I can tell you what we do in arm wrestling, and it works out just fine.
You have a certain amount of tries or seconds to get the right grip (on both sides). If you can't agree on a grip (same as agreeing on a rack IMHO) then the 2 referees put you in a ref grip and if EITHER wrestler moves, the one who didn't move gets a foul or a loss.
If I was a casual fan new to the sport and sat to watch a Mike D or Donnie match, I'd leave and probably not come back.
We can all agree we can't afford to lose more spectators to our sport.
If we all agree on this, then why can't we all agree to spend the time learning how to rack properly? This is a *skill* that requires practice. It is a very important skill because one's ability to deliver proper sportsmanship depends on it. Learn what gaps matter and don't matter. It isn't rocket science. I have yet to meet a person that is not ignorant about the rack who also thinks that racking properly doesn't matter. To say it another way, I've yet to meet someone who both thinks it doesn't matter *and* understands what is going on in the rack.
I'm disappointed to hear about Zuglan's attitude towards the original poster.
Also, to the original poster: I agree with your view and am sorry to hear about this. However, I specifically disagree with your paragraph about "you should either accept no gaps or all gaps". With all due respect, it is hard to imagine you would make this statement if you knew much about how the rack works. You have firsthand experience that in some circumstances a perfectly frozen rack is damn near impossible. On the other hand, freezing the *relevant* gaps is almost always possible. Sometimes good enough is all you can do, and that should be "good enough". I recommend learning a little more about the rack. This way you will at least know what "good enough" is, and it should make it easier to get there. Check out Racking Secrets by Joe Tucker.
I hope you have better luck with this type of situation in the future. The problem with rack for each other is that one player may be genuinely and honestly racking "as good as I can." Thing is, if you are racking for me, you need to rack as good as *I* can, otherwise I am spotting you a tight rack. What genuine sportsman wants that situation? We should both be breaking racks of equal quality. In this case "its the thought that counts" really isn't sufficient. There really is no problem with rack your own...except in the minds of those who have simply not taken the time to learn how to rack the balls tightly. Sadly, there are MANY people who think they rack great, but they actually don't, and become defensive about this instead of trying to learn something. Oh well, that's humanity for you...
KMRUNOUT