You might be a pool player if...

Floppage

Floppage

True Beginner
Silver Member
This is a blatant rip off of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if..." routine.

I started the useless pool player joke thread at the beginning of the year so as the year winds down it seemed fitting to end it with the same idea.

You might be a pool player if...

- Most of the time at least one of your hands looks like you jerked off a smurf.

- You know the location of every coin-op or nine-footer in a bar, restaurant or garage with the door unlocked in a 60 mile radius.

- You can name the members of both Mosconi cup teams but can't identify three people running for president.

- You have ever complained about a $5 greens fee while holding an $8 drink.

- You have a cue ball preference that can't be summed up in 3 sentences or less.

- You have ever had to ask your opponent for a time out long enough to call into work sick.

- You have ever spent more than 5 minutes negotiating the rules before the game.

- You have ever had a wife/girlfriend refer to the pool hall as "the other woman".

- You have worn the same pair of shoes for more than a year but have gone through at least 3 or more break and/or jump cues in that time.

- You have ever told a real estate agent not to bother showing you any houses that didn't at least have a room that was 18' by 14'.

OK, the last one was me back in April.

Please add to the list!
 
- You have at least one drug dealer's phone number in your phone but have never bought drugs.

:eek:
 
-You've slept under a table at least once.

-You bring your cue to a pool party.

-The last titties you saw were on the side pocket.

-You live at the pool hall and take trips home.

-Your cue costs more than your car

-You make a bridge when you set your hand down

-Your driving and thinking about a safety.

-You fall asleep watching matches.

-You stroke your cue to matches instead of porn.

-You mop /sweep the floor while air stroking.
 
During the course of casual conversation with civilians,

-You've referred to something done easily as a "hanger";

-You've referred to their poor luck as "getting a bad roll".


You also have scheduled many (if not most) of your vacations around pool events.
 
You might be a pool player....

...if you give your girl friend a Diamond
 
... If your reply to who's on Mt. Rushmore is Efren, Earl, Mosconi and Minnesota Fats

... If you've bought a second or third d copy of the color of money because your first one doesn't work anymore

... If your favorite anniversary is your pool table in the game room
 
You might be a pool player...

..if you know what Ernie GutIerrez and Dave Thomas have in common.
 
If you drive a honda fit instead of an audi s4 because you spent your down payment on a diamond pro-am 9ft....money well spent for me...lol
 
If someone yells out "Nice butt!" and you immediately look around to find out whose cue they're talking about.

If the sound of a bad miscue sends a shiver down your spine.

If you're playing golf and you wish you could get down and shoot the ball in with the other end of your putter.
 
drv4 said:
... If your reply to who's on Mt. Rushmore is Efren, Earl, Mosconi and Minnesota Fats

... If you've bought a second or third d copy of the color of money because your first one doesn't work anymore

... If your favorite anniversary is your pool table in the game room
Click to expand...
Some would argue that if you think Minnesota Fats goes on Mt Rushmore, that you are NOT a pool player. Heh heh.
 
You might be a pool player if:

Nobody will play pool in your household if you are playing.

You can list off the top of your head more then four cue manufacturers.

You know what Artemis makes

You regularly drink your morning coffee within ten steps of a pool table.

You can identify most public pool tables make and model on sight.

You have a pool table set up in your living room

You walk up to a pool table and know exactly how you plan to shoot every shot you need to win.

One of the first things you do when you see a table is to run your hand down the rails and measure the pockets with two balls.

Have multiple friends on facebook that are known top ranked or professional pool players.

Have one or more folders in your web browser for pool related sites or people.
 
Your girlfriend walks into the pool room and ceremoniously dumps all your belongings on the floor & states, "now you never have to come home". True story.
 
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