Great Action or Post-Action One Liners

Michael Andros

Michael Andros

tiny balls, GIANT pockets
Silver Member
So I'm pretty sure anyone who's been around action to any extent has heard some pretty classic one-liners uttered either during or after ( or even before, but that's a bit more rare ) memorably sweatable action. Here's one to start off:

Action at a fairly large tournament. Player A figures to win. GREAT player, even though maybe a few years past his prime: quiet, sure-handed, doesn't rattle, plays like a machine. Player B, up-and-coming young lion; cocky, a bit mouthy, hardly ever misses a ball. Probably needs the 8 to snap it off but he's playing even for a decent bet. He's slow-playing, looking for an edge. A isn't taking the bait except toward the very end. After @ 12 hours, they break even. A is not happy, figures he should've taken the cheese, makes a comment about B slow-playing being the only way he broke even. B says:

"Gimme the 8, double the bet and you'll see me run around this table like a track star!" :yeah:
 
My son said something funny to a guy that was trying to get him to play for money while waiting for a match in a tournament. My son I think was guaranteed 3rd and was waiting for other matches to play again and was shooting with people on a table with a group of people around it (it was the streaming "main" table). The guy was saying how they should play for some money and said "what you don't want to take my money?" to which my son replied "I already took your money!", meaning the entry fee the guy put up that my son was taking in prize money.
 
Local legend Randy "Fat Randy" Wallace, no stranger to firing the "air magnum" once said " Hey, if they don't make you post, bet high". Another time when asked why his opponent was losing Randy quipped "Brother, his head just ain't shaped right". Randy had more one-liners than Carter has liver-pills.
 
Upon winning an action match, a winner whose name I would rather not share, said to his opponent “That’s a nice cue you’ve got there, come back when you’ve learned tu use it.” Sure enough, the fellow showed up again the next night and lost his shirt yet again.
 
garczar said:
Local legend Randy "Fat Randy" Wallace, no stranger to firing the "air magnum" once said " Hey, if they don't make you post, bet high". Another time when asked why his opponent was losing Randy quipped "Brother, his head just ain't shaped right". Randy had more one-liners than Carter has liver-pills.
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Johnny Ross from Jacksonville used to say that when he missed: "My head just wasn't shaped right to make that ball." :grin:
 
sjm said:
Upon winning an action match, a winner whose name I would rather not share, said to his opponent “That’s a nice cue you’ve got there, come back when you’ve learned to use it.” Sure enough, the fellow showed up again the next night and lost his shirt yet again.
Click to expand...

Good advice, squandered... :eek:
 
Early 80s: Jay Swanson was playing a GREAT one hole player for a c-note p/game and played for 2 days before the guy pulls up, leaving Swanie 1 game stuck. Swanson says "Why you quitting?" Player says "I've never run so many 8 and outs in my life and we're even.... I'm spinnin' my wheels, here!"

Jay Swanson... what a player.
 
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Well, Michael, you were busting my balls a bit in another thread about relationships.

My wife bought me a cue after a long layoff....7 years.
....so I started to get in stroke....she didn’t like me gambling...:rolleyes:

So I came home late one night...pulled a couple thou off a roll...said..”Put that in the bank.”.
...she was horrified....said...”That’s a lot of money...:eek:......
....what if you had’ve lost?”

How’s that for an action remark?....whaddiya do with that?


When I was a kid...Charley’s in Norwalk CA....Jockey makes a game....says...
“I don’t care what table we play on...how about old Betsy here?”......
....pats the table fondly, like it’s his old lady.....
 
pt109 said:
Well, Michael, you were busting my balls a bit in another thread about relationships.

My wife bought me a cue after a long layoff....7 years.
....so I started to get in stroke....she didn’t like me gambling...:rolleyes:

So I came home late one night...pulled a couple thou off a roll...said..”Put that in the bank.”.
...she was horrified....said...”That’s a lot of money...:eek:......
....what if you had’ve lost?”

How’s that for an action remark?....whaddiya do with that?


When I was a kid...Charley’s in Norwalk CA....Jockey makes a game....says...
“I don’t care what table we play on...how about old Betsy here?”......
....pats the table fondly, like it’s his old lady.....
Click to expand...


I wonder how many times 'Old Betsy' sent him to bed without any dinner?

Bust your balls??? Why, I NEVER! At least not where you could see it, like in public! Oh... wait. ( quickly changes tack ) You'll be hearing from my attorney!!! That's slander!


Well, see, that's why you've been married and divorced 4 times, P. You obviously dunno how this stuff with the wimmins works. On the way home from the pool room, you needed to stop and pick up 3 dozen roses... oy vey, man, what is WRONG with you?
 
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pt109 said:
Well, Michael, you were busting my balls a bit in another thread about relationships.

My wife bought me a cue after a long layoff....7 years.
....so I started to get in stroke....she didn’t like me gambling...:rolleyes:

So I came home late one night...pulled a couple thou off a roll...said..”Put that in the bank.”.
...she was horrified....said...”That’s a lot of money...:eek:......
....what if you had’ve lost?”

How’s that for an action remark?....whaddiya do with that?


When I was a kid...Charley’s in Norwalk CA....Jockey makes a game....says...
“I don’t care what table we play on...how about old Betsy here?”......
....pats the table fondly, like it’s his old lady.....
Click to expand...

OMG, I saw Jockey get tortured by Don Watson getting the eight ball at Charley's in Norwalk. He was crying like a baby.

On another note, speaking of old wives tales. One night I won 600 playing poker and came home after Midnight to find my disapproving wife sitting up in bed reading a book. I had already decided to give her all the money as a gift, so I laid the six Benjamin's on her lap and said this is for you. She looked up at me and said, "I don't want your dirty gambling money" and swept the money onto the floor. A couple of months later I moved out - for good!
 
"I must have hit the wrong polka-dot, Buddy."

I've shared this pool happening countless times, but I always get a kick out of it, so it belongs in this thread. :D

The first time the polka-dotted ball was introduced in a professional tournament setting was at the 2003 U.S. Open 9-Ball Championship. Buddy Hall and Keith McCready were up next on the TV table. They were asked if they minded playing with this new polka-dotted cueball, and both players agreed to do so, that it would be no problem.

At the end of the match, Buddy and Keith both agreed that the ball played the same as the other cueball for them.

One funny moment that occurred during the match was when Keith came with a miss. He stared at the table in disbelief and said to Buddy, "I guess I must have hit the wrong polka-dot, Buddy." The audience erupted with laughter. Buddy cackled and couldn't get to the table fast enough for his turn.

What makes this incident so funny is that Diana Hoppe managed to capture this photograph at the exact moment Keith uttered those words. Look at Keith's face, the look of horror. Buddy is licking his chops, wanting to get back to the table, and the audience is cracking up with loud laughter. :grin-square:

The match is ---> HERE
 

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Dont remember who said it

But at the billiard palace, upstairs, before it became the hardtimes in bellflower, ca.
guys talking about a spot, can't get matched up, finally the guy says, ok ok, tell you what I'll do, you can use two pieces of chalk, I'll use only one
 
JAM said:
"I must have hit the wrong polka-dot, Buddy."

I've shared this pool happening countless times, but I always get a kick out of it, so it belongs in this thread. :D

The first time the polka-dotted ball was introduced in a professional tournament setting was at the 2003 U.S. Open 9-Ball Championship. Buddy Hall and Keith McCready were up next on the TV table. They were asked if they minded playing with this new polka-dotted cueball, and both players agreed to do so, that it would be no problem.

At the end of the match, Buddy and Keith both agreed that the ball played the same as the other cueball for them.

One funny moment that occurred during the match was when Keith came with a miss. He stared at the table in disbelief and said to Buddy, "I guess I must have hit the wrong polka-dot, Buddy." The audience erupted with laughter. Buddy cackled and couldn't get to the table fast enough for his turn.

What makes this incident so funny is that Diana Hoppe managed to capture this photograph at the exact moment Keith uttered those words. Look at Keith's face, the look of horror. Buddy is licking his chops, wanting to get back to the table, and the audience is cracking up with loud laughter. :grin-square:

The match is ---> HERE
Click to expand...


Great story, Jam! Thank for sharing it here. :grin:
 
Cliff *****ing at a certain player about having to give him weight in 1 pocket. Cliff is down a few games, player just came back from a 30 min break.
Cliff- *****ing about the spot not being fair.
Player- **** you Cliff, I just did 2 train tracks worth of coke, smoked a bowl of meth, and barebacked two coke whores, and haven't slept in 3 ****in days. Goddamn Cliff!! You go do all that and I'll spot you the ****in weight!!!

Whole place like to lost it :thumbup:.
 
JAM said:
"I must have hit the wrong polka-dot, Buddy."

I've shared this pool happening countless times, but I always get a kick out of it, so it belongs in this thread. :D

The first time the polka-dotted ball was introduced in a professional tournament setting was at the 2003 U.S. Open 9-Ball Championship. Buddy Hall and Keith McCready were up next on the TV table. They were asked if they minded playing with this new polka-dotted cueball, and both players agreed to do so, that it would be no problem.

At the end of the match, Buddy and Keith both agreed that the ball played the same as the other cueball for them.

One funny moment that occurred during the match was when Keith came with a miss. He stared at the table in disbelief and said to Buddy, "I guess I must have hit the wrong polka-dot, Buddy." The audience erupted with laughter. Buddy cackled and couldn't get to the table fast enough for his turn.

What makes this incident so funny is that Diana Hoppe managed to capture this photograph at the exact moment Keith uttered those words. Look at Keith's face, the look of horror. Buddy is licking his chops, wanting to get back to the table, and the audience is cracking up with loud laughter. :grin-square:

The match is ---> HERE
Click to expand...
JAM, gotta good Keith tale. Don Brink brought him down to Tulsa for a tourn. at the Palace. KM's opponent was a good local who ran a Kelley-Moore paint store. Well this paint seller was in dead whiz and missin' NOTHIN. Don was next to me and asked who this cat was. I said just a local who sells paint. Well, that's all Don needed. He motioned Keith over and told him he was gettin' beat by a paint merchant. The look on Keith's face was priceless. Remember this like it was an hour ago. Good times.
 
jay helfert said:
OMG, I saw Jockey get tortured by Don Watson getting the eight ball at Charley's in Norwalk. He was crying like a baby.

On another note, speaking of old wives tales. One night I won 600 playing poker and came home after Midnight to find my disapproving wife sitting up in bed reading a book. I had already decided to give her all the money as a gift, so I laid the six Benjamin's on her lap and said this is for you. She looked up at me and said, "I don't want your dirty gambling money" and swept the money onto the floor. A couple of months later I moved out - for good!
Click to expand...

Which eventually led you to, from the rumors I've heard (and I think it was you I heard it from ), the best woman that ever happened to you, the wife with whom you now share your home... so who says gambling can't be a positive experience??? :yeah:
 
I've posted this in another thread a while back but it fits this thread even better so here it is again:

If anyone knew or remembers Miami Shorty, you know he was a little guy with a heart the size of an elephant. You also know he was a great player who could go days and never say a word. At a tournament back in the day ( mid to late 70s ), he was in action with a player/stakehorse from Detroit, a mouthy, brash guy who never shut up, yapping non-stop. So this guy misses a ball, Shorty gets up and misses 2 or 3 balls later. The other guy misses again. Then Shorty misses again. So the guy says "Goddamn, Shorty, neither one of us can make a ball!" Shorty doesn't say a word but someone from the rail says loud enough for everyone to hear "Shorty says speak for yourself!" And Shorty says "... yeah."

And that was the only thing he said the entire session.
 
Michael Andros said:
I've posted this in another thread a while back but it fits this thread even better so here it is again:

If anyone knew or remembers Miami Shorty, you know he was a little guy with a heart the size of an elephant. You also know he was a great player who could go days and never say a word. At a tournament back in the day ( mid to late 70s ), he was in action with a player/stakehorse from Detroit, a mouthy, brash guy who never shut up, yapping non-stop. So this guy misses a ball, Shorty gets up and misses 2 or 3 balls later. The other guy misses again. Then Shorty misses again. So the guy says "Goddamn, Shorty, neither one of us can make a ball!" Shorty doesn't say a word but someone from the rail says loud enough for everyone to hear "Shorty says speak for yourself!" And Shorty says "... yeah."

And that was the only thing he said the entire session.
Click to expand...
Randy used to call it " mum pool". One time he told this mouthy wise-ass that if he'd just shut-up he'd get a bigger spot. Well, dude shut up, got more weight and still got steam-rolled. Classic.
 
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