pool's greatest one liners & quotes

Sitting in the pool hall one afternoon ,with THE Sonny Glenn , a kid walks in who is in the dictionary listed under knit or nut hunter , who also asks for a stake horse for a 50 cent game, for real ... Comes in and stands next to the juke box looking around like he's wanting action ... Hardly anybody else in there ... The Sonny Glenn yells at the kid , " hey young man , are you looking for something warm and soft ?" the kid strolls over and politely says yes , Sonny replied, " hold your hand out and I'll $H!* in it !!! " Severe lock jaw insued ... Sonny played pro baseball and owned 2 pool rooms and worked for a refinery till retired ... Best slip stroke I've ever seen , had more moves at one hole than a anaconda ... Miss the man ...:cool:
 
Las Vegas

Playing in the BCA Nationals several years ago with my team. Our best player doesn't get his usual runout. He gets the attention of his opponent and says, "Sir, I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to play safe". He then lays down one of the best safeties I've ever seen by going 3 rails and drops the rock in the middle of 3 of his balls. Then one of my team members says, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Damn, you didn't have to pull his hair before you f####ed him".

Both teams just started laughing
 
One of my playing friends pulled a good one on me the other night. I've got him 6-1 and he misses a very easy out with four balls on the table.

"That's in my new book. How to fu#$ up when there's no fu#$up there."

Killed me with that one.
 
Two friends of mine are playing in a 9 ball tournament, Greg and Tom.

Tom misses badly after he picks up his head on a shot. Greg says "Thanks for standing up so you can sit down."

Tom realizes he has been jerking his head up, so makes sure to stay down the rest of the match, and ends up winning.

After the match is over, Greg says to Tom "I probably should have shut my mouth til the match was over."
 
ShootingArts said:
A little off topic for this thread but your post reminds me, I had a friend I let play on air every night for about six months. I knew he was broke when I came in every evening so I would play and lose a few cheap games to him. Saved him borrowing what he wasn't going to pay back and it wasn't all generosity. With a little start he would do OK for himself for the evening and once or twice a week I would get in a late night game or three with him and collect my "loans" with interest!

Hu
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It's not off topic at all. You missed the funny part and point of my story. It's hillarious if anybody has spent much time at family billiards. Here is the funny part... "Why did you gamble if you didn't have any money? Because i thought i was gonna win.That's fcking hillarious!
 
RonsTheOne said:
one buddy says to another buddy "Dude your so unlucky you could walk outside in a hailstorm of pu&&y and get hit in the face with a d!ck
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A variant I've heard is: "You could fall in barrel of tits and come out suckin' your thumb."

Others:
After rattling the jaws and dropping: "Just wiping its feet on the way in."
After a miss: "That would have gone if I would have made it."
 
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MY teammate and good freind Rich.. in a league match last season..

the opp makes his shot and blows shape by a mile buries the cue ball in Rich's balls( playing 8 ball)

Rich Pipes up " if I was going to play safe on you that is EXACTLY where I would want to put the cue ball ... nice shot!!!"

cracked everybody up..
 
softshot said:
MY teammate and good freind Rich.. in a league match last season..

the opp makes his shot and blows shape by a mile buries the cue ball in Rich's balls( playing 8 ball)

Rich Pipes up " if I was going to play safe on you that is EXACTLY where I would want to put the cue ball ... nice shot!!!"

cracked everybody up..
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Depending on my mood..... Rich better be a good sized fella. And fast too.
 
Said to a left handed player

Said to the left handed player when he missed his shot..

"I know what your problem is, you are shooting with the wrong hand"









Ok, I thought it was funny
 
Willie Mosconi - "I don't think he's ever even been to Minnesota." (on Rudolf "Minnesota Fats" Wanderone)
 
Some of you might have been there for this one

My friend one of the biggest mouths and shit talkers in the game and at best an average player has a guy stuck about 10k at the old QMasters about 12 years ago. The guy is just about broke. The guy starts barking - I should go get another 10k and keep playing you can't beat me. The guy looks like he isn't sure whether he is going to go get the money and my friend says

"I don't believe you, you're a brokster, I'll tell you what you if show me another 10k in 30 minutes I will give 500"

The guy's eyes light up like my friend is testing his manhood. Sure enough the guy makes a phone call and 10k is there in 20 minutes. I can't believe the guy went for it. My friend gives him the 500 and proceeds to beat him out of the 10k in the next fews hours. We leave Qmasters and go to SC to play him and take the guy off for a little over 30k.
 
Minnesota Fats when asked about how many trophies he had won playing pool, responded thusly, "TROPHIES! What do I care about trophies! The only trophies I want are the ones with pictures of Presidents on them!"
 
I drop Brian Ezell off at a "spot" near Danville, VA. South Boston to be exact. I tell him to lay low and don't bust the ring game early. I dropped him off at 11:00 am in the morning. I show back up at 12:30. As I enter the poolroom, the guy working the grill starts smiling and pointing at Brian.


"I'm the best in the world. Nobody can beat me." As he's running around the table. Yeah, he laid low alright.

Anyone that knows, or knew Brian in the late eighties or early nineties can tell you that he wasn't far off when he caught "that gear." I watched him beat Searcy with the eight. And he didn't need it, either.
 
Pucket

J. Learned Hand said:
Long ago, U.J. Puckett was sweating a big money game that saw one player fire in his game ball. At the time the balls used were made of clay. At impact the game ball split into two pieces, one half spearing the back of the hole, the other, rolling around the table leaving the opponent straight in. Everybody was silent for a moment. The shooter looked around wondering what the outcome was. An argument ensued and U.J. was consulted for a ruling. Unbeknownst to the shooter, U.J. was in with the opponent and replied "well it looks to me like you still need half a ball."
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When I was on the road with Pucket he told me the true story.

He was spotting a guy playing one-pocket. In those days there were still clay balls around. The one ball took a real beating from 9-ball. As it turned out in the one-pocket game the sucker was shooting the one ball in his pocket for his game ball. When he hit it the ball split into two pieces. One piece went to the rail and the other piece when into his pocket.

Pucket saw what happened and stared at his opponent and said "Looks like your half a ball lite".

bill stroud
 
The Fast Eddie's Tour was in Houston and I was watching a match between Jimmy Vegas and Chen. The score was tied at 4. Jimmy wins a game and goes to move the coin, but he moves Chen's coin accidently.

Someone on the rail yells out, "Hey Jimmy, you moved the wrong one!" Jimmy turns and says, "That's OK. I go both ways." :grin:
 
In one of the pool halls I play at, members usually arrive at
5 PM and go home at closing time, around 12:30 AM.

Two buddies of mine, John & Eric, after losing some serious
money against their respective opponents, decided to leave
early for some drinks at a nearby pub.

However, after about a couple of minutes, they were back in the
pool hall smiling. Someone asked, "I thought you guys were going
out for drinks?"

With a beaming smile, John replied, "Yeah, we were about to.
But we just saw Eric's personal ATM parked his car!"

:)
 
Mosconi (after his ball rolled off on the way to the pocket): "Look at that ball roll!!"

Fats: "They're s'posed to roll Willie, they're roouunnnd."
 
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