OH NO...Wife is Not Happy with Pool...Help!

Go play pool and take your medicine when you get home lol
If she insist you stay at home.....sit around and be an a..
 
Spend all your time with your kids while you can. Pool will be there when they are gone. Trust me it's only a game but your kids are your life.
 
Family and Pool

Jodacus said:
Choose your priorities and don't whine about the consequences.

For the record : I choose wife, family, and business. I am not as good a pool player as I could have been and probably never will be, but having a successful marriage, successful children and financial security has made me happier than being a destitute, lonely pool player ever would have.
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Well said!
In my opinion having a family is far more important and valuable than being able to run rack after rack.
For me, pool became my hobby because of my family life. I have 3 kids (18month, and 2 month old twins). Lucky for me, my wife is amazing, but I can still see that she doesn't fully understand my love with pool. My pool table is in the garage so I can still enjoy my hobby while still being close to home. I'm sure my wife is glad that I don't go on long fishing trips hundreds of miles away or have to travel a lot for my job. There are worse hobbies to have.
Someone posted that life is about balance. I couldn't agree more if you have multiple areas of your life that need your attention. The key is to not let the different areas impact each other negatively.


Rick

<<< Finding out how little sleep one can get and still function
 
As a psychologist I have stated many times that kids will tell you when they need attention. Of course you have to listen. That is when we need to respond. Sometimes they are better off left alone to do their thing. My family rule was that if the kids asked, I would get involved. Maybe not right now because I am busy but I will always (and I mean always) tell you exactly when we can do your thing. BTW, the kids knew the rule and they held me to it -- that also helps.

When they were young it had to be the same day and I often used things like, “After I finish my news paper and at 6:37 we will take a look at that.” Helps them learn to tell time.

We need to learn to listen to our children and then we learn that they will tell us what they need. Sometimes it is a bed time story, sometimes it is a talk about “that guy,” sometimes it is a ball game in the back yard. And often they need to be left alone to learn and be happy in their own way.

Sometimes they need us every day for a week and other times they need to be left alone fo a few days.
 
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BasementDweller said:
Here we go....

I picked the BasementDweller name for a reason. I basically just play at home when I can find a few minutes here and there. But lately, I've been trying to sneak out and hit a local tournament, or try to find some local action.

Well, I got hit with the "you're playing too much pool" today. I got the call after a package from Seyberts was delivered. That paired with all the talk about me getting a new table, I think put her over the edge.

I've been married for 11 years now and I have 3 kids (ages 7, 6, & 19 months) so it's a bit tough to just take off and go play pool. By tough, I mean if I want to stay married (which of course I do). Pool is the only hobby I have but I think the wife would rather I didn't play at all :(

I know there have been several threads about this on here in the past but I think it's time for a review. How do you guys handle this?
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As a single man who has never been married, I always find it fascinatnig when a wife is upset with her spouse for spending too much time on one, and only one, hobby.

I have never heard, or read, of a husband having a similar complaint about his wife.

It would seem to me, that "compromise" in a marriage means the husband has to relinquish something...LOL

Have fun and good luck.

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Women are not interested in your opinion. They just want to hear their opinion in a deeper voice.
~Jeff Foxworthy
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Sounds like your basic control freak type to me.

Some women just are not happy unless you are unhappy. As soon as you find a good hobby or outlet they clue in on it and say you are spending too much time doing it.

Suggestion:

Politely, if you do intend on staying married and truly love her, remind her of the reasons why she loved you in the beginning when you started out.

I'll bet one of the reasons was because you were happy, secure in yourself, and interesting to her because you were not a spitting image of her. Opposites attract partly kind of thing.

Then ask her why she wouldn't want you to be happy and secure in yourself now.
Tell her if you lose who you are, why would she still continue to love you?

Then remind her that playing pool helps you keep in check with what you are all about, and what you stand for. :thumbup: Try not to laugh because there is much truth in this reasoning.

If she continues to want you to be unhappy for her sake of wanting what she wants of you, she's is the classic American control freak and nothing you can do shy of divorce or unhappiness is in your future.
 
If you want a long and happy marriage never, never, never, marry your opposite. What was fun at first becomes a serious drag when it is every day. People with long happy marriages become more alike over time. Our spouse becomes the other half of us.

That is not me talking, that is a very long history of solid research in the social and behavioral sciences.
 
I think I would go caveman on her - club her over the head with your cue and drag her by the hair along with you.
 
manfromoz said:
I had the same issue for quite some time. Ultimately, you need to show your wife that she and your children are the most important thing in the world to you. After she realizes that, try and help her understand how important it is for everyone (including her) to have something (i.e. a hobby) that they are passionate about. Try to help her understand that by taking pool away, you are unhappy and if either of you is unhappy in the marriage, it will suffer. Perhaps she has something that she loves to do that you can relate the situation to in an effort to help her understand your point of view.
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Excellent advice. I too encourage my wife in her interests and often tell her that if I have 1-2 days of pool that she has that time away from home too. When I was interested in buying Fusco Billiards, Mike Fusco once told me that nothing (meaning pool) is more important than family time... as evidenced by a modified office bedroom located behind the front counter.
 
Here is the longer version, maybe it will help.

I completely gave up pool for 20+ years to do the husband, father, business thing. My wife knew this and encouraged me multiple times resume my playing. Each time I told her it would not be a wise at this time. After the kids were grown and out on their own, after we were financially secure for the rest of our lives, and because my son was playing and encouraging (challenging) me to resume playing I picked up a cue again.

It happened that a new and very upscale room had just opened in a nearby town. My wife and I visited it one day and I told her it was good it wasn't in our hometown because I would probably live in it if it were. My wife smiled understandingly.

Not having a local pool room and with encouragement from my wife I put a table in at the house. Now I play a lot, so much so that sometimes I feel guilty. I tell the wife that this is why I wouldn't return to pool before, I knew how much time I would spend at it.

She has never touched a cue stick. She never complains, never disparages pool. We are going to DCC this year, her to visit nearby relatives and me to watch and learn. In reality I feel as though my playing now has put a little distance between us that wasn't there before. Maybe it's just me but I am going to be on the lookout for any real problems.

I was right to marry a woman that was strong enough to deal with me. I'm not easy. I worked at making it right and so far I feel as though I have done the right things. Thirty+ years of success has to mean something.

You can look at yourself in the mirror every morning as long as you do what you feel is right. You don't always have to be right, no reasonable person expects that, but for yourself you have to try.

Good Luck n Good Shootin'

PS: I have posted my story before and apologize to anyone who has read it before, I hope to help basementdweller and family. Thanks
 
Jodacus said:
Here is the longer version, maybe it will help.

I completely gave up pool for 20+ years to do the husband, father, business thing. My wife knew this and encouraged me multiple times resume my playing. Each time I told her it would not be a wise at this time. After the kids were grown and out on their own, after we were financially secure for the rest of our lives, and because my son was playing and encouraging (challenging) me to resume playing I picked up a cue again.

It happened that a new and very upscale room had just opened in a nearby town. My wife and I visited it one day and I told her it was good it wasn't in our hometown because I would probably live in it if it were. My wife smiled understandingly.

Not having a local pool room and with encouragement from my wife I put a table in at the house. Now I play a lot, so much so that sometimes I feel guilty. I tell the wife that this is why I wouldn't return to pool before, I knew how much time I would spend at it.

She has never touched a cue stick. She never complains, never disparages pool. We are going to DCC this year, her to visit nearby relatives and me to watch and learn. In reality I feel as though my playing now has put a little distance between us that wasn't there before. Maybe it's just me but I am going to be on the lookout for any real problems.

I was right to marry a woman that was strong enough to deal with me. I'm not easy. I worked at making it right and so far I feel as though I have done the right things. Thirty+ years of success has to mean something.

You can look at yourself in the mirror every morning as long as you do what you feel is right. You don't always have to be right, no reasonable person expects that, but for yourself you have to try.

Good Luck n Good Shootin'

PS: I have posted my story before and apologize to anyone who has read it before, I hope to help basementdweller and family. Thanks
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Congratulatins!! i think you found the bride may were looking for adnot just from the pool world.
i have a friend who has been married 5 times and they don't total 30 plus years. To make it worse he can't shoot a ball in the ocean still. IF he reads this he will cry the rest of the week.LOL
 
BasementDweller said:
Here we go....

I picked the BasementDweller name for a reason. I basically just play at home when I can find a few minutes here and there. But lately, I've been trying to sneak out and hit a local tournament, or try to find some local action.

Well, I got hit with the "you're playing too much pool" today. I got the call after a package from Seyberts was delivered. That paired with all the talk about me getting a new table, I think put her over the edge.

I've been married for 11 years now and I have 3 kids (ages 7, 6, & 19 months) so it's a bit tough to just take off and go play pool. By tough, I mean if I want to stay married (which of course I do). Pool is the only hobby I have but I think the wife would rather I didn't play at all :(

I know there have been several threads about this on here in the past but I think it's time for a review. How do you guys handle this?
Click to expand...


I could write a novel about this, but I'll keep it short.

Always remember this:

What your wife cares about is how your hobby affects her.

Always keep that in mind. When you're gone, she's picking up the slack.

You can possibly work out a deal where you trade off - give her a day off for recreation and you get a night to play pool. But from a father and a husband, take it from me - put your wife and children first. I wish I had given it more effort when my daughter's were small. With children that age you should put your personal life aside for awhile and enjoy your children growing up. Don't miss this!

Enjoy your family. You will bond with them for a lifetime. When your kids are teenagers they will be constantly off and doing their own thing - then you can play pool all you want.

There is so much more to life than pool.

Chris
 
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BasementDweller said:
Here we go....

I picked the BasementDweller name for a reason. I basically just play at home when I can find a few minutes here and there. But lately, I've been trying to sneak out and hit a local tournament, or try to find some local action.

Well, I got hit with the "you're playing too much pool" today. I got the call after a package from Seyberts was delivered. That paired with all the talk about me getting a new table, I think put her over the edge.

I've been married for 11 years now and I have 3 kids (ages 7, 6, & 19 months) so it's a bit tough to just take off and go play pool. By tough, I mean if I want to stay married (which of course I do). Pool is the only hobby I have but I think the wife would rather I didn't play at all :(

I know there have been several threads about this on here in the past but I think it's time for a review. How do you guys handle this?
Click to expand...

I have the temporary fix for ya.
Firstly, Wine, Roses, and a diamond.
Second week, Wine, roses, and a package to the local Spa.
That takes care of two weeks.
Third wee, Wine Roses, and the new car.
Now for the fourth week, simple, get very creative!
Problem solved!!
 
Lots of good advice here and some bad. I'm definitely not leaving my wife and abandoning my kids over a game. If you are actually one of those guys that did that, I feel sorry for you.

I think this is just a minor speed bump and we will work it out. I will let you guys know how it turns out. I have been encouraging my wife to spend some more time on things she is interested in and I'm sure that's part of the solution.

In fairness to her, my story goes like this:

I loved pool very much but it was ruining my life so I completely quit after playing for a couple of years when I was around 22. The next day I joined the Air Force. The day after that I met her. I've always thought it may have been God's way of rewarding me for making a couple of tough decisions. Anyways, now I'm setting here at 36 years old and I've been playing steady again for a couple of years. So, pool wasn't really part of the deal when we got married.

I'll keep you posted :)
 
BasementDweller said:
Here we go....

I picked the BasementDweller name for a reason. I basically just play at home when I can find a few minutes here and there. But lately, I've been trying to sneak out and hit a local tournament, or try to find some local action.

Well, I got hit with the "you're playing too much pool" today. I got the call after a package from Seyberts was delivered. That paired with all the talk about me getting a new table, I think put her over the edge.

I've been married for 11 years now and I have 3 kids (ages 7, 6, & 19 months) so it's a bit tough to just take off and go play pool. By tough, I mean if I want to stay married (which of course I do). Pool is the only hobby I have but I think the wife would rather I didn't play at all :(

I know there have been several threads about this on here in the past but I think it's time for a review. How do you guys handle this?
Click to expand...


You can try what I did: I gave up pool for 10 years. Inevitably she will get to the point of begging you to go dig out your pool cue from the closet and get out of the house :-)

Lou Figueroa
 
Jodacus said:
Choose your priorities and don't whine about the consequences.

For the record : I choose wife, family, and business. I am not as good a pool player as I could have been and probably never will be, but having a successful marriage, successful children and financial security has made me happier than being a destitute, lonely pool player ever would have.
Click to expand...

Boy the way you word this you seem to think there's only two choices. Get married and be successful or play pool and be destitute.

reminds me of those jokes.

What do you call a pool player without a girlfriend? Homeless
What's the difference between a pool player and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of 4.
 
Screw all that

If playing pool makes your wife miserable quit. Don't look back.
And thank her. She may have more sense than any of us.
Nick :)
 
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