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Funny pic/gif thread...
- Thread starter dfweyer
- Start date
THREE CONTRACTORS
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence by the Capital Building in DC
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a House official to examine the fence.
The Montana contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. That's $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. That's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
And that is how the House works.
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence by the Capital Building in DC
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a House official to examine the fence.
The Montana contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. That's $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. That's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
And that is how the House works.
Sorry, it didn't tickle your funny bone, sour puss.
I prefer..
Gonna make it to the coast in March? I've been waiting for it since the last one.. did well and not well.. looking to change that second part.
This yours?
"Jesus Knows You're Here"
A burglar broke into a house one night.
He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin,
clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more,
after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so
he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he
heard 'Jesus is watching you..'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight
beam came to rest on a parrot..
'Did you say that?' he hissed
at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked,
'I'm just trying to warn you that he is
watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me,
huh? Who in the world are you ?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed.
'What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a
Rottweiler Jesus.'
A burglar broke into a house one night.
He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin,
clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more,
after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so
he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he
heard 'Jesus is watching you..'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight
beam came to rest on a parrot..
'Did you say that?' he hissed
at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked,
'I'm just trying to warn you that he is
watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me,
huh? Who in the world are you ?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed.
'What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a
Rottweiler Jesus.'
Mean Bob!:nono:
Subject: Medical distinction between Guts and Balls
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.
Both result in death.
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.
Both result in death.
Pigeon couldn't afford the health club treadmill?
Blue Christmas
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykY8_Ttogjk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykY8_Ttogjk&feature=related
Careful- no good deed goes unpunished.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71ANMaiyD2s&feature=player_embedded
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71ANMaiyD2s&feature=player_embedded
Star Wars and the desire???? planet
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eCSHJINqCo&feature=player_embedded
Jaden
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eCSHJINqCo&feature=player_embedded
Jaden