Dealing with a problem

S

Secaucus Fats

Banned
I am reaching my wits end regarding what best to do about a friend.

This friend has anger issues.

It is embarrasing to watch.

He never blames himself for the loss. He never tries to take home a lesson.

How can he? He can't, his mind is clouded by anger.

Truth is, this dude should be a much better player given the number of years he's been playing. I've tried offering him coaching / instruction (which he declined). I've recommended tapes and books to him (he never bought any).

One night as I was running the local bar 9 ball tourney.. I actually got in his face and told him that he was acting like a four year old throwing a tantrum, and that he was embarrassing the living crap out of himself and everyone else, and cut the shit out. (worked for a while).

Facts are, the guy is not willing to make time for practice and study, and because of that, his game sucks. And that's that. He's got no one to blame but himself. He cannot stomach the truth so he does not advance.

This guy is also the captain of my TAP 8 Ball team. I really feel uncomfortable because the dude's mouth has already stirred shit up with a lot of other teams and I am too smart, too old, and too sick to get into a barfight.

I wish I could help this guy but, I'm pulling out of the team at the end of the session.:(
 
sorry for having to say this. but i would either just walk away or get all the other players on the team together and all of you confront him and just plainly tell him to straighten up or he will be replaced. I think they call it tough love. i realize that he may be friends with 1 and all of you but you can't/should not let him continue to do this and embarrass all of you. Just my .02 worth.........................mike
 
Secaucus Fats said:
I am reaching my wits end regarding what best to do about a friend.

This friend has anger issues.

It is embarrasing to watch.

He never blames himself for the loss. He never tries to take home a lesson.

How can he? He can't, his mind is clouded by anger.

Truth is, this dude should be a much better player given the number of years he's been playing. I've tried offering him coaching / instruction (which he declined). I've recommended tapes and books to him (he never bought any).

One night as I was running the local bar 9 ball tourney.. I actually got in his face and told him that he was acting like a four year old throwing a tantrum, and that he was embarrassing the living crap out of himself and everyone else, and cut the shit out. (worked for a while).

Facts are, the guy is not willing to make time for practice and study, and because of that, his game sucks. And that's that. He's got no one to blame but himself. He cannot stomach the truth so he does not advance.

This guy is also the captain of my TAP 8 Ball team. I really feel uncomfortable because the dude's mouth has already stirred shit up with a lot of other teams and I am too smart, too old, and too sick to get into a barfight.

I wish I could help this guy but, I'm pulling out of the team at the end of the session.:(
Click to expand...

Jerry

I learned a long time ago that if you can't help someone up, you sure as hell can help them down. The latter usually gets their attention quicker anyway. Let him remain comfortable in his misery and move on. He's not worth the time or effort or the sore knuckles caused by his hard head. In your travels you will meet players that are extremely comfortable with mediocrity, complacency, and failure. Thats a fancy way of saying that they enjoying losing on some level. For some people it gives them something to talk or complain about.

Print this out and give it to him.
Sticking With The Winners
 
Small amounts of electrical currently may help!!!

Every time he acts like a child shock him.

Any electrical source will work, if you are at a club or bar just disconnect a cord from a light and zap him, it is on the same principle as Pavlov's dog, he will learn.

Good luck

Craig
 
Moving on and choose your future friends wisely.

If you choose to stay, discuss his behavior with the team and then him.
Let it be known that the team will not tolerate his actions. If he continues, move on.
 
plain and simple.......some people are either total a-holes, or they got mental problems. You are not going to change someone who is an a-hole, theyve found that their behavior works for them, it gets them the attention or the power they crave.
 
I'm going to take a different course

You say this is a friend of yours. If you really only mean someone you know, sure get away from him or get him away from you, not your problem. However, if this is truly a friend of yours you can work at cooling his personality.

It isn't an overnight thing but defusing situations often even before most people realize that they are headed towards a confrontation, and stepping in with a quiet remark can work. Just generally trying to defuse the friend's anger takes much time but it can be done.

I was successful doing this with someone that was a friend of mine and I also cooled my own jets when I realized that I was letting stress and pressure give me about a half second fuse. You have to decide if it is worth your bother, it is a many months project at best.

Hu


Secaucus Fats said:
I am reaching my wits end regarding what best to do about a friend.

This friend has anger issues.

It is embarrasing to watch.

He never blames himself for the loss. He never tries to take home a lesson.

How can he? He can't, his mind is clouded by anger.

Truth is, this dude should be a much better player given the number of years he's been playing. I've tried offering him coaching / instruction (which he declined). I've recommended tapes and books to him (he never bought any).

One night as I was running the local bar 9 ball tourney.. I actually got in his face and told him that he was acting like a four year old throwing a tantrum, and that he was embarrassing the living crap out of himself and everyone else, and cut the shit out. (worked for a while).

Facts are, the guy is not willing to make time for practice and study, and because of that, his game sucks. And that's that. He's got no one to blame but himself. He cannot stomach the truth so he does not advance.

This guy is also the captain of my TAP 8 Ball team. I really feel uncomfortable because the dude's mouth has already stirred shit up with a lot of other teams and I am too smart, too old, and too sick to get into a barfight.

I wish I could help this guy but, I'm pulling out of the team at the end of the session.:(
Click to expand...
 
Secaucus Fats said:
...
I wish I could help this guy but, I'm pulling out of the team at the end of the session.:(
Click to expand...

Fats, I know you well enough to say that if he wore you down he is beyond help from anybody but himself. You're making the right decision. Maybe when you explain why it will be the catalyst to start a change in his life. I doubt it, but maybe.
 
Lots of guys in bar leagues never have and never will do anything to improve their game, other than play.

Let me tell you, when you see this guy act this way, it not only reflects poorly on him, but his teammates as well for playing with him, and enabling his "act" to go on.
 
This sounds very familiar to me...
I went through the same situation and finally gave up on playing with the person. It got so bad that I no longer communicate with the person.
To make things easier, I told the guy that I have hung up my sticks and will not be playing for now. I do play but run into other people in other locations being that there are plenty of locations for me to choose from.

Good luck and hopefully you can get back to enjoying the game.
I moved on and now the game is pure pleasure.
 
There is a guy like that I know, I kept pushing books his way about different ways to deal with situations other than blowing up. It took him a while as he had to realize it in his own time, but he finally got it. Sure he acts up every once in a while, but for the most part he realized that he could be more contructive and go a lot further directing his energy toward something other than things he can't change.

He almost lost my friendship and I told him so, but he had to learn things in his own time, you can't make someone change they have to want to change. Now we get along better than ever and he thanked me for not abandoning him even though he didn't know that our friendship was in jeopardy.
 
As far as your team goes, if you like the other guys, just tell them your position. All of you should confront him and tell him you won't have him on the team with you if he can't control himself. I've played against teams in Vegas that had 1 or sometimes 2 players on the their team, who would be total trouble-makers. We've had teams come over and apologize for their team-mate's behaviour, whether they won or lost. The first thing we look at when we need to add a player to our roster, is playing ability. But if their personality ain't right, their play don't matter. 1 player can disrupt the whole teams attitude, and ruin the whole reason for playing. TO HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!
Good luck,, Sam
 
Secaucus Fats said:
I wish I could help this guy but, I'm pulling out of the team at the end of the session.:(
Click to expand...

If it's that bad, why wait until the end of the session?
 
Secaucus Fats said:
I wish I could help this guy but, I'm pulling out of the team at the end of the session.:(
Click to expand...

Does the rest of the team feel the same as you do about this guy?

If so, instead of just pulling out of the team, consider forming a brand new team, with everyone from the old team (at least, those interested) except Mr. Problem Child.

It's happened before, when the captain of the team was the issue and said captain, when asked to leave the team, refused.
 
Oh, I thought this was an Earl Strickland thread. Just kidding, although if people see champions crying, whining and exploding, it doesn't give them much to emulate, does it?

SF, I know you have done everything you could possibly do, except maybe print this whole discussion and hand it to him. Good luck whatever you do. It's too bad the rotten apple spoils the whole team and fun for you, driving out one of the best and knowledgable players in the league. It will all depend on how much you think it is worth it to keep this guy's 'friendship'.
 
Changing (fixing) a man is a womans job. Leave it to the professionals.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top