The roots of competitive anxiety are varied and they have more or less influence on different people. It is not just about losing. Think about it this way. Often a smell or a comment will trigger an emotion in you. Perhaps the smell of burning woods sends a shiver up your spine and a sense of fear or joy.
These emotions were conditioned in childhood and it takes years to overcome them. If your Dad was hyper critical when you lost a game and made you afraid of his wrath you get anxious when the possibility of losing is present. We often don’t know what the roots are (that takes a psychologist to figure them out) but we do know that we have strong emotional reactions to innocuous events.
Some people have prejudices against people or things. Certainly your emotional reactions to various sexual objects are out of proportion to the physical presence of the object or person. In general, our emotional reactions, especially mild forms of fear or anxiety, were often set when we were young.
Ironically some people are afraid of winning for any of a variety of reasons. For some people the social censure or possible lack of respect losing will earn from the significant people in their life will set them on edge. It is best to know why you play and what it means to you. You can start by keeping track of your feelings and your thoughts when competitive anxiety begins.
As noted in the article previously referenced, competitive anxiety manifests itself in different ways and you also need to determine your personal type of expression. It can be physical or mental.
Winning or losing money is a sign or has meaning in some other way. Money is simply green pieces of paper that can easily be traded for other things. So what does winning or losing mean? Are you a better or worse person because you have or do not have money? Are you worth more if you win? Will your friends think better of you if you graciously allow someone else to win? Perhaps if you win this match you will have to move out of your circle of friends because you now play too well. There are many reasons for becoming anxious when we face that win or lose situation.
BTW, you can substitute “game,” “match,” or “trophy,” for the word “money.” They are all just signs or symbols of something else in your life.
Some people seek out anxiety producing situations because that is the only time in their life when they were valued so it is about the anxiety that leads to caring. Life can get complicated if you were only cared for when you won or for some when you lost. That caring or wrathful person may be gone now but we continue to seek out the situations that give life meaning.
Some wag said, “know thy self,” and your life will be better.
