Great verbal comebacks

My "hustle" cue was one of those all black cues, from butt to shaft. During a tournament, a guy was checking out the cue and I say "it's a great stick" to which he replies, "firewood".

I later play him in the tournament and beat him 3-0. As I am running out the last rack (8 ball bar table), I point to my stick and say "it's on fire". I got a big "F you" in return.
 
ghost ball said:
My "hustle" cue was one of those all black cues, from butt to shaft. During a tournament, a guy was checking out the cue and I say "it's a great stick" to which he replies, "firewood".

I later play him in the tournament and beat him 3-0. As I am running out the last rack (8 ball bar table), I point to my stick and say "it's on fire". I got a big "F you" in return.
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Some people just can't be nice... :eek::grin:
 
hang-the-9 said:
Remembered another one.

Playing with my son in a tournament, one of the players he beat stayed for a bit and several people were hanging out around a table my son was practicing. He started to half jokingly ask him to play for money, people around were goading them on, laughing. The guys said "come on, I'm giving you a chance to take my money". My son replies "Hey, I already took your money" meaning he was cashing and took they guy's entry fee. Laughter all around for that one. It was my son's first decent tournament win, was for an anniversary party at a place in Fall River MA and he came away with about $350 after. I won a bit in one of the mini tournaments they had so we both came away with a decent amount of cash, as well as making some new pool friends in the place.
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Good for you. Those experiences can't be replaced. I wish I could get my son to play. I got him a not-terribly-expensive-but-not-cheap McDermott for Christmas in 16 and he's used it one time. He's 22 and he spends all his time either on his phone, his laptop or playing guitar. Oh well... I tried.
 
I volunteered to referee at one of Grady's All-Around tournaments in Tampa in 83. When it came time for the 9 ball finals, Grady asked me if I wanted the match. I said, well hell yeah. So It's Little David vs Ray Martin. David had told Harley before the match "I'm playing an old man." ( Ray was @ 49 the time )

So Ray's out of the left side and needs to win two sets. David's one of the best 9 ball players in the world at the time and is considered ( again, at the time ) to have the best break on earth. He's plowed through nearly every match in the tourney and most of the "smart" money is on the "kid" (early 30s at the time ) from Jacksonville.

If you know anything about Ray Martin, you know 9 ball is not exactly his best game. I heard someone toward the start of the first set say "This is the first 9 ball tournament Ray's ever played." I've no idea if that was true. Somehow I doubt it. But you never know. ( All I know is, Ray Martin's one of the best all-around players. Ever. ) So anyway, to say David was heavily favored would be an understatement.

Ray wins the first set 11-2.

David's not happy ( to say the least ). The entire 2nd half of the first set, David's checking every rack with an electron microscope. With brand new ( Grady's M.O. ) equipment; new tables, new Simonis, new Centennials, new racks, it wasn't difficult to rack every ball dead frozen to each other. I guess I can't blame David. Ray's making at least a ball, sometimes two, a few times more, every time he broke. David's breaking dry about half the time.

So after the first set David announces he wants someone else to rack the balls. By that time, Grady has come over and David says something like "I'm not saying they're gaff racks, but he's making two or three balls every break and I'm making nothing. I want someone else to rack the balls."

Ray looks at him and says "You break better than anyone on earth. I'm not allowed to make a ball on the break?"

Ray wins the 2nd set 11-2 and, the tournament.


"I'm playing an old man."

Ummm... yeah. Go get 'em, David.

End of story...
 
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I and a older gentleman are having a beer snd watching a punk bang balls around. Punk comes ovet and barks at me "what are you looking at?".
I replied deadpan "not much".
Buddy spit out some beer trying not to laugh. Punk turned the balls in and left.
 
alphadog said:
I and a older gentleman are having a beer snd watching a punk bang balls around. Punk comes ovet and barks at me "what are you looking at?".
I replied deadpan "not much".
Buddy spit out some beer trying not to laugh. Punk turned the balls in and left.
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CLASSIC!!! :thumbup:
 
Michael Andros said:
Good for you. Those experiences can't be replaced. I wish I could get my son to play. I got him a not-terribly-expensive-but-not-cheap McDermott for Christmas in 16 and he's used it one time. He's 22 and he spends all his time either on his phone, his laptop or playing guitar. Oh well... I tried.
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My son does all those also, he plays a lot of computer games, and plays guitar almost every day, has a piano in his room, is a senior in high school but is also a teachers aid in his school for freshmen and sophmores in a special ed math class, plays at our home table every so often, been top 5-16 in the country in junior nationals for 4-5 years, wins our local tournaments and league tournaments often. Not sure how he does it now that I type it all out LOL

I think half my posts on here are about things we do together and trips we take to Vegas, etc.. for events.
 
hang-the-9 said:
My son does all those also, he plays a lot of computer games, and plays guitar almost every day, has a piano in his room, is a senior in high school but is also a teachers aid in his school for freshmen and sophmores in a special ed math class, plays at our home table every so often, been top 5-16 in the country in junior nationals for 4-5 years, wins our local tournaments and league tournaments often. Not sure how he does it now that I type it all out LOL

I think half my posts on here are about things we do together and trips we take to Vegas, etc.. for events.
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Sounds as if you two are fortunate to have each other.

Mine would be very good if he had any interest. He has phenomenal hand-eye coordination. But... even though he said he liked it the one time he played, he's never played again. C'est la vie.
 
Not really a comeback but this thread takes me back. Local Tulsa legend Randy "Fat Randy" Wallace was putting a major beat down on this road-player back in '80-'81-ish. Randy is like pool's version of PT Barnum. Natural born carny with a true gift of gab. Well, he walks over to all us sweaters and asks "You know why this guy can't win?" We all just wait for it and he says "'cause his head ain't shaped right". This was such a classic Randy-ism that even the dude getting lazered broke-up laughing. Still makes me laugh just thinking about it.:thumbup:
 
garczar said:
Not really a comeback but this thread takes me back. Local Tulsa legend Randy "Fat Randy" Wallace was putting a major beat down on this road-player back in '80-'81-ish. Randy is like pool's version of PT Barnum. Natural born carny with a true gift of gab. Well, he walks over to all us sweaters and asks "You know why this guy can't win?" We all just wait for it and he says "'cause his head ain't shaped right". This was such a classic Randy-ism that even the dude getting lazered broke-up laughing. Still makes me laugh just thinking about it.:thumbup:
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I've heard that a TON of times! Over the years I've even used it for non-pool stuff.

Great line! :grin:
 
Die Hard

I always remember the cop in Die Hard... his response to some reporter's BS...

"WHY DON'T YOU WAKE UP AND SMELL WHAT YOU SHOVELIN' ?"
 
alphadog said:
I and a older gentleman are having a beer snd watching a punk bang balls around. Punk comes ovet and barks at me "what are you looking at?".
I replied deadpan "not much".
Buddy spit out some beer trying not to laugh. Punk turned the balls in and left.
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Had the same thing happen to me and a buddy one day. A kid young, brash, very
confident banging balls around the table when he stops and throws his cue on the table
and walks up in front of my buddy, What the "F" are you staring at? You want some or
what? Before my friend has a chance to respond I chime in, "Phil, he wants to know what
your staring at" "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's blind". Phil turns back toward the
kid and knocks his beer over. The kid quietly turns and puts his cue away and leaves, the
beer-tender brings us another round and says that the fellow that was playing here got
these for you on his way out. Never saw that kid there again
 
A friend, Troy, was in my home town playing in an 8 ball tournament. In a late match, he checks the rack before breaking. A local says loudly "he must have seen that on ESPN".

Later in the game, Troy has two balls left, and the opponent has three or four. The cue ball and one object ball are in the center of the table. He caroms off the ball and send the CB three rails before it settles nicely between the 8 and the rail.

Troy comes up to me and whispers "I saw that on ESPN too"
 
I was playing a better player who had me stuck 18 games. I caught a gear like never before and won 13 straight. Seeing his exasparation,I asked if had enough?
He fired back I am waiting for you to remember who the hell you are.
 
Got beat by a guy in a race to 7 rotation tournament one time and I played quite poorly.

While shaking hands I told him I was sorry for not giving him much of a game.

He told me he wasn't sorry, he couldn't have handled much more.

JC
 
alphadog said:
I was playing a better player who had me stuck 18 games. I caught a gear like never before and won 13 straight. Seeing his exasparation,I asked if had enough?
He fired back I am waiting for you to remember who the hell you are.
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Nicceeeeeeeee!
 
lorider said:
I was playing a s/l 8 in 9 ball one night and he literally tore me a new one. As we shook hands afterward he said.....thats payback for knocking me out of the 9 ball regional qualifier a few weeks ago. I shot back....its cool but i am the one going to regionals in Nashville instead of you. Both teams and the lo who was standing there bust out laughing.
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That reminded me of a big NY tournament a couple of years ago where Brian Deska was destroying Earl, who was taking the heat in a majorly way. Earl's got steam coming out of his ears and says "You don't really think you can beat me, do you?"

Brian just smiles and says, "I'm doing it, ain't I?"

Deska then proceeded to knock The Pearl out of the tournament, to the delight of just about everyone in the crowd.
 
Michael Andros said:
This one is a bit off-subject ( but, hey, it's my thread, so what the hell ) but here goes anyway:

And old hustler/player/gambler/room owner from Ohio named Russ Maddox moved to this area in the 70s and was here til he passed away sometimes in the early 0's I believe. He was a bit of a tool when it came to dealing with him, as he was convinced his ideas were the only ones worth any type consideration and, moreover, he considered you to be a idiot if you didn't agree with that.

So, anyway... Russ collected ( among other things ) Rambow cues. I owned one from @ 74 to early 76 or so. Played with it every day. The first time he saw it, he told me, "I'll give you half again what it's worth." I said no thanks, not for sale. So the next time he sees me, same thing, "I'll give you cash, right now, you can keep the case." No thanks, Russ, not for sale. Then again. And again. So after like... the 10th time, I said "Russ... you've asked me 9 or 10 times now. How many times do I have to say no before you get the message?" He looks at me and says "That's just an old Joss..."

I said "Yeah, Russ... and that's why you asked me to sell it to you 10 times... cause it's an old Joss."

He never spoke to me again...

Thankfully. :wink:
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I used to go to Russ Maddox's Pickwick Club in Dayton....I was a kid then...
..Russ gave me lots of good advice...when he wasn't staking players against me.

His manager, Everett, was a dynamite 3-cushion player...coached the Hawk.
One day they were getting the billiard table re-clothed....bed and rails were done...
...but the mechanic had to go out for a bolt...one had been cross-threaded.
...so the four rails were lying on the floor around the table.

A customer walked in and asked "What the hell happened here?"
Everett said "I don't know who he was...but he had the strongest stroke I ever saw!"
 
Player A wins a game and proceeds to move up the wrong marker. Player B tells him that he moved the wrong side. Player A says, "That's OK. I go both wsys." :eek:
 
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