pool's greatest one liners & quotes

Cannonball55

Cannonball55

This is cool
Silver Member
Hi,

In my many years of misspent youth, graciously breathing in the smoke filled air of pool halls from state to state throughout the course of 20+ years . I have just about seen and heard it all .
So, I thought i'd start a light thread dedicated to those great one liners, quotes and funny stories that we've all heard at one time or another . Ya know, the sort of things that makes us pool players ( and pool playing impersonators ) special .

feel free to chime in .

Ronnie Allen : ( when asked for a spot after a run out exhibition that kept his opponent in the chair hopelessly ) what do you mean you need a spot? I've never seen you play.

Danny Jones ?: oh, is that your hole? well, take a good look at it now because you'll never see it again.

Louie Roberts : well, just give me another hundred and that way I'll only owe you a thousand.

Keith MCcready ?: The guy shoots straight up in the air, if he got any higher he'd be my backer.

Unknown : (nervously watching the balls roll ) Get outta my life 7ball, i want a divorce!

Strawberry Brooks : One Pocket is a an epidemic, and there ain't no cure!

Jimmy Mataya : Alright sports fans get your cameras ready, here's your chance to capture history.

Unknown : don't matter what you say, the balls never listen to you any how.

Gabby : maybe you should take up billiards, since you don't use the pockets.

Unknown : ( after watching the opponent miscue ) Chalk is free, but i will make you pay for not using it!

There are several more, but these are the ones that jumped out at me...:thumbup2:
 
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heres a good 1

kid says to me after i played his buddy"nasty i need a spot" and as he was drinking his mt.dew i said"spill on ur shirt then" just thought it was funny!
 
A few more sayings:

Oh, I see your problem, there's some crap stuck to the back of your cue.... Oh, sorry, that's you.

You shouldn't be upset, you should be used to missing/losing by now.

Whispering Ted Lowe (snooker commentator) "That's just inches away from being centimeter perfect."
 
Oh, how can i forget this one . A straight shootin' shortstop tries to trap me into betting more than $5/game ( i knew who he was and i knew i had no chance of beating him if he ever decided to open up on me ) I was going to fire 5 barrels at him and chalk it up to cheap practice against a solid player . Well, i win 3 games in a row and it was all too obvious, so he almost obnoxiously says "looks like i need a little weight". Then, without batting an eye, i turned to him and said "well, i recommend a high fat diet"

So he laughed, he caught on that i was wise to him and he managed to somehow air me out of that $15:banghead:
 
Long ago, U.J. Puckett was sweating a big money game that saw one player fire in his game ball. At the time the balls used were made of clay. At impact the game ball split into two pieces, one half spearing the back of the hole, the other, rolling around the table leaving the opponent straight in. Everybody was silent for a moment. The shooter looked around wondering what the outcome was. An argument ensued and U.J. was consulted for a ruling. Unbeknownst to the shooter, U.J. was in with the opponent and replied "well it looks to me like you still need half a ball."
 
J. Learned Hand said:
Long ago, U.J. Puckett was sweating a big money game that saw one player fire in his game ball. At the time the balls used were made of clay. At impact the game ball split into two pieces, one half spearing the back of the hole, the other, rolling around the table leaving the opponent straight in. Everybody was silent for a moment. The shooter looked around wondering what the outcome was. An argument ensued and U.J. was consulted for a ruling. Unbeknownst to the shooter, U.J. was in with the opponent and replied "well it looks to me like you still need half a ball."
Click to expand...

lolololololololololololololololololol:rotflmao1: :rotflmao:
 
J. Learned Hand said:
Long ago, U.J. Puckett was sweating a big money game that saw one player fire in his game ball. At the time the balls used were made of clay. At impact the game ball split into two pieces, one half spearing the back of the hole, the other, rolling around the table leaving the opponent straight in. Everybody was silent for a moment. The shooter looked around wondering what the outcome was. An argument ensued and U.J. was consulted for a ruling. Unbeknownst to the shooter, U.J. was in with the opponent and replied "well it looks to me like you still need half a ball."
Click to expand...

Coincidentally, I was thinking of this exact story, when I came back and saw this post. Hope you won't mind if I post the details from the following link.


http://www.billiardsdigest.com/untold_stories/rags_4.php


Bill Staton (as told to Eddie Robin, in "Winning One-Pocket"): "In 1948, Earl Schriver and his traveling partner, U.J. Puckett, who was from Fort Worth, Texas, came to Lyle's Pool Room in Alexandria, Virginia, where they challenged Rags to a game of one-pocket. At that time, Lyle's was still using old clay balls, which would often chip, crack, or, less frequently, even break.

"The match was under way and nearing a showdown with Rags needing only one more ball when he delivered an authoritative but only fairly powerful stroke. The last remaining object ball broke into two parts - the larger section going into the pocket and the smaller part remaining on the table after a brief, erratic bounce, roll and hopping movement. This caused a dilemma, and no one knew a ruling for this situation. Finally, they decided to ask U.J. Puckett, who was sweating the game, to make the ruling. Puckett, who almost certainly had a piece of Schriver's action, said in his Texas drawl: "Waaal, Rags, it jest looks to me like ya still need almost half a ball."
 
I once watched two guys playing some one-hole, when one was jacked up over the stack, and touched one of the balls. His opponent said "foul", and an argument ensued over whether they were playing all ball fouls or cue ball fouls only. After 5 heated minutes, the guy who called the foul said "you know the @$#$^ rules, you owe a ball!". The shooter says"I owe a ball, huh?", and proceeds to put his cue on the table, raking every ball to his hole, and says, "fine, I owe two."
 
muttley76 said:
I once watched two guys playing some one-hole, when one was jacked up over the stack, and touched one of the balls. His opponent said "foul", and an argument ensued over whether they were playing all ball fouls or cue ball fouls only. After 5 heated minutes, the guy who called the foul said "you know the @$#$^ rules, you owe a ball! The shooter says"I owe a ball, huh?", and proceeds to put his cue on the table, raking every ball to his hole, and says, "fine, I owe two."
Click to expand...

I've heard that one attributed to Jersey Red also.
 
Minnesota Fats: "Putting a tuxedo on a pool player is like putting whip cream on a hot dog."

And my all time favorite from Danny Di Liberto doing commentary for Accustats. I can't remember who the players were but one was some new young gun that Danny had never seen play before but who was supposed to be really great. After the young guy was soundly defeated Danny said, (paraphrasing here) "Well, he may know a million shots, but I guess none of them came up this match."
 
I walk into the pool room and one of the regulars shouts
"Hey, Jimbo! Wadayagonnagimme?"
"Get the balls."
"Wadayagonnagimme?"
"Get the balls, I'm gonna GIVE you hell and charge you rent!"


One of my best friends and I are playing the other day. He gets the most incredible roll ever. Completely $%^&* in the ball and gets shape and the break-out.
"wow." I says

With perfect deadpan delivery...
"Yea, I've been playing alot."


Teammate delivers a brutal safty. Trapping the cueball between the rail and one of his balls. Jailhouse.
Other guy says "JESUS CHRIST!!!"
"Nope, my names Sid."
 
In past days, some pool players tell stories of hustling in some strange bars and the bartender might doctor their drink, aka slip them a mickey.

This subject came up and a friend of mine, Joe MacNamara, said, "Yeah, I was playing some at the Spur Lounge and they put something in my drink..... but luckily it was something I was already taking."
 
Diliberto attributed this to Ronnie Allen....Ronnie had a backer, and after R.A. missed a tough cut, resulting in a loss, the backer comes up to him and say's"ya' dumped me ya' creep." Whereas Ronnie answers, "don't you know that dogging it and dumping look exactly the same?"
 
Attributed to Minnesota Fats:

Some guys are getting a game going on this table. When Fats walks by one says "Hey, Fats, we can't play on this table....the pockets are too big" Fats replies "Bet a little higher, they'll tighten up."

MULLY
 
There's a local here who always yells out (when a fortunate rolls comes his or his opponent's way), "The luck Factor!!!!"

Well I'm playing a mutual friend of ours, and one night I'm getting all the rolls. He says, "You not only have the luck factor, you have the luck factory!"
 
Two guys make a game and on their way to the table when one says

"POST IT!!"

The other guy says, "What'd ya mean, POST IT? I haven't stiffed anybody in two weeks!!!!!

Stones
 
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