marriage vs. pool smh

If someone was to tell me I couldn't play then they would be gone. I'm single with no kids so I understand my situation is different then a lot on here. I couldn't imagine being in that situation.
Maybe consider getting a table at home.
 
. So we sat down and worked out a schedule last week to deconflict my two pool nights a week and her zumba and yoga classes that happen 5 days a week. I even moved my gambling night from Tuesdays to Mondays to accommodate. Now tonight is pool league, she immediately tries to make me feel like I am not a good husband if I don't stay home with her and give up league. I reference the schedule we made and she says it doesn't matter. This argument eventually ended with her saying "maybe I should have picked someone else."

IMO, this part of your post says it all.

1. You show compromise, she does not as far as the schedule.
2. She has 5 days a week, you have 2. Yet I'm sure she says hers "makes her healthy and beautiful for YOU". Where you are just hanging out and drinking.
3. When all else fails, she resorts to guilt.

So you have to ask yourself what another poster mentioned. If you gave up pool altogether and took up working on a car in the garage, would that then be the problem? Does sound like a control thing. If it's not control, it could be a trust thing thinking you're out at bars hitting on women. But you know her better than we do.

You don't mention kids, which could be a game changer if you're at leagues while they have a school musical or a soccer game.
 
So I have been married for 5 years now to my wife. I love her very much but she has never attempted to try and get involved with pool in anyway. If anything she always says it competes with my time for her. I am a man and i think all men have something they do as a hobby and enjoy throughout their lives, whatever it may be. Mine is pool, and man do I enjoy playing it.

Fast forward to today. Pool was conflicting with taking time from her because I have been playing alot lately. I feel I have jumped a ball in speed and have been practicing alot to ensure I can keep this speed. So we sat down and worked out a schedule last week to deconflict my two pool nights a week and her zumba and yoga classes that happen 5 days a week. I even moved my gambling night from Tuesdays to Mondays to accommodate. Now tonight is pool league, she immediately tries to make me feel like I am not a good husband if I don't stay home with her and give up league. I reference the schedule we made and she says it doesn't matter. This argument eventually ended with her saying "maybe I should have picked someone else."

I am so tired of this. I know many pool players and probably forum members on here have been divorced because of pool. I have thought of divorce for several years but I really love her to death. That being said I when I am not practicing or competing I am thinking about practicing or competing even when I am home with her. What is your guy's advice?

Bro, been married 20 years. Here is the answer, you don't ask to do anything. You just tell her you are doing it. If you are a good provider, you deserve some alone time. Playing out 3 nights a week is no big deal. You could be doing a lot worse 3 nights a week, like sitting on a barstool or banging other women. Don't respond to the hysterics or she wins everytime.

Honestly after awhile the wives usually want the house to themselves...you'll get there.
 
Don't be a fool, It's just a dam game. You already answered the question . In your own words, ( I LOVE HER TO DEATH ) Remember Finding the right partner, lover, Wife, what ever you want to call it. Is one of the hardest things to do. Most go through life never finding there RIGHT ONE. If she is what you would call the one for you then why in gods name would you even think about losing her over a dam game. I'm 51 years old and have spent at least 90% of my life in a pool room, It cost me my first marriage and a relationship with my son. there is not a day that goes by that I don't regret it now. It's just a dam game man. Take it from a person who was in your shoes and made the wrong choice, In the end you will say to yourself It was not worth it.

Only the OP knows the answer to this question. Is it a matter of a game vs a marriage? Or is it a matter of her control over him. That is a completely different question.

He loves her to death. Does she feel the same? If she did, she would want him to be happy as well. So it seems to me like a deeper question of game vs marriage. Just like you regret your decision to give up relationships, he may regret giving up everything he loves for the sake of a women's control.

I have no skin in the game obviously. Just hope everything works out for the best, no matter which the result is.
 
A Woman's perspective

So I let my gf of 10 years chime in (may as well be my wife). Here is her response.

"Sounds like he is trying to compromise and she is trying to control. All couples need to have different interests. If there are no kids involved, she needs to stop being selfish".

We just got home from a visit with her parents where her mom mentioned "Your father and I have nothing in common. The only thing we do together is go to church. He does his hiking and float trips, and I do my gardening and visits with my friends." They've been married 56 years.

Hope that helps.
 
Thanks for the replies.

We dont have any kids. i honestly believe she doesnt want kids.

I do try to squeeze extra practice in while she is at her workouts. im always home before she is.

also i do own a diamond pro am but couldnt bring it to korea with us. we leave korea in 3 months and i will have my table back.

im 29 and feel that i could find another mate that will understand pool more.
 
Thanks for the replies.

We dont have any kids. i honestly believe she doesnt want kids.

I do try to squeeze extra practice in while she is at her workouts. im always home before she is.

also i do own a diamond pro am but couldnt bring it to korea with us. we leave korea in 3 months and i will have my table back.

im 29 and feel that i could find another mate that will understand pool more.

IMO having no kids is a no brainer. You both need to enjoy life with your interests, unless they are truly damaging to your relationship (drugs, infidelity, too much drinking).

Question for you...Do YOU want kids. If you do, her not wanting them should be a bigger discussion point in the future of your marriage.
 
Like bob said she gets 5 days you get two and that's not fair to her? I'm sure there can be a happy medium stay positive

It'd be convenient if it was as simple as that, wouldn't it?

I bet the fitness classes are only an hour long, each. Can't get anything good going in the pool room with an hour to devote.

My wife sees nothing positive in pool either and I figure that when I am on my deathbed, I sure as shit am not going to be wishing I played more pool.
Pool is a silly thing to know how to do.

That said, you gotta get your own table.
 
It'd be convenient if it was as simple as that, wouldn't it?

I bet the fitness classes are only an hour long, each. Can't get anything good going in the pool room with an hour to devote.

My wife sees nothing positive in pool either and I figure that when I am on my deathbed, I sure as shit am not going to be wishing I played more pool.
Pool is a silly thing to know how to do.

That said, you gotta get your own table.

I noticed that as well. Not the amount of time, but the timing. I'm sure the leagues are later in the evening than her yoga/zumba classes. But it is still about compromise so you both can do things you enjoy.
 
I agree Charlie. I was lucky my wife put up with me playing most every night for years. She picked up the slack staying home watching the kids at night after working all day as an RN. I feel guilty now that I put pool ahead of my wife and kids for the first 20 years of marriage. she just retired the other day. She was the southeast manager over about 60 nurses for a major healthcare provider. She made 6 figures, but if I had been home more to help out with the kids she would have gone so much further. Serious pool and marriage with kids doesn't work out well for most. I was lucky she stayed with me. 46 years and counting. Johnnyt

That's awesome to hear Johnny. Unfortunately, I made the same mistake and was not around 100% during my wife's pregnancy. She could never really get over it and now I am paying the ultimate price for it. I get to see my 1 year old son only 2 days one week and 3 days the next. Its the worst feeling in the world. Congrats on the 46 years, you don't see that too often these days.
 
Don't be a fool, It's just a dam game. You already answered the question . In your own words, ( I LOVE HER TO DEATH ) Remember Finding the right partner, lover, Wife, what ever you want to call it. Is one of the hardest things to do. Most go through life never finding there RIGHT ONE. If she is what you would call the one for you then why in gods name would you even think about losing her over a dam game. I'm 51 years old and have spent at least 90% of my life in a pool room, It cost me my first marriage and a relationship with my son. there is not a day that goes by that I don't regret it now. It's just a dam game man. Take it from a person who was in your shoes and made the wrong choice, In the end you will say to yourself It was not worth it.

This. I made the same stupid mistake and regret it every fvcking day. My son is only 1 and it eats me up every time I take him back to his moms place and he cries his eyes out when I go to leave. I can only imagine how bad it will be when he starts talking and doesn't want me to go...
 
This. I made the same stupid mistake and regret it every fvcking day. My son is only 1 and it eats me up every time I take him back to his moms place and he cries his eyes out when I go to leave. I can only imagine how bad it will be when he starts talking and doesn't want me to go...

holy shit, chuck. I am not gonna cry!
 
While I agree with what Charlie said about it being just a game and the marriage hands down more important...I also caution you with taking advice in this forum from members. Nothing against anyone who has offered input...but this sounds like a potential serious problem that is between the two of you that needs worked out away from here.

IF I had to offer an opinion I would say it seems she just does not either like the pool atmosphere, or the people around the game itself...there is some reason whether she has communicated it or not, that she doesn't want you to play in the bars...it's just an opinion though and without knowing a thing about her take it for what its worth. Good luck man.
 
So I have been married for 5 years now to my wife. I love her very much but she has never attempted to try and get involved with pool in anyway. If anything she always says it competes with my time for her. I am a man and i think all men have something they do as a hobby and enjoy throughout their lives, whatever it may be. Mine is pool, and man do I enjoy playing it.

Fast forward to today. Pool was conflicting with taking time from her because I have been playing alot lately. I feel I have jumped a ball in speed and have been practicing alot to ensure I can keep this speed. So we sat down and worked out a schedule last week to deconflict my two pool nights a week and her zumba and yoga classes that happen 5 days a week. I even moved my gambling night from Tuesdays to Mondays to accommodate. Now tonight is pool league, she immediately tries to make me feel like I am not a good husband if I don't stay home with her and give up league. I reference the schedule we made and she says it doesn't matter. This argument eventually ended with her saying "maybe I should have picked someone else."

I am so tired of this. I know many pool players and probably forum members on here have been divorced because of pool. I have thought of divorce for several years but I really love her to death. That being said I when I am not practicing or competing I am thinking about practicing or competing even when I am home with her. What is your guy's advice?


Rest assured, the root cause problem is much deeper than your playing pool.
 
This. I made the same stupid mistake and regret it every fvcking day. My son is only 1 and it eats me up every time I take him back to his moms place and he cries his eyes out when I go to leave. I can only imagine how bad it will be when he starts talking and doesn't want me to go...

Charlie,
I feel for you and I think we all feel the pain in your passion of the post. If you don't want to discuss further, we should all respect that. But if you feel free to answer, are you stating that pool was completely responsible for the divorce?

I am back in pool after being out of it for 10 years. I gave it up shortly before my marriage and daughter. Got back in after a divorce. I guess my point is there are many reasons people divorce. The OP could give up pool and find out it was a different, deeper issue. Whether that be control, trust, or whatever.

Maybe the OP needs to work with a marriage counselor. He certainly shouldn't make a decision based on what is posted here. I'm sure he's just looking for opinions and different perspectives to help him make his next decision.

Best to you and your son having a great future throughout your lives.
 
Charlie,
I feel for you and I think we all feel the pain in your passion of the post. If you don't want to discuss further, we should all respect that. But if you feel free to answer, are you stating that pool was completely responsible for the divorce?

I am back in pool after being out of it for 10 years. I gave it up shortly before my marriage and daughter. Got back in after a divorce. I guess my point is there are many reasons people divorce. The OP could give up pool and find out it was a different, deeper issue. Whether that be control, trust, or whatever.

Maybe the OP needs to work with a marriage counselor. He certainly shouldn't make a decision based on what is posted here. I'm sure he's just looking for opinions and different perspectives to help him make his next decision.

Best to you and your son having a great future throughout your lives.

I don't mind talking about it now (3 months after it has happened). Originally I didn't have the motivation to do anything. I didn't open my case for nearly 2 months, I didn't want to work out, swim in my own pool, etc. Slowly things are starting to come back to me. I would say about 75-80% of it was due to pool and the other 25% was due to drinking. (I always drink in tourneys or when I gamble). To my credit she had/has a very difficult time communicating. She would always go to her friends or mom with her problems and never sit down and talk with me. Of course I found all this out after she had left. Just recently she told me that in one week that she was pregnant I was out 6 nights out of the week. The sad thing is I honestly don't remember it. I feel absolutely horrible about it. That shows me that I was an extremely selfish person. But like I said before, now I know what matters in life, and its def not a game or fast car or alcohol. Let me know if you have any other questions.
 
Thanks brother. I haven't really been posting much because all of this just happened 3 months ago. Really puts your life into perspective and makes you realize what's important in life.

Amen, AZBro. My heart is with you and I think it will make you the best Dad you can be, perhaps even proving better for your boy in the long-run.

Perspective is hugely important, glad you brought that word to the conversation. Pool will be there, after life's responsibilities are taken care of.
 
Amen, AZBro. My heart is with you and I think it will make you the best Dad you can be, perhaps even proving better for your boy in the long-run.

Perspective is hugely important, glad you brought that word to the conversation. Pool will be there, after life's responsibilities are taken care of.

Thanks again, really means a lot to me. Also know, I had always planned on being the best possible father I could be to my son. They say it doesn't hit the father as quickly as the mother when she becomes pregnant. After he was born we both agreed on my only going out 1 night a week. I held up to that 95% of the time. She just couldn't get over the hurt and pain I caused when she was home alone pregnant and I was out gambling till 6 in the morning.
 
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