Best One Liners and Action Openers

Here's a good one. It was told to me a number of years ago and I don't know if its true or not. Maybe someone knows for sure or knows the real story. Anywhy it goes that Cornbread Red goes into a pool room and approches a guy that is practicing by himself and says to him "what's your best game?" The guy looks at him with a puzzled look and cold cuts him with a right cross and knocks Red to the floor. After a minute Red gets up and composses himself then asks "what's your second best game?
 
Player a and player b play a set even. Player a runs out the set. Player B then askes for a spot. Play A responds by saying "I can't give you a spot, I have never seen you shoot."
 
crawfish said:
I once was approached by a fellow who had quite the arsenal of cues and asked me to play some "Just for funsies." It was Geese, if anyone remembers this character, and I ended up a $buck down at ten a game. Funsies. Gotta look back and laugh. I think he's dead now, maybe. This was over fifteen years ago and I'd love to have a shot at my $buck back.

I knew Geese pretty well, and he must have been on the shortskies if he wanted to play for funsies! When it came to gambling, Geese was usually all business and wasn't a funsies kind of guy! :D

I don't have any digital pictures of Geese, but in this foursome below, Michael "Geese" Gerace is depicted in the upper right picture. I miss him. When he moved to Florida from Maryland, he used to call me up quite often. I think he really missed all his friends in Maryland when he and his mom made the move to Florida.

I guess I can safely post up this picture without getting chastized for knocking anybody's action.

FWIW, Geese was an American road warrior and not really a tournament soldier, a rare breed in today's pool world for sure.

I tried to think of a funny one-liner or action-opener to post, but my sense of humor ain't quite what it used to be. However, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Geese and felt compelled to post about him in this thread. May he rest in peace!

JAM
 

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"This guy gets so many rolls he should open a bakery"

yeah I know. Its an old one.:rolleyes:


Guy was asking for a spot and would get an offer and like the post above he kept saying I can't win with that spot though. Guy finally had enough and said,"then go back and practice until you can play me f@#k'en even."
 
sjm said:
My favorite is Lassiter's classic. His opponent is lining up the four ball in a rack of nine ball and the layout is tricky, but Lassister concede's the rack, saying to this opponent "if you're not out here, you've got no chance to beat me anyway."

NEVER ever happened Stu!
 
dabarbr said:
Here's a good one. It was told to me a number of years ago and I don't know if its true or not. Maybe someone knows for sure or knows the real story. Anywhy it goes that Cornbread Red goes into a pool room and approches a guy that is practicing by himself and says to him "what's your best game?" The guy looks at him with a puzzled look and cold cuts him with a right cross and knocks Red to the floor. After a minute Red gets up and composses himself then asks "what's your second best game?

There may be some truth to this one.
 
JAM said:
I knew Geese pretty well, and he must have been on the shortskies if he wanted to play for funsies! When it came to gambling, Geese was usually all business and wasn't a funsies kind of guy! :D

I don't have any digital pictures of Geese, but in this foursome below, Michael "Geese" Gerace is depicted in the upper right picture. I miss him. When he moved to Florida from Maryland, he used to call me up quite often. I think he really missed all his friends in Maryland when he and his mom made the move to Florida.

I guess I can safely post up this picture without getting chastized for knocking anybody's action.

FWIW, Geese was an American road warrior and not really a tournament soldier, a rare breed in today's pool world for sure.

I tried to think of a funny one-liner or action-opener to post, but my sense of humor ain't quite what it used to be. However, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Geese and felt compelled to post about him in this thread. May he rest in peace!

JAM

Sigel on the upper left and Tom Vanover on the lower left. Don't know the other guy. Geese could and did play several tournaments and usually finished near the top. He was a respected gambler and top notch One Pocket man. Another one who died young. Still in his 40's I would guess.
 
JAM said:
I knew Geese pretty well, and he must have been on the shortskies if he wanted to play for funsies! When it came to gambling, Geese was usually all business and wasn't a funsies kind of guy! :D

I don't have any digital pictures of Geese, but in this foursome below, Michael "Geese" Gerace is depicted in the upper right picture. I miss him. When he moved to Florida from Maryland, he used to call me up quite often. I think he really missed all his friends in Maryland when he and his mom made the move to Florida.

I guess I can safely post up this picture without getting chastized for knocking anybody's action.

FWIW, Geese was an American road warrior and not really a tournament soldier, a rare breed in today's pool world for sure.

I tried to think of a funny one-liner or action-opener to post, but my sense of humor ain't quite what it used to be. However, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Geese and felt compelled to post about him in this thread. May he rest in peace!

JAM

She's baaaack! Good to see you posting again!
 
Mine usually happen when I am in a woofin contest. I have always liked telling people to get a heart transplant and come back when they want to gamble.

I have asked guys why they don't just ask me for a loan instead of trying to steal from me.

"you won't bet a dime that water is wet" is one I have always liked (not mine)

Here's a hoorah one - you couldn't fall out of bed and hit the floor.

And I once told a guy that I would spot him a half a game. -- After arguing about the spot I told him that he could have 2 and half on the wire so that if it went hill hill then all he had to do is get to the five and drive it to a rail to win the set.

I think most of you know that they really get going when the barking starts. I can't remember all the funny ones that popped into my head when I going off on someone or they on me. I always thought it was funny though when people start barking trying to trap you and THEN they get hot because you out talk them.

One funny one I remember was when I was gambling jump shots and the guy I was doing it with wouldn't stop trying his shot. So I sat down and said loudly "you have unlimited tries". He said what? I then turned around and gave Jamie Bowman an exasperated look and told him to explain what "unlimited tries" means and Jamie just hit the floor cracking up.
 
jay helfert said:
Sigel on the upper left and Tom Vanover on the lower left. Don't know the other guy. Geese could and did play several tournaments and usually finished near the top. He was a respected gambler and top notch One Pocket man. Another one who died young. Still in his 40's I would guess.

Geese was 53 when he passed. He smoked Lucky Strikes without the filters when he was a young'n, and when he found out he had cancer, the doctor told him he only had 30 days to live. It was an awful diagnosis for him to have to endure those last 30 days.

Yep, that's Sigel, "Cigar Tom" Vanover (who has a brother in Texas that plays strong as well), and the other gentleman is "Teddy Bear" Wilson who doesn't play pool too much these days. Every time I see Teddy Bear today, he's at the horse track, which is where I'm going today for the Derby.

Cigar Tom still engages in games of stake by appointment, and he still enjoys a strong following in Baltimore Dundalk area. Everybody bets on Cigar Tom for the money, rooting for the home team, and Cigar Tom can still deliver. He shoots with a shaft that is about the size of a pencil, and a lot of regulars in Dundalk have this same-sized shaft. Cigar Tom used to say this size shaft, he could execute his englishes better. Geese, on the other hand, shot with a 13-plus diameter shaft, larger than most.

Geese's best game was one pocket, and he also could shoot one-handed better than anyone I have seen. He could draw his rock the length of the table without his stick ever touching the table. Most one-handed players like to use the table for balance. Geese's favorite accomplishment in pool was coming in third place at a Johnston City tournament. His favorite line was, "I was third in the world when I was 19 years old."

He won the Maryland State Championship several years, alternating with Cigar Tom. Geese and Cigar Tom were probably the best local shooters in my area for many years.

Geese was happiest, though, when he was on the road. When he was winning, he was a joy to be around, but when he lost, nobody knew what was going to happen next. He was a very bad loser. He couldn't stand losing. The first time I ever saw Grady Mathews was at Baker's in Tampa, Florida. Geese just lost all his dough in a ring game on a snooker table. He walked outside and took his cue stick and threw it on the ground with all his might. Around the corner walks up Grady Mathews. Grady picked up Geese's cue calmly and handed it to Geese and said, "You ought not do that to your stick, Geese." Later that evening, Geese and Grady went out to dinner, and thankfully, things calmed down. Grady was driving around in a silver Cadillac with points and a pitbull puppy at the time.

One day at the horses, a friend of Geese's named "Drug Fair," who rode out there with Geese, won a race. When he came up to Geese to tell him about it, Drug Fair was enjoying an ice cream cone. Geese was stuck and not in a good mood. He took the ice cream cone out of Drug Fair's hands and smashed it on top of his head and then left the track and drove home, without Drug Fair. Poor Drug Fair had to find a ride back home from Charles Town, West Virginia, to Silver Spring, Maryland.

I guess if I had to come up with a funny line, to stay on topic of the thread, I can remember Geese used to always say, "Show me somebody who likes to lose, and I'll show you a loser."

JAM
 
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The big C and the ponies

JAM said:
Geese was 53 when he passed. He smoked Lucky Strikes without the filters when he was a young'n, and when he found out he had cancer, the doctor told him he only had 30 days to live. It was an awful diagnosis for him to have to endure those last 30 days.JAM


JAM,

Great to see you back, at least for a few posts. Hope you hang around.

It took my dad a couple of years to die of lung cancer. I only wish he could have went in thirty days if he had to go.

Gone to the Derby? I'm green! I used to love to watch good horses run. I bet low or not at all on most top stakes races and actually made a little money overall betting on the dogmeat races but a field of top horses coming out of the turn after running a mile is breath taking. I was ready to take my test for a trainer's license when I injured my back badly. Twenty years ago and I still miss the ponies more than most things gone from my life including the ex that exited it about the same time!

Hu
 
Scott Lee said:
My favorite is: "Know why you missed that shot?" Player usually answers with some 'normal' answer...bad stroke, not paying attention, etc. I answer: "Nope, you missed because there's NO pocket THERE!" (while pointing to the rail where his/her ball hit. Always gets a laugh! :D
I'm glad I can use you to support my contention that it's not me, it's the defective equipment.

Boro Nut
 
Geese later in Greenville

JAM said:
Geese was 53 when he passed. He smoked Lucky Strikes without the filters when he was a young'n, and when he found out he had cancer, the doctor told him he only had 30 days to live. It was an awful diagnosis for him to have to endure those last 30 days.

Yep, that's Sigel, "Cigar Tom" Vanover (who has a brother in Texas that plays strong as well), and the other gentleman is "Teddy Bear" Wilson who doesn't play pool too much these days. Every time I see Teddy Bear today, he's at the horse track, which is where I'm going today for the Derby.

Cigar Tom still engages in games of stake by appointment, and he still enjoys a strong following in Baltimore Dundalk area. Everybody bets on Cigar Tom for the money, rooting for the home team, and Cigar Tom can still deliver. He shoots with a shaft that is about the size of a pencil, and a lot of regulars in Dundalk have this same-sized shaft. Cigar Tom used to say this size shaft, he could execute his englishes better. Geese, on the other hand, shot with a 13-plus diameter shaft, larger than most.

Geese's best game was one pocket, and he also could shoot one-handed better than anyone I have seen. He could draw his rock the length of the table without his stick ever touching the table. Most one-handed players like to use the table for balance. Geese's favorite accomplishment in pool was coming in third place at a Johnston City tournament. His favorite line was, "I was third in the world when I was 19 years old."

He won the Maryland State Championship several years, alternating with Cigar Tom. Geese and Cigar Tom were probably the best local shooters in my area for many years.

Geese was happiest, though, when he was on the road. When he was winning, he was a joy to be around, but when he lost, nobody knew what was going to happen next. He was a very bad loser. He couldn't stand losing. The first time I ever saw Grady Mathews was at Baker's in Tampa, Florida. Geese just lost all his dough in a ring game on a snooker table. He walked outside and took his cue stick and threw it on the ground with all his might. Around the corner walks up Grady Mathews. Grady picked up Geese's cue calmly and handed it to Geese and said, "You ought not do that to your stick, Geese." Later that evening, Geese and Grady went out to dinner, and thankfully, things calmed down. Grady was driving around in a silver Cadillac with points and a pitbull puppy at the time.

One day at the horses, a friend of Geese's named "Drug Fair," who rode out there with Geese, won a race. When he came up to Geese to tell him about it, Drug Fair was enjoying an ice cream cone. Geese was stuck and not in a good mood. He took the ice cream cone out of Drug Fair's hands and smashed it on top of his head and then left the track and drove home, without Drug Fair. Poor Drug Fair had to find a ride back home from Charles Town, West Virginia, to Silver Spring, Maryland.

I guess if I had to come up with a funny line, to stay on topic of the thread, I can remember Geese used to always say, "Show me somebody who likes to lose, and I'll show you a loser."

JAM
I actually ran into Geese and made a couple of scores with him in Greenville, SC. He was an odd character and just plain hysterical. Played that one hole, though. I would've loved to have seen him in his prime.
 
True story

dabarbr said:
Here's a good one. It was told to me a number of years ago and I don't know if its true or not. Maybe someone knows for sure or knows the real story. Anywhy it goes that Cornbread Red goes into a pool room and approches a guy that is practicing by himself and says to him "what's your best game?" The guy looks at him with a puzzled look and cold cuts him with a right cross and knocks Red to the floor. After a minute Red gets up and composses himself then asks "what's your second best game?

Get the whole story in my book The GosPool. The line Red used was "What's 'yo next best game?"

the Beard
 
I've heard a few, but three come to mind...

1. After missing a ball but getting perfect shape... "sometimes you have to miss the ball to get shape!"

2. After missing the shot... tapping the cue and listening to it... "is this thing on?"

3. I've heard Buddy Hall once said, "how did he miss that shot? That pocket's been there for a hundred years!"
 
Lessons?

I just thought of another one yaw'll can use. I went with this guy Scott Wright to Chattanooga, TN., and he walks straight up to the bar in Ch. Billiard Club. He asks, "How much is it around here for lessons?" This guys steps up, with the old bullet case on his back and goes into this long resume. Scott stops him, mid-sentence, with "No, no my friend, I'm here to give'em." "Now I know I'm talking to the right guy."
 
Heard this one last night during a one pocket game and got a good laugh out of it.

Player A is giving Player B 9-6 and the breaks. Player A's talking to me when B misses a shot and approaches the table. He looks at the table completely puzzled and asks B which pocket is his. B points to his pocket and A just responds "Oh wow, you made a mistake!"

It was a quick game from there and B was on full tilt.
 
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