The Best Pool Jokes

Drop The Rock

Drop The Rock

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Two guys were playing doubles giving an older gentleman some weight in one pocket. Guy A hits the ball with a terrible stroke (granted they both play pretty well) and Guy B says: "That stroke couldn't even kill my grandmother."

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"The color of pool table cloth is said to be green because it is easy on the eyes.
Any color is easy on the eyes when it's a well filled silk stocking."

- unknown 1920
 
A guy walks into a poolroom with a massive silverback gorilla and asks for a table. To everyone's amazement, the gorilla pulls down a house cue and runs 4 racks of straight pool. A crowd begins to gather and with thunderous breaks, the gorilla runs 5 racks of 9 ball and 3 racks of 8 ball.

The local hustler, dying for some action, asks the owner what kind of weight he could get playing the gorilla in one-pocket. The owner says: " Are you kldding? Everybody knows gorilla's don't play one pocket!".
 
What do pool hustler's, bassists and a large pepperoni pizza all have in common? They can barely feed a family of four.
 
I would never buy a 'merry-widow' cue, it would be pointless.

Hear about the lonely atheist pool player? He didn't have anyone to talk to -

What is the difference between a battery and a Irish pool player?
A battery has a positive side.

Why is it difficult to find pool players who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They’ve got boyfriends already.
 
You need a break from pool if:

A) you watch the show "The Rifleman" expecting to see Buddy hall

B) you rent the movie "Earthquake" expecting to see Keith Macready

C) you watch "Breaking Bad" expecting remedial advice from Shane
 
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
 
Two pot heads are playing one pocket.At one point in the game they both stare at the table for 20 minutes and finally one says "Are you going to shoot?"
The other one answers "I thought it was your shot !"
If you don't get this then you have never toked up.
 
I was sitting at the bar in our local pool hall when a midget walks in and sits down beside me. He's wearing a t-shirt that says: Come To The Circus, The Biggest Show In Town.
I look over and say. "You work in the circus?"
He says. "Yep. Worked there for the past five years. I give enemas to the elephants.
"No kidding." I reply. "How does that work?"
"Well," said the midget. "Every morning I line up all the elephants. I pick up a garden hose. Turn it on. Walk up to the first elephant in line, and stick it up his ass. When he shits all over me I move on to the next one and repeat the process."
"No kidding." I say. "What does a job like that pay?"
"Three-fifty an hour." He says.
"Damn!" I exclaim. "You could make more than that working at a MacDonald."
He looked at me funny, and said. "What? And give up show business?" :thumbup:
 
A young man is playing pool with some friends.
He takes a short break, walks to the bar with a $50 in his hand and asks the bartender for a shot of whisky.
He downs the shot, sets the glass on the very end of the bar and says to the bartender "I'll bet ya this fifty that I can stand on the other end of the bar and piss in this shot glass without getting a drop on the bar."
The bartender matches his fifty and says "It's a bet!"
The guy climbs up on the bar, unzips and pisses all over the bar.
The bartender, snatches up the money, starts cleaning the bar and laughing.
The man zips up, gets down and starts to walk back to the pool game.
Someone stops him and asks "Why did you try that, it's impossible?"
He says, "I know, but I bet my three friends $50 each that I could piss all over the bar and make the bartender laugh about it!"
 
measureman said:
Two pot heads are playing one pocket.At one point in the game they both stare at the table for 20 minutes and finally one says "Are you going to shoot?"
The other one answers "I thought it was your shot !"
If you don't get this then you have never toked up.
Click to expand...

I see you're from Denver where everyone is high.
Colorado gives "Rocky Mountain High" new meaning. :)
 
I got this from a old thread here on AZ but i thought it was funny

I always like the one where Efren, Johnny Archer and Earl are all killed in a plane crash and are at the pearly gates when Their Maker sitting in his throne asks what they believe...

Efren believes he got there because of his fans, his hard work and that he was very lucky.

Johnny believes he is there because of his love of the game, the fantastic fans and supports he's known all his life.

Earl just stares and says... " I believe.. you are sitting in my chair"
 
A guy walks into a pool room with a set of jumper cables in his hand. The houseman says ..... You can play pool here but don't start anything.
 
What's the difference between God and a Professional Pool Player?

God doesn't think that he is a Professional Pool Player.
 
lock em up

Old man Jones is leaving the pool to go home, as he steps off the
curb a bus runs over and kills him. All the players draw straws to see
who has to tell his wife. Lockemup Charlie looses and has to go.
He knocks on the door, and says "widow Jones ?", she says " no Mrs. Jones".
"well you can bust me".
 
I've posted this one a few times before, but it's one of my favorites.

A man's wife requested that he run out for a carton of cigarettes. He said, "OK, honey, I'll be right back." The wife was pleased to see her man go downstairs toward the garage, but rather than going out, he racked the balls on the pool table in the basement, and started playing pool.

A while later, he reappeared at the top of the stairs but his hands were empty. His wife asked "What about the carton of cigarettes?" He said, "You can keep them, honey, I couldn't run out."
 
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