The hardest tip I ever used was made from my first mother-in-law's heart.
One afternoon, me and a couple of guys I play pool with were looking around for some really hard tips when it occured to me that as mean as my first mother-in-law was she would have to be so hard-hearted that her cardiac tissue would doubtless make incredibly hard tips. The fact that we had been drinking all day had nothing to do with our reasoning at the time. So, that night we snuck out to the cemetary (by an odd coincidence there was a full moon out) and dug her up.
Placing a tow sack over her face (she was scary enough when she was alive), I pulled my trusty Barlow from my pant pocket and began removing the organ of interest from her withered chest. In about thirty minutes, or so, I had achieved success and we were off to my garage to commence phase two, whatever the hell that was. We left things pretty much as they were out at the cemetary, figuring someone would eventually come along and cover her up. Besides that, one of my friends was starting to sober up and was scared of graveyards.
After arriving at my garage I placed the remains on the work bench and began dissection of the reasonably intact organ with the skill of a surgeon. Make that drunk surgeon because I cut myself twice. When finished I had four pieces of tissue, each approximately two inches by five inches and one quarter of an inch thick. We were so pleased with our success thus far that the three of us polished of another twelve-pack.
It was at this point that we needed to find out how to go about tanning tip material, and one of the guys suggested we do a search on the ever popular AZB forum for any available information. Sure enough, in about five minutes we had a receipe for tanning buffalo hides. This information should be perfect since our thought was that if it worked on a buffalo it damn sure ought to work on my mother-in-law.
I don't actually recall all the ingredients we used, but I know that alcohol was cheif among them and fortunately for us we had a couple of quarts of Quervo Gold on hand. We put the four pieces in a mason jar, poured in enough mixture to just cover them, attached the lid, and hid the jar behind a stack of old Playboys where I knew it would be safe.
We closed and locked my garage, and headed for the poolhall.
Stay tuned for tomorrow's thrilling conclusion when one of the guys asks. "Let's stop at the Taco Bell on the way."