Need help with anger/unsportsman like conduct while playing.

Jimmy Buffett's last album, Take The Weather With You, has a song on it called Breathe In, Breathe Out. I've taken the refrain as my mantra in life not just in pool. (Some of my closest friends had mentioned to me that I was becoming one of the irascible old farts that I find so funny and yet so sad. Thanks to them for pointing it out!)

"Breathe in, breathe out, move on."

Works for me.:D

Brian in VA
 
My user name says alot about me...Quite Cool ...I take that with me everywhere i go...i used to be a law enforcement officer in OHIO and losing your cool can get you killed..i never forgot that ...also I realized that things are not that serious...I dont have anything to show off to people...I am commmited to being the best person i can be..both on and off the table...It's funny my brothers dont understand how i can just talk to any one anywhere anytime....and Im a big guy...Black male 5'11 365 hehe my brother told some one time "I dont understand my brother..hell he could hold a conversation with the Grand Wizard of the KKK and never miss a beat" In the few times that i have lost my cool ...i DID NOT LIKE WHAT I SAW, NOR DID I LIKE MYSELF..so i wont let anyone or anything take me there...besides if i lose my cool it will take some with a badge to calm me down.hehe I say these few words when i even get a little upset...

RELAX...RELATE....RELEASE
 
I think it's more an issue of frustration management than anger management. If you can't manage your frustrations, then it will naturally lead to anger. Sort of like having an itch and seeing how long you can go without scratching it. Really though, you need to interrupt the cycle of frustration leading to anger. Some good suggestions above about breathing, take some deep breaths before you react. Also, try slowly counting to 10 before you react (this is an old but tried and true method). Removing yourself from the immediate environment for a brief time also helps (go outside for a minute and take some deep breaths of fresh air). All of these take a breif moment of time which interrupts the frustration from leading to anger. On a deeper level, with more concentrated focus on yourself, read The Pleasure of Small Motions and be brutally honest with yourself about why you play the game, how you see yourself, how you want to be seen, what you want to achieve, where you're really at with the game. I suspect, though, that there's a combination of things at work here...home, work, family, friends, etc. that comes out when you miss a shot and express your anger through your reactions. Good luck! :p
 
I read a great little sidebar story in our local papers sports section the other day. It was about some famous dude who's name I've forgotten (he was an NFL or MLB coach iirc :o ) playing a round of golf with Arnold Palmer. Apparently this fellow got a bit annoyed when he missed a putt. Arnold looked him in the eye and said "You're not good enough to get mad, just relax and enjoy the round".

Dave
 
dereklovejoy said:
I get frustrated even angry at the table when i miss shots that i should make or just make position mistakes at the table. I have hit my cue on the ground and snapped it before (ok ok a few times). Ive gone through about 4 cues like that. Something just comes over me and i loose it. There is no excuse for it and i should have to forfit anytime i do it, no question.

Anyone got any mental exercises that they do when they start to get frustrated. Maybe just anger management for me. I wonder how many pool players actually do like yoga or meditation drills, stuff like that to stay calm when things did'nt go their way.
Click to expand...

I know a guy...wait, I AM THE GUY who would get very angry and upset when things didn't go my way at the table. Few broken cues along the way as well.

Let me say this, after about five years of playing almost every day or praticing..."The feeling" never goes away. It's in you, and it's in me.

Anger comes from disappointed expectations. Playing at a level below what you feel you are capable of.

Some things I do when practicing, I "practice" keeping my emotions, my body language, and efface or facial expressions under control. If I miss a shot I feel I should have made in practice, I'll "practice" going to my chair, sitting down, and waiting a few moments to collect myself.

Imagine seeing you self in the mirror when you act out also works. Imagine that someone is video taping the game, and you will be forced to see the angry "you" in that video. You may feel embarrassed, as I do when I act out.

I always apologize to my opponent if I let off some steam, and Always demonstrate proper sportsmanship. NEVER get away from that, no matter what, or you will lose the respect of your peers, and may find fewer people to help with your game or to play with. Don't be "that guy" at the pool hall.

You can improve this weakness in your game, and your game will rise to a new level, I promise.
 
manwon said:
I think the problem is easy to solve, whenever you feel like hitting something or breaking your cue, just picture the cute little girl you are using for your Avatar, I mean how could be mad at that little Angel.

Have a great night
Click to expand...

Presuming that's his daughter, I think this is a great idea. Imagine your child has come to watch you play. Picture her sitting on a stool next to the table. Teach her what good sportsmanship is by example. Somehow I don't think you'd be seen breaking cues on the ground if she were there watching.

-Andrew
 
I've seen Kim Davenport "whack" his Szamboti on the table many times ... He's getting better though ... Last month in Reno, he only "smacked' his cue case a few dozen times and left the Szamboti alone for a change ...
 
There are some great responses on here. ill take alot of them into concideration. I havent broken any expensive cues yet, heck that might be why i dont play with one. I broke a predator, meucci, and viking but nothing more than say 500 bucks. I have gotten pretty good at putting cues back together. i glued a shaft back together and used it for a year or two.

what i love about the game? i love the competition of it, just me and the other guy (or woman) facing off against each other. i love the way you can move that little white ball in and out of traffic on the table. I love getting away from everything else that is going on in my life and loosing myself in the game, when im in the zone there is nothing else in the room, there could be 100 people in the pool hall and if im going good i wouldnt notice a bomb going off and those people running around screaming.

and yea that is my baby girl, and when i think of her i cant help but be happy and smile, but i just cant think of her quick enough after a shot to stop myself from getting mad.
 
Well a few ways to look at this...

-Modify your life and the things you do. Avoid situations which make you angry. This would mean no longer playing pool.

-Or modify yourself if this is possible. Go to counseling (See Mental Health in yellow pages). But this can be quite expensive. Well worth it in my opinion. I would prefer a psychologist as they tend to modify behavior by talking to you. (Re-program your brain if you will!) Psychiatrists are quick to prescribe medication. I don't play as well when I am on any medication.

-Or only play with others who are like yourself, and getting angry is the norm. There is one bar around here where there are a lot of players like this. They would accept you "asis". So no big deal there.
 
There are many reasons why someone could wind up with anger issues. Because of that, it is futile to try to get to the root of your anger problems. Best thing is just to deal with the resultant behavior. If you catch yourself banging your stick against the floor or against anything, imagine that you just smacked a loved one with it in the face with the same amount of force. If you have no loved ones, then don't worry about it - continue to behave like a nit.
 
dereklovejoy said:
There are some great responses on here. ill take alot of them into concideration. I havent broken any expensive cues yet, heck that might be why i dont play with one. I broke a predator, meucci, and viking but nothing more than say 500 bucks. I have gotten pretty good at putting cues back together. i glued a shaft back together and used it for a year or two.

what i love about the game? i love the competition of it, just me and the other guy (or woman) facing off against each other. i love the way you can move that little white ball in and out of traffic on the table. I love getting away from everything else that is going on in my life and loosing myself in the game, when im in the zone there is nothing else in the room, there could be 100 people in the pool hall and if im going good i wouldnt notice a bomb going off and those people running around screaming.

and yea that is my baby girl, and when i think of her i cant help but be happy and smile, but i just cant think of her quick enough after a shot to stop myself from getting mad.
Click to expand...

Awsome, after reading this I want to play pool and hopefully have a little girl half as cute as her someday too! :D

I'm a big believer in the concept of fight vs. flight. Like the rest of us, you enjoy the competition, the engaging serenity, in reality, this is the fighter in us. Anger is good depending on the source. If it's fighting anger, then you calm down and lock and load. If it's fear based anger, then the irrational crap starts to happen. When you are breaking cues and losing your temper beyond control you are actually in a way, running away, or mentally tuning out the situation.

When something doesn't go as you hope, you have an opportunity to analize and learn from it. Bobby Jones once said "I never learned anything from a match that I won."

:D
 
Anger help

Don't take life or pool so seriously /no one survives life and in pool
every one eventually gets beat or misses a shot .
I say have fun if it aint no fun ,it aint no fun .....my dad had a older boat
when I was about 7 or 8 we fished in it ,we water skied, took it camping to
small islands and it was a cheapo but we had alot of fun with it .Then he got a huge pay increase at his job and bought a 19ft ranger bass boat with all
the trimmings .He was always afraid to scratch it and started fishing in every
tournament he could find .He got so serious about fishing it was not even fun
to be around him or the boat anymore . So fast forward that to me about two years ago I started plaing pool again for the 1st time after over 15 years.
I had a good week and bought a 300.00 cue and joined a local leauge .I started watching and reading all I could about pool .Then I had a REAL good
week and sold some stuff and bought a REAL nice cue .About 1 year into my
reunion with this game I had fell into the same trap my old man did with the
boat and fishing ,I was taking it toooooo serious and not having any fun .
So I had to back off a bit and I now even started hanging around this guy at the pool hall who seems to have more fun than anyone there and being around him helps me not take it so serious. The magic is now that I am playing and having fun with it my game is getting a little bit better and I
hardly ever miss a shot and think about giving it all up . So I am going to
keep learning , practicing , and most of all having fun . The real deal is I am
not out on the pro tour ,I have a full time business I run and can't put the
time in that the pros do .Pool is my love and my fun I can't ruin it by taking it
SO damn serious . I hope this helps and if you can't find a way to enjoy it do
something else . Just my two cents All the Best
Matt
 
Last edited:
dereklovejoy said:
I get frustrated even angry at the table when i miss shots that i should make or just make position mistakes at the table. I have hit my cue on the ground and snapped it before (ok ok a few times). Ive gone through about 4 cues like that. Something just comes over me and i loose it. There is no excuse for it and i should have to forfit anytime i do it, no question.

Anyone got any mental excercises that they do when they start to get frustrated. Maybe just anger managment for me. I wonder how many pool players actually do like yoga or meditation drills, stuff like that to stay calm when things dont go their way.
Click to expand...

Read AND HEED "The Tao of Sports". It is available on Amazon.
 
There's probably something wrong with you because most pool players I know never get upset, get out of line, or make an ass out of themselves over something as silly as making a mistake. C'mon, man. ;)
 
Look at it like poker.....your mood, body language, and tone should remain consistent....whether you are having a good or a bad day with your shots or emotionally isn't important, only if you win/take home the money....getting upset or demoralized after missing an easy shot can give him confidence - also, he didn't know it was an easy shot, or maybe he doesn't know what you were trying to do......also, don't get excited when you make a great shot or run the table - act like it's exactly what you expected, too much cheering or a smile shows you are playing out of your league and you'll eventually falter...

Emotions are as important here as in poker....keep'em guessing....
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top