Funny Original Sayings

[crawfish]

Please don't rehash well known verbage here on this one. You know, stuff like "You know why you missed it? Because there's no pocket in that spot." Or.. "Playing 'lights out'." If you use that one, as God is my witness, I will hunt you down and pinkbelly you. And if you're too big for that, I'll take potshots at you from across the room, with a bb gun, during your next match of any kind.

Here's a couple I like to use:

"There, that is right outta my book. How to Fu#$up When There's No Fu$#up there."

"You've been Randy-racked." (You gotta know Randy. Funny as hell. Randy himself was playing this young guy without ever exchanging names. The guy broke a sluggo rack, and he says, "Don't Randyrack me." Randy just laughed and told him he WAS Randy.)

"Hey, just sit there and be quiet. I'm fu#$ing this cat, you just hold his head."

"I need a timeout. I forgot my ankle and wristweights."


Your turn......................

 

[hivoltg]

Please don't rehash well known verbage here on this one.

"Hey, just sit there and be quiet. I'm fu#$ing this cat, you just hold his head."


............

I think you broke your own rule here crawfish

 

[danquixote]

Long....but memorable

It's important to relate the story behind this saying.....so please forgive the long read here.....My father grew up in a 2 mule town in Arkansas, my grandfather was a simple dirt farmer. We were visiting my grandpa one day when my dad decided he would get me and my brother a "store bought" haircut. We loaded up in a 40 something ford and off to what passed as a town....(gereral store, post office, barbershop, and fire station, dirt roads and a wooden sidewalk) we had just finished our haircuts and were standing on the boardwalk when a car full of young men went speeding by, raising an enormous dust cloud in the process. Grandpa reached into the bib overalls and brought out his bandana, as he wiped the sweat and dust from his forehead , he turned to my father and said these memorable words.......Ya know Joe, folks were sure a hell of a lot nicer to each other........when everybody carried a 45.

It is a quote I'll never forget.......Dan

 

[manwon]

Please don't rehash well known verbage here on this one. You know, stuff like "You know why you missed it? Because there's no pocket in that spot." Or.. "Playing 'lights out'." If you use that one, as God is my witness, I will hunt you down and pinkbelly you. And if you're too big for that, I'll take potshots at you from across the room, with a bb gun, during your next match of any kind.

Here's a couple I like to use:

"There, that is right outta my book. How to Fu#$up When There's No Fu$#up there."

"You've been Randy-racked." (You gotta know Randy. Funny as hell. Randy himself was playing this young guy without ever exchanging names. The guy broke a sluggo rack, and he says, "Don't Randyrack me." Randy just laughed and told him he WAS Randy.)

"Hey, just sit there and be quiet. I'm fu#$ing this cat, you just hold his head."

"I need a timeout. I forgot my ankle and wristweights."


Your turn......................

It is all mind over matter, I don't mind and you don't matter.

 

[pooladdiction]

maybe overused but I like it

I love it when someone misses their shot but continues to stand at the table to see if the cb will get in postion for their next shot. They say" oh man and look at that I had position on my next ball" to which I reply " yeah, and if your aunt had nuts she'd be your uncle." :wink:

 

[ribdoner]

Not being among the more mechanically inclined of GOD'S creatures i remind myself of a monkey trying to f ck a football at times

 

[RShellhouse]

Lets see...

The shape don't matter for shit if ya miss the shot

Ya missed that like a pro

After about 45 mins of playing..... guy looks at me and goes....

"So you gonna start playing sometime today?"


Can't take credit for this....


Guy racks....puts the rack back in the slot...player steps up breaks 9 ball and drops a ball...tough layout on the table...walks around the table once ends up on the other end...picks up the rack walks back around to where the guy has taken his seat and hands him the rack....guy looks confused....player stepped back up to the table lines up the first shot...looks up at the guy and goes...hold onto that...you will need it in a minute...and runs the table

R

 

[measureman]

I watched a 9 ball session and one guy was making a lot of very hard shots over and over and the other guy says "he ain't safe under the table!"

 

[crawfish]

Been known to have a few drinks and shout this one out.

You've just beat a guy and he pulls the old "I've got somebody...."


"Well, send him in, fly him in. Hell, I'll pay half the airfare."

 

[ShootingArts]

One that needs the back story too

Many years ago back before the world was so small I was fixing to fly out of Atlanta to come back home after dropping a truck off near Augusta(Fort Gordon?) and got to Atlanta with an hour or so to kill before going into the security area. "Any pool halls around here?" Found an old pool hall miles away but pretty much a straight shot back to the airport. Funky place, ratty old tables, a row of old theater chairs here and there for the sweaters, may have even been a big fan in the wall stirring up the dust and pulling in more from outside. I was home!

I gave the guy I was playing the usual spot I gave friends and family that were just bar room players but absolutely no slack after that, he was a pretty good bar room player. We were playing eight ball with a small twist, all of my shots had to be banks or legal combinations on the nine footer. We were both using splintered up old cues off the wall and I was on from the first shot. I was getting out in one, two, rarely three innings. My level of play was ridiculous. Often I was having to combo into banks or caroms.

We were focused on the table and each other's company and I didn't notice at first that all other play in the place had stopped as everyone gathered around our table keeping a respectful distance. Finally somebody spoke and it was like a dam breaking. Everyone wanted to know who I was, if I wanted them to call and find a game for me, when I was coming through again. I told them the truth, I was nobody but then added, "Everybody in South Louisiana plays like this." There were some wide eyes obviously thinking about what it would be like facing that level of play every night. I never let on that this not only wasn't an ordinary session, it stood out as one of the top half-dozen times in my life and I wasn't playing for a dime! Told my running buddies about it when I got home and it became kind of a mantra when things were going great or terrible, "Everybody in South Louisiana plays like this!"

Hu

 

[12310bch]

Old and corny but so am I

Breaker makes a bunch of balls on his snap. His opponent says in disgust,"Call the plumber, the tables leakin'. "

 

[JoeyA]

It's kind of old now but I coined, "Belly up to the table LIKE A MAN!

There's another that goes something like, "Don't back down like a crawfish!". :grin-square:

JoeyA

 

[crawfish]

It's kind of old now but I coined, "Belly up to the table LIKE A MAN!

There's another that goes something like, "Don't back down like a crawfish!". :grin-square:

JoeyA

You see, Joey my man, a crawfish will hold on and just keep holding. They hang on until it's over. Those little pesky pinchers just clamp down and that's that. You can't get rid of'em. You have to kill'em to get rid of'em.

 

[JoeyA]

You see, Joey my man, a crawfish will hold on and just keep holding. They hang on until it's over. Those little pesky pinchers just clamp down and that's that. You can't get rid of'em. You have to kill'em to get rid of'em.

I'm missing skin because of those tenacious devils, fo shizzle.
JoeyA

 

[jalapus logan]

This one isn't pool related, but I was at the track one day when I overheard an old fella ask another older guy if he could borrow some money. The second gentleman (I am using this term loosely) said "hell, I'd loan you a million dollars, but right now, I'm so broke that I have to J@$k off the dog to feed the cat!". Naturally, I died laughing (RIP Gary!!!).

Now, this one is pool related and is of my coinage:

I was about to impart severe draw on the cueball when I said the following: "you better get a roll of charmin" to my opponent. When he asked why, I responded: "because here comes the sh$t..." and then proceeded to draw my rock a gazillion rails into perfect shape for the win. Now, I'm no great player or anything, but we both had a good laugh after that...

 

[mullyman]

I think it's going to be really difficult to find things that no one has heard before so...

Guy tries to run a ball slowly down the table and it stops before it gets to the pocket...."Hit it with your purse next time, Sally."

You hit a ball and it rattles the pocket then falls....."That's my famous 3 cushion bank"

Ball rolls slowly to the pocket and hangs there a second before falling in...."Ooooh, they're showing instant replays today"

 

[alphadog]

endowed

My grandfather was known as a very strong man who was good at working with horses. His most famous line was "I ain't hung like a horse,but the ponies RUN when they see me!". His best put down was "He is so low he
would have to climb a telephone pole just to kiss a snake's ass.".

 

[RShellhouse]

Timeout called in APA match...


APA 7 walks up to the table ....looks at the shot and tells the APA 3....


Just put the ball in the pocket....


Timeout called...

APA 9 walks up looks at the shot...looks at the player and goes...Ya know I don't think I could hit that ball so you really should have called me last shot cause thats were ya ****ed up...


R

 

[CreeDo]

The cat one is prolly my favorte. That and john schmidt's famous "I'd rather be eaten by a goat and shìt off a cliff than lose two dollars to you".

It's super corny, but one day a guy was woofing at my buddy, and he was having a hard time keeping the cue ball in line. I said "I call this guy pine tree. You know why? cuz he ain't got no leaves!"

There's a 12 year old girl named Taylor who plays around here... who is prolly the best girl in her age group in the country. I was playing my buddy and bìtching about my break as usual... his is so much better and he isn't even trying. He says "give me 8 weeks and I'll have you breaking like Taylor."

 

[trustyrusty]

"man I'm glad that 9 fell (on the break), I had $hit for shape on the 1"