This article was published by the Miami Herald's Tropic magazine - May 5th 1985. I will break it down to several posts.
I stumble up to the table and put on my best moronic expression. I am wearing my tourist clothes, which is to say gray slacks and sandals and a bright blue Hawaiian shirt with red flowers and a sporty little cap advertising cheap vodka, so I figure I can pass for an idiot just about anywhere in this part of the world.
"How much are you guys playing for?" I ask.
Of course I already notice that they haven't passed any money, so I know they're just playing for giggles, but this is a good way to get them thinking that they're supposed to be playing for something.
The sucker is standing at the other end of the table waiting to break the balls. He's a young, blondish, chubby guy wearing expensive moccasins and khaki pants and a pastel golf shirt. He looks as if Daddy owns a bank or two. He stares at me like I just crawled out of a sewer and then says in a real snotty tone, "How much do you play for?"
I shrug my shoulders like I'm halfway scared and halfway embarrassed and I mumble, "Oh, I usually play for 20 bucks."
I notice a teeny flicker of shock in his eyes because he was expecting me to say a dollar or two dollars or some such nonsense, but he recovers and goes into his macho act.
"Well, I play for $50," he snaps. He is staring me down.
I hear a movement behind me and I know Boca Bobby and the Kid are about to jump right off their stools because they want me to lock this guy up quick, but I just let my jaw drop open and I say, "Fifty?"
"That's right," he says coldly. He thinks he's scared the liver right out of me. I dig around in my pocket and come out with a handful of $10s and $20s I always keep there for situations like this. I shuffle through them like I'm counting to see if I can afford to play, and then I mumble, "Well OK. I guess I'll play for $50, then."
Now I've got khaki pants here he can't back out without looking gutless. He doesn't really want to play for $50, but he's already talked himself into it.
He fiddles around with the chalk and saws away at his stroke for about two minutes before he breaks the balls, and he's so nervous he hits them weakly, and scratches. I pick up the cue ball and study the table for about three minutes, like it is a huge mystery. We are playing eight ball. The stripes are all opened up real nice and a couple of the solid balls are tied up, so I finally get down and bite my lip and make a very easy shot, pocketing a striped ball. I miss the next shot, because it is always a good idea to let the other fellow shoot a few times so he doesn't lose heart. He's got a little confidence now because he can see I'm almost helpless, so he runs three balls before he misses. I make a couple of easy shots and then hang up one of my stripes in a pocket, just an inch or three from one of his balls on the rail, blocking up any faint chance he has of running out.
I'm watching Woody out of the corner of my eye to see how he's reacting to this little charade. Woody is really why I'm in this little joint at this particular time. I notice he is watching our game pretty closely, which makes sense, since the stakes are $50 a game. That is Wood's kind of action.
I ease over to the bar and take a sip of orange juice. "What're you doin'?" Boca hisses. "Go ahead and beat this idiot."
"Don't worry," I whisper. "I'm just baiting the trap."
I should explain that Boca Bobby is what is called a steer guy. He drove me here tonight and told me everything I needed to know about this particular bar in North Broward, and about Woody, the man I am hoping to eventually play tonight. Boca Bobby's information was extensive, including the fact that the bar has two Irving Kaye tables with the big rock, which is good news to me because I favor little tables with a big cue ball. He has also told me that Woody is a shortstop who always carries a lot of ill-gotten cash and likes to play eight ball, which is good news because eight ball is my game, and that Woody will be no problem unless his friend Turk is around because Turk is what is known as a tush hog, which means a troublemaker. Turk, thankfully, is not around. Boca Bobby has not told me all this because he is my friend. He is, at least on this night at this bar, my business partner. He will take a percentage of what I win.
Now my sucker steps up and makes the only ball available and then he's standing there scratching his head because his is in a hopeless trap and he's just beginning to realize it. Finally he tries an impossible shot and misses and I step up there with all my balls spread out very nicely. I run them off without using any kind of fancy English, but I make a little error so the only way I can get position on the eight is to draw this big rock the length of the table, which is not a simple matter, especially when you are using a crooked house cue with a tip like a piece of granite. I've got to go ahead and do it, though, because I'm not about to blow $50 to a stone cold sucker, so I turn my back and pull out my scuffer and rough up this tip real good, and then I pull out my own chalk out of my pocket (my opponent begins to look very uncomfortable) and chalk it up smooth, and then I step up there and fire that sucker in the hole like it had eyes, and the rock draws back the length of the table pretty as you please. Then I tap the eight in the corner pocket and the game is over.
I'm stealing a glance at Woody and he's sitting there with a funny little smirk on his face, so I figure I didn't fool him one even a little bit. Khaki pants goes in his wallet, tosses a C-note on the table, and I make change for him and damned if he doesn't shove two more quarters in the slot and start racking them up again.
His face is bright red and I can tell he is a little warm but I can't believe he's going to play again.
I break the balls wide open, sink a solid, and now they are sitting there just perfect, waiting for me to run them. I consider stalling again, but Woody already knows I can play, and I do not enjoy robbing the helpless, evne someone as disagreeable as this fellow. So I just run them on out without giving my man a chance to shoot. Now he realizes he's been hustled and he just throws the $50 on the table and stomps out of the joint with his neck glowing bright red. I feel sort of bad about running him off like that but maybe next time he'll think twice before he tells a total stranger he likes to play for $50 a game.
I stumble up to the table and put on my best moronic expression. I am wearing my tourist clothes, which is to say gray slacks and sandals and a bright blue Hawaiian shirt with red flowers and a sporty little cap advertising cheap vodka, so I figure I can pass for an idiot just about anywhere in this part of the world.
"How much are you guys playing for?" I ask.
Of course I already notice that they haven't passed any money, so I know they're just playing for giggles, but this is a good way to get them thinking that they're supposed to be playing for something.
The sucker is standing at the other end of the table waiting to break the balls. He's a young, blondish, chubby guy wearing expensive moccasins and khaki pants and a pastel golf shirt. He looks as if Daddy owns a bank or two. He stares at me like I just crawled out of a sewer and then says in a real snotty tone, "How much do you play for?"
I shrug my shoulders like I'm halfway scared and halfway embarrassed and I mumble, "Oh, I usually play for 20 bucks."
I notice a teeny flicker of shock in his eyes because he was expecting me to say a dollar or two dollars or some such nonsense, but he recovers and goes into his macho act.
"Well, I play for $50," he snaps. He is staring me down.
I hear a movement behind me and I know Boca Bobby and the Kid are about to jump right off their stools because they want me to lock this guy up quick, but I just let my jaw drop open and I say, "Fifty?"
"That's right," he says coldly. He thinks he's scared the liver right out of me. I dig around in my pocket and come out with a handful of $10s and $20s I always keep there for situations like this. I shuffle through them like I'm counting to see if I can afford to play, and then I mumble, "Well OK. I guess I'll play for $50, then."
Now I've got khaki pants here he can't back out without looking gutless. He doesn't really want to play for $50, but he's already talked himself into it.
He fiddles around with the chalk and saws away at his stroke for about two minutes before he breaks the balls, and he's so nervous he hits them weakly, and scratches. I pick up the cue ball and study the table for about three minutes, like it is a huge mystery. We are playing eight ball. The stripes are all opened up real nice and a couple of the solid balls are tied up, so I finally get down and bite my lip and make a very easy shot, pocketing a striped ball. I miss the next shot, because it is always a good idea to let the other fellow shoot a few times so he doesn't lose heart. He's got a little confidence now because he can see I'm almost helpless, so he runs three balls before he misses. I make a couple of easy shots and then hang up one of my stripes in a pocket, just an inch or three from one of his balls on the rail, blocking up any faint chance he has of running out.
I'm watching Woody out of the corner of my eye to see how he's reacting to this little charade. Woody is really why I'm in this little joint at this particular time. I notice he is watching our game pretty closely, which makes sense, since the stakes are $50 a game. That is Wood's kind of action.
I ease over to the bar and take a sip of orange juice. "What're you doin'?" Boca hisses. "Go ahead and beat this idiot."
"Don't worry," I whisper. "I'm just baiting the trap."
I should explain that Boca Bobby is what is called a steer guy. He drove me here tonight and told me everything I needed to know about this particular bar in North Broward, and about Woody, the man I am hoping to eventually play tonight. Boca Bobby's information was extensive, including the fact that the bar has two Irving Kaye tables with the big rock, which is good news to me because I favor little tables with a big cue ball. He has also told me that Woody is a shortstop who always carries a lot of ill-gotten cash and likes to play eight ball, which is good news because eight ball is my game, and that Woody will be no problem unless his friend Turk is around because Turk is what is known as a tush hog, which means a troublemaker. Turk, thankfully, is not around. Boca Bobby has not told me all this because he is my friend. He is, at least on this night at this bar, my business partner. He will take a percentage of what I win.
Now my sucker steps up and makes the only ball available and then he's standing there scratching his head because his is in a hopeless trap and he's just beginning to realize it. Finally he tries an impossible shot and misses and I step up there with all my balls spread out very nicely. I run them off without using any kind of fancy English, but I make a little error so the only way I can get position on the eight is to draw this big rock the length of the table, which is not a simple matter, especially when you are using a crooked house cue with a tip like a piece of granite. I've got to go ahead and do it, though, because I'm not about to blow $50 to a stone cold sucker, so I turn my back and pull out my scuffer and rough up this tip real good, and then I pull out my own chalk out of my pocket (my opponent begins to look very uncomfortable) and chalk it up smooth, and then I step up there and fire that sucker in the hole like it had eyes, and the rock draws back the length of the table pretty as you please. Then I tap the eight in the corner pocket and the game is over.
I'm stealing a glance at Woody and he's sitting there with a funny little smirk on his face, so I figure I didn't fool him one even a little bit. Khaki pants goes in his wallet, tosses a C-note on the table, and I make change for him and damned if he doesn't shove two more quarters in the slot and start racking them up again.
His face is bright red and I can tell he is a little warm but I can't believe he's going to play again.
I break the balls wide open, sink a solid, and now they are sitting there just perfect, waiting for me to run them. I consider stalling again, but Woody already knows I can play, and I do not enjoy robbing the helpless, evne someone as disagreeable as this fellow. So I just run them on out without giving my man a chance to shoot. Now he realizes he's been hustled and he just throws the $50 on the table and stomps out of the joint with his neck glowing bright red. I feel sort of bad about running him off like that but maybe next time he'll think twice before he tells a total stranger he likes to play for $50 a game.