Pool player jokes
- Thread starter wjpjr
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Two guys are playing pool, when they notice a funeral procession passing by on the street in front of the pool hall. One of the players stops shooting, goes to the front window, takes off his hat, and stands respectfully silent until the procession is finished passing.
The other player says, "well, that was awful nice of you to show your respect." His friend responds, "it was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."
The other player says, "well, that was awful nice of you to show your respect." His friend responds, "it was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."
here is an oldie but a goodie that someone posted before
Two old pool champions that had lived a sorted life of hustling die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around a fire. The devil asks them "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?
"Oh no we lived on the road for years, sometimes we had to stay in really cold places because that was where the action was."
The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning he stops by again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, hats and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you two feel that?"
Again the two hustlers replied "we made some of our best scores in the land of ice and snow this temperature is just fine with us."
This gets the devil a bit steamed and he decides to show these two just who is in charge down here. He cranks up the heat as high as it can go. The rest of the people are screaming and miserable. He stops by to see if his two hustlers are the same, and is astonished to find them in light jackets and baseball caps, grilling burgers and drinking beer. The devil says "Everyone down here is in absolute misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves! Why?"
The hustlers reply "We spent many a night freezing our ass off sleeping in our car on the road this heat is just great!!"
This absolutely incenses the devil, he can barely see straight. He finally comes up with a plan to set these two straight. These two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives, so he decides to turn off all the heat. The next morning, the temperature in hell is below zero, icicles are hanging off the ceilings, people are shivering so much that they don't even have the strength to complain. The devil smiles and heads over to check on his hustlers. He arrives and finds the two back in their parkas, hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, and giving each other hi-fives. The devil is now quite dumbfounded, "I just don't understand, I turn up the heat and you're happy. Now I turn off the heat, it's freezing and you're still happy. Why?"
The hustlers stop their celebration and look at the devil with a surprised look and say "well, don't ya know, hell froze over... that must mean Williebetmore ran a hundred balls!"
Two old pool champions that had lived a sorted life of hustling die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around a fire. The devil asks them "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?
"Oh no we lived on the road for years, sometimes we had to stay in really cold places because that was where the action was."
The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning he stops by again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, hats and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you two feel that?"
Again the two hustlers replied "we made some of our best scores in the land of ice and snow this temperature is just fine with us."
This gets the devil a bit steamed and he decides to show these two just who is in charge down here. He cranks up the heat as high as it can go. The rest of the people are screaming and miserable. He stops by to see if his two hustlers are the same, and is astonished to find them in light jackets and baseball caps, grilling burgers and drinking beer. The devil says "Everyone down here is in absolute misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves! Why?"
The hustlers reply "We spent many a night freezing our ass off sleeping in our car on the road this heat is just great!!"
This absolutely incenses the devil, he can barely see straight. He finally comes up with a plan to set these two straight. These two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives, so he decides to turn off all the heat. The next morning, the temperature in hell is below zero, icicles are hanging off the ceilings, people are shivering so much that they don't even have the strength to complain. The devil smiles and heads over to check on his hustlers. He arrives and finds the two back in their parkas, hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, and giving each other hi-fives. The devil is now quite dumbfounded, "I just don't understand, I turn up the heat and you're happy. Now I turn off the heat, it's freezing and you're still happy. Why?"
The hustlers stop their celebration and look at the devil with a surprised look and say "well, don't ya know, hell froze over... that must mean Williebetmore ran a hundred balls!"
I have an off-color snooker joke I posted in another joke thread on here, but here are a couple more:
You are a pool player if:
* Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fine restaurant.
* You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
* Your bologna has no first name.
* You rob Peter...and then rob Paul.
* You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
* You give blood everyday - for the orange juice.
* McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
You are a pool player if:
* Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fine restaurant.
* You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
* Your bologna has no first name.
* You rob Peter...and then rob Paul.
* You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
* You give blood everyday - for the orange juice.
* McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
And here's a goody:
A pool player had a good week. He won a big tournament and stayed up several nights gambling and won a good score. He goes into the Bank of America the next day carrying a bag of money. He insists that he must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.
He finally gets into the president's office and the president asks the pool player how much he would like to deposit. He says he has $65,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto the president's desk. The president is surprised and of course curious as to how he came by all this cash, so he asks him. The pool player says, "I gamble and make bets."
The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and he says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."
The pool player says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The pool player says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"
"Sure," says the president.
That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.
The next morning at 10 AM the pool player appears with his lawyer at the president's office. He introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the pool player asks him to drop his pants so they can see. So the president reluctantly drops his pants and shorts.
The pool player looks closely at his balls and then asks if he can feel them.
"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just as the pool player grabs the president's balls, the lawyer drops over in a dead faint and the president asks the pool player, "What's wrong with your lawyer?"
The pool player replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"
A pool player had a good week. He won a big tournament and stayed up several nights gambling and won a good score. He goes into the Bank of America the next day carrying a bag of money. He insists that he must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.
He finally gets into the president's office and the president asks the pool player how much he would like to deposit. He says he has $65,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto the president's desk. The president is surprised and of course curious as to how he came by all this cash, so he asks him. The pool player says, "I gamble and make bets."
The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and he says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."
The pool player says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The pool player says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"
"Sure," says the president.
That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.
The next morning at 10 AM the pool player appears with his lawyer at the president's office. He introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the pool player asks him to drop his pants so they can see. So the president reluctantly drops his pants and shorts.
The pool player looks closely at his balls and then asks if he can feel them.
"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just as the pool player grabs the president's balls, the lawyer drops over in a dead faint and the president asks the pool player, "What's wrong with your lawyer?"
The pool player replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"
oncepkt said:This is not exactly a joke but it was pretty funny at the time. At a small tourny, two pretty good shortstops match up for 4 ahead. They don't know each other. Player A wins the toss and breaks and runs out the set. Player B tells Player A that he needs a spot. Player A says " I can't spot you, man. I've never seen you shoot"
Now that would've been hilarious to see in person, what was player B's reaction?
Keep them coming........just arived here.......laughing my butt off!!!
Here's the thread with the snooker joke. Looks like I closed that thread down with it, lol! Again, blame John Horsfall!
http://forums.azbilliards.com/showthread.php?t=21810
http://forums.azbilliards.com/showthread.php?t=21810
A real pool joke!
This is a really great joke, but for some reason, I really like the line, " ..... and a piece of pie." As if God felt that accepting Johnny Archer into the kingdom of heaven somehow might not be enough.
I don't know why, it just makes me laugh.
Nice one!
Also, I tried the two pizza jokes from earlier in the thread on a couple of fellow league players last night and they absolutely bombed. I just sort of got this confused and blank stare from them.
That in itself is kind of funnier.
Da Poet
9 ball said:
This is a really great joke, but for some reason, I really like the line, " ..... and a piece of pie." As if God felt that accepting Johnny Archer into the kingdom of heaven somehow might not be enough.
I don't know why, it just makes me laugh.
Nice one!
Also, I tried the two pizza jokes from earlier in the thread on a couple of fellow league players last night and they absolutely bombed. I just sort of got this confused and blank stare from them.
That in itself is kind of funnier.
Da Poet
One more
Whats wrong with pool player jokes???
Pool players dont think they're funny and everyone else dont think they're jokes!
Whats wrong with pool player jokes???
Pool players dont think they're funny and everyone else dont think they're jokes!
9 ball said:
GREAT!!!! That's the best one yet.
And it sounds like something that Earl would actually say9 ball said:
Stop me please...
Why wont maggots eat a dead pool player?
Professional courtesy.
**************************************
What's the difference between a trampoline and a pool player?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
***************************************
What do pool players use for birth control?
Their personalities.
**************************************
What do honest, hard working pool players have in common with UFO's?
You always hear about one, but never actually SEE one.
*****************************************
Ethical dilemma:
A pool player beats a young boy out of $20 during a game.
The boy walks away, crying and shaken.
The pool player looks down and sees the kid's 20 dollar bill is stuck to ANOTHER $20.
Hence the dilemma...As the kid is walking to the door..the pool player, thinks carefully and asks himself...
" Do I tell my backer?"
Why wont maggots eat a dead pool player?
Professional courtesy.
**************************************
What's the difference between a trampoline and a pool player?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
***************************************
What do pool players use for birth control?
Their personalities.
**************************************
What do honest, hard working pool players have in common with UFO's?
You always hear about one, but never actually SEE one.
*****************************************
Ethical dilemma:
A pool player beats a young boy out of $20 during a game.
The boy walks away, crying and shaken.
The pool player looks down and sees the kid's 20 dollar bill is stuck to ANOTHER $20.
Hence the dilemma...As the kid is walking to the door..the pool player, thinks carefully and asks himself...
" Do I tell my backer?"
Last edited:
...honkies are always confused when theyre shooting 'cause they are playing with their two whiteballs but then the black people, well theyre just playing with their two blackballs, so they got it twice as easy to pot a blackball......when it comes to eightball...
joke
joke