Look, even the feds had something to say about it:
Worker Productivity Climbs in May, Popular Website Problems Likely Cause
Washington, D.C. - A U.S. Department of Labor report says worker productivity improved 0.2% relative to April, reversing a trend of declining productivity for the months of March and April. “It’s an encouraging sign," said Director of Labor Statistics Dick D. Dickson. “We’d seen some disappointing results in the prior months but this shows perhaps workers have not yet entered the early 'summer mode' mentality that is common in the workplace this time of year.”
Others speculated the improvement can be attributed to a popular billiards website server which crashed four times during the month. AZBilliards.com, a veritable storehouse of information for pool and billiards, features a popular forum where some 8,000 members ask for instructional tips, stir up “action” (pool slang for gambling matches), buy $2,000 custom cue sticks and drool over sexy pool stars like Jennifer Baretta and Jasmin Ouschan. Chatter on the forums is usually at a fever pitch during the mid-day working hours of 10-4 EST.
“Hell I’m toast when that server goes down,” said member Ground Chuck, an inventory analyst for Poop Freezer, a pet waste disposal supplier. “You know that comment in Office Space, where the guy says he does 15 minutes of work a day? Man I’m maybe 15 minutes a week. But when I do my 15 minutes of work, I’m real damn efficient. I mean, I just get junk done.”
Another user, who goes by the name BeefcakePantyhose, claims he bought four cue sticks in April alone but only one in May. “May was rough, I mean my hands were trembling like I had withdrawal symptoms or something when the server was out. It went out on the busy days for buying, like Wednesday and Thursday. The good deals were gone when I could finally get back in. Man I was really bummed.”
Turning to his cue buying habit, he laughs, "My wife has no clue man, no clue. Separate accounts, always had ‘em, always will. Chicks buy shoes, dudes buy cues. Look, I even made it rhyme. It’s real similar, you know? I have a bad night on the tables, my self-esteem’s down, I buy a new cue, (it) makes me feel like a new man. And don’t pull none of that psychoanalysis mumbo jumbo and try tellin’ me it’s cause they’re shaped like a phallus, bud.”
Ted the Terror, a 23 year-old customer service specialist in Missouri, seems defiant when his boss routinely enters his office cubicle and sees Ted scouring the forums for the latest “action” gossip. “Whatever," he scoffs. “There’s a much more secure future for me in pool than with some big-time corporation. That (expletive) company can lay me off at any time. Pool is primed to explode. I’ll make big-time money in this game, whether it’s playing, promoting, making cues. I’ll get there. In five years, I’ll have a pad with a billiards room straight out of MTV Cribs. Just you wait.”
Ted spent the better part of last Thursday “woofing” it up with other members on a proposed action match next week. Here is an excerpt from his post:
your the one who backed out last time so quit blamming us. no one can handle (local player’s name omitted for anonymity) on the bar box with the big cue ball. u want action, u got it. 10 ahead for 15 large and you got it. big cue ball, nuetral racker in our house. (local player) has a backer and is ready any time, just show up and u got acton. bring it on…
AZBilliards.com, based in Arizona, claims aging hardware caused its server to crash and has since been upgraded. The server has only crashed once in June and activity has been as strong as ever on its forums.
The Dept. of Labor will release its June productivity report in late July.
