Snappy Comeback Comments

I thought of another one.

I was in a local room after not playing for close to three years. I entered a handicapped tournament and I'm being handicapped as if I never stopped playing.
Incredibly I'm in dead stroke and I make it to the finals.

At this point I'm playing a newcomer to the room. Don't forget we're in the finals.

I'm giving him all the breaks and ten to four on the wire.

He breaks the first rack, like King Kong and fails to pocket a ball. I run out the rack. The next game, he tries a soft break and nothing goes in again. Of course, I run out.

At this point, he proclaims, loudly to the entire audience, "You shouldn't be allowed to play, you're a pro."

I didn't like this guy from the start. I told him aloud, so all could hear, "You shouldn't be allowed to play, because you suck."

I went on to win, 10-1.

______________________________________

http://tommcgonaglerightoncue.com
 
tom mcgonagle said:
I thought of another one.

I was in a local room after not playing for close to three years. I entered a handicapped tournament and I'm being handicapped as if I never stopped playing.
Incredibly I'm in dead stroke and I make it to the finals.

At this point I'm playing a newcomer to the room. Don't forget we're in the finals.

I'm giving him all the breaks and ten to four on the wire.

He breaks the first rack, like King Kong and fails to pocket a ball. I run out the rack. The next game, he tries a soft break and nothing goes in again. Of course, I run out.

At this point, he proclaims, loudly to the entire audience, "You shouldn't be allowed to play, you're a pro."

I didn't like this guy from the start. I told him aloud, so all could hear, "You shouldn't be allowed to play, because you suck."

I went on to win, 10-1.

______________________________________

http://tommcgonaglerightoncue.com
Click to expand...

That's funny.

Here was a gaffe comment that cracked me up.

I was playing in a handicapped tournament about seven years ago and I was out of stroke after a long layoff. They had me rated high because of how I used to play. I'm playing a C player on a tight table and I was missing everything. I have to give the guy 3 games on the wire in a race to 6. The worse I played the better he played and when I was done with him, he was not missing.

He wins a couple of games and he's on the hill - I haven't made three balls.

To make it worse, he was jumping up and down on every shot three times before shooting - it was torture. Anyway, in my misery sitting in the chair, the guy on the table next to us is sitting and he says without looking at me "this guy can't give you three games on the wire". I said "what?" and looked at him. He looked up embarassed, realized his faux pas - and I immediately realized he thought he was talking to my opponent.

I was speechless - I had no comeback because he was right! I lost and unscrewed with much embarassment and went home.

Chris
 
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I had a similar experience, yesterday.

I was playing a young Asian player, new to our handicap tournament, for the second time.

The handicaps in our tournament range from 6 to 3. Depending on your skill level. I play as a six.

After I had built a 4-0 lead, playing rather poorly, believe it or not. My opponent asked me, "Are you a four or a five?"

I guess he new how bad I was playing.

______________________________________________

http://tommcgonaglerightoncue.com
 
I've told this story here before but it's related to the thread.

Gary Spaeth and I went to Chicago for a bank pool tournament back in the late 80's. The night before the tournament we were scouting around for some action to make some "bacon & egg money". We went into the Chicago Billiards Cafe and looked around. Before long Piggy Banks came up and asked Gary for a ball playing full rack banks. Gary spotted him 8-7 for $100 a rattle and they were off and running. Gary got in dead stroke very quick that night and beat Piggy 9 games in a row, very quickly. Piggy's stake horse called him over and said we're done. Piggy pleaded with his stake horse to let him play some more. He said, he can't give me that weight, he's spell banking! Piggy's stake horse said, you know, I believe you, but we just don't know how long this spell is going to last!
 
greyghost said:
#1)Back in the 90's one of my friends from Bartlesville, OK was at a tourney in TX.....up walks DICK LANE and asks him "how would you like the 6 out on the bar box for a thousand?"

My friend says: "HELL RACK THEM UP!"

Dick says: "Oh no I didn't want to play with you, I just wanted to know how you would like it."

Friend says: "Well what do you know....a 200million dollar nit!"


#2) Matlock and a few guys were up drinking at some midwestern bar.....Dave is drunk as a hoot owl. Some kid comes up and asks "you want to play some $5 eight ball?"

David turns to him and says "dont you know who I am? I'm the best bar box player in the whole world!!!"

Kid looks at dave and says "hell its just $5 eight ball lets play"

So they play......they play 4 games and Dave loses them all he's so drunk.....

He gives the guy $20 and quits.......

as the guy walks off he says "BEST BARBOX PLAYER IN THE WORLD MY ASS!"


-Grey Ghost-
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:thumbup: EXCELLENT
 
cuesmith said:
I've told this story here before but it's related to the thread.

Gary Spaeth and I went to Chicago for a bank pool tournament back in the late 80's. The night before the tournament we were scouting around for some action to make some "bacon & egg money". We went into the Chicago Billiards Cafe and looked around. Before long Piggy Banks came up and asked Gary for a ball playing full rack banks. Gary spotted him 8-7 for $100 a rattle and they were off and running. Gary got in dead stroke very quick that night and beat Piggy 9 games in a row, very quickly. Piggy's stake horse called him over and said we're done. Piggy pleaded with his stake horse to let him play some more. He said, he can't give me that weight, he's spell banking! Piggy's stake horse said, you know, I believe you, but we just don't know how long this spell is going to last!
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I dont know how you kept from rolling on the floor laughing.

LMAO

Ken:thumbup:
 
We used to have a gnarly (but pretty good looking) biker babe that served drinks and food at the room I played in. She got hit on regularly and was really good with her snappy comebacks. The two that stand out in my mind were:

Once a guy that had obviously had a little too much to drink slobbered "Why don't you come over here and sit on my face"? She never missed a beat and said "Why don't you just sit on your own"?

Another time a guy was trying to hit on her with no luck. He finally decided he wasn't getting anywhere, so he looked at her and said "You know, I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole". She shot back, "That's OK, because from what I understand, you miss the mark by about nine feet eleven inches"...

She was priceless!

Steve
 
Another one just flew back in my head.

I had just beaten a much younger player for the umpteenth time in a row. He looked at me and said, "Some day I'm going to beat you." I replied to him, "I hope I live that long."

_______________________________

http://tommcgonaglerightoncue.com
 
tom mcgonagle said:
Another one just flew back in my head.

I had just beaten a much younger player for the umpteenth time in a row. He looked at me and said, "Some day I'm going to beat you." I replied to him, "I hope I live that long."

_______________________________

http://tommcgonaglerightoncue.com
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That's a really good one Tom.

There's a pretty good golf joke kind of like that:

Old Timer and a Big Hitter are getting ready to tee off. The Old Timer points to a big tree and says "son, when I was your age, I used to just carry it right over that tree. The Big Hitter, not to be outdone, hits his biggest drive and still catches the tree, with the ball bouncing into the weeds. The old timer says "of course, when I was your age that tree was only 10 feet tall!"
 
tom mcgonagle said:
Another one just flew back in my head.

I had just beaten a much younger player for the umpteenth time in a row. He looked at me and said, "Some day I'm going to beat you." I replied to him, "I hope I live that long."

_______________________________

http://tommcgonaglerightoncue.com
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and I would have said,,,"I wasn't talking about pool" lol. No, that is a pretty good line and I will have to borrow it sometime, now I just have to figure out how to beat someone so I can.
 
Practicing crosscorner banks at home (off-angle with inside, some throws, some straight banks, etc.). I was in a groove and hitting nearly all of em. Wife hollers out, "dinner's ready". As I come into the kitchen, my wife asks my son what we were doing....."I was watching daddy missing tank shots" (he's 3). I ask him, how many I missed - he said 3. 3 like me. Wife asks, outta how many? 3? THEY SUCK! My homelife SUCKS! lol
 
i was in columbus a few weeks ago and a guy from toledo saw my father practicing some 1 pocket shots and the guy came up to him and said what are me and you gonna do .... my father looks at him and says me and you r gonna mildew
 
I used to play at Red's in Houston back in the early 80's. A good player named Sammy was always asking me to play giving me the 7. I knew I did not have a chance to win and did not want to throw my money to this player, who I really did not like because of his mouth anyway.
Well an attorney and I went to Vegas one sunday and I won a little over 13,000 in Vegas and the next day I was in Reds and Sammy came up wanting to play giving me the seven. I ask him could we bet whatever I wanted to and he said as long as it was over 20 a game. I throwed 5,000 on the table and said one game flip the coin for the break.
Of course he never ask me to play again, but that night I would have played and not cared it was free money anyway.
 
knifemaker said:
I used to play at Red's in Houston back in the early 80's. A good player named Sammy was always asking me to play giving me the 7. I knew I did not have a chance to win and did not want to throw my money to this player, who I really did not like because of his mouth anyway.
Well an attorney and I went to Vegas one sunday and I won a little over 13,000 in Vegas and the next day I was in Reds and Sammy came up wanting to play giving me the seven. I ask him could we bet whatever I wanted to and he said as long as it was over 20 a game. I throwed 5,000 on the table and said one game flip the coin for the break.
Of course he never ask me to play again, but that night I would have played and not cared it was free money anyway.
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Don't you wish you could catch that one on film?
 
Nice tales here^^

i was for sure never the type of player who liked to play for money that much. For sure there was a short time where i did it a bit more (with much freetime :p)
One day i sit in a cafe/pub for breakfast and a guy came in i played sometimes backgammon and cards (just 10/20 a game or so). Overall i was in front for sure- he asked me this morning to play some pool (tried to not smile,lol) and i said. Ok- you have the right to choose a game for sure-bc of loosing that often in backgammon+cards (grin). He had always a terrible big mouth and was hollering against everything and person when he lost (hate that really). But he was always paying correctly.
So we started playing 8-Ball (something like Alabama 8-Ball- 8-ball last pocket or so). He was leading 2 or 3 games and the bet went a bit higher. Then i received a phone-call from my father- he was severely/physically handicapped and had a problem- so i was ofc upset and told the guy that i m sorry, told him why i have to leave-and i would come back later again. He acted like a pure a..hole, made bad jokes about the illness of my father, provoking me and just teased me and wanted the money without excuses etc. -so i paid him of course. Went home, problems weren t that big. And later i went back to this pub. The Big-Mouth were still there and won some money from a newbie and was acting like superman......- He asked me like this:"Oh my dear-did you visit your bank-did you get some new cash for me again?"
Short i was close to just do something else with him instead of playin pool, lol- so i told him that the funny times are over now. And that we can play now real 8-Ball, but now for real cash and not just for 20 bucks. His answer was: " With pussies like you i just play high bets bc you ll never come back when we re done ......" He offered 20 games of 8-Ball fix- each for 250,-
I just phoned a friend if he could come very fast with 2.500,- cash. 10 minutes later he arrived with taxi :p and we started.
If i remember correctly he wasn t that often at the table- maybe 5-6 times. I ran out almost each game after the break. The crowd was quite like in a church. i fnished that idiot in less than 90 minutes.
He didn t won one game- next to a bombastic satisfaction this was my first expensive custom cue :grin-square:

p.s. this hero really wanted revenge a week later...lol-but after revenge he never asked me to play again^^

lg
Ingo
 
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