Sexual Dimorphism in Clueless Pool Players

[Dhakala]

I wish to discuss the differences in stance, bridge, stroke, "rules" and other playing habits between males and females who play pool without a clue of what they're doing.

I don't have many examples of male foibles, probably because of my heterosexual observer's bias. This topic just sprang to mind right now. So please, ladies, don't assume I'm picking on you. I just haven't made a rigorous study of both sexes yet. Male-specific examples are most welcome.

Why do so many female players:

- cross their legs while shooting, like they need to go to the bathroom?

- bridge by laying only the edge of a hand on the table?

- use the "air bridge" in which the bridge hand does not touch the table, but flutters in the air like an injured butterfly?

- stroke as if plunging a butcher knife into the belly of a cheating boyfriend?

- assume it's OK to move a frozen ball 2-3" away from the rail? (I hypothesize that this is a carry-over from miniature golf, where such things are legal.)

- ask, "Do I get to shoot again?" after pocketing one of my balls?

- put the cue ball approximately back where it was after miscuing and moving it a few inches to no effect?

Oh, here's one for the guys:

If you know what you're doing, why don't you show your girlfriend how to do it right?

Concerning the (legally permissible) interaction of dating couples on pool tables, I observe an ancient dominance/submission pattern. Guy shows off his skill, making no effort to impart it to girl, and cracks smug remarks about her ineptitude. Girl fumbles about haplessly, exclaims, "Oooo... Aaaahhh... You're SO good!" and makes no demands for instruction. Both seem content with this relationship.

Is this just a manifestation of prehistoric instinctive survival behavior, in which the weaker female desires and supports the stronger male hunter/provider?

Another bizarre behavior of daters recently came to my attention. I saw this for the first time in 43 years last February, and thought I'd never see it again. But then I did, just last week.

Guy pulls rack out of end of table, puts balls in it, then pushes rack to other end of table before positioning and removing it.

Where on Earth, or any other planet, does one learn to do that?

In February, I politely asked the clean-cut, well-mannered young man who was racking,

"Pardon me, sir, but do you play pool often?"

"No, sir, I don't."

"Well, please allow me to share a tip with you..."

He took it very well, and his date didn't even giggle.

Last week, both parties were obviously inebriated. But still...

 

[Njhustler1]

and what's the deal with women?

 

[henho]

These people play pool as a strictly social activity, they don't give two sh!ts about whats going on as long as they are having a good time. If I didn't play pool and you offered to give unsolicited advice I'd prolly think you were a dork and be slightly annoyed.

But I've noticed another type in the pool hall: the Person Who Has Practiced and Desperately Needs Attention From Other People. They throw balls on the table and shoot them off at warp speed with lots of spin, and every couple of shots look around with a haphazard stare trying to determine who has seen them and who's butt they can kick with their awesome skills. They also take careful note of everyone around them and how much better they are. These people are also occasionally referred to as "douche bags" in the sociology literature. My favorite thing to do this to someone is to walk by them holding a cell phone in a manner that they can't see the phone, and say something like "wow that dude is really amazing, I know, yeah i wish I could play like that", then when they make eye contact with me give them the "WTF are you looking at" look. Then I pour beer down their shirts and run away giggling and screaming.

 

[rackmsuckr]

Is this just a manifestation of prehistoric instinctive survival behavior, in which the weaker female desires and supports the stronger male hunter/provider?...

I'll let you in on a little secret. See, females LET you think you are the bigger, stronger sex and act all helpless. Until we have snared you into commitment and then we have you in submission. Then we can really play our games and trounce on you.

MANifestations of being the actual weaker sex comes into play during illness, childbirth, and anything involving needles. (I always had to scrape the big men off the floor while I was injecting their wives, lol.)

OTOH, my husband is my rock.

 

[catscradle]

and what's the deal with women?

Lol.......

 

[chefjeff]

I played with a couple of women in a league for many years and both of them refused to ever attempt a draw shot. I've never had a man do this.

When I asked each of them why she never shot a draw shot, each gave the same answer: "I can't do it and won't even try to learn how." It always confused me as they are both pretty good potters and love the game so much and they both still play....just not draw shots.

Jeff Livingston

 

[gregory]

Why do guys break so hard that they miss the cue ball when they follow through really high before they've actually made contact, and then wind up hitting the light.

Or miss hit the cue ball so badly on the break that they take a desperate swipe at it to try to get the cue ball "hockey stick" style before it hits the rack, and then take a do-over since they got the the ball befoe it hit the rack.

And why do guys always think they are cool when they do scoop jump shots.

Or get cocky when they fluke in the 9 with some 5 ball bank/kick/combo/carom shot.

Or, when you have only the 8 ball left and it's behind the headstring, they intentionally scatch and tell you you have to shoot up table and if you don't contact the 8, you scratch and lose.

And what about the rack where they "crown" it by moving the wing balls up a row. Guys love that one almost as much as they love racking and spinning the 8-ball in place just before they remove the rack. You know that's gonna be a tight rack.

And you gotta love the twirl the cue like it's a martial arts weapon until they drop it on the floor and break off the tip. Or chalking with the chalk on the ground held between your feel and rubbing the cue back-and-forth like they're trying to start a fire.

And why do some guys feel they have to make out with their gfriends when they aren't shooting. Nobody needs to see that.

 

[tom haney]

Every woman I have ever played, no matter how good they are,
before the game, looks at me innocently and says," You are going
to give me a chance, aren't you?"
I then give them a lecherous leer and reply, " Why, of course, Darlin."

 

[Dhakala]

These people play pool as a strictly social activity

Yes, but that doesn't explain why they behave in these particular ways.

If I didn't play pool and you offered to give unsolicited advice I'd prolly think you were a dork and be slightly annoyed.

But that would make you a slightly annoying dork.

But I've noticed another type in the pool hall: the Person Who Has Practiced and Desperately Needs Attention From Other People.

Reminds me of those who hijack others' threads.

 

[Dhakala]

I'll let you in on a little secret. See, females LET you think you are the bigger, stronger sex and act all helpless. Until we have snared you into commitment and then we have you in submission. Then we can really play our games and trounce on you.

MANifestations of being the actual weaker sex comes into play during illness, childbirth, and anything involving needles. (I always had to scrape the big men off the floor while I was injecting their wives, lol.)

OTOH, my husband is my rock.

So, you don't have answers to my questions, either. OK.

Next, please!

 

[Dhakala]

I played with a couple of women in a league for many years and both of them refused to ever attempt a draw shot. I've never had a man do this.

When I asked each of them why she never shot a draw shot, each gave the same answer: "I can't do it and won't even try to learn how." It always confused me as they are both pretty good potters and love the game so much and they both still play....just not draw shots.

Jeff Livingston

Hm. Perhaps another primitive deeply ingrained response. Cavewomen stayed in caves and avoided risk. Cavemen went out to face mammoths.

But it's puzzling if their risk aversion was confined to draw shots. I don't see any obvious way in which a draw shot poses greater risk of breaking a nail.

 

[mosconiac]

Gregory: You sir, hit 8 nails right on the head in one post. Awesome work!

 

[Dhakala]

Why do guys break so hard that they miss the cue ball when they follow through really high before they've actually made contact, and then wind up hitting the light.

Two subjects, really. 1) They break hard because they were told to do so. 2) Some add too much follow because they lose control, but others think it's fun to hit the light with the cue ball. Same thrill people get out of bottle rockets.

I know a pretty competent player who makes a game of jumping his cue ball off the rack, trying to hit the power button of the TV set mounted on the wall 8 feet above the floor and at least 5 feet behind the foot of the table. He actually turns the TV off about 10% of the time.

I said he was "pretty competent," not intelligent. Indeed, BJ's about as sharp as cue ball.

Or miss hit the cue ball so badly on the break that they take a desperate swipe at it to try to get the cue ball "hockey stick" style before it hits the rack, and then take a do-over since they got the the ball befoe it hit the rack.

Good one! Why do barbecuers try to catch a dropped burger, knowing that it's covered with sizzling hot grease?

And why do guys always think they are cool when they do scoop jump shots.

Because scoop jump shots look cool, and the players haven't read the rules.

Or get cocky when they fluke in the 9 with some 5 ball bank/kick/combo/carom shot.

One should always pretend to have more skill than one does whenever occasion permits, to intimidate and confuse one's opponent. Just don't fool yourself!

Or, when you have only the 8 ball left and it's behind the headstring, they intentionally scatch and tell you you have to shoot up table and if you don't contact the 8, you scratch and lose.

Same reason gorillas beat their chests with their paws and the ground with sticks - bluffing is safer than mortal combat.

And what about the rack where they "crown" it by moving the wing balls up a row.

I've never seen that one used by anyone over the age of consent!

Guys love that one almost as much as they love racking and spinning the 8-ball in place just before they remove the rack. And you gotta love the twirl the cue like it's a martial arts weapon until they drop it on the floor and break off the tip. Or chalking with the chalk on the ground held between your feel and rubbing the cue back-and-forth like they're trying to start a fire.

Have you considered playing with the developmentally enabled?

I sometimes advise a "twirler,"

"Y'know, Tom Cruise did that because he was playing the village idiot in The Color of Money."

And why do some guys feel they have to make out with their gfriends when they aren't shooting.

Because other guys' gfriends aren't available.

Nobody needs to see that.

I beg to differ. Some gfriends need such inspiration.

 

[BHQ]

Dimorphism
i'll have to look THIS ONE up later
you must have some kind of deathwish buddy!!! haha!!
they'll gang up on you
i don't care how they play, as long as they look good doing it

 

[Dhakala]

Dimorphism
i'll have to look THIS ONE up later

"the existence of two different forms (as of color or size) of a species especially in the same population <sexual dimorphism> "

you must have some kind of deathwish buddy!!! haha!!
they'll gang up on you
i don't care how they play, as long as they look good doing it

I admire your ability to realize a deathwish faster than I can!

 

[OrigZaphod]

Guys love that one almost as much as they love racking and spinning the 8-ball in place just before they remove the rack. You know that's gonna be a tight rack.

I used to do this, but almost always if the guy I was playing had a tendency to move the 8 way to much for my liking, poor little guy dont move much after that.

I know now it low and underhanded, but I was young and full of fire... (I do still do it at home only with the wobble 8 ball and only when playing the wife)

 

[BHQ]

"the existence of two different forms (as of color or size) of a species especially in the same population <sexual dimorphism> "



I admire your ability to realize a deathwish faster than I can!

well, i've never been to colorado, but i've heard there are lots of mountains to hide in. when you leaving town??

 

[Tim5000]

Henho and Gregory, you are true students of human nature, you really did hit the nail on the head. Here are some things that piss me off...

>Guys who powder their hands so heavy that it looks like they've been making pizza dough, then they powder their entire cue (including the butt and wrap!) then they wipe the excess either on their shirt or on the felt.

>Amatuer punks who won't play 8-ball because they think they're too good to play that game. They want to show all the other players in the room that they're a "pro" because they can play 9-ball. They even make their girlfriend play 9-ball, which makes her playing look even worse than it already is.

>Traits of a guy who thinks he's the greatest player in the room and wants to show it off; First of all he's playing with a $9.99 Bud Light cue, second he constantly drills his cue into the chalk so fast and hard that it sounds like fingernails on a blackboard, then he moves around the table faster than a chipmonk on crack, banging balls with all the strength he can muster. Finally, when he gets down to the final ball he decides to impress his friends by shooting one handed. Of course he misses.

Keep on banging, if you hit it hard enough it's bound to go in, right?

 

[Dhakala]

well, i've never been to colorado, but i've heard there are lots of mountains to hide in. when you leaving town??

Soon as my kid turns 18 and moves out, in two more years. Until then, moving to Minturn, CO, would just start him whining about missing his friends.

 

[BHQ]

>Guys who powder their hands so heavy that it looks like they've been making pizza dough, then they powder their entire cue (including the butt and wrap!) then they wipe the excess either on their shirt or on the felt.

i know this guy

>Amatuer punks who won't play 8-ball because they think they're too good to play that game. They want to show all the other players in the room that they're a "pro" because they can play 9-ball. They even make their girlfriend play 9-ball, which makes her playing look even worse than it already is. and i know this guy

Traits of a guy who thinks he's the greatest player in the room and wants to show it off; First of all he's playing with a $9.99 Bud Light cue, second he constantly drills his cue into the chalk so fast and hard that it sounds like fingernails on a blackboard, then he moves around the table faster than a chipmonk on crack, banging balls with all the strength he can muster. Finally, when he gets down to the final ball he decides to impress his friends by shooting one handed. Of course he misses.
i know this guy too they're everywhere!!!!
Keep on banging, if you hit it hard enough it's bound to go in, right?