Found: User Conflict Eradication Moped Death Machine:
TheAwesomer.com unearthed the future of mountain biking: the Survival Bike by Motoped. List everything you own on craigslist, and get ready for things to get real after the jump.
This masterpiece of DIY engineering has everything required to ride where wherever you damn well please including a crossbow, tomahawk, saw, tactical knife, tactical NECK knife, and a harpoon, because, you know, whales.
While the bike is aimed at the survivalist community, I portend its real role to be the utter elimination of any and all user conflict. The current turmoil over at Pinkbike regarding the impact of e-bikes will come to a swift end when Blacknose, ginger-wheels, and Elvenezeulan get a little re-education from the business end of the included Barnett Recruit Compound Crossbow. How many hikers are going to show up at the next BLM meeting after a run in with a United Cutlery M48 Hawk Tomahawk? Horseback riders? Did I mention the $!%#@ Harpoon?
The complete list of Survival Bike accessories is an impressive showcase of some of the finest sharp and pointy things money can buy:
•Barnett Recruit Compound Crossbow
•Rotopax RX-1G Gas Packs – 1 Gallon
•United Cutlery M48 Tactical Survival Shovel
•United Cutlery M48 Hawk Tomahawk
•United Cutlery M48 Hawk Harpoon
•Gerber Fixed Blade Saw
•Blackburn X6 Light System
•Black Diamond Carabiners / Climbing rope
•Cree Mini LED Flashlight
•BioLogic Bike Mount for iPhone4/gps
•Tool Logic Tactical Multifunction Knife / light
•Tool Logic Credit Card Companion multi-tool
•CRKT Guppie multi-tool
•Tactical-Warrior Neck Knife [ed note: not clear if Knife is designed to wear around or insert into Neck]
R- My experience in the military for 10+ years is that dicks are hilarious.
