Politically correct holiday greeting!

Monstermash

Lock Ness Monster
Silver Member
Dear Family and Friends,

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to you, but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday and on his advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that US is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her / him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Best Regards (without prejudice)

Name withheld (Privacy Act).
 
I wish you a happy holiday season. That is, unless you do not seek a happy holiday season, for it is not my hope that you be denied a miserable new year should that prove to be what you prefer. Hence, I'll revise my seasonal greeting to say that I wish you a holiday season consistent with your hopes for the holiday season. Unless, of course, you have no hopes for the holdiay season, in which case I hope you'll accept my lack of a season's greeting.
 
Please allow me to reverse this political BS.

South Park Christmas

Do not allow kids to listen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZ__JwI1hIA&feature=related

Mr. Wilson isn't allowed to listen either.

Unfortunately, this is what OUR Christmas Celebration has come to.


TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2003
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 To make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty

****************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree, and no Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty

*******************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed, since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

**********************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the Dessert Buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed, though we will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert. For Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty

**********************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All The Damn Employees
DATE: October 05, 2003
RE: The Damn Holiday Party
Vegetarian idiots I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your damn salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, The ***** from HELL!!!!!!!!

**********************************************************

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2003
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon, the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays! Jan Brons

********************************************************

Merry Christmas Everyone and All the Best in the New Year.
 
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This is overblown by fox news.

I'm guessing you don't have kids in public school.

It has gotten so ridiculous that this years "Holiday Concert" had the kids singing a bunch of stupid songs nobody had ever even heard of. Even the secular Christmas songs are now off limits. What did Rudolph ever do to anyone?

Whatever!

I need to go hit some balls.

Oops almost forgot - MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
 
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Excuse me, but "preference" implies a choice. Sexual orientation would be more appropriate. Time for another revision with your lawyer.

Unfortunately, diversity awareness hasn't helped my game.
 
Holidays

I wish everyone a "Bah Humbug!" now you can all politically and correctly kiss my arse that is under the mistletoe. That will be all.
 
Festivus for the rest-of-us
Comedians who object to the religious aspects of Festivus, will have the opportunity to "air their grievances" prior to December 24, 2011.


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I wish you all a Merry CHRISTmas.

..and also a Happy New Year

pt...in the year of our Lord 2011

ps..don't make the hand cuffs too tight...I make a living with these hands.
...not a very good one, mind you
 
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I use to say Happy Holidays not wanting to offend anybody but now
I really don't care. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYBODY!!
 
Happy holidays is derived from the religous saying happy holy days.Just learned that in church last Sunday.
 
I have always thought that this is a free country, so what's up with this politically
correct bs? To make a long story short, Merry Christmas to you all.
Anyone who feels offended by that, why don't you just go and f yourself.....
 
With all the fortitude of Yuletide spirit within me, may I never have been, am not now, nor will I ever be politically correct!
 
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