I love goats


Smorg is giving St Peter the 7!
Gold Member
Silver Member
old rancher and the ventriloquist

This ventriloquist is driving out in the country when his car breaks down. Walking to the nearest ranch for help, he finds an old rancher working in the barn.

The ventriloquist is here needing a favor but he can't resist a little fun. He turned to the dog, "How does your owner treat you?" To the rancher's surprise the dog replied, "He makes me chase livestock year around, hot, cold, sore feet, it doesn't matter." Then the visitor turned to the horse, "How does he treat you?" The horse complained too. " He rides me in the rocks and cactus with that old saddle that doesn't fit right and expects me to work all day for a little hay."

The old rancher's jaw was hanging wide and he was speechless while all of this was going on until the motorist turned to the sheep.

"Hold on there, the sheep lies!"



Silver Member
One fine autumn day the local fair announced a contest to see who had the biggest, fattest pig. First prize was 300 bucks.

So, Mike and Ike pondered entering. Mike had a brainstorm. Why don't we cork up the pig's butt and feed him like crazy for a week, if he can't go, he'll for sure put on the weight.

Good idea said Ike, but after the competition, whos gonna be the one to pull that cork out of the pigs butt?

Hmm, I never thought of that said Mike.

I got it, lets train a monkey to pull out the cork.

How the hell are we ever going to teach a monkey how to do something like that?

We keep practicing and if we reward him, eventually it will be natural for him to do it for the reward.

So they corked the Pig, and painstakingly trained the monkey, although it took much longer, and much more work than they imagined.

The Fair's event came around, they won the contest and the time had come to bring the monkey over to the pig to release the cork.

The monkey performed perfectly, just as trained. When the cork released, there was s#@$ all over the place, there was screaming, yiping and commotion like you have never seen.

Ike ran for a shovel to attempt to find the monkey under all this mess.

When they finally found the monkey, he had one hand covering his eyes and the other hand (with the cork in it) was frantically trying to find the Pigs Ass to re-cork it. :)

Monkeys can learn fast.


AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
smokeandapancak said:
reminds me of the old joke...

Why do Scottsmen wear kilts......

A sheep can hear a zipper a mile away!!

Sorry Memikey!!

That was Baaaaaaaaaadddddddd.


truly addicted
Silver Member
I like yard goats myself.....