The BAT System

Boxcar

Banned
The BAT System

OK, you've just gone out and spent $900.00 for a new cue, and you can't make a ball. Your bride is miffed.

Sell the cue and Buy A Table. (BAT)

Buy a cheap table on Craigslist.
Buy an ugly table from a neighbor.
Buy a table with stained cloth.
Buy a table with old cushions
Buy a bar box if your house is small.
Buy a table with wonky slates.

Then INSTALL the table. Your bride is already miffed about the stick, so what.

Then borrow an old one piece cue from a friend.

Then practice 4 to 5 hours a day until you don't miss any shots.

OH, stop making excuses. If your house is real small, buy the bar box and stick it in a corner...and learn how to shoot on the two available sides. If you can't learn how to shoot pool, sell the table for a small profit and try something else.

The BAT System!
 

straightline

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
The BAT System

OK, you've just gone out and spent $900.00 for a new cue, and you can't make a ball. Your bride is miffed.

Sell the cue and Buy A Table. (BAT)

Buy a cheap table on Craigslist.
Buy an ugly table from a neighbor.
Buy a table with stained cloth.
Buy a table with old cushions
Buy a bar box if your house is small.
Buy a table with wonky slates.

Then INSTALL the table. Your bride is already miffed about the stick, so what.

Then borrow an old one piece cue from a friend.

Then practice 4 to 5 hours a day until you don't miss any shots.

OH, stop making excuses. If your house is real small, buy the bar box and stick it in a corner...and learn how to shoot on the two available sides. If you can't learn how to shoot pool, sell the table for a small profit and try something else.

The BAT System!

Wubbout the ole bat?
 

Boxcar

Banned
Wubbout the ole bat?

I was afraid that question might come up.

Fellas, sooner or later you are going to have to decide. Either you wear the pants in the family or she does. You made your bed, now ya' gotta sleep in it.

Go buy the nasty old table for 200 bucks. Set it up. And practice. When she realizes that pool is genuinely important to you, she will either support you, or leave. If she supports you, you made an outstanding choice. If she leaves, you made an outstanding choice. Either way, you win.

Look, guys, I can help. Just think of me as Dear Abby.
 

336Robin

Multiverse Operative
Gold Member
Silver Member
I was afraid that question might come up.

Fellas, sooner or later you are going to have to decide. Either you wear the pants in the family or she does. You made your bed, now ya' gotta sleep in it.

Go buy the nasty old table for 200 bucks. Set it up. And practice. When she realizes that pool is genuinely important to you, she will either support you, or leave. If she supports you, you made an outstanding choice. If she leaves, you made an outstanding choice. Either way, you win.

Look, guys, I can help. Just think of me as Dear Abby.

Yeah, I always knew you had it in ya! lol :rolleyes:
 

Buzzard II

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
Dear Abby, I now have two pool tables in the basement and my wife still won't leave. I've bought about twenty cues and that didn't work either. What do I do now?
 

Boxcar

Banned
Dear Abby, I now have two pool tables in the basement and my wife still won't leave. I've bought about twenty cues and that didn't work either. What do I do now?


Dear Buzzard II,

Opportunity knocks! You are well on your way to opening a successful Used Pool Equipment Company. First, buy more stuff. Set up one of the "new" tables in the living room. Start advertising on Craigslist. Invite customers to your "New and Improved Showroom."

When your new business flourishes, hire a tall, well endowed, blond "Sales Manager." Nickname her "Bambi."

It can't fail.

You'll thank me!

Warmest regards,

Abby
 

Buzzard II

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
Damn Abby, that's the best advice I've ever read here. Bob Jewett always writes about math and that gives me a headache.
 

336Robin

Multiverse Operative
Gold Member
Silver Member
Dear Boxcar Abby,
My deceased friends wife asked me to sell his cues for her.
Some of them were new so I wrote the cue maker to see if they would take them back
to resell for a profit rather than used sale and found out he paid a fraction of what he told his wife.

What should I do? Tell the wife he was cuffing money, give the cues back and just say
can't sell them good luck. What's a guy to do in a case like this?

Robin
 

Boxcar

Banned
Dear Robin,

Remember, it is always best to tell the truth.

You are in an enviable position. You can actually do both.

Tell her that her Old Man was lying about the value of the cues. Then return the cues, saying "I would feel guilty for participating in a transaction that has been tarnished by dishonesty."

It can't fail

You will thank me.

Warmest regards,

Abby
 

jokrswylde

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
Dear Abby,

Your advice sucks!I bought the $200 table and set it up. I practiced hard and noticed my wife getting interested. Soon, she was practicing too. Now everytime I try to go out to the pool hall, she tags along. When I tell her they guys are going to the bar to watch the game, she replies "oh, they have a table there. I'll just come along and shoot some racks while yall watch the game!"

I asked to join a league team, and was told I was welcome as long as I got my wife to join too.

Pool was my last refuge. Now it's gone. Might as well take up scrapbooking...or (gulp) pilates with her now. I hope you are happy.
 

Boxcar

Banned
Dear Jokrswylde,

Opportunity knocks! Constantly reward her improvement by complimenting her. From time to time, rattle a shot so she can run a couple of balls and win. Support her until you are certain she is guthooked. Then drop the hammer. "Honey, you've gotten so good that we will need to upgrade our table. Those silly old granite counter tops can wait. This afternoon, we're gonna order a brand new Diamond! What color Simonis do you want, Tournament Blue or Classic Green?"

You'll be the Toast of the Town!

It can't fail!

You'll thank me!

Warmest regards,

Abby
 

336Robin

Multiverse Operative
Gold Member
Silver Member
Dear Robin,

Remember, it is always best to tell the truth.

You are in an enviable position. You can actually do both.

Tell her that her Old Man was lying about the value of the cues. Then return the cues, saying "I would feel guilty for participating in a transaction that has been tarnished by dishonesty."

It can't fail

You will thank me.

Warmest regards,

Abby

Boxcar Abby,
Thank for your advice. I'm going to take it with the exception of I will be very kind to her when I return the cue. She knew
her old man so its likely it won't be a complete surprise. If she still wants to sell it I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Robin
 

Boxcar

Banned
Dear Robin,

As a widow, I know she will deeply appreciate your gentleness, your kindness and your honesty. Helping a widow is a special act. To paraphrase the Bible, "Do it for widows and orphans. When you do it for the least of these, you do it for me."

Your goodness will be rewarded.

Warmest regards,

Abby
 

Dead Money

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
The BAT System

OK, you've just gone out and spent $900.00 for a new cue, and you can't make a ball. Your bride is miffed.

Sell the cue and Buy A Table. (BAT)

Buy a cheap table on Craigslist.
Buy an ugly table from a neighbor.
Buy a table with stained cloth.
Buy a table with old cushions
Buy a bar box if your house is small.
Buy a table with wonky slates.

Then INSTALL the table. Your bride is already miffed about the stick, so what.

Then borrow an old one piece cue from a friend.

Then practice 4 to 5 hours a day until you don't miss any shots.

OH, stop making excuses. If your house is real small, buy the bar box and stick it in a corner...and learn how to shoot on the two available sides. If you can't learn how to shoot pool, sell the table for a small profit and try something else.

The BAT System!

Nice! If this doesn't work take two weeks off and quit!
 

Deruki

AzB Gold Member
Gold Member
Dear Boxcar Abby,

I took your advice and now every time I beat someone they use the excuse "you have a table at home".

I was born naked and poor same as them. Is it my fault they chose smoking cigarettes, paying child support and using drugs over having a table at home?

What do I tell these losers?
 

Boxcar

Banned
Dear Deruki,

Your experiences are a living testimony to the old adage that "Decisions have consequences."

You are not God. When the Bible talks about "my brother's keeper," it is not suggesting that we should our brother's zoo keeper. In point, it is not incumbent upon you to make, or even suggest, life strategies for the lads with whom you play pool.

Whippem' like a rented mule. Take all their money, right down to their child support and/or tattoo money. If they beg for weight, give it to 'em, and keep whippin' the foo-foo feathers out of them.

You are in an enviable position. Through action and deed, your example may one day help them see the error of their ways...and at the same time, you will be winning enough money to buy that Diamond you've been dreaming of.

It can't fail!

You'll thank me!

Warmest regards,

Abby
 
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