Reading the Trick Shot Magic thread reminded me of something that happen to me some 20 years ago. I thought a few of you might enjoy:
(Insert flash back music)
I was stationed at Torrejon AB, just outside of Madrid, for a while back in my younger single days. One year I won the base level tournament, the Mediterranean championship in Italy, and flew out to Germany where I won the USAF European 14.1 championship. After the tournament, I get back to Spain and the base television station wants to do a piece on me. So they send out a camera man and this young female sergeant to do the interview.
Her name was Lisa (beautiful face, bee-stung lips, great rack, legs that went on forever), who I had unsuccessfully lusted after for months. So they set up to shoot and the cameraman asks me to shoot some balls off. I do an interview and then the cameraman says, "Hey, can you shoot any trick shots involving Lisa?"
Now, she's in uniform (a skirt) and I'm thinking to myself, "Self, THIS is a golden opportunity."
So I'm desperately trying to think up some trick shot I can shoot and I can't come up with anything and Lisa is looking at me and finally my testosterone addled brain comes up with the brilliant idea of shooting the "Object Ball Out of the Volunteer's Mouth" shot.
Now frankly, that I had never shot this shot before, even just once, constituting some kind of problem, did not cross my hormone overdosed mind for as much as a nano second.
So I explain the shot and Lisa looks at me dubiously with these huge brown eyes with unbelievable lashes and agrees to participate. So she lays down across the table, legs hanging over the side in her AF black leather pumps, and I'm rearranging her as much as I can legally get away with and I lean over and tell her to hold the piece of chalk in her teeth. I gently place the chalk between her amazing lips, with an object ball on top of the chalk. Then, as the shot prescribes, I set the cue ball on the rail on top of another couple of pieces of chalk. I describe the shot to the camera, get down, take careful aim, and shoot the shot.
I miss it. Badly.
In fact, I have just smacked lovely Lisa full in the mouth with a flying cue ball, causing her bee-stung lips to start to swell up (even more than their natural state), and she immediately starts to look like a boxer who's just gone ten rounds in the wrong weight class. (There might have been dental damage too.)
So she shoots up off the table holding her mouth, glaring at me, and I think to meself, "Self, now you've done it." So I'm apologizing left and right, and I start laughing a little. I can't help myself. And it gets worse, and now I'm laughing a lot, because it was kinda of funny. And then, I see the cameraman is hiding, laughing his ass off behind the camera, and the photographer for the base paper, who is also there, is cracking up too.
After everyone calms down a little, they play the tape back on the monitor and we're all on the floor because the tape is absolutely hilarious: me, looking like I know what I'm doing; Lisa draped over the table in a skirt and pumps; me describing the shot; and then, popping Lisa in the kisser.
Well, the upshot is that I continued to tell Lisa how eternally sorry I was and to make it up, I wanted to take her out to dinner and dancing. And she agreed and we did and we danced all night and it was great.
Best trick shot I never made.
Lou Figueroa
(Insert flash back music)
I was stationed at Torrejon AB, just outside of Madrid, for a while back in my younger single days. One year I won the base level tournament, the Mediterranean championship in Italy, and flew out to Germany where I won the USAF European 14.1 championship. After the tournament, I get back to Spain and the base television station wants to do a piece on me. So they send out a camera man and this young female sergeant to do the interview.
Her name was Lisa (beautiful face, bee-stung lips, great rack, legs that went on forever), who I had unsuccessfully lusted after for months. So they set up to shoot and the cameraman asks me to shoot some balls off. I do an interview and then the cameraman says, "Hey, can you shoot any trick shots involving Lisa?"
Now, she's in uniform (a skirt) and I'm thinking to myself, "Self, THIS is a golden opportunity."
So I'm desperately trying to think up some trick shot I can shoot and I can't come up with anything and Lisa is looking at me and finally my testosterone addled brain comes up with the brilliant idea of shooting the "Object Ball Out of the Volunteer's Mouth" shot.
Now frankly, that I had never shot this shot before, even just once, constituting some kind of problem, did not cross my hormone overdosed mind for as much as a nano second.
So I explain the shot and Lisa looks at me dubiously with these huge brown eyes with unbelievable lashes and agrees to participate. So she lays down across the table, legs hanging over the side in her AF black leather pumps, and I'm rearranging her as much as I can legally get away with and I lean over and tell her to hold the piece of chalk in her teeth. I gently place the chalk between her amazing lips, with an object ball on top of the chalk. Then, as the shot prescribes, I set the cue ball on the rail on top of another couple of pieces of chalk. I describe the shot to the camera, get down, take careful aim, and shoot the shot.
I miss it. Badly.
In fact, I have just smacked lovely Lisa full in the mouth with a flying cue ball, causing her bee-stung lips to start to swell up (even more than their natural state), and she immediately starts to look like a boxer who's just gone ten rounds in the wrong weight class. (There might have been dental damage too.)
So she shoots up off the table holding her mouth, glaring at me, and I think to meself, "Self, now you've done it." So I'm apologizing left and right, and I start laughing a little. I can't help myself. And it gets worse, and now I'm laughing a lot, because it was kinda of funny. And then, I see the cameraman is hiding, laughing his ass off behind the camera, and the photographer for the base paper, who is also there, is cracking up too.
After everyone calms down a little, they play the tape back on the monitor and we're all on the floor because the tape is absolutely hilarious: me, looking like I know what I'm doing; Lisa draped over the table in a skirt and pumps; me describing the shot; and then, popping Lisa in the kisser.
Well, the upshot is that I continued to tell Lisa how eternally sorry I was and to make it up, I wanted to take her out to dinner and dancing. And she agreed and we did and we danced all night and it was great.
Best trick shot I never made.
Lou Figueroa
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Anywhos, glad you enjoyed the story.
