So While I'm Getting things Off My Chest... (a little long)

Celophanewrap

Call me Grace
Silver Member
So While I'm Getting things Off My Chest and to go along with my other recent thread (Pool Manners II) I thought that after several years of this being on my mind I'd finally address this a sort of public way, after all, we are all pool players.

So I consider myself to be an honest guy, to play fair and to always give my best effort but as we all know on any given day our best effort may really suck, and on any other given day our best effort might warrant a win in the finals of the US Open, or at least a "lights-out" performance. So there are times we all play good, or bad for whatever reason. We, as players, on some occasions will make mistakes, we miscue, or use too much or not enough english or don't see a run out pattern, we have mental breaks or make mental mistakes. There are also occasions where maybe we accidentally bump a ball or double stroke the cue ball, or god forbid - spill our beer, we make what I call a physical mistake. But has anyone else ever, while in a match, ever made an "emotional mistake?"

In the team portion of a pool event an emotional mistake can be detrimental to the entirety of the team effort. Generally I'm a pretty cool, even keeled player and rarely ever get rattled regardless of the score or situation. I can get mad like anyone else but I'm a fairly emotionless player. I smile, I might make small talk, mostly "vanilla" if you know what I mean. But this one time I just exploded. I was playing bad, I was sweating, I couldn't make a ball, I wasn't playing good defense, and worst of all, my opponent was having a good time and wasn't laughing at me but was just having a good time. Then without warning it happened, I just blew up, right there in the tournament room, the first match of our finals in the team event. This was so out of character for me that it sort of sent a shock wave through our team and we weren't the same team for that match, and for a long time afterwards.
Where as even when losing we seem to be having some fun, the rest of the match was very quiet. Not angry, just very cautious, like it was being played on egg shells. Have you ever lost a friend or relative and people just aren't sure if they should approach you and if they do they're not sure what to say? It was kinda like that, so maybe they just stare searching for some words or something to say.
Now the other team really could have ground me into dust if they wanted to, but they really didn't. It did happen once or twice where maybe they did say something, but what I had done really hadn't left us any room to react.
In the end, after we'd lost, I apologize to anyone that I could find but no one really knew what to say. Everyone was well aware that was not my normal behavior, but I felt just awful about it for a looooong time, and for that long it pretty much took all the fun out of it for me.
A couple of years later I was able to speak with some of those guys about it and they all pretty much said the same thing, "It was a long time ago, shit happens" or "we've all been there."

So my emotional mistake cost me, and us, big, for a long time. We just we weren't the same and it took me, and us as a team a long time to get back any kind of swagger.
Mental mistakes and physical mistakes, easy, you just bear down and pay attention, give your actions and process a little more thought, you don't be stupid.
So if there is such a thing as an "emotional" mistake, how do you recover from it? How do you play through it or past it so it doesn't consume you?
 
If it makes you feel any better, EVERY time I've ever lost my temper in pool or poker it's proven costly! Not only does it cast you in a bad light, it becomes a personal distraction that you're thinking about rather than concentrating on how you should be playing. Bottom line - Keep your cool at all times!
 
There is some really good advice on this forum today by players that have been there and done that.
 
You brought up an interesting topic, I too am very laid back but in life just as I am on AZ I am not perfect. I have on rare occasion lost my cool in a match as I have done in the past on this forum. It's not something I am proud of but it is who I am. If I double hit or foul and my opponent doesn't see it I will call it on myself.. This I do 100 percent of the time. There is a difference between losing my cool and sacrificing my integrity. As far as emotions that's a little harder to control. There is a certain pressure when everyone expects you to perform at a high level and your playing someone that is not suppose to win against you. When this happens it usually just tickles the sh1t out of the lesser player and embarrasses the better player. I had this very thing happen not long ago. If he missed I was hooked and this pattern lasted throughout the match. Afterwards I shook his hand and replied... Your a lucky mother.....r. After a few moments passed I went and found him and apologized. I felt as if I were taking his glory from him and it wasn't fair. It's not like he gets to beat me on a regular basis and I did not have the right to take that from him
 
You brought up an interesting topic, I too am very laid back but in life just as I am on AZ I am not perfect. I have on rare occasion lost my cool in a match as I have done in the past on this forum. It's not something I am proud of but it is who I am. If I double hit or foul and my opponent doesn't see it I will call it on myself.. This I do 100 percent of the time. There is a difference between losing my cool and sacrificing my integrity. As far as emotions that's a little harder to control. There is a certain pressure when everyone expects you to perform at a high level and your playing someone that is not suppose to win against you. When this happens it usually just tickles the sh1t out of the lesser player and embarrasses the better player. I had this very thing happen not long ago. If he missed I was hooked and this pattern lasted throughout the match. Afterwards I shook his hand and replied... Your a lucky mother.....r. After a few moments passed I went and found him and apologized. I felt as if I were taking his glory from him and it wasn't fair. It's not like he gets to beat me on a regular basis and I did not have the right to take that from him

That is the way to see it. A lesser player cant win withoit several big rolls or a massive handicap. Let them emjoy it, vaide you gotta feed the fishes if you wannawin big

I like it when better more experienced players win on rolls and say"I got lucky" apologetically. It shows class.
 
Stupidest thing I've ever done, playing for money on a bar box... missed a shot and was pissed off at myself... turned around and walked right into a brick wall I had forgot was there... for a change, more hurt than embarrassment on that one.

I guess with a team thing you'll feel worse because it affected others on your team. BUT as you say completely out of character for you, so most likely it was easier for others to move on.

I've got a guy on my current team after every match you can't tell if he's won or lost because he's usually pissed off at himself for a shot he would have liked to have made or better position with whitey. But at least it is consistent with him so we all kind of let it go.
 
"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."

SC
 
Great thread

It's funny that you wrote this. I've had something picking at my brain and I still can't get over it. This was more than 10 weeks ago. I see my team members get flustered it's always hard to say something during the game or after. People get so amped. Alternately, I have watched people speak up and diffuse the situation. They do it with such ease like a negotiator trying to get the jumper to come down.

I think... The sooner any of us can step in to help us redirect our attention the better. Specially in a team scenario those bad vibes can be viral.
 
I am guilty of this, as well. Perhaps not as extreme a case as your, but I get soooo disappointed in myself that I often feel bad about how I carried myself.

I usually find my opponent later and explain that I was simply angry at myself. Still, it shouldn't happen. And it's really embarrassing. Getting a handle on this seems to be as difficult as getting my stroke straight.
 
Mistakes happen. If it's not your norm, then don't beat yourself up over it.

I think keeping my emotions under control is my biggest strength. The trick is to understand how meaningless a missed shot or poor safety really is. The worst that can happen is that you lose the match. So you lose some money (gambling) or get knocked out of a tournament or put on the one loss side. No big deal.

The universe is a big place. Like, really really effin' big. Understanding this simple fact will help you realize that anything you do in this game (good or bad) is really insignificant in the scheme of things.
 
I applaud you for apologizing. That is not the easiest thing to do, especially in public. I have found dwelling on my mistakes and getting all jacked up, only causes me to make more mistakes. When the game is over, and you have lost, the hardest thing to do is get back up there and play the next game without thinking of the last. Negative thoughts only lead to more negative results. You gotta have a real short memory to compete in this game cause you sure as hell aren't going to win them all. Once a game is over, win or lose, forget about it, and concentrate on the next game.
 
I'm curious what you did exactly. You said you just "exploded". Did you start screaming at everyone or slam your cue down, or yell at someone?

How bad was your behavior?

Just trying to get a gage for the level of the meltdown.

I've been really mad at everyone lately but I'm really not a hot head. It's mostly job related. Been working too much trying to make as much money as possible. My boss is a dick and is one of these guys that likes to jump in the middle of everything he can and disrupt things that are running smoothly and then go away till later so he can come back and fix it to feel important. He screws up the things I get straitened out and it cost me money in commissions and shipments. We argue about it and he is like a child. It pisses me off because it effects my pocketbook. Our conversations usually lead to screaming and yelling and then I threaten to quit. Then he apologizes and we make up and everything is cool for a few months until it blows up again. And it always blows up again. This has been going on for about 1 year now.

Not sure why I just shared that but I guess I'd like you to know you are not the only one...get over it as fast as you can. It's not worth the wasted energy and time. No one is perfect.:smile:
 
I ruined a couple of shafts smacking my stick before. That's -$200.00 and I wasn't even gambling, how costly is that?

I came to figure out some things about flipping out and losing your temper.

1. A surefire cure is to shoot like you care on every shot. If you know you gave a shot 100% and you still missed, you won't really be mad at yourself. You might mutter and make noises but privately you know you did your best.

You'll also just screw up less and play better pool.
The less often you screw up, the fewer 'straws on the camel's back'.

2. A lot people who flip out are actually just putting on a show. They're ashamed of their performance and they don't want spectators to think they're careless, lazy, or stupid. So they flip out to let the whole world know "hey, I take this shit seriously. I have a whole 'nother gear you haven't seen yet."

One day when I was a kid I missed a ball and, in a fit of melodrama... I fell onto my back and yelled and basically did a snow angel on the dirty carpet. That's when I realized I was just putting on a display. Basically it was just a cry for help or sympathy.

3. Pool is percentages. As you get better you'll understand why you missed and you'll know that any given miss or loss is meaningless in the long run. You'll understand that jacking over a ball cuts your make percentage in half for many shots. You'll know the difference between a 90% shot that you're supposed to make, and a 70% shot you're going to miss like clockwork about one out of three tries. You'll understand that it makes no sense to get mad about missing a bank, which was a 50/50 proposition even if you've hit it 100 times before.
 
Jay you are so right!

If it makes you feel any better, EVERY time I've ever lost my temper in pool or poker it's proven costly! Not only does it cast you in a bad light, it becomes a personal distraction that you're thinking about rather than concentrating on how you should be playing. Bottom line - Keep your cool at all times!

Jay you are so right! Every single time I lost my temper,
It either made me look bad Or I would shoot bad the rest of the Match.

Keep your cool, you will look more Professional, Strong & be more Sportmanlike.
 
What Happeded? This is the Abrigded Version...

I'm curious what you did exactly. You said you just "exploded". Did you start screaming at everyone or slam your cue down, or yell at someone?

How bad was your behavior?

Just trying to get a gage for the level of the meltdown.

I've been really mad at everyone lately but I'm really not a hot head. It's mostly job related. Been working too much trying to make as much money as possible. My boss is a dick and is one of these guys that likes to jump in the middle of everything he can and disrupt things that are running smoothly and then go away till later so he can come back and fix it to feel important. He screws up the things I get straitened out and it cost me money in commissions and shipments. We argue about it and he is like a child. It pisses me off because it effects my pocketbook. Our conversations usually lead to screaming and yelling and then I threaten to quit. Then he apologizes and we make up and everything is cool for a few months until it blows up again. And it always blows up again. This has been going on for about 1 year now.

Not sure why I just shared that but I guess I'd like you to know you are not the only one...get over it as fast as you can. It's not worth the wasted energy and time. No one is perfect.:smile:

What did I do? How bad was my behavior? BAD! Although you come to expect certain things from some people so on a given league night if Player X who typically has that behavior all the time has my level of meltdown, maybe we shrug and take another drink, after all, it really isn't unexpected. But in my case I'm generally pretty cool, quiet and polite at the table, you'd really have to goad me bad to get me to talk any smack or respond to your smack at all.

I understand that my cues are expensive things so I'd never dream of throwing them or even setting them down hard. I am always full of encouragement and positive words for my team mates, basically I'm the guy that sees it as his primary job to keep up the positive spirits. So I'm in this match, the first match of the finals team event and I'm unbeaten up to this point in the team event, but for some reason I'm just playing very poorly and making poor choices and beginning to panic, for those of you that know the APA system, at this time I'm a strong 5 and my opponent is a good 3,and while I'm playing like I am, they're having an outstanding match.

Their captain/coach is speaking with them between every turn at the table, not coaching but encouraging, reminding them of basic things. Not saying anything about me at all positive or negative - all well within the rules.

But as I'm playing bad I start to go off - "Is that a time out?" and it builds from there, I'm playing bad and they're having fun, Oh, how dare they?!?! I win a game, they win a game I cannot collect myself and it's getting worse by the minute, and all the time the little voice inside my head is saying call a time out, go and pee, throw some water on your face , take a deep breath... anything, just get away for a minute. But my pride, my ego wouldn't let me go, I'd play through this or die trying.

I don't remember what the score in the match was but it happened, I wish I could remember what I said exactly but I suppose it really doesn't matter. There was this crazy person screaming at the the other team, my team captain trying to get me to at least turn around and shut up before I forfeit the match and to calm down. I didn't throw my cue but I slammed it reasonably hard against the the table (not the pool table, thank god) and I totally destroyed our 8 Ball marker that had been with us for about 10 years .

You know, the funny thing is I could see it happening but I just couldn't stop it. Every fiber of my being said to relax and take a breath, go to the bathroom, get it together, I actually heard that in my head but as god is my witness I could not stop.

Well, it's been a couple of years since then, it's never even approached that level since. Of course I've been mad a time or two, but nothing like that. I embarrassed myself, my team, probably the other team, our league operator, I showed absolutely no respect for my opponent and the game all to my eternal shame. I lost myself,I allowed the game to become so big that it totally consumed me, bigger than it was ever supposed to be, and I have since vowed to never, ever let that happen again.

So, that's what happened.
 
No one likes performing below their capabilities, it's very tough to deal with sometimes. At least you didn't piss in the pockets.
 
Best lesson I ever learned playing pool came when I first started at 17. My friends dad gave me my 1st pool cue. It was only a cheap Walmart cue but it was straight, mine and given to me. I missed a shot and took a check swing with it, a la COM style. Well it broke below the shaft without hitting anything and went flying across the room and broke a glass. My friends dad made us stop immediately and dragged me outside where he proceeded to have me dig a hole 3' x 3' deep and said the next time I did something like that it would be a 6' hole and that I would be in it and that cue would be my head stone. Tough love and lesson learned. I have owned dozens of cues since then and I have neither nicked, thrown or slammed one due to having an emotional meltdown....but I have wanted to many, many times.
 
It's OK.

Everybody gets angry, the important
part is, why?

Last week an opponent got so angry
he threw his cue down on the floor and
muttered a few expletives. I didn't care
because I knew he was mad at himself,
not at me.

During that same match I kicked in the five
ball, got shape on the six and then missed
the simple shot on the six. In my head I
was already out. I "dropped" my cue on an
adjoining table while I walked away
muttering to myself.

The point is most of us understand. If you
really blew up and it was out of your
normal behavior we would still understand.
No apology necessary, at least not to me.
 
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