Gotta love the Rules Of Engagement before calling your shop. Perfectly stated
Some of this may sound ridiculous but it's not to us.
1) Gather your thoughts before you call so you know what you are going to say.
2) Lower the radio, stereo or whatever it is these days that produces loud musical sounds.
3) Finish the argument with your mom, parents, wife, inlaw, son or whomever it is that you have a disagreement with prior to calling.
4) Make certain you have a good cell connection. This is paramount! We don't want to play, "can you hear me now".
5) Don't call us from your car because you have nothing else to do or no one else to talk to.
6) Don't call when you've been drinking. We don't understand alco-phonics.
7) If you just burned a doobie, call us tomorrow as time is not in slow motion for us.
8) If you just hit the meth pipe, call tomorrow as we are not here today.
9) If you just downed some dilaudids, see #8.
10) If you are calling to ask if something is in stock, the answer is we stock everything we sell so there is no need to call.
11) If you cannot find it on our web site, 99.9% of the time we don't carry it and no we don't know where you can get it; try Google. We are not the information desk at the library.
12) If you cannot communicate your thoughts in a logical, orderly, conscious and semi-intelligent manner perhaps you would be better served by calling our competitors and be sure to tell them we referred you.
13) Please do not call us if you don't speak fairly good English. We do not speak German, Italian, Swedish, Russian, Japanese, Chinese, Taiwanese, any Eastern European language, Greek, Spanish, Portuguese or Alienese. We speak English, period. Please email us if your English is not very good. We find this to be best.
14) Try to use your God given brains, have some respect and consideration for us when phoning.
If the above sounds ridiculous to you, then come spend a week answering our phones! You'll have a revelation and fully understand the term, the 'dumbing down of America'.
Our phone policy: Please do not call to pick our brains or to just shoot the breeze. Time is precious and we're very busy. You do not need to call us to place an order; you can do that more efficiently and quicker online. If you have a question about a product, feel free to call. We do not provide 'how-to instructions' or 'free lessons' on cue construction over the phone. If we know you and we've built up a friendship, we are more inclined to offer out our advice and knowledge. Unless you've purchased from us or have taken our courses, we do not offer any phone support to anyone we do not know. Do not waste our time or yours with trying to pick our brain (what little we have left). Please respect our wishes.
Basically.... tire kickers, brain pickers - go away. Sincere people are most welcomed. We are very nice people and will go out of our way to serve you. We do not want to deal with leeches who waste our time (you know who you are). When and if you make an investment in us we will make an investment in you. It's that's simple.
Solicitations: If you are selling advertising, long distance service, magazines, accounting or legal services, web development, financial planners, investment counsel or anything else that requires us to part with our hard earned money.... We already have an extensive advertising program and our budget for this year is already fullfilled; please try us next year. We already have the least expensive long distance phone service and yes, we're very happy with it. We subscribe to many magazines and do not need any more to only throw away. We are our own accounting and legal firm since we have vast experience in both fields as well as family attorneys. We do not require web development as we do it all ourselves and we can teach you a few things. And, if you offer financial planning/investment counseling - we are fully capable of losing our own money without your assistance, thank you very much. Anyone else, kindly remove our phone number from your list. Basically... go fly a kite.
There have been some who fault us for our no games policy but they are not businessmen so they don't have a clue. A business can be successful by doing business and not by being the information desk at the local public library. Most businesses are for profit and are not non-profit endeavors. The limited time that owners have, should be spent and focused into positive directions with those customers who deserve the time and not with tire kickers. We have run our business in this manner for as long as we've been doing business in the few ventures we've been involved in since the mid 1970's. It works for us and our friends and clients. You're welcome to join our happy little family of satisfied clients. If you want to kick tires, the used car lot is across the street.
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