Whipped wasn't invented just for a laugh. It is a for real condition.
No woman is worth that much grief. Sex always seems to be very important until you get it, then it isn't very important any more.
God gave you 2 hands for a reason.
Oh, and also 2 legs that you can use to run away fast.
It is good to know that you aren't married. This should be a warning sign
of possibilities to come further down the road.
If she is like this now, think of what can happen once you have that piece of paper.
Cut your loses and be the best Father you can be to your kids.
Like I mentioned before, you will eventually grow very resentful and the end result will be the same only the divorce will be much messier once you sign that piece of paper.
The word Pussy Whipped wasn't invented just for a laugh. It is a for real condition.
No woman is worth that much grief. Sex always seems to be very important until you get it, then it isn't very important any more.
God gave you 2 hands for a reason.
Oh, and also 2 legs that you can use to run away fast.
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A guy comes on AZ and is struggling with their game and they get the following suggestions: Work on your fundamentals....change your grip.....try a different cue......work with an instructor.....try an aiming system.......watch some YouTube videos of pros playing.......pick up a good book on pool.....pick up a good book on the mental side of the game.....gamble more....play in more tournaments.......join the APA.....okay maybe not that last one, but you get the point.
Another guy comes on AZ looking for some relationship advice and he gets:
Just move on. It's not worth it.
Another guy comes on AZ looking for some relationship advice and he gets:
Just move on. It's not worth it.
Amazing, isn't it?
I suspect there are some root cause issues going on here, that have nothing to do with pool, you're missing out on. Even if she agrees you can play pool on Thursday nights if you wish to salvage this relationship, get some counseling to determine what those issues are and work to fix them. Fix those issues and the Thursday night pool issue goes away. Ignore them and the relationship will eventually evaporate whether you play pool on Thursday night or not.
I keep going back to you Avatar and asking "What would a honey badger do"?
I'll tell you what he'd do. He would chew off that ring finger, get your money back for the ring, and invest it in a nice cue.
There are many men that ignored the signals of a disastrous relationship and still tied the knot. They are still paying and she is long gone. Wake up before it's too late.
I'll tell you what he'd do. He would chew off that ring finger, get your money back for the ring, and invest it in a nice cue.
There are many men that ignored the signals of a disastrous relationship and still tied the knot. They are still paying and she is long gone. Wake up before it's too late.
I had a very similar thing with my now ex-wife. I worked nights and she worked days. After work I would stop by the pool room for my wind down time. We fought about it and she was right, 5 nights a week was too much even though i was in action every night and making good money for her to go spend. We agreed to cut it down to 2 nights a week and of course that wasn't enough so she said only one day a week. Now keep in mind that if I went straight home after work she was in bed asleep anyways. I said ok to the one day and was not very happy about it. After a couple of weeks one day a week was too much and wanted me to quit! I told her that she has her wind down time after work to go shopping, get nails done and hair fixed but I am not allowed to play pool? I put my foot down and she said its me or pool and I told her that I didn't want to make that choice and she shouldn't make me, but I tried it and I was miserable. She met me at the pool room to top all of this off. I never cheated or did anything wrong but we finally got a divorce. My new wife is fine totally different and knows how much pool means to me and works very well with me and I am blessed to have her. Good luck
Famous last words to a pool player....
"It's either pool or me........"
Hit the road Jacky. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
Now if you want to talk about some sort of compromise I'm all ears.
"It's either pool or me........"
Hit the road Jacky. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
Now if you want to talk about some sort of compromise I'm all ears.
I can relate a little.
I'm married with two boys, one is five and one is seven months old. I can play as much pool as I want, but the desire is fading as I actually enjoy being with my family more than b*tching about bad rolls.
It's not automatic, it took years of work to reach the point we're at now.
You can't make unreasonable demands upon each other, and both people have to be trying equally hard.
Also, if you spend a lot of time with those kids, they become people you want to be around.
I'm married with two boys, one is five and one is seven months old. I can play as much pool as I want, but the desire is fading as I actually enjoy being with my family more than b*tching about bad rolls.
It's not automatic, it took years of work to reach the point we're at now.
You can't make unreasonable demands upon each other, and both people have to be trying equally hard.
Also, if you spend a lot of time with those kids, they become people you want to be around.
Get a table
Sorry if someone said this already,because I haven't read most of the replies.
Get a good enough job to get a big enough house to put in a nice 9' table.
If you do this.you might get your pool fix a few days a week.
Good luck man, I kinda know where you're coming from, because I did all of the above.
Sorry if someone said this already,because I haven't read most of the replies.
Get a good enough job to get a big enough house to put in a nice 9' table.
If you do this.you might get your pool fix a few days a week.
Good luck man, I kinda know where you're coming from, because I did all of the above.
Take the entire family on the bowling trip. You watch your son while your wife bowls then you leave your son with grandma and grandpa so he can stay over night. Now you have no child to deal with on Thursdays and your wife can do whatever she feels like doing while you are at leagues.
Freedom for the both of you.
If that doesn't work put your cue in the closet, dedicate yourself to your family and start playing again in 18 years. Were just knocking around plastic balls with wooden sticks... family first.
Freedom for the both of you.
If that doesn't work put your cue in the closet, dedicate yourself to your family and start playing again in 18 years. Were just knocking around plastic balls with wooden sticks... family first.
I don't subscribe to this line of thinking.
A relationship should be an equal give and take, not you give she takes.
If for instance the OP took your advice, he would be sacrificing something he loves for what exactly in return? Oh yeah, the opportunity not to get nagged.
This will (not may)lead to resentment. Resentment WILL lead to divorce(or a break up in his case) and then, where will his kids be?
If he gets the same result by standing up for himself, then he'll have saved himself a few years of misery and get on with being the best father he can be while not being with a woman that doesn't respect his needs.
In the end we all pick our poisons, whether it's alcohol, drugs, food or abusive relationships.
I've been around long enough to have seen people stuck in these situations and have experienced a 1 sided relationship to be able to see the signs. The signs the OP have presented are like a big warning side at the side of the highway saying BRIDGE OUT!!!!!
100% agree with this because it happened to me.
It's something you love and its a way to get out the pressures and stresses of the week.
I don't profess to know your relationship but in the end it really comes down to communication. Having an open and honest relationship is the only way to make something work and be happy.
The fact that you have not sat down and told her how you felt up to this point leads me to believe that communication is lacking.
Use pool as a launching point to open the lines of communication between her and you.
If the talk works and you guys really love each other both of you will adapt. Marriage and long relationships are all about adaptation to each other. Our course through life always takes different directions and routes. The issue is whether we decide to continue down the same or parallel paths as our partner.
I don't profess to know your relationship but in the end it really comes down to communication. Having an open and honest relationship is the only way to make something work and be happy.
The fact that you have not sat down and told her how you felt up to this point leads me to believe that communication is lacking.
Use pool as a launching point to open the lines of communication between her and you.
If the talk works and you guys really love each other both of you will adapt. Marriage and long relationships are all about adaptation to each other. Our course through life always takes different directions and routes. The issue is whether we decide to continue down the same or parallel paths as our partner.
Have you attempted to open some sort of negotiation or initiated any type of bargaining session?
For example, you will do <some sort of chore> if she accepts your pool night?
For example, you will do <some sort of chore> if she accepts your pool night?