Best One Liners and Action Openers

One time I had this guy chirping at me trying to play a game. I really didn't want to play him even though I knew he was good for a couple hundred every night. So I said to him I didn't have time and he kept going. We kept going back and forth and it was starting to get loud. Finally I agreed and he has the nerve to ask "What are you going to give me?" To which I reply "An expensive ass beating!" The final set we played I gave him 3 games going to 7, he gets up 6-1. I came back and won to take $700. He hasn't tried to hard to play me since.

Dave
 
The other evening at the Pool room 2 guys were giving each other a hard time about all the things they coud and couldn't do on a pool table. The guy running the place happened to be flipping through the channels about that time and bare bronc riding was on. The 1 guy says to the other, "I betcha you can't do that." The other guy responds with, "what, ride like that man or buck like that horse?" It was pretty funny!
-
 
Sometimes when I miss a shot, I say "Damn!, I knew I shouldnt have bought a left handed cue!"

Asgar
right handed
 
When I was 12 or so I was on the 8 straight in and the older guy said, "thats good." I shook his hand and got down on the ball and missed it on purpose and said,"Wow, look, I would of missed it." He grabbed me by the throat and slammed me against an arcade machine and said, "you don't tell me noth'en."

I haven't done that since.:o
 
Hey sponge bob, what are the rules? what are the races to? single or double elim? what kind of tables? any handicapps?
 
JAM said:
I knew Geese pretty well, and he must have been on the shortskies if he wanted to play for funsies! When it came to gambling, Geese was usually all business and wasn't a funsies kind of guy! :D

I don't have any digital pictures of Geese, but in this foursome below, Michael "Geese" Gerace is depicted in the upper right picture. I miss him. When he moved to Florida from Maryland, he used to call me up quite often. I think he really missed all his friends in Maryland when he and his mom made the move to Florida.

I guess I can safely post up this picture without getting chastized for knocking anybody's action.

FWIW, Geese was an American road warrior and not really a tournament soldier, a rare breed in today's pool world for sure.

I tried to think of a funny one-liner or action-opener to post, but my sense of humor ain't quite what it used to be. However, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Geese and felt compelled to post about him in this thread. May he rest in peace!

JAM

Welcome back JAM! Good to see you posting. Tried to send you a pm but you're full up! Thanks for the rep recently.
 
vagabond said:
His son gambles and plays a strong game.:cool:

Vagabond, Geese never had any children. I think you may be thinking of Benny Conway's son, Benny Conway, Jr., both players enjoying The Goose moniker! :)

JAM
 
JimS said:
Welcome back JAM! Good to see you posting. Tried to send you a pm but you're full up! Thanks for the rep recently.

Thanks for the kind welcome! I gave you rep because I like your posts, always made with class and respect for others, and then they're informative as well. :)

Coming to AzBilliards is kind of like walking into a favorite neighborhood gathering spot, and you just never know what's going on or who's going to be there. :p

I sometimes do take on a self-imposed hiatus from posting. I have formed some great friendships from my participation on AzBilliards which I will always treasure. Even though Keith has taken on a self-imposed hiatus from playing pool in recent times, the reasons why he has done so are complex, some of which I can't go into on a public forum. I am happy with his decision, though.

I can say this. The climate in American pool right now is in transition. There ain't no American men's tour to talk about. There are pool production companies who hand-pick and invite who they desire to compete in their events, but the majority of these pool players are selected not based on any so-called "ranking system." It is basically what I would term as an "invitational," and that's okay as long as everyone knows that that's really what it is. Professional pool in America is on a downward spiral and is going through a mutually assured destruction.

Let's talk about competition. Do you know the etymology or what the roots of the word "compete" are? It comes from Latin, "competare," which means together and strive. So to compete means to strive together. Why do Olympic athletes train with each other in order to compete? The idea is to get fit together. Pool in America doesn't offer this kind of opportunity. The BCA had played a huge role in pool's downward spiral in America, IMHO. American pool players don't strive together to compete either, and it is pretty obvious who and what is the culprit.

Me personally, I have driven tens of thousands of miles attending pool tournaments, and I have seen the good, the bad, and the, oh, so very ugly. I keep my foot in the door of pool by reading AzBilliards because of Keith, but the future for players like Keith looks grim. It is not because he can't hit 'em anymore. He's still got a little fire left in his jug, believe me, and he can be your worst nightmare on a field of green if he wants to with wins against the likes of Mika, Ralf, Bustie, Niels, Alex, and Jose, just to name a couple of our international brethren within the last few years. But you can't compete professionally when there is not a level playing field. The pool environment here in America is at an all-time low, and at this juncture, I cannot envision a change agent that will help as long as the current climate is the status quo.

So my one-liner, to stay on topic of this thread, is "Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be pool players" -- unless, of course, you live in the Philippines. At least in the Philippines, you will be respected for your skills set and talent. In America, if you want to play pool, join a league and have fun. Professional pool in these United States is truly an oxymoron.

JAM
 
JAM said:
Vagabond, Geese never had any children. I think you may be thinking of Benny Conway's son, Benny Conway, Jr., both players enjoying The Goose moniker! :)

JAM


That is right and I am thinking of benny conway`s son.Thanks for correction.:cool:
 
JAM said:
So my one-liner, to stay on topic of this thread, is "Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be pool players" --

JAM

That is the best one liner on this thread.:D
 
vagabond said:
That is the best one liner on this thread.:D
The Kentucky Derby last night really struck a cord with me, seeing that all-too-familiar look in Calvin Borel's eyes, the winning jockey who rode Street Sense on the rail all the way to the finish line. His nickname is "Bo-Rail" because he likes riding that rail. :D

I don't know why, but this Cajun jockey made me smile yesterday as I watched him revel during his celebratory march to the winner's circle. He grew up in St. Martinville in the heart of Louisiana's bayou country. :cool:

Pool has often been touted as a "game" and not a sport, and Calvin Borel thinks of horse racing as a game, too: "This business has its ups and downs, and I've seen them all...When I get up every day, it's a good day, and that's because I love this game." ;)

A simple man who devoted his life to the game he loved, it was a great day for Dixie yesterday. It sparked hope in me that dreams really can come true if you work hard and believe in yourself. :)

When Calvin Borel says "It's not about the money," it rings true. “I love horses, and I love being around horses," said Borel. But above all, he said, "I love winning. That's what I'm in it for, winning."

Now, there’s a one-liner, and it definitely applies to pool because it sure ain’t about the money! :p

JAM
 
JAM said:
Coming to AzBilliards is kind of like walking into a favorite neighborhood gathering spot, and you just never know what's going on or who's going to be there. :p

I sometimes do take on a self-imposed hiatus from posting. I have formed some great friendships from my participation on AzBilliards which I will always treasure. Even though Keith has taken on a self-imposed hiatus from playing pool in recent times, the reasons why he has done so are complex, some of which I can't go into on a public forum. I am happy with his decision, though.

I can say this. The climate in American pool right now is in transition. There ain't no American men's tour to talk about. There are pool production companies who hand-pick and invite who they desire to compete in their events, but the majority of these pool players are selected not based on any so-called "ranking system." It is basically what I would term as an "invitational," and that's okay as long as everyone knows that that's really what it is. Professional pool in America is on a downward spiral and is going through a mutually assured destruction.

Let's talk about competition. Do you know the etymology or what the roots of the word "compete" are? It comes from Latin, "competare," which means together and strive. So to compete means to strive together. Why do Olympic athletes train with each other in order to compete? The idea is to get fit together. Pool in America doesn't offer this kind of opportunity. The BCA had played a huge role in pool's downward spiral in America, IMHO. American pool players don't strive together to compete either, and it is pretty obvious who and what is the culprit.

Me personally, I have driven tens of thousands of miles attending pool tournaments, and I have seen the good, the bad, and the, oh, so very ugly. I keep my foot in the door of pool by reading AzBilliards because of Keith, but the future for players like Keith looks grim. It is not because he can't hit 'em anymore. He's still got a little fire left in his jug, believe me, and he can be your worst nightmare on a field of green if he wants to with wins against the likes of Mika, Ralf, Bustie, Niels, Alex, and Jose, just to name a couple of our international brethren within the last few years. But you can't compete professionally when there is not a level playing field. The pool environment here in America is at an all-time low, and at this juncture, I cannot envision a change agent that will help as long as the current climate is the status quo.

So my one-liner, to stay on topic of this thread, is "Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be pool players" -- unless, of course, you live in the Philippines. At least in the Philippines, you will be respected for your skills set and talent. In America, if you want to play pool, join a league and have fun. Professional pool in these United States is truly an oxymoron.

JAM


Great Post Jam I can relate to Keith in this plight.

This is Jamison's wife putting her two cents in, which I have never done before on this forum. I felt the desire to do so after this post because I felt a sense of de ja vu reading it. I have spoken your words many, many, times especially in the past few years. I believe that the American pro tours for purely for entertainment these days, and not very good entertainment either, considering the best of the best are not being represented. The politics of this game has ruined the "sport" aspect of it.

It doesn't seem right to be able to compete on a pro level, above someone with less talent than you, just because you can kiss the right butts better. If you want to get ahead in this game you cannot speak your own opinions or have your own thoughts, unless it is the same as the people running the tours and producing the shows, which is sad because in my experience, the best of the best barely ever agree with those people, because they actually know what they are talking about.

Also because of the politics, when people watch pool on TV they usually never get to see the amazing things the talents in this game can do because they are not there. So what they see are people that are a little better than their "house pro" in their hometown. You never hear people saying during the Super Bowl saying "Oh, big deal I could have done that!"
But unfortunately you hear all the time with pool.

Which is why it is entertainment, instead of sport right now, and it will remain that way until the talent is able to overshadow the politics again. Sorry for the long post, you hit a nerve!LOL
Thank you for your wise words!
 
JAM said:
Coming to AzBilliards is kind of like walking into a favorite neighborhood gathering spot, and you just never know what's going on or who's going to be there. :p

I sometimes do take on a self-imposed hiatus from posting. I have formed some great friendships from my participation on AzBilliards which I will always treasure.

I can say this. The climate in American pool right now is in transition. There ain't no American men's tour to talk about. There are pool production companies who hand-pick and invite who they desire to compete in their events, but the majority of these pool players are selected not based on any so-called "ranking system." It is basically what I would term as an "invitational," and that's okay as long as everyone knows that that's really what it is. Professional pool in America is on a downward spiral and is going through a mutually assured destruction.

Let's talk about competition. Do you know the etymology or what the roots of the word "compete" are? It comes from Latin, "competare," which means together and strive. So to compete means to strive together. Why do Olympic athletes train with each other in order to compete? The idea is to get fit together. Pool in America doesn't offer this kind of opportunity. The BCA had played a huge role in pool's downward spiral in America, IMHO. American pool players don't strive together to compete either, and it is pretty obvious who and what is the culprit.

Me personally, I have driven tens of thousands of miles attending pool tournaments, and I have seen the good, the bad, and the, oh, so very ugly. I keep my foot in the door of pool by reading AzBilliards because of Keith, but the future for players like Keith looks grim. It is not because he can't hit 'em anymore. He's still got a little fire left in his jug, believe me, and he can be your worst nightmare on a field of green if he wants to with wins against the likes of Mika, Ralf, Bustie, Niels, Alex, and Jose, just to name a couple of our international brethren within the last few years. But you can't compete professionally when there is not a level playing field. The pool environment here in America is at an all-time low, and at this juncture, I cannot envision a change agent that will help as long as the current climate is the status quo.

So my one-liner, to stay on topic of this thread, is "Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be pool players" -- unless, of course, you live in the Philippines. At least in the Philippines, you will be respected for your skills set and talent. In America, if you want to play pool, join a league and have fun. Professional pool in these United States is truly an oxymoron.

JAM

Jennie,
It is always good to see you posting on AZ. Hope you and Keith are doing well.

Would you care to elaborate a bit more about "American pool players don't strive together to compete either, and it is pretty obvious who and what is the culprit." ?

I am assuming you mean that there is not enough money in American pool to justify the American's effort. (but you know what they say about ASSUME). :-) I don't want to be off on this point so please explain this a bit more. You are saying that American pool players don't strive together to compete and I think that is quite true for most of the professional pool players.

One of the reasons that I think we have seen a slip on the stranglehold that American players once had on this great sport is that they do not practice against one another. You seldom ever see two professional pool players trying to beat one another into submission. You don't see it in the practice sessions before a tournament, after a tournament OR in your local town. The only time two professionals want to "get fit together" is when someone else is willing to put up a large stake for at least one of the pool players and then one of them has to think they have a lock on the particular match.

If top players don't continually place themselves in competitive situations, they will have a difficult time competing against others who do.

If you say, what's the point to professional pool players striving together when they can't make any money doing it then that is where the fork in the road is between your perspective and mine.

I know it is difficult and even next to impossible to make a decent living playing pool for most Americans. That is a sad state of affairs. This has always been the case. The different organizations have not contributed to the growth of our sport. Some organizations have improved the participation in POOL LEAGUES while making a profit running the organizations and will continue to do so. Apparently no one has figured out a way to run the professinal organizations so that a profit can be made and a living can be earned by the players.

Even the "perfect" model of the WPBA which is the most successful professional pool player's organization cannot figure out how to bring in enough money to cover the expenses for the lower end of the small field of players.

Here's hoping you will elaborate a little further. Perhaps we are closer to being on the same page than I think.

My personal thoughts are that the professional pool players have to develop a sincere appreciation for the fan base and show it on a daily basis wherever they go. Secondly, the professional pool players must set aside egos and practice against all comers, especially with their peers and not just in private but in public at every pool hall in the country. They need to be playing matches against each other on a regular basis and it should be a mix of exhibitions for free, cheap sets of gambling and rare sets of high gambling. Mostly they need to compete against one another. To put the failure of American pool players to make the big bucks only on the back of any one organization isn't fair because the players themselves seem to have an ego problem of showing their speed without being paid a handsome profit. If a pool player is not continuously exposed to another competitor's fire they will not be able to withstand the heat from those that do.

Warm Regards to you and Keith.
JoeyA
 
The great philosopher Sonny Singleton from Executive Billards had a pretty good line.

(This is a 60 something black gentleman who was always in action on the golf table, banks, whatever he could get into)

His quote was "if you play me i'll make ya shit yourself"
 
Here is one I used right after I won 1200 Deutsche Marks (About $800 at the time) and I was asked how I could walk into a strange poolroom and give up weight to strangers.

I said, "because I hate money, but not as much as you do."

Backstory: I had been playing a guy that I had beaten the year before out of 300. He won 3 sets at 100 each and QUIT ME. I was hot and started barking at everyone in the room to get some heart and gamble.

A guy gets up from the card table and offers to play me if I give up 3 games on the wire going to 7. I said that he has NO HEART but I'd play if he froze up 2 sets at 500 each. Then one of the other BRAVE SOULS offered to side bet 100 a set. So we posted the cash and my boy broke and ran the first game. I won that set 7:4 and the next one 7:3. He could play but I was playing the best of my life at that time.

Right after that we got into a discussion of the crazy spots that US Players come up - including the break and ball in hand after the break. One of the players in the room piped up and said that they would take that spot from ANYONE including Efren. Now Efren had been there once or twice so they knew him. Pics on the wall, the full deal, this was a player's room.

So, feeling pretty high and froggy, I said alright you've got that spot race to five for 50. He accepted and tried to run out each game and missed and I won the set 5:2. The next set he was much more cautious and I missed a lot of the kicks and so he won 5:1. I pulled up and asked him if he would still take that spot from Efren knowing that Efren would be much better at hitting the kicks and punishing the weak safeties. He admitted that it wasn't nearly as easy as he thought it would be.

Back-backstory: The guy that beat me for 300....... the year before I had played him races to 9 for 100 and he beat me 2 sets and I was missing balls all over the place. In the 3rd set I was down 5:0 and I had just blown another easy one. As I was racking I looked up at him and asked if he wanted to raise the bet to 500 from there. He accepted and broke the balls and came up dry. I put a five pack on him with Ralf Eckert watching. Then in the 10th game I broke dry and he was facing a fairly easy shot into the corner and he missed it by a diamond - shot it right into the rubber. I won the set 9:6 and he declined to play anymore throwing the money on the table. Ralf said, "why do you have to be down before you play the right way?" or something like that.
 
In repsonse to Jam's "don't let your babies grow up to be pool players" here's another one that is borrowed from country music that might be apt in the pool room to generate action;

"If you've got the money (honey), I've got the time". I'd probably delete the honey for most conversations.

Here's another one i've used - "I've got two days to play and $2000. Who thinks they can bust me in that time?"
 
JamisonNeu said:
Great Post Jam I can relate to Keith in this plight.

This is Jamison's wife putting her two cents in, which I have never done before on this forum. I felt the desire to do so after this post because I felt a sense of de ja vu reading it. I have spoken your words many, many, times especially in the past few years....

There must be a lot of deja vu going around. It just so happens that I received a phone call from a legendary player's wife the other night, and we spoke about the EXACT same thing as you have brilliantly stated in your post. She felt, like you and me, that American pool is not only on a downward spiral, but that the current state of affairs is nothing more than a political sham, at least here in the States.

Nobody wanted to compete against her husband because his game was so very strong, and today, he is still involved in the pool industry, but not as a player.

JamisonNeu said:
It doesn't seem right to be able to compete on a pro level, above someone with less talent than you, just because you can kiss the right butts better. If you want to get ahead in this game you cannot speak your own opinions or have your own thoughts, unless it is the same as the people running the tours and producing the shows, which is sad because in my experience, the best of the best barely ever agree with those people, because they actually know what they are talking about.

You are right on with your thoughts, and yet these political discriminatory practices continue as if they are the norm. Ranking system? LOL. There ain't no ranking system to speak about. I can hardly wait to see how the U.S. Open seeds their players this year; that is, if I attend the U.S. Open.

I stand by my thoughts that there is no existing men's tour. There are production companies who host invitationals, and again, that is okay as long as folks know they are invitationals. However, a legitimate men's tour seems to have vanished and been replaced by a production company, IMHO.

JamisonNeu said:
Also because of the politics, when people watch pool on TV they usually never get to see the amazing things the talents in this game can do because they are not there. So what they see are people that are a little better than their "house pro" in their hometown.

That's a fact. Some so-called "touring professionals" can't even make the top 10 in a regional tournament, and why is that? The answer is obvious. Yet, they continue to follow a politically driven tournament trail and compete in events as if they are actually the cream of the crop. Hogwash, I say.

JamisonNeu said:
Which is why it is entertainment, instead of sport right now, and it will remain that way until the talent is able to overshadow the politics again. Sorry for the long post, you hit a nerve!LOL
Thank you for your wise words!

And thank you for your wise words. You hit the nail on the head!

JAM
 
JoeyA said:
Would you care to elaborate a bit more about "American pool players don't strive together to compete either, and it is pretty obvious who and what is the culprit"?

When there are forces that prevent professional players from competing in high-profile events, there is the culprit. What gives one person or one entity the right to pick and choose a player's participation? There are invitational events today on American soil, but a legitimate men's tour has vanished. To be quite honest about it, the previous men's tour was flawed for reasons which have already been expanded on ad nauseum on this forum.

Today, the pool climate in America has most definitely changed, and it seems to be more international in scope. There are quite a few who want to tar-and-feather Kevin Trudeau and his vision of the IPT. I may be in the minority, but I believe Trudeau did, in fact, have good intentions. However, his high expectations could never be realized, unfortunately, in today's pool world.

What happened to the IPT is that there is no interest in pool here in America, and there never will be if things continue on the way they are. Americans will soon be emigrating to Asian-Pacific Islander countries if they want to compete in professional events. It is a shame the IPT did not succeed because the short time it was around, it brought hope to many American players I know and gave them the ambition and desire to excel, which would have been GREAT for American pool. It would have attracted aspiring pros as time went by. Existing pros would have climbed up the ladder of respectability in the American pool culture's eyes at least, and pool would have become a legitimate sport.

American players Dee Adkins, Dave Matlock, James Walden, just to name a few, excelled in the IPT. Now that the IPT has gone, they like many others may have thrown in the towel on American pool, at least competing on a professional level. What a shame that is when these three players in particular are strong enough to compete today in high-profile events. However, you don't see these guys getting hand-picked and selected to attend so-called "world invitiationals" today, do you?

JoeyA said:
I know it is difficult and even next to impossible to make a decent living playing pool for most Americans. That is a sad state of affairs. This has always been the case. The different organizations have not contributed to the growth of our sport. Some organizations have improved the participation in POOL LEAGUES while making a profit running the organizations and will continue to do so. Apparently no one has figured out a way to run the professinal organizations so that a profit can be made and a living can be earned by the players.

Therein lies the problem, JoeyA. You cannot earn a decent living playing pool in America. The expenses far outweigh the payouts in most events. In fact, as I have always believed, it is the regional tours and weekend events like Viking, Joss, Pechauer, Florida Pro Tour, and others that give the best bang for the buck. Week-long tournaments cost a lot, and the only way to come out ahead is to win, place, or show. I know we spend $2,000 to $2,500 for week-long events when you add in hotel, travel expenses, food, entry fees, et cetera.

So then it would seem that an American pool player should pick their events wisely. Men's organizations have come and gone for American players. Today, some players have left the pool scene, maybe for good, and there will soon be others that follow. The existing lot of American players is dwindling, and there are not very many young aspiring professional players to take their place. Fast forward 20 years from now, and pool, which originated here in the States, will be nothing more than a happy memory of the way things used to be.

American pool today is leagues. That is where the money is for industry members that belong to organizatinos like the BCA. They don't care a hill of beans about pro players. Their interests lie in filling up their pockets, and truth be told, the leagues have the masses.

Mainstream America would NEVER spend more than a couple hundred bucks for a cue stick. Yet, the majority of quality cues are, in fact, American made. So the American cue-makers must go overseas to other countries to sell their wares, and I predict this will soon be where the existing lot of American pro players will go to compete in tournaments.

JoeyA said:
Even the "perfect" model of the WPBA which is the most successful professional pool player's organization cannot figure out how to bring in enough money to cover the expenses for the lower end of the small field of players.

The WPBA, JoeyA, is a transparent organization, which is why it is successful. There is no favoritism and player selections done behind the scenes. Everything is above board, the way it should be. That and that alone is the MAJOR reason the WPBA is succsesful. They also have an Internet website which is kept up to date. All players are treated equal in the WPBA.

Here in America, there are too many forces pulling against each other rather than working together. One man's vision is not what makes a men's professional tour. Players need to work together as Americans and improve pool here on American soil; to compete and strive together, if you will.

The Billiards Congress of America is not interested in promoting professional pool. The once-a-year BCA Open, again, is an invitational, and there are MANY American players who should compete in this event who don't because the American players are hand-picked. 50 percent of the attendees are foreign players and not Americans. As a caveat, yes, I know there are qualifiers for the BCA Open, 4 per year.

American pool is fading away in the sunset, and gone are the days when the American player will shine. Within 20 years, I predict professional pool in America will be dead in the water. JMHO, FWIW!

JAM
 
JAM said:
Here in America, there are too many forces pulling against each other rather than working together. One man's vision is not what makes a men's professional tour. Players need to work together as Americans and improve pool here on American soil; to compete and strive together, if you will.

JAM
You are right on target.History of professional pool reflects that.Players are always suspecious of the motives of the other players.There has been intense mistrust of each other.Also there was jealousy among each others.These two factors lead to lack of unity and sabotage .:cool:
 
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