OH NO...Wife is Not Happy with Pool...Help!

B

BasementDweller

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
Here we go....

I picked the BasementDweller name for a reason. I basically just play at home when I can find a few minutes here and there. But lately, I've been trying to sneak out and hit a local tournament, or try to find some local action.

Well, I got hit with the "you're playing too much pool" today. I got the call after a package from Seyberts was delivered. That paired with all the talk about me getting a new table, I think put her over the edge.

I've been married for 11 years now and I have 3 kids (ages 7, 6, & 19 months) so it's a bit tough to just take off and go play pool. By tough, I mean if I want to stay married (which of course I do). Pool is the only hobby I have but I think the wife would rather I didn't play at all :(

I know there have been several threads about this on here in the past but I think it's time for a review. How do you guys handle this?
 
Not Surprising

I had the same issue for quite some time. Ultimately, you need to show your wife that she and your children are the most important thing in the world to you. After she realizes that, try and help her understand how important it is for everyone (including her) to have something (i.e. a hobby) that they are passionate about. Try to help her understand that by taking pool away, you are unhappy and if either of you is unhappy in the marriage, it will suffer. Perhaps she has something that she loves to do that you can relate the situation to in an effort to help her understand your point of view.
 
This worked for me

i do everthing i can to make my wife miserable whenever i am home.

That way she looks forward to me going out to play pool.

SLIM
 
Been there....

After all the fights and issues for a few years, I tried to make a deal with her. I'd play 1 tournament a month, or 1 tournament every other month, and then the BCAPL nationals in May (that one is a fight every year still as it's 10 days gone).

The deal went okay, right up until I wanted to cash in on my once in every other month tournament. back and forth, yadda yadda. I'd go to tourneys with her being upset and I'd use that as fuel to make sure I brought home the cash (which I thought would help, but they seem to forget about that 10 minutes later). I think most guys wouldn't be able to play that determined with the fight at home, but I used it to my advantage.

Recently what has worked is me giving her a 5 or 6 week heads up of a tourney, then the 2 week and 1 week reminder that it's coming up (because they somehow can remember everything you ever said except when it comes to pool) and then tried to limit my talks and discussions about pool before the tourney. I'd overdue my time with her and the kids, do extra stuff around the house, do all the kid brushing, washing, story reading things, until she would be sick of me. It actually has worked a few times and she is happy to just get rid of me for a night or 2.

Good Luck sir! It's not always easy to keep the ladies happy and also do something you love.
 
Yeah

Divorce, then you can go play anytime you want. When I was married, I got to play league once a week on Saturday afternoon. Couldn't really keep my game up then. Pool never caused any of my divorces, but I do like being able to play anytime I want to, and I have been playing Pool 50 years.

Hell, I keep my cues longer than the wives, and believe it or not Pool is cheaper than a wive is ... lol
 
Feel for you dude. There's no 1 answer for this situation that fits every relationship.

For some reason the creator decided to make every woman different in order to confuse the crap out of us guys.

From your post it seems like you value your relationship with your wife and the time you spend with your family.

Here's the thing though. You state you have to "sneak out to go to tournaments or find some action". Do you really mean this? This implies some sort of underhandedness or dishonesty and I can see why your wife would have a problem with it.

If on the other hand you just meant you're trying to minimize the impact of your playing on your family life, then I think you need to stand up for yourself with your wife and let her know that while you value your time with your family you need some "personal development" time in order to be your best when you're with your family.

This isn't a new idea. People with healthy relationships often have active lives outside the home.

If she comes back and says she doesn't spend any time away from the family then you should point out that she should, and you should be willing to look after the kids and support her in finding a hobby or some sort of activity on her own time.

Relationships are give and take, they don't work when you're doing all the giving or all the taking. there needs to be a balance.

If you're forced to stay home all the time then you're going to feel some resentment against your wife and that will undermine the happiness of your family.

On that note, take two Tylenol and call your dr. in the morning.
 
Every time you come home from pool, give her $50.. When she asks what its for, tell her you won $100 and wanted to give her half.. Do this a couple times and she will be begging for you to go play pool....

Hint: Give her the $$ whether you win or not... :)


I was always lucky and had someone who loved pool as much as I did.. I used to get dragged to the pool hall even when I really didn't want to.. It was really kind of nice.
 
The combination of time and money go together to represent the total sacrifice she is making for your hobby. Your wife and children should come first. If you have a table already and are thinking about getting another one, that could be a problem unless your current table is a total piece of sh*t and you're not planning on spending more than $1500 for a good used table to replace it. (you can get a nice Gold Crown used for about $1000) More would be ok if you're making more than $200-300k/yr and got plenty built up toward retirement.

Also, it is only fair that your wife be able to count on a certain schedule, whatever it is that you agree on. I did actually discuss pool with my wife prior to marriage and made sure she would be ok with me playing once a week. She's also fine with an additional potential one tournament a month, but I rarely exercise that option because we always have something going on or I am just dead beat tired.

It also matters how much you are helping out and doing household chores in the time that you are not playing pool, and if you have any other hobbies. I do also like to play computer games occasionally but those have pretty much gotten squeezed out of the equation now that we have a baby.

It goes back to proving to her every day that family is first and pool is a distant second at best.
 
manfromoz said:
I had the same issue for quite some time. Ultimately, you need to show your wife that she and your children are the most important thing in the world to you. After she realizes that, try and help her understand how important it is for everyone (including her) to have something (i.e. a hobby) that they are passionate about. Try to help her understand that by taking pool away, you are unhappy and if either of you is unhappy in the marriage, it will suffer. Perhaps she has something that she loves to do that you can relate the situation to in an effort to help her understand your point of view.
Click to expand...

Then go out and start a pool tour. lol

But thats true, relate it by using something she is passionate about. And if she doesnt have anything that shes passionate about, then help her find something that she has an interest in and develop that passion. Even teach her to play some, talk to her about why you find passion in pool.

Its nothing a little love and understanding, won't cure. :)
 
A coworker's wife did the hobby thing . . .

supergreenman said:
Feel for you dude. There's no 1 answer for this situation that fits every relationship.

For some reason the creator decided to make every woman different in order to confuse the crap out of us guys.

From your post it seems like you value your relationship with your wife and the time you spend with your family.

Here's the thing though. You state you have to "sneak out to go to tournaments or find some action". Do you really mean this? This implies some sort of underhandedness or dishonesty and I can see why your wife would have a problem with it.

If on the other hand you just meant you're trying to minimize the impact of your playing on your family life, then I think you need to stand up for yourself with your wife and let her know that while you value your time with your family you need some "personal development" time in order to be your best when you're with your family.

This isn't a new idea. People with healthy relationships often have active lives outside the home.

If she comes back and says she doesn't spend any time away from the family then you should point out that she should, and you should be willing to look after the kids and support her in finding a hobby or some sort of activity on her own time.

Relationships are give and take, they don't work when you're doing all the giving or all the taking. there needs to be a balance.

If you're forced to stay home all the time then you're going to feel some resentment against your wife and that will undermine the happiness of your family.

On that note, take two Tylenol and call your dr. in the morning.
Click to expand...


Back many years before the poker boom a friend played poker. We worked a four day week and sometimes he got off work, cashed his check at the poker game and didn't make it home until Sunday afternoon or Sunday evening. Usually he made it home sooner or later every night though.

One Thursday Jim got in the card game and by the time he decided to quit it was early Sunday afternoon. Jim got home to a somewhat chilly reception as you might expect. Pre-cellphone days he hadn't even talked to his wife since Thursday morning. He suggested going out for a few drinks hoping a little alcohol would take the edge off of her temper. The nearby watering hole was one bay in a strip mall, very long and narrow, maybe thirty feet wide or less by 125 feet deep or a little more. There was a long bar down one wall, a few tables and then a couple pool tables in the back. Jenny liked to play pool so he figured to grab a table near the pool tables, get drinks, and play a little pool.

As they walked down the bar men started calling out to Jenny. Hey Jenny! Hey Baby! Hey Jen! Hi honey! Five or six guys called out to her. Jim was feeling a little warm under the collar but got Jenny seated at a table, got the drinks, and sat quietly until he had cooled off a bit, then he asked her what the deal was.

She said, "You remember you were in the streets for three days? I was too."

"You knew I was playing poker!"

"You did what you wanted to do, I did what I wanted to do."

Moral of the story is that you might want to keep wives happy without them having to take up new "hobbies". They can find a way to make you pay!

Hu
 
BasementDweller said:
Here we go....

I picked the BasementDweller name for a reason. I basically just play at home when I can find a few minutes here and there. But lately, I've been trying to sneak out and hit a local tournament, or try to find some local action.

Well, I got hit with the "you're playing too much pool" today. I got the call after a package from Seyberts was delivered. That paired with all the talk about me getting a new table, I think put her over the edge.

I've been married for 11 years now and I have 3 kids (ages 7, 6, & 19 months) so it's a bit tough to just take off and go play pool. By tough, I mean if I want to stay married (which of course I do). Pool is the only hobby I have but I think the wife would rather I didn't play at all :(

I know there have been several threads about this on here in the past but I think it's time for a review. How do you guys handle this?
Click to expand...

There has been some good advice given already but here are some of my thoughts.

Life is about balance. Family is very important, so is work, the kids, and the wife. Your important as well, the key is making sure everyone knows they are loved and appreciated (especially the wife).

I would encourage you to make sure your wife knows this not by your words but your actions. Make sure your giving her enough of your time and that your doing things together. Perhaps you can invite her to go with if she likes and it can be arranged. Are you making enough time for her and the family. If you are then it sounds like shes being selfish and needs to be more understanding.

I guess the question that needs to be asked is are you spending too much time on your pool game?

She should want you to enjoy your pursuits and vice versa.

Good luck on finding that balance point with her, the kids and pool.
 
If you figure out the answer to this question....

Let me know! Between pool and golf, my wife is always down my back to be being to busy....and I don't even have any kids....
 
Simplistic answer

Choose your priorities and don't whine about the consequences.

For the record : I choose wife, family, and business. I am not as good a pool player as I could have been and probably never will be, but having a successful marriage, successful children and financial security has made me happier than being a destitute, lonely pool player ever would have.
 
Communication is key. I know when my wife would kindly tell me I was playing to much golf,.. I realized,.. I was, n backed off some.

Kids + wife = #1



Sent from my SCH-I400 using Tapatalk
 
Whan I played golf all the time mine complained about that. When I started playing pool she complained about that. I finally told her I had to have a hobby. I play one tourney a week and almost every afternoon after work until about time for her to get home. I make sure I get home before her. She doesn't complain too much any more as long as I'm winning enough gambling and in the tourney that I fund my own hobby.
 
I'm in the same predicament ( I used to play jam up). Best thing to do is start going to hookers. Once she finds out you substituted pool for hookers she will be more than glad to let you play as much pool as you want instead of going to hookers. (If you dont like hookers you can substitute for Crack)
 
life

I thought I had everyones problem all figured out. I actually started a pool club at my university, recruited her as a member. Dated for 2.5 yrs, played competitively with her during this time, avg4-6 hrs a day. Got married, played every friday nite out, and then we had kids, errrrrrrrr

The brakes were hit. My wife has not played an ounce of pool for 5 yrs. now during this time, I have tried to keep my very casual play 1 x a week, then 1 x a month, mind you no practice time, because no time when you have kids, 5 yr, 2.5yr, 4 months. Well, I know there needs to be a balance, and since the kids, my wife has no other hobbies to replace pool, except the kids. We have a 9ft brunswick in the basement. Kids toys all over it and around it. having kids is what WE wanted, however she made the decision to totally stop playing or showing interest. I have not, I dabble in selling a case or flipping cues here and there. The only way I can stay connected to the game. I just know in a few yrs I can start teaching my kids, and we can make it a family activity at nite or when ever.

Know this, if you have kids, this lull is temporary. If your partner is just not supportive, then you need to have a long discussion. It is a team effort and a balance needs to be made, also a understanding because I am sure she might have her own interests that don't include you. So work on it, not the end of the world
 
Many years ago I explained to my wife. I do not gamble, I quit playing golf (with cost statistics). I do not chase women. I do not drink to excess. I ride my motorcycle alone (not in groups and not on poker runs with the guys). I do not spend extra income on other things like football trips with the guys.

I have chosen a hobby that allows me to be at home most of the time that other guys are out doing other stuff. If you would like we can do a time study on how much time I am home and available for many family things as compared to several other married men.

One tournament a week would not be excessive, Guys night out kind of thing. However, I have given that up and only ask for one day a month. That is not too much to ask.

Now we can also talk about how much you spend on recreational items such as things that make you look and feel good. The amount of discretionary income you spend on “girl” stuff and the amount of extra time that you spend with the kids when you and I should be having time to ourselves.

If I do not take care of myself and my needs I cannot adequately take care of you and the kids. If I am not happy with who I am and what I am doing with my life I tend to make everyone else miserable. In other words, I need some alone time for me to do that which makes me happy. I have carefully chosen a hobby that keeps me home, costs, little (relative to other sports) and one I find fascinating. Because of this I can look forward to my time alone and I can be in a good mood to change diapers, and listen to the thrills of being a young child or an over worked mother.

In addition the hobby I have chosen keeps me in the company of men and there is little chance that I will find or be attracted to other women when you and I have difficult times.

Do you want an SOB around here or a loving husband and father. Life happens and we have to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others. Knowing how to balance that is what it means to be an adult. BTW, you too should have something in your life that gets you away from me and the kids.


And wouldn't you know she took up trips to Europe to expand her life.!
 
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