marriage vs. pool smh
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IMO, this part of your post says it all.
1. You show compromise, she does not as far as the schedule.
2. She has 5 days a week, you have 2. Yet I'm sure she says hers "makes her healthy and beautiful for YOU". Where you are just hanging out and drinking.
3. When all else fails, she resorts to guilt.
So you have to ask yourself what another poster mentioned. If you gave up pool altogether and took up working on a car in the garage, would that then be the problem? Does sound like a control thing. If it's not control, it could be a trust thing thinking you're out at bars hitting on women. But you know her better than we do.
You don't mention kids, which could be a game changer if you're at leagues while they have a school musical or a soccer game.
Bro, been married 20 years. Here is the answer, you don't ask to do anything. You just tell her you are doing it. If you are a good provider, you deserve some alone time. Playing out 3 nights a week is no big deal. You could be doing a lot worse 3 nights a week, like sitting on a barstool or banging other women. Don't respond to the hysterics or she wins everytime.
Honestly after awhile the wives usually want the house to themselves...you'll get there.
Only the OP knows the answer to this question. Is it a matter of a game vs a marriage? Or is it a matter of her control over him. That is a completely different question.
He loves her to death. Does she feel the same? If she did, she would want him to be happy as well. So it seems to me like a deeper question of game vs marriage. Just like you regret your decision to give up relationships, he may regret giving up everything he loves for the sake of a women's control.
I have no skin in the game obviously. Just hope everything works out for the best, no matter which the result is.
A Woman's perspective
So I let my gf of 10 years chime in (may as well be my wife). Here is her response.
"Sounds like he is trying to compromise and she is trying to control. All couples need to have different interests. If there are no kids involved, she needs to stop being selfish".
We just got home from a visit with her parents where her mom mentioned "Your father and I have nothing in common. The only thing we do together is go to church. He does his hiking and float trips, and I do my gardening and visits with my friends." They've been married 56 years.
Hope that helps.
So I let my gf of 10 years chime in (may as well be my wife). Here is her response.
"Sounds like he is trying to compromise and she is trying to control. All couples need to have different interests. If there are no kids involved, she needs to stop being selfish".
We just got home from a visit with her parents where her mom mentioned "Your father and I have nothing in common. The only thing we do together is go to church. He does his hiking and float trips, and I do my gardening and visits with my friends." They've been married 56 years.
Hope that helps.
Thanks for the replies.
We dont have any kids. i honestly believe she doesnt want kids.
I do try to squeeze extra practice in while she is at her workouts. im always home before she is.
also i do own a diamond pro am but couldnt bring it to korea with us. we leave korea in 3 months and i will have my table back.
im 29 and feel that i could find another mate that will understand pool more.
We dont have any kids. i honestly believe she doesnt want kids.
I do try to squeeze extra practice in while she is at her workouts. im always home before she is.
also i do own a diamond pro am but couldnt bring it to korea with us. we leave korea in 3 months and i will have my table back.
im 29 and feel that i could find another mate that will understand pool more.
IMO having no kids is a no brainer. You both need to enjoy life with your interests, unless they are truly damaging to your relationship (drugs, infidelity, too much drinking).
Question for you...Do YOU want kids. If you do, her not wanting them should be a bigger discussion point in the future of your marriage.
It'd be convenient if it was as simple as that, wouldn't it?
I bet the fitness classes are only an hour long, each. Can't get anything good going in the pool room with an hour to devote.
My wife sees nothing positive in pool either and I figure that when I am on my deathbed, I sure as shit am not going to be wishing I played more pool.
Pool is a silly thing to know how to do.
That said, you gotta get your own table.
I noticed that as well. Not the amount of time, but the timing. I'm sure the leagues are later in the evening than her yoga/zumba classes. But it is still about compromise so you both can do things you enjoy.
That's awesome to hear Johnny. Unfortunately, I made the same mistake and was not around 100% during my wife's pregnancy. She could never really get over it and now I am paying the ultimate price for it. I get to see my 1 year old son only 2 days one week and 3 days the next. Its the worst feeling in the world. Congrats on the 46 years, you don't see that too often these days.
This. I made the same stupid mistake and regret it every fvcking day. My son is only 1 and it eats me up every time I take him back to his moms place and he cries his eyes out when I go to leave. I can only imagine how bad it will be when he starts talking and doesn't want me to go...
holy shit, chuck. I am not gonna cry!
While I agree with what Charlie said about it being just a game and the marriage hands down more important...I also caution you with taking advice in this forum from members. Nothing against anyone who has offered input...but this sounds like a potential serious problem that is between the two of you that needs worked out away from here.
IF I had to offer an opinion I would say it seems she just does not either like the pool atmosphere, or the people around the game itself...there is some reason whether she has communicated it or not, that she doesn't want you to play in the bars...it's just an opinion though and without knowing a thing about her take it for what its worth. Good luck man.
IF I had to offer an opinion I would say it seems she just does not either like the pool atmosphere, or the people around the game itself...there is some reason whether she has communicated it or not, that she doesn't want you to play in the bars...it's just an opinion though and without knowing a thing about her take it for what its worth. Good luck man.
Thanks brother. I haven't really been posting much because all of this just happened 3 months ago. Really puts your life into perspective and makes you realize what's important in life.
Charlie,
I feel for you and I think we all feel the pain in your passion of the post. If you don't want to discuss further, we should all respect that. But if you feel free to answer, are you stating that pool was completely responsible for the divorce?
I am back in pool after being out of it for 10 years. I gave it up shortly before my marriage and daughter. Got back in after a divorce. I guess my point is there are many reasons people divorce. The OP could give up pool and find out it was a different, deeper issue. Whether that be control, trust, or whatever.
Maybe the OP needs to work with a marriage counselor. He certainly shouldn't make a decision based on what is posted here. I'm sure he's just looking for opinions and different perspectives to help him make his next decision.
Best to you and your son having a great future throughout your lives.
I don't mind talking about it now (3 months after it has happened). Originally I didn't have the motivation to do anything. I didn't open my case for nearly 2 months, I didn't want to work out, swim in my own pool, etc. Slowly things are starting to come back to me. I would say about 75-80% of it was due to pool and the other 25% was due to drinking. (I always drink in tourneys or when I gamble). To my credit she had/has a very difficult time communicating. She would always go to her friends or mom with her problems and never sit down and talk with me. Of course I found all this out after she had left. Just recently she told me that in one week that she was pregnant I was out 6 nights out of the week. The sad thing is I honestly don't remember it. I feel absolutely horrible about it. That shows me that I was an extremely selfish person. But like I said before, now I know what matters in life, and its def not a game or fast car or alcohol. Let me know if you have any other questions.
Amen, AZBro. My heart is with you and I think it will make you the best Dad you can be, perhaps even proving better for your boy in the long-run.
Perspective is hugely important, glad you brought that word to the conversation. Pool will be there, after life's responsibilities are taken care of.
Thanks again, really means a lot to me. Also know, I had always planned on being the best possible father I could be to my son. They say it doesn't hit the father as quickly as the mother when she becomes pregnant. After he was born we both agreed on my only going out 1 night a week. I held up to that 95% of the time. She just couldn't get over the hurt and pain I caused when she was home alone pregnant and I was out gambling till 6 in the morning.