Funny pic/gif thread...
- Thread starter dfweyer
- Start date
Love this Doctor
Think this Doctor is Chinese -
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Think this Doctor is Chinese -
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
cocaine bad.
The Hunter
Bruce was excited about his new 338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting.
He traveled to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.
Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake." That bear was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex. After considering it briefly, Bruce decided to accept the latter alternative. The black bear had his way with Bruce.
Even though he was sore for several weeks, Bruce recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska, where he found the black bear and shot it dead.
Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear said, "That was a big mistake, Bruce. That was my cousin and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex.
Again, Bruce thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be maul by the bear. So the grizzly had his way with Bruce.
Although he survived, it took several months before he completely recovered. Now Bruce was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track the grizzly bear down and shot it dead.
He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Bruce, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?
Bruce was excited about his new 338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting.
He traveled to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.
Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake." That bear was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex. After considering it briefly, Bruce decided to accept the latter alternative. The black bear had his way with Bruce.
Even though he was sore for several weeks, Bruce recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska, where he found the black bear and shot it dead.
Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear said, "That was a big mistake, Bruce. That was my cousin and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex.
Again, Bruce thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be maul by the bear. So the grizzly had his way with Bruce.
Although he survived, it took several months before he completely recovered. Now Bruce was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track the grizzly bear down and shot it dead.
He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Bruce, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?
One part of me is saying "That's not funny" to the other part of me that's laughing it's a$$ off...
I think the kid is having a great time and doing really well drifting his chair.
One part of ME is saying "That's not funny" to the other part of me that's laughing it's a$$ off...[/
