pool's greatest one liners & quotes

Charlie Brinson (after I bought him a hotdog at a tournament), "That sure is better than that bar of soap I had in the hotel, last night."

BJ Ussery (after Earl made a comment to him during their action in Greensboro), "Be quiet Earl, and take your beating like a man."

McCready, "What? No alcohol? I'm not playin' in there." I just love that guy.

Various:
"You wouldn't bet fatback's greasy."
"I haven't booked a winner since Moby Dick was a minnow."
"What, did I stutter?"
"You know why you missed that shot? There's no pocket there."
 
fan-tum said:
...mouse pissing on a cottonball.
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I knew that, funny! I couldn't not type cueball. Does that make me :

1. a real pool player, or
2. need to put down the pipe?

I will do a poll.

Good catch!!
 
"If I played as bad as you, I'd take two weeks off, then quit."

"The problem was there wasn't a pocket where you shot that ball"

Playing 8 ball and the other player has only one, "I hope you didn't expect to ever see that ball again."

Asked of me by a friend as I was playing a go-off"How is this guy beating you?" My response, "How much are we betting yet?"

My favorite when I hear it, "That is all the money I've got, but I'd like to play you some more."

"Playing that guy is like printing your own money."

"He's busted more people, usually his stakehorses, than the Great Depression." - Rep to the first person who guesses who this quote is about.
 
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fats was playing a young guy and broke him about 7:am the kid said please don't quit just wait till the bank opens and we'll play some more.fats said " kid your a pool player, the only time you can get money outta the bank is 3:am then your driving the car because pool players don't go in."
 
player with reputation for not paying off walks through the door, a guy that he owes money to points him out, then he stands up and yells "LOOK OUT! INCOMING AIR BARRELL!!"
 
punter said:
I've heard that one attributed to Jersey Red also.
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Jersey Red actually did this in Johnston City or at The Stardust. I actually witnessed this. A guy (I think it was Ronnie) kept giving him a hard time and finally Red had had enough. That's when he raked all the balls toward his hole. Naturally that was the end of this game. Red just laughed about it for the rest of the week. Ronnie couldn't do anything to Red anyway.

In case you didn't know, Red was a big strong man, who would not take any guff from anyone. I never saw anyone challenge Red to fight in all the years I knew him. Big as he was and being from Jersey, I suspect Red could fight if he had to.
 
Cannonball55 said:
I've heard that saying a thousand times but never knew Jersey Red was the author .
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I thnk most of these quotes have been attributed to multiple players and whether they were ever really uttered by any of them is in doubt to say the least. I originally heard the "Ive never seen you shoot" line attributed to Lassiter.
 
Cannonball55 said:
Hey Black-Balled,

That's hilarious, i know jack hynes and i could see that disgusted look on his face right now.

Quick question : do you know which "jimmy" jay was talking about? ya know in the pool world, james/jim/jimmy is a very common name . likewise with john & micheal/mike
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Jimmy Matts from PA.
 
Fats was getting hustled by Danny Jones to play in Johnston City. Danny wanted to play him some even One Pocket. Fats knew Danny didn't have any money so why bother with him. Finally he looks at Danny and says, "Danny when I get through with you, I'll be driving a new Caddy and you'll be putting air in your sneakers". Everyone broke up laughing, including Danny. That was the end of that conversation.
 
I was playing snooker with a pool player who had never played on a 12ft table before. After the break he found the cueball on the top rail behind the brown and one red ball that he could see the edge of that was right on the bottom rail.
He got down to eye level behind the cue ball looking at the shot and very quietly said "F$%K me, I don't go that far on vacation"
 
Another classic Fats line from the Legends Of Pool shows on ESPN. He's playing Puckett, who is a very big guy first of all. And Pucket can be careless (and a little ungainly) when he is walking around the table. He accidentally steps on one of Fat's toes while meandering about looking for his next shot. Fats jumps back for an instant not really hurt. More surprised than anything. Puckett realizes what he's done and looks at Fats and laughs. In a sarcastic tone he says "Excuse me".

"Excuse me" says Fats. "What do you mean excuse me"? Looking at Puckett's shoes, "Those are the biggest feet I've ever seen, you could get a job stomping out forest fires"! Even U.J. broke up at that one.
 
Keith breaks the balls and a couple of balls are slowly heading for the hole. Keith encourages them with the following, "Get your driver's license"!
I know it barely makes sense, but it was hilarious if you were there.

Another one of my Keith favorites. He is at the table running out yet again for the umpteenth time. He is moving fast now, in dead stroke. From out of no where comes this line, "Gotta get the troops out of the hot sun"!
Who can think of this shit? Only Keith!
 
Young hustler with very little cash in his pocket was using every tactic he could think of to get this older gentlemen with a lot of money to play. Older gentlemen to young gun, "Look son, I know your trying to turn a toothpick into a lumber yard, but it ain't gonna happen here."
 
And my all time favorite uttered by Louie on national TV. It was the first ESPN broadcast of a pool tournament. It was Richie's second big event at Caesar's Tahoe. Louie was playing Hawaiian Brian in the first match. Naturally he was a little loose, being up all night celebrating etc.

Louie is at the table with his first good shot to run balls. He is loving being on camera. Between shots he strolls by the guy with the hand held and looks directly into the camera, "Don't worry Mom, I'll be home to mow the grass right after I finish up here"!

Even the guys in the truck (the Producer and Director) broke up laughing at this one. No other sports figures can compare with Louie and Keith for originality and humor. NONE, ZERO, NADA!
 
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M HOUSE said:
Young hustler with very little cash in his pocket was using every tactic he could think of to get this older gentlemen with a lot of money to play. Older gentlemen to young gun, "Look son, I know your trying to turn a toothpick into a lumber yard, but it ain't gonna happen here."
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That was a famous Amarillo Slim line.
 
Tony Watson was trying to get a guy to play one pocket in Atalnta a couple of years ago and Tony told the guy " I'll give you 9-7 and if the game lasts longer than 5 minutes, we will rerack the balls!"

Southpaw
 
Southpaw said:
Tony Watson was trying to get a guy to play one pocket in Atalnta a couple of years ago and Tony told the guy " I'll give you 9-7 and if the game lasts longer than 5 minutes, we will rerack the balls!"

Southpaw
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Tony Watson made a bet with Mike Cone (from Wilson) on "size." Tony told him he'd spot him two inches. I asked how it went. Mike replies, "I just paid the mother fu#$er. It looked like a baby holding an apple. Damn thing had a ribcage." I literally about fell outta my chair during a tournament.
 
Was it Mike Sigel and Joe Balsis? Anyway, Joe loses the lag and breaks, sits down. Mike runs 150 and out. Joe gets up and says, guess I'll have to work on my lag.

Dave Nelson
 
jay helfert said:
And my all time favorite uttered by Louie on national TV. It was the first ESPN broadcast of a pool tournament. It was Richie's second big event at Caesar's Tahoe. Louie was playing Hawaiian Brian in the first match. Naturally he was a little loose, being up all night celebrating etc.

Louie is at the table with his first good shot to run balls. He is loving being on camera. Between shots he strolls by the guy with the hand held and looks directly into the camera, "Don't worry Mom, I'll be home to mow the grass right after I finish up here"!

Even the guys in the truck (the Producer and Director) broke up laughing at this one. No other sports figures can compare with Louie and Keith for originality and humor. NONE, ZERO, NADA!
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Louie was a witty character. My favorite though happened at Reds In Houston.

Louie comes strolling in with two guys who look like West Texas cattle buyers or oil guys. They are sober and very serious looking.

Louie makes his grand entrance speaking to everyone and being Louie when someone asks, Louie We heard you just got out of rehab?"

Without missing a beat, Louie responds, " that's right, 21 days! They hit me with so much voltage that the next woman to be with me is gonna light up like a sot machine and pay off in Silver Dollars!"

The room caracked up and Louie has begun to hit balls around when a younger fella walked by and inquires, Louie, that looks like a new cue, what did that cost?"

Louie looks toward the two backers and rather timidly says, "oh about $6500 so far!"

The whole joint broke out and the two cattle buyers did not look amused at all.
 
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