Funny Original Sayings

[pt109]

Hmm... that's funny

Cornbread Red was asked by a reporter how he made the cue ball
walk up a rail.He patted 'whitey' fondly and said "Ah raised it from
a marble."

LA circa 1967.....i was steered to a room for 5x10 snooker action.
When i walked in the old guy (well,he was in his 40's)was at the
snooker table and asked if i was looking for action.I looked at the
carom table and allowed as how i might play some of that.He wasn't
fooled about why i was there.He said "Sonny,did you ever hear of
the pool hustler who had to sleep in the sucker's barn?"

One of my favorites - John Sharpe out of Calgary.He claimed he
put so much spin on a cue ball that it set the cloth on fire and
burned down the pool hall (which naturally left a few hundred
pool players homeless.

 

[PaulieB]

I doubt this one is new but I'll toss it out there anyways. Please don't pork belly, pink belly, poke belly me or whatever...

Playing against someone that just takes too much time and I say "You play like old people F**K, slow and sloppy".

 

[asn130]

I love this one.....


Two old 1-hole players i know, we'll call them Bob & Joe.

Bob normally wins but Joe is playing really good. Bob says "Dammit Joe, take it easy on me today"

To which Joe replies "If you're lookin for somthin soft, come here & i'll $hit in your hand"

 

[Tramp Steamer]

Heard in a poohall: "Hey, Sweetheart, do you believe in the hereafter?" "Sure." "Then you know what I'm here after."

 

[Nostroke]

Heard in a poohall: "Hey, Sweetheart, do you believe in the hereafter?" "Sure." "Then you know what I'm here after."

The whole thing is the guy is in a lovers lane and he says to the girl "do you believe in the hereafter because if you 're not here after what im here after you're gonna be here after I'm gone"

 

[Dave Nelson]

Useless effort. There are no new funny jokes. There are only 7 jokes in the world and they are carved on an interior wall of the Great Pyramid of Giza. Every other joke is just a variation of these 7.

Dave Nelson

 

[godzilla]

I think i heard Grady Mathews say this. "Thats the third greatest shot i ever saw".

 

[The Saw]

I'll tellem

 

[sde]

Years ago I was playing a friendly game of 3 cushion. We were just having fun and there were a few people sitting around watching.

After a very close miss some one said that the shot was missed by a C*** hair. A teenage girl hearing this, with a very puzzled look on her face said, "I thought C*** hairs were 3 to 4 inches long." We all got a big laugh.

Steve

 

[greyghost]

Not being among the more mechanically inclined of GOD'S creatures i remind myself of a monkey trying to f ck a football at times

thats was said to Keith Mcready by way of how he stands over the ball.



Rail BIrd on Grady Mathews : "Why does he screw his face up like a skunk eating shit when he shoots"


Me when threading the needle: " man that shot was tighter than frog Pu**y

 

[Island Drive]

As most of us know, when we shoot into a ball and get the dreded double kiss, it is most always a complete/unadulterated sell out and it makes ya sick. This happened to my opponent one time, and while he was whining at himself for sellin' out I asked, do ya know what the real definition of a double kiss is, he looked at me with Huh?

"the first kiss is for you and the second kiss is for ME....thanks :wink: as I proceed to finish off the rack with ease.:thumbup:

 

[measureman]

Here is a real old one. A stranger walks into a room and makes a game with a local for 100 points straight pool. The local breaks and the stranger runs a 100 and out. The local says 'if you want to play another game you have to spot me some balls" the stranger replies "I can't do that ,I've never seen you play" Yeah i know it's bad. :grin-square:

 

[Blue Hog ridr]

My wife was over studying an easy shot one night.
I said, "are you going to Kreskin that ball into the pocket, just shoot the F/N thing.
I should have said, Yuri Geller but Kreskin came to mind first.

 

[CreeDo]

I don't remember if I heard this on the forum or elsewhere, but a fun comment when someone keeps switching around balls in the rack for no reason:

"It's not f#$%ing Rubik's cube, just rack 'em"

 

[8ballEinstein]

When an opponent leaves me in a tough One-Pocket situation, I will sometimes say, "Well, it looks like all the mistakes are out there waiting to be made".

After running out the rack and pretending to be a novice, I'll say, "Wow, that was my first break and run of the year. It ususally doesn't come until April".

An old one - A couple of guys are playing pool for money. The weaker player asks, "Wow, how did you make that shot?" The hustler says, "Listen sonny, the game is for 20 bucks. Lessons are extra".

 

[cyrex]

sayings

After I get a dud rack I say to my opponent 'man.. what kind of rack was that'.
The guy says 'That was a Philipino safety!'. I had to laugh at that one. Needless to say, I checked the racks apter dat one!

 

[ottersbro]

if my break isnt working i'll say i could'nt make a ball if i ripped the ends off the table!

 

[ottersbro]

my grandma could run out from here you want me to dig her up!

stevie wonder could make this shot!

what you need a blueprint!

a guy beggin for a ball to fall (get off your knee's your a man!)

 

[HarleyKR07]

Are you playing position or just hitting balls around?

Local player told me during an 8 ball match....You've got 7 balls on the table and 6 pockets, how hard can this game be?

 

[Bill812]

Classic

This one never seems to get old; When someone accidentally moves a ball on the table and goes to replace it where they think it was before they hit it, you say innocently "Put it anywhere you want..."
Absolute gold.