The funniest thing you have ever seen in pool.

You gotta think a little about the insanity of this one.
Years ago, playing in a cheap league game, and one of the low rated guys has ball in hand.
Time out for discussion with team captain about where to put the cue ball.
The captain of the team sets him up with a shot where he has to USE THE BRIDGE.
Of course, he misses.
Think about it.
:smile:
 
Back in the mid 80s in miami, pegs pocket was the action room. Tommy brown and john ditoro were the two resident pros and there was a horde of players who played well and gambled from grizzled old timers to young kids. When Tommy and John matched up, there would always be a large crowd sweating the match.

So they are playing 14.1, race to 100 for $100. It's extremely close, like 98-99 and it's become a safety battle. Practically the whole stack is intact. Tommy nudges a ball out to near the side pocket and the cueball slides over to rest near the stack. There is the moment where both players are anxious to see if John can see that ball or Is snookered by the stack. John is there first, at the table, head down to table level, trying to see if he can see the edge to cut it in, and tommy is behind looking over his shoulder, also straining to see if he sold out. Well, tommy sees he got safe before ditoro sees it and tommy then proceeds to "air grab" johns ass and gyrates his hips like he's humping him, complete w a few ass smacks with his free hand. The whole room just came unglued.
 
2 guys barking at each other in the pool room and each time they say something the bet goes up another 50 dollars , soon they are going to play a race to 11 for 500 .
They agree they mare both good action so no need to post.
They play the games and each game takes longer and longer to finish , both are trying with all their might to win.
After about 3 hours the littlest of the 2 wins the last game, he starts strutting around and is ecstatic.
The other guy says , I have to owe you , I got no dough and was sure I would win.
Little guy goes ballistic , how can someone bet and not have the money , you low life nit , you coward blah blah blah.
The houseman says , the time is 18 dollars and the little guy goes over and says something to him in private, now the houseman goes off , you low life nit , you bum , seems he didn't have any money either.
 
Sometimes it pays to be a nice guy

Drinking a lot of beer was par for the course during those years and I usually was. I was in a side room full of pool tables at a naked dancing lady place when a fellow set out to hustle me. Early seventies, a hundred is a fair chunk of change in a bar room game. I'm pretty drunk and this guy is a real jerk, sneering and mighty smug while he is cleverly stalling and raising the bet. Might as well have put up a billboard or a sign with flashing lights!

Normally I would wait until the bet got right and find out who was the better player but this guy was really an annoying ass and I had an idea. I was playing with a house cue and this room had a cue rack right by the side door. Happened that the table we were playing on was the one by that door. As usual I was toting a pretty thick roll and this clown has lost over a hundred bucks while cleverly easing the bet up from a couple dollars to fifty a game little by little over the course of an hour or more while I drank beer and slopped balls around.

When he got the bet to fifty a game I noticed the little change in body language that indicated he was ready to play pool. I'm not a touchy feely kind of guy but I walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder: Never mind that he wasn't drinking; I said, "I've had too much to drink, you have had too much to drink, and I'm taking too much of your money. Let's play another night." While he was trying to figure out a response to me being too nice to be hustled with two steps I slapped the house cue in the wall rack and was out the door in a well planned move. Might have won more money playing him but having this dipstick think he gave away over a hundred dollars trying to hustle a drunk was much more fun!

Hu
 
Monday is ladies day where I live, the Club is called the MIS-CUES. They normally have any where from 40 - 70 ladies turn out for their Pool Day.

It is funny to hear some of the MEN who come late, and can not get a table. They get all pissed off, unhappy, sad, The funny thing is they know the ladies will be there, the Ladies Club has first choice on as many tables as they need.

But the guy still moan, and don't get it week after week. I hope soon their club will grow where they take all 29 table, and it is all ladies from 12-3 on Monday.

Give me a break, only 3 hours a week, and some of the Men cry like babies needing a diaper change.
 
Well... it wasn't really funny but several weeks ago one of our team mates was shooting with me on a practice table before a match. He was breaking and I was down at the other end talking to our captain "KoolKat9Lives" when suddenly the cue ball comes flying past me and hits KK9 right in the family jewels. Actually KK9 had just turned his body a split second before, causing the ball to hit him just off the mark but if he hadn't turned... he probably wouldn't have been playing that night.

You're supposed to do that to your opponent... not the captain of your own team.

I don't think KK9 even saw it coming.
 
Bb

I hold a 8 ball benefit tournament for the Special Olympics every year. Anyway me and another guy are on the losers side and are hill hill. He's on the eight to win the set and its a very long straight in shot with the cue ball on the foot rail. Well there's a wall seating type bench that's pretty close to that end and its hard to get all the way down on that shot with the bench in the way. Lots of folks are watching and the pressures on. I know the guy BB pretty well. He's having trouble getting down all the way to see the shot so he stands up takes his leg off, sets his stump way back on the bench, gets all the way down and drills the shot.... I don't say a word until after the shot as not to shark him, he turns to shake my hand and i turn and say to the crowd " that's got to be some kind of foul!" Everybody else is kinda stunned that he even had a missing leg and we all start laughing!
 
book collector said:
2 guys barking at each other in the pool room and each time they say something the bet goes up another 50 dollars , soon they are going to play a race to 11 for 500 .
They agree they mare both good action so no need to post.
They play the games and each game takes longer and longer to finish , both are trying with all their might to win.
After about 3 hours the littlest of the 2 wins the last game, he starts strutting around and is ecstatic.
The other guy says , I have to owe you , I got no dough and was sure I would win.
Little guy goes ballistic , how can someone bet and not have the money , you low life nit , you coward blah blah blah.
The houseman says , the time is 18 dollars and the little guy goes over and says something to him in private, now the houseman goes off , you low life nit , you bum , seems he didn't have any money either.
Click to expand...

Wow! Two guys who truly deserved each other! Thanks for sharing.
 
jay helfert said:
So many - The first time I ever heard Keith exhort the cue ball to roll a little more for position, "Get your driver's license!" Or when his opponent sent the cue ball off the table, "Man overboard!" Or when he made a good break shot and watched the balls roll into position, "Take your places!" Keith had so many original lines that always cracked me up.
Click to expand...

I'm Playing Shannon Daulton in a 9ball tourney years ago and he makes a perfect break and while the balls are still rolling... says real loud......."dress up baby..we're going out" :D John B.
 
long but funny. In 1975 I had been playing this guy every Saturday for about a month. He had a stakehorse and so did I. He had been winning every week but it was close. The bet was usually $80 a game. So as it would happen he walks in this particular Saturday accompanied by this gorgeous chick in a skin tight mini dress. He does not have his stakehorse with him. He wanted to win all the money. We agree to play our usual game and wager. He instructs the girl to sit at the end of the table. She is his ace in the hole. I was 25 at the time and needless to say it was hard to concentrate with her there. I am losing pretty bad when in walks a dirty drunk. He comes in heading to the bathroom but eyeballs the chick all the way. Momentarily there was a loud noise as the drunk fell backwards head over heels with his D__ k in his hand. He pulls himself up and proceeds straight to the seat beside the chick and starts hanging all over her. This upsets my opponent highly (she is his wife). He starts playing terrible and I get up 800 on him. He finally asks the room operator to stop whats transpiring. To which the operator replies "what can I do he owns this place". Needless to say it was hilarious and he never made that mistake again. True story
 
jay helfert said:
So many - The first time I ever heard Keith exhort the cue ball to roll a little more for position, "Get your driver's license!" Or when his opponent sent the cue ball off the table, "Man overboard!" Or when he made a good break shot and watched the balls roll into position, "Take your places!" Keith had so many original lines that always cracked me up.
Click to expand...

I'll add this one, Keith on tape on a 9 ball rack, after getting out of line shot after shot and struggling to get through the rack "Look at me go!".
 
Black hustler would yell "swim Judie swim" as cb was moving clusters.
Same guy would yell "jump Judie jump" if cb was heade to a pocket.
 
Easy one

It was my old pool buddies face after he made 6 balls on the break when we were playing 9 ball. Cue ball locked up tight on another ball and he was screwed. He looked at me and shook his head, we both cracked up. I got ball in hand and ran 3 easy balls and we cracked up again.
 
I have told this story once before but it's one of my favorites.

We are all at a tournament and it was wintertime and cold. While we are standing around , a buddy of ours has his hands in his pockets of his hoodie and is jumping straight up and down. Keep in mind that he is barely 5ft. All of the sudden someone says... What are you doing ... Trying to see over the table. The room erupted . He had a great sense of humor about it
 
Last edited:
uwate said:
Back in the mid 80s in miami, pegs pocket was the action room. Tommy brown and john ditoro were the two resident pros and there was a horde of players who played well and gambled from grizzled old timers to young kids. When Tommy and John matched up, there would always be a large crowd sweating the match.

So they are playing 14.1, race to 100 for $100. It's extremely close, like 98-99 and it's become a safety battle. Practically the whole stack is intact. Tommy nudges a ball out to near the side pocket and the cueball slides over to rest near the stack. There is the moment where both players are anxious to see if John can see that ball or Is snookered by the stack. John is there first, at the table, head down to table level, trying to see if he can see the edge to cut it in, and tommy is behind looking over his shoulder, also straining to see if he sold out. Well, tommy sees he got safe before ditoro sees it and tommy then proceeds to "air grab" johns ass and gyrates his hips like he's humping him, complete w a few ass smacks with his free hand. The whole room just came unglued.
Click to expand...

Well told! :thumbup:
JoeyA
 
book collector said:
2 guys barking at each other in the pool room and each time they say something the bet goes up another 50 dollars , soon they are going to play a race to 11 for 500 .
They agree they mare both good action so no need to post.
They play the games and each game takes longer and longer to finish , both are trying with all their might to win.
After about 3 hours the littlest of the 2 wins the last game, he starts strutting around and is ecstatic.
The other guy says , I have to owe you , I got no dough and was sure I would win.
Little guy goes ballistic , how can someone bet and not have the money , you low life nit , you coward blah blah blah.
The houseman says , the time is 18 dollars and the little guy goes over and says something to him in private, now the houseman goes off , you low life nit , you bum , seems he didn't have any money either.
Click to expand...

LOL
JoeyA
 
crabbcatjohn said:
I hold a 8 ball benefit tournament for the Special Olympics every year. Anyway me and another guy are on the losers side and are hill hill. He's on the eight to win the set and its a very long straight in shot with the cue ball on the foot rail. Well there's a wall seating type bench that's pretty close to that end and its hard to get all the way down on that shot with the bench in the way. Lots of folks are watching and the pressures on. I know the guy BB pretty well. He's having trouble getting down all the way to see the shot so he stands up takes his leg off, sets his stump way back on the bench, gets all the way down and drills the shot.... I don't say a word until after the shot as not to shark him, he turns to shake my hand and i turn and say to the crowd " that's got to be some kind of foul!" Everybody else is kinda stunned that he even had a missing leg and we all start laughing!
Click to expand...

Like that! :D
JoeyA
 
jay helfert said:
So many - The first time I ever heard Keith exhort the cue ball to roll a little more for position, "Get your driver's license!" Or when his opponent sent the cue ball off the table, "Man overboard!" Or when he made a good break shot and watched the balls roll into position, "Take your places!" Keith had so many original lines that always cracked me up.
Click to expand...

Just yesterday, one of the old timers mentioned that St. Louie Louie, after breaking, used the line, "Ladies, take your places".

JoeyA
 
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