More stuff from my old hard drive back up files from the late 90s and rec.sport.billiard newsgroup
FLARES
Flares are those things that players do that tell everyone in the pool
hall that they cannot play a lick.
"Compiled list"
1. The "tank turret" rack, where the 8-ball is placed on top of the rack
and allowed to drop in the hole when racking.
2. The stick twirl, a la Tom Cruise.
3. Calling 8-ball "solids and stripes."
4. How about bridging between the knuckles of the first two fingers? --
5. Let me preface this by saying that I have nothing but respect for the
game of golf. Moreover, many golfers are fine pool players. Still, the
flare that I like the most is the one I call the "drunken golfer". This
is the guy who is with several of his buddies, all of whom have tan
Dockers with big asses, sport shirts with paunches, big red noses, and a
penchant for screaming... "Get in there!" and "Get there!! Get
there!!" Sharking among them is not only tolerated, but expected, and
the most common method of annoying the shark seems to be self-medication
to the point of catatonia. These guys all have eye/hand co-ordination
greater than the average Joe, but none of them seem to be able to
actually play.
6. The aggressive chalker (spins cue into chalk cube with such vigor
that I expect a fire to break out), the stick dropper, and the guy who
gets annoyed with ball-in-hand fouls ("that's for pussies!").
7. Don't forget the guy that screams "dirty pool" when you play a
safety.
8. Moving the cue ball a butt diameter away from the cushion (ala
miniature golf); this is one of my favorites because I learned this when
I first played.
9. In addition to the "stick twirl, there is also the "rack twirl".
Especially when they hit themselves in the face or drop it on the
freshly racked balls.
10. The stilt bridge (fingertips down, hand up off the table for no good
reason).
11. Walking around the 9ft table a couple of times, and then asking
where to put the quarters.
12. Playing on eight foot tables when there are nine footers available.
13. Keeping their bankroll in their wallet.
14. Standing close to the table while the other player is playing.
Could be ignorance, could be a shark.
15. Bragging about how good they are. The dangerous players tell you
they have bad backs, haven't played for a month, can't make a ball, just
got over the flu, etc.
16. Playing eight ball could be a flare, could be a come on.
17. Missing a long shot (that you estimate they make maybe one out of
three times) and then standing for several seconds completely frozen in
place displaying a look of utter disbelief that borders on absolute
shock.
18. Watching them line up their shot. Right before they shoot, you can
tell they're going to miss by a mile.
19. Or, they lay their cue all over the table trying to figure out the
angles, and the places the ball will hit after they go 14 rails for
their shot.(this usually results in about 5 balls being knocked around).
20. Another good one is, when they get snookered, and can't get a shot
on they're next ball, they just hit the shit out of the cue ball, and if
something does happen to fall, they step up to shoot again, no matter
what ball they hit first.
21. The "ball" bridge (holding on to a ball to make a bridge).
22. I like the one where the guy or gal racks 8-ball. They spend 15
minutes trying to get the solids/stripes in perfectly alternating order.
Is this a rule somewhere?
23. How about the player who vigorously shakes the rack back and forth
hoping the balls will settle into a tight rack.
24. And don't forget the guy that thinks the Sardo tight rack is
"probably a good thing."
25. And let's not forget the guys that grab a house cue and roll it all
over the table to check straightness like it's gonna hamper *their* game
if it's not exactly on. And they never even look at the tip, the most
important part.
26. Or the player who jacks the butt of his cue on every shot so that
the cue is about a 45-degree angle with the table and shoots every shot
at warp speed.
27. Slamming the stick against the rail on every missed shot?
28. Budweiser cue. Or better, "My buddy sold me this Budweiser cue for
only $150 dollars!"
29. "I always shoot better when I'm drunk." is number one!
30. Using 2 lbs of talc, most of it going on top of the table.
31. Chalking up only once, right after he got it off the rack. Once is
good for the whole night!
32. Puts beer bottle in the pocket while shooting.
33. Placing the chalk on the ground or against the ceiling when
chalking.
34. Jumping by scooping under the cue ball.
35. How about shooting directly at an object ball that's separated from
the cueball by several inches, perhaps as much as 8 inches, then
following through so far that the cueball goes foreword as fast as the
object ball. When you call a foul, he has no clue as to what you're
talking about.
36. Alternates back and forth between one eye open and both eyes open,
trying to aim the shot 'just right', while swinging the cue in a curved
arc nowhere near the line of the shot. Then gives YOU advice on how to
play!)
37. The guy that teaches his girlfriend how to make a bridge, of course
he's teaching her to put her forefinger on the top of the shaft not
around it.
38. The guy that misses the pocket by a mile but sends it 2 more rails
into a corner or side and walks away like he meant to do it.
39. "THE CLAW" rail bridge (also known as the "EAGLE TALON" in some
states).
40. Don't forget the ever cool method of putting chalk on the ground,
inserting cue into the cube and spinning the cue with the inside of
foot. Wow! I'm impressed just thinking about it.
41. How about hitting the shaft on the side of the table to knock the
chalk residue off after chalking?
42. Smokers who try to hold a cigarette in their mouth when they shoot
and they have to hold their head sideways so the smoke won't get in
their eyes. Or they set it on the rail where it rolls onto the cloth or
the floor.
43. Holding a lit cigarette in grip hand while shooting.
44. Chalk upside down on rail.
45. Sitting on the cushions.
46. Grinding the chalk into the cloth to mark a spot.
FLARES
Flares are those things that players do that tell everyone in the pool
hall that they cannot play a lick.
"Compiled list"
1. The "tank turret" rack, where the 8-ball is placed on top of the rack
and allowed to drop in the hole when racking.
2. The stick twirl, a la Tom Cruise.
3. Calling 8-ball "solids and stripes."
4. How about bridging between the knuckles of the first two fingers? --
5. Let me preface this by saying that I have nothing but respect for the
game of golf. Moreover, many golfers are fine pool players. Still, the
flare that I like the most is the one I call the "drunken golfer". This
is the guy who is with several of his buddies, all of whom have tan
Dockers with big asses, sport shirts with paunches, big red noses, and a
penchant for screaming... "Get in there!" and "Get there!! Get
there!!" Sharking among them is not only tolerated, but expected, and
the most common method of annoying the shark seems to be self-medication
to the point of catatonia. These guys all have eye/hand co-ordination
greater than the average Joe, but none of them seem to be able to
actually play.
6. The aggressive chalker (spins cue into chalk cube with such vigor
that I expect a fire to break out), the stick dropper, and the guy who
gets annoyed with ball-in-hand fouls ("that's for pussies!").
7. Don't forget the guy that screams "dirty pool" when you play a
safety.
8. Moving the cue ball a butt diameter away from the cushion (ala
miniature golf); this is one of my favorites because I learned this when
I first played.
9. In addition to the "stick twirl, there is also the "rack twirl".
Especially when they hit themselves in the face or drop it on the
freshly racked balls.
10. The stilt bridge (fingertips down, hand up off the table for no good
reason).
11. Walking around the 9ft table a couple of times, and then asking
where to put the quarters.
12. Playing on eight foot tables when there are nine footers available.
13. Keeping their bankroll in their wallet.
14. Standing close to the table while the other player is playing.
Could be ignorance, could be a shark.
15. Bragging about how good they are. The dangerous players tell you
they have bad backs, haven't played for a month, can't make a ball, just
got over the flu, etc.
16. Playing eight ball could be a flare, could be a come on.
17. Missing a long shot (that you estimate they make maybe one out of
three times) and then standing for several seconds completely frozen in
place displaying a look of utter disbelief that borders on absolute
shock.
18. Watching them line up their shot. Right before they shoot, you can
tell they're going to miss by a mile.
19. Or, they lay their cue all over the table trying to figure out the
angles, and the places the ball will hit after they go 14 rails for
their shot.(this usually results in about 5 balls being knocked around).
20. Another good one is, when they get snookered, and can't get a shot
on they're next ball, they just hit the shit out of the cue ball, and if
something does happen to fall, they step up to shoot again, no matter
what ball they hit first.
21. The "ball" bridge (holding on to a ball to make a bridge).
22. I like the one where the guy or gal racks 8-ball. They spend 15
minutes trying to get the solids/stripes in perfectly alternating order.
Is this a rule somewhere?
23. How about the player who vigorously shakes the rack back and forth
hoping the balls will settle into a tight rack.
24. And don't forget the guy that thinks the Sardo tight rack is
"probably a good thing."
25. And let's not forget the guys that grab a house cue and roll it all
over the table to check straightness like it's gonna hamper *their* game
if it's not exactly on. And they never even look at the tip, the most
important part.
26. Or the player who jacks the butt of his cue on every shot so that
the cue is about a 45-degree angle with the table and shoots every shot
at warp speed.
27. Slamming the stick against the rail on every missed shot?
28. Budweiser cue. Or better, "My buddy sold me this Budweiser cue for
only $150 dollars!"
29. "I always shoot better when I'm drunk." is number one!
30. Using 2 lbs of talc, most of it going on top of the table.
31. Chalking up only once, right after he got it off the rack. Once is
good for the whole night!
32. Puts beer bottle in the pocket while shooting.
33. Placing the chalk on the ground or against the ceiling when
chalking.
34. Jumping by scooping under the cue ball.
35. How about shooting directly at an object ball that's separated from
the cueball by several inches, perhaps as much as 8 inches, then
following through so far that the cueball goes foreword as fast as the
object ball. When you call a foul, he has no clue as to what you're
talking about.
36. Alternates back and forth between one eye open and both eyes open,
trying to aim the shot 'just right', while swinging the cue in a curved
arc nowhere near the line of the shot. Then gives YOU advice on how to
play!)
37. The guy that teaches his girlfriend how to make a bridge, of course
he's teaching her to put her forefinger on the top of the shaft not
around it.
38. The guy that misses the pocket by a mile but sends it 2 more rails
into a corner or side and walks away like he meant to do it.
39. "THE CLAW" rail bridge (also known as the "EAGLE TALON" in some
states).
40. Don't forget the ever cool method of putting chalk on the ground,
inserting cue into the cube and spinning the cue with the inside of
foot. Wow! I'm impressed just thinking about it.
41. How about hitting the shaft on the side of the table to knock the
chalk residue off after chalking?
42. Smokers who try to hold a cigarette in their mouth when they shoot
and they have to hold their head sideways so the smoke won't get in
their eyes. Or they set it on the rail where it rolls onto the cloth or
the floor.
43. Holding a lit cigarette in grip hand while shooting.
44. Chalk upside down on rail.
45. Sitting on the cushions.
46. Grinding the chalk into the cloth to mark a spot.
