My new Ten Ball rules. Tell me if you like them.
Rule #1. You can win if you make the ten ball on the break, unless one of the following things happen. If the ten contacts any ball before hitting a cushion first it does not count. If the ten strikes two or more balls on the way to the pocket it does not count. If the ten goes into any one of the top four pockets without hitting another ball it does not count. Other than these few exceptions the ten counts on the break. Oh, and one more thing. If the ten jumps off the table, it stays there until your turn is over. Too frickin' bad!
Rule #2. You must call all balls, including what cushions they will strike and any balls they will contact on the way to the pocket. Failure to do so is loss of game. Do it twice and you're outa there! Gone, kapeche, done, finished!
Rule #3. You may play a safety at any time on any ball. You just call SAFE and hit any ball you like. Your opponent then has the option to take ball in hand or bonk you on the head with his cue. If you call safe twice in a row, he can do both!
Rule #4. You may not play a billiard or a combination without the permission of the referee and a note from your mother.
Rule #5. When racking the balls, try to be quiet, so as not to wake any sleeping spectators.
Rule #6. Between matches all players must sit together holding hands and humming Christmas carols. Except during Thanksgiving when they can sing aloud at the top of their lungs. No longer will pool tournaments be dull affairs. They will now be songfests, with ample helpings of beer and ale.