Pool and Marriage, Pool and Marriage

My wife is pretty supportive of my pool playing. She lets me play in leagues one night a week and I usually get to the pool room one time per weekend after everyone settles in at home.

She also does not complain too much when I ask to play in the DCC each year, one state tourney for our league team, Vegas every other year or so and once in a while I will get to the US Open or the Hopkins show etc..

I never realize how much I get to play until I wrote this down, I guess I am pretty lucky. I love to play and compete but am not into gambling much, I just don't have the money to blow and would rather play a good competetive match in a tourney or with another player that loves the game as much as I do.

When it comes down to it, pool is down a ways on my priority list. Above it come FAMILY, Faith, work, friends and whatever else is more important in life. Pool is my outlet to the stresses of the world. I get a lot of enjoyment out of just practicing alone on my table at home, with ZERO cigarette smoke to deal with and my family near by.
Of course, since DEC 7, that is not an issue any longer thanks to the smoking ban in Ohio.

What it boils down to, my wife is supportive of my activities as long as I don't abuse them. I am pretty blessed to have her and her support. Been married 14 years and hope to be married until one of us kick the bucket, hopefully later than sooner.


Enough rambling, Joe
 
My wife knows that pool is a part of me. Believe me...I've tried to give it up - but it doesn't last long. I realize there are certainly more productive things (productive to mainstream society) that I could be doing with my time, but there is just something so exciting and fulfilling about playing the game that can't be explained to someone not in the "know".

When I relay a pool story to my wife, I appreciate the fact that she listens and acts interested, but I know in her mind she is thinking, "I just don't get it."

If I show her a cool pool cue, her response is, "Matt, it is a pool stick. They all look the same to me."

We have talked about opening a pool room when I retire. That does excite her and we've had fun trying to come up with a name. I was a bit surprised when I mentioned the idea to her over a year ago. I thought she would look at me as if I was crazy, but instead she expressed nothing but support and enthusiasm.

Never the less, I play two and sometimes three nights a week and she is very supportive. She knows how much I love to play and doesn't give me any hassles. She always gives me a kiss before I go and says, "Good luck." I guess in the end, I couldn't ask for more.
 
acedotcom said:
After saying she was okay with pool I learned she has her limits.

I was watching the Bucs pregame show today when a commercial came on for the Bucs Cheerleaders Calendar. "Hey, Doll," I said, "Get me that. I wanna know what day it is."

"You'll know what day it is," she snapped. "The last day of your life." :eek:
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That is not very nice. Every year my Wife buys me a Playboy Lingerie calendar for our home office desk.
 

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Compromise

I have been married for less than a year. My wife met me 3 years ago when I was first learning to play pool, and then became an addict. I had to get a job at the pool hall to keep from going broke and she stayed by my side the whole time.

But now that we're married and have moved because of the Army, she doesn't have any friends. Now I feel guilty anytime I want to go out and shoot pool, plus I have to get up at 0430.

What I've found is that now I have to plan when I want to play, instead of just automatically playing whenever I wanted.
 
Somewhat coincidentally Freddie the Forwarder sent me this in an email this afternoon:

Red Skelton's Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place
to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor. I ask!ed where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
! My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"
 
fred_in_hoboken said:
My fiancée's first xmas gift to me was a cue.

Last year we were playing eight ball. She was kicking my ass. Later a friend tried teasing me: "Every time I looked over she was making the 8... a future wife that can kick your ass in pool- can you cope?"

"Absolutely. It means I'll still be able to go to the pool hall well after we're married, and she won't object to a pool table when we have a place big enough for one"

"Let me rephrase my original question: 'Does she have any sisters?'"
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When we are just playing around I am a couple of games up on her but in tourneys we have had to play each other 5 times now and she is 4 to 1 on me. She is the one that insisted on the pool table in the house. To answer your question she does have a sister but pool is not one of her hobbies lol... sorry
 
Tokyo-dave said:
I lost my last wife quite possibly because of pool. At the time, I was on the road to turning pro, and more than being addicted, I was actually scared to death of losing my stroke and not being able to compete on the pro tour and possibly making a fool of myself. At the time, I was working for and being sponsored table time from a billiard supplies company, so I wasn't exactly pouring $$ into the game, but still spending 5-6 nights a week playing. Came home earlier than usual one night to discover that my wife had developed 'other' interests while I was away every night playing pool. The following divorce took me away from the tables, and off the track to turning pro for good. Now I'm happily married again, and early on in the marriage when I started to get my stroke back, I was told by my current wife that if we're only going to spend 3 nights a week together, we should have just stayed with the dating and never gotten married. And, since I no longer have the sponsor, I have to duck money games (which eats me from the inside out!) and can only afford around two nights a week. As far as my pool career is concerned? It's always going to be the biggest "what if?" in my life. But as you can see by the pic in my avatar, I traded something pretty nice for a mediocre career in pool.
dave
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I admire Tokyo Dave for this gut wrenching post. I try to imagine how difficult it would be to write this.

Dave mentioned that he was compelled to stay in stroke, compelled by the fear and embarassment of playing poorly. I think that's common among competitive pool players. Top players are concerned about losing their edge.

To be competitive at this level takes a major time commitment and a lot of personal sacrifices. I did the same thing in my business life years ago. When I made this sort of sacrifice, fueled by a strong dream, I expected my family to understand and make allowances to be without me. But they are not fueled by the same desire and they just know they are alone without a husband and father.

There are times when our dreams and hobbys have a price. You've heard the regrets of a couple of us here.

I just ask that we all think about this for a moment, especially during the holidays.

Chris
 
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This thread is sooo depressing. I've never heard so many guys talk about what their wife will LET them do....She's not your mommy, and sex isn't a weapon of control.

Maybe I'm just jaded, and I certainly am not directing these comments at anyone in particular, so if you take offense, sorry. I just think that men marry women hoping that they never change, and women marry men hoping they will change. Invariably men don't and women do....This is the cause of a lot of divorce.

Now don't get me wrong here. We can only be responsible for our own happiness. You cannot make someone happy. I am all about family responsibility. If you aren't handing things at home you shouldn't be on the pool table in the bar. Sometimes there are things in life that are bigger than your personal happiness. That's why we have words like sacrifice and resposibility.

I'm in the pool room for the wrong reasons. Don't get me wrong I truely love the game and have developed a real passion for it, but I started playing for the wrong reasons. It is escapism for me. The way out of a tough situation. I went to the pool room because I didn't have anywhere else to go. It turned into a good thing for me, as I've made a lot of good friends and I've found something that I truely love that I might not have had otherwise....

McCue Banger McCue
 
My wife enjoys the game but not as obsessivly as I do. I get Saturday night with the family and we all play, and sometimes Friday we have a guest or two over to play. Having a table at home makes it so much easier. Since she doesn't mind entertaining I get more table time than not.

I'm lucky since I don't have to be at work until 9am so I get up about 6:30 get the kids ready and practice about an hour before going to work. This keeps me fresh.

The big arrangement we made was I give her Mondays to do as she wishes and I take care of the kids and no one bothers Mom. She'll get a good 5 or so hours of quiet time and then she repays the favor to me on Wed. I usually have 4 to 6 guys over that day and we have a little tournament of our own. Its worked out great and she enjoys the one day of quiet time. Typically I don't play Tues or Thurs evening and I don't play at all on Sunday unless she wants to go out to the bar or pool hall.

As far as spending habits go she likes the idea of creating her own pool cue designs so I turned her onto custom cues and she likes out doing me in design. I'll have one made and then she'll have one made. Its kinda fun.
 
DelaWho??? said:
This thread is sooo depressing. I've never heard so many guys talk about what their wife will LET them do....She's not your mommy, and sex isn't a weapon of control.

Maybe I'm just jaded, and I certainly am not directing these comments at anyone in particular, so if you take offense, sorry. I just think that men marry women hoping that they never change, and women marry men hoping they will change. Invariably men don't and women do....This is the cause of a lot of divorce.

Now don't get me wrong here. We can only be responsible for our own happiness. You cannot make someone happy. I am all about family responsibility. If you aren't handing things at home you shouldn't be on the pool table in the bar. Sometimes there are things in life that are bigger than your personal happiness. That's why we have words like sacrifice and resposibility.

I'm in the pool room for the wrong reasons. Don't get me wrong I truely love the game and have developed a real passion for it, but I started playing for the wrong reasons. It is escapism for me. The way out of a tough situation. I went to the pool room because I didn't have anywhere else to go. It turned into a good thing for me, as I've made a lot of good friends and I've found something that I truely love that I might not have had otherwise....

McCue Banger McCue
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I like your post. In fact, I think it gets right to the heart of the matter, but I don't get the feeling we are asking permission from our wives. What we are asking for is acceptance.

I've found that my wife is fine with my outside activities as long as I am doing the right things for our family and not inconveniencing her. Too many spouses miss this point. She might not be against what I'm doing, she's against what I'm not doing. We might take that as tacit disapproval, but it's not the same thing. If I can be a great husband, father, and goof off at the same time - more power to me, but put responsibilities first.

Agreed, the pool room is THE great escape. It's therapy. I've learned more about life, people, and business in the pool room than anywhere else.

Chris
 
Bishop said:
My wife enjoys the game but not as obsessivly as I do. I get Saturday night with the family and we all play, and sometimes Friday we have a guest or two over to play. Having a table at home makes it so much easier. Since she doesn't mind entertaining I get more table time than not.

I'm lucky since I don't have to be at work until 9am so I get up about 6:30 get the kids ready and practice about an hour before going to work. This keeps me fresh.

The big arrangement we made was I give her Mondays to do as she wishes and I take care of the kids and no one bothers Mom. She'll get a good 5 or so hours of quiet time and then she repays the favor to me on Wed. I usually have 4 to 6 guys over that day and we have a little tournament of our own. Its worked out great and she enjoys the one day of quiet time. Typically I don't play Tues or Thurs evening and I don't play at all on Sunday unless she wants to go out to the bar or pool hall.

As far as spending habits go she likes the idea of creating her own pool cue designs so I turned her onto custom cues and she likes out doing me in design. I'll have one made and then she'll have one made. Its kinda fun.
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That's the way to do it. A trade off is always a fair approach.
 
When I first married my current wife, I had absolutely no thoughts whatsoever about how it would limit my pool playing until I looked at it from her point of view. We both work, and we have a 19 month little girl and here's our daily routine.
I leave the house at about 6 am every morning. My wife then wakes up, gets our daughter fed and ready for nursery and is off to work. After she gets off work at 6pm, she's straight to pick up our daughter, and off to the supermarket for the days groceries (in Japan, groceries are a daily chore because of the size of refrigerators), she then gets home at about 7pm and starts dinner. I arrive a little after 7, and immediately put the little one in the bath. After dinner is done, it's about 8-8:30. I will usually wash the dishes, while my wife folds laundry, and hands out the newly washed clothes. It's now past 9 pm, and now I watch the little one while my wife escapes for a bath, during which time, hopefully the little one will fall asleep. Wife gets out of bath, and enjoys her first break of the day at around 10pm!
Now, if I decide I wanna play some pool say....................after dinner? How much work does that leave my wife with?
Sure, it's easy to take off to the club every once in a while, but after thinking about what happens to "The Routine" when I'm not there from my wifes point of view, it's enough to make anyone with half a heart think twice.
So my wife doesn't "allow" me or "forbid" me to play pool. I'm the one putting on the brakes. I have to................................strike three and I'm out!!! (my 3rd marriage)
dave
 
It's not always about us.

Dave,

Great post on the subject. It is really about being realistic for me at least. I don't look at it as needing my wifes approval but more about doing the right thing and thinking about the situation that she is in when I play.

I get out one night per week, usually. Also get to play one late evening on the weekend, but not every week.

My wife is great about my pool playing hobby but she and my son also need to be first, before my hobby. No matter how much I love to play pool, it is not how I make my living and it is not going to get me rich any time too soon. Being able to prioritize my time and putting things in the right order makes everyones life much better in my home.

BTW, you are definitely doing the right thing IMHO. Take care,

Joe

Tokyo-dave said:
When I first married my current wife, I had absolutely no thoughts whatsoever about how it would limit my pool playing until I looked at it from her point of view. We both work, and we have a 19 month little girl and here's our daily routine.
I leave the house at about 6 am every morning. My wife then wakes up, gets our daughter fed and ready for nursery and is off to work. After she gets off work at 6pm, she's straight to pick up our daughter, and off to the supermarket for the days groceries (in Japan, groceries are a daily chore because of the size of refrigerators), she then gets home at about 7pm and starts dinner. I arrive a little after 7, and immediately put the little one in the bath. After dinner is done, it's about 8-8:30. I will usually wash the dishes, while my wife folds laundry, and hands out the newly washed clothes. It's now past 9 pm, and now I watch the little one while my wife escapes for a bath, during which time, hopefully the little one will fall asleep. Wife gets out of bath, and enjoys her first break of the day at around 10pm!
Now, if I decide I wanna play some pool say....................after dinner? How much work does that leave my wife with?
Sure, it's easy to take off to the club every once in a while, but after thinking about what happens to "The Routine" when I'm not there from my wifes point of view, it's enough to make anyone with half a heart think twice.
So my wife doesn't "allow" me or "forbid" me to play pool. I'm the one putting on the brakes. I have to................................strike three and I'm out!!! (my 3rd marriage)
dave
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DelaWho??? said:
This thread is sooo depressing. McCue Banger McCue
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It wasn't depressing until I read your post. :confused: You're applying serious consideration to something that isn't serious at all.
 
TATE said:
I feel for you.

My first girlfriend used to check my bridge hand for chalk if I was late for a date.

Chris
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Omg, don't give my girlfriend any ideas... The only big fight we had was when she told me she didn't want to compete with the pool hall. I told her because she'll lose, and I never want to hear those words again. I've been down the hall since before her and I'll be down the hall after her, I say. It's harsh, but I had to throw it out there... Now it's not an issue anymore. Woohoo!
 
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seymore15074 said:
Omg, don't give my girlfriend any ideas... The only big fight we had was when she told me she didn't want to compete with the pool hall. I told her because she'll lose, and I never want to hear those words again. I've been down the hall since before her and I'll be down the hall after her, I say. It's harsh, but I had to through it out there... Now it's not an issue anymore. Woohoo!
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It is not an issue becuase you don't know what she is doing while you are at the pool hall! lol just playin.
 
When I first got married, my wife would flip out if I was half an hour later than I said I would be. It drove me crazy. Eventually she figured out that I needed time away from her (read I'm an a-hole). I've never been a really good husband. The father thing was easy and the grandfather thing is easy. However, I need time away from my wife besides just being at work. I really enjoy spending time with my friends. At times, she has accused me of "living my own life, separate from her." I used to ride bicycle all the time, then it was muscle cars, and now I play pool all the time. She has participated to some extent in all of these activities, but never really got into it like I did (except as president of the Camaro club, lol). She has pretty much always supported me, though.
As the years have passed, she has backed off quite a bit as far as hassling me about my time spent away. I've learned to communicate a little better so she knows what's going on ahead of time. I know there is still some deep rooted resentment there, but I love my time spent with the guys just as much as my time spent with her. If she had her way, we'd spend several hours every week window shopping. That would drive me off the deep end as the few hours a month we spend doing this type of activity now is almost more than I can bear.
In the end, I think if you find a mate that shares your excitement and ability in whatever activities you choose to engage in, you should be very thankful. If you aren't so lucky, you need to make compromises and can only hope that you don't have to compromise too much for the sake of your mental, spiritual, and physical well being.
 
I know I'm late to this thread but here's my situation... I met my wife playing pool at the U. of Illinois student union. She beat me 6 games in a row. She was an excellent player already (was the UofI womens champ 2 years in a row, took 2nd in the Big Ten tournament, etc) and I just got the bug, but I was hooked and played for 4 years straight never missing a day, sometimes 12 hours a day, after a year I was about even with her. So pool was our thing. Even after college, we lived near St. Louis and just barely made it by for a couple of years but played lots of pool, it was great.

Then we moved back to Chicago and got our careers going (well sort of, she was off and running and I was still screwing around for a while), but after we got married, she lost her interest in playing competitive pool. She understood that I needed to and let me play as often as I wanted.

Then my career took off and I quit pool for a couple of years but picked it back up when we had kids. We moved to Denver about 12 years ago. We've struck a ballance for the last 10 years or so and it's working out. I've come to realize that I'll never be a world beater and enjoy playing when I can, maybe 10 hours a week on average. She still likes the game, plays occasionally, watches matches on TV with me, reads the magazines, etc. I'm glad she gets it, because every now and again when I get the urge and stay out till 3 or 4 gambling (like this past Saturday), she lets me sleep in and just gives me that look like, "Alex, you're not a kid anymore"... but sometimes I just can't help myself.

I feel lucky to have her.

Alex
 
My wife likes for me to get out of the house (her hair) some so she appreciates me shooting pool. But when it comes to cues I have a story. It was almost 20 years ago and shortly before I started building cues. I got this really nice Schon. I was sitting looking at it and admiring every detail. She sat there watching me and sighed, "I wish I was a Schon."
We both remember that incident to this day. Recently I was looking over a really high end cue I built, and noticed her watching me again. So I said "Well you can't say you wish you were a Hightower can you?"
Chris
www.hightowercues.com
www.internationalcuemakers.com
 
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