Girlfriend wants me to stop playing pool
- Thread starter JustinHayes
- Start date
She is trying to change you. It's all about control. Been there done that. Run away and don't look back. She needs a sugar daddy and she thinks you are it. She will throw gilt trip after gilt trip on you. It may be subtle or overt but she will not let up. Before you get too involved with her and the child RUN. It's not fair to the kid or you. Seen it happen too many times. It's not easy but neither is life. I don't know how old you are but in the long run you will know you did the right thing. The old saying "there are plenty of other fish in the sea" is true. I must have had 7 or 8 of the "only ones "in my life. Married 2 of them. BOY WAS I WRONG. Take it easy you won't regret it.
Glen
Glen
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If you are in love, and she loves you equally, then it's a no brainer, you do whatever it takes to make her happy. Do not take love for granted. It may never come around again.
Tell her that she and her daughter are everything to you, and you will certainly cut back on shooting pool. When you do this, she will give some ground too, and you will find a beautiful balance in your life.
Tell her that she and her daughter are everything to you, and you will certainly cut back on shooting pool. When you do this, she will give some ground too, and you will find a beautiful balance in your life.
If someone truly unselfishly loves someone, they want to see them accomplish their dreams and goals and not stand in the way. If someone stands in the way of their partner's dreams, then resentment is inevitable.
It's late and I don't have time to read the entire thread so my apologies if I repeat what some others have said.
No healthy relationship will be without compromise and you WILL have to sacrifice some freedom and autonomy when you commit to a relationship. But...
Healthy people in healthy relationships bring up issues for discussion, they don't LAY DOWN THE LAW the way your girlfriend did. It's a grasp for control and it's a gigantic warning sign. If your description of the conversation is accurate, then this girl is going to try to control you and pin you down more and more and more and more.
Why couldn't she have open with something like this:
"You know, moving in is a big step towards living like a family. You/we might not be able to be out six nights a week anymore. I know you love pool and I want that to continue to be a part of your life, but moving in means that our relationship is a priority and we might have to find a way to compromize".
What's just crazy is that she thinks she can get away with it. What's crazier is that you're thinking about letting her. There are beautiful, happy, well adjusted women out there that will fall in love with WHO YOU ARE, not who they wish you were or who they think they can bully you into becoming. I waited 39 years for mine, and I'm the happiest man in world.
Maybe she just had a bad day. It's a big step for her too and she may be anxious about it. But, you should be able to say to her "Whoa, that's a little extreme. Do you really expect me to quit pool completely?"
If that doesn't stimulate a reasonable, rational conversation, then RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!
Peace,
Tom
No healthy relationship will be without compromise and you WILL have to sacrifice some freedom and autonomy when you commit to a relationship. But...
Healthy people in healthy relationships bring up issues for discussion, they don't LAY DOWN THE LAW the way your girlfriend did. It's a grasp for control and it's a gigantic warning sign. If your description of the conversation is accurate, then this girl is going to try to control you and pin you down more and more and more and more.
Why couldn't she have open with something like this:
"You know, moving in is a big step towards living like a family. You/we might not be able to be out six nights a week anymore. I know you love pool and I want that to continue to be a part of your life, but moving in means that our relationship is a priority and we might have to find a way to compromize".
What's just crazy is that she thinks she can get away with it. What's crazier is that you're thinking about letting her. There are beautiful, happy, well adjusted women out there that will fall in love with WHO YOU ARE, not who they wish you were or who they think they can bully you into becoming. I waited 39 years for mine, and I'm the happiest man in world.
Maybe she just had a bad day. It's a big step for her too and she may be anxious about it. But, you should be able to say to her "Whoa, that's a little extreme. Do you really expect me to quit pool completely?"
If that doesn't stimulate a reasonable, rational conversation, then RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!
Peace,
Tom
What happened with this? did you give up pool or maybe just a couple of nights a week?
So, I was asked to give an update... (I've posted again earlier in this thread a couple of times)
... not much has happened yet. We haven't discussed the moving in thing again yet.... and she hasn't mentioned pool yet. However, she didn't go with me to league Monday or Wednesday because she was sick.
.. so, thursday comes along last night and this is the night of the cash tournament that my 15 yr old son and I usually play in.. (and my girl usually goes and watches). Earlier in the evening she asks if I'm going to it... I say to her... No, because I have apa tri-cups saturday (and I'm trying to compromise and skip a night a pool due to this.. but I didn't say that outloud).. she just says okay.
.... Then later,,,, I'm not home yet, but my girl is at my place hanging out with my son... My son calls me and asks if we are going to the tournament.. I say no.... now HE'S upset with me because he loves playing that tournament.
I get home about 10-mins later and my girl says that my son is upset with me, then asks "Why didn't you go to the tournament?"
.... this is what I'm going through at this stage
... not much has happened yet. We haven't discussed the moving in thing again yet.... and she hasn't mentioned pool yet. However, she didn't go with me to league Monday or Wednesday because she was sick.
.. so, thursday comes along last night and this is the night of the cash tournament that my 15 yr old son and I usually play in.. (and my girl usually goes and watches). Earlier in the evening she asks if I'm going to it... I say to her... No, because I have apa tri-cups saturday (and I'm trying to compromise and skip a night a pool due to this.. but I didn't say that outloud).. she just says okay.
.... Then later,,,, I'm not home yet, but my girl is at my place hanging out with my son... My son calls me and asks if we are going to the tournament.. I say no.... now HE'S upset with me because he loves playing that tournament.
I get home about 10-mins later and my girl says that my son is upset with me, then asks "Why didn't you go to the tournament?"
.... this is what I'm going through at this stage
So, I was asked to give an update... (I've posted again earlier in this thread a couple of times)
... not much has happened yet. We haven't discussed the moving in thing again yet.... and she hasn't mentioned pool yet. However, she didn't go with me to league Monday or Wednesday because she was sick.
.. so, thursday comes along last night and this is the night of the cash tournament that my 15 yr old son and I usually play in.. (and my girl usually goes and watches). Earlier in the evening she asks if I'm going to it... I say to her... No, because I have apa tri-cups saturday (and I'm trying to compromise and skip a night a pool due to this.. but I didn't say that outloud).. she just says okay.
.... Then later,,,, I'm not home yet, but my girl is at my place hanging out with my son... My son calls me and asks if we are going to the tournament.. I say no.... now HE'S upset with me because he loves playing that tournament.
I get home about 10-mins later and my girl says that my son is upset with me, then asks "Why didn't you go to the tournament?"
.... this is what I'm going through at this stage
Her name isn't Cybil, is it?
Just kidding man. Good luck no matter which road you choose.
Justin,
As with all things in life, balance and communication are key. Before you "fire" her as others have suggested. Sit down with her, have a long heart to heart, and give compromise a chance. IF you love her, as you say, don't just walk away without a little effort too compromise. At least in the end if it doesn't work out, you'll have absolutely no regrets. Good luck!
Well said!
Can't you just teach her to play pool too, then maybe she would learn to love it as well and you could spend more time together? Perhaps this isn't a good idea though...?
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awesome absinthe kits here
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awesome absinthe kits here
She plays on my 9-ball team
So, I was asked to give an update... (I've posted again earlier in this thread a couple of times)
... not much has happened yet. We haven't discussed the moving in thing again yet.... and she hasn't mentioned pool yet. However, she didn't go with me to league Monday or Wednesday because she was sick.
.. so, thursday comes along last night and this is the night of the cash tournament that my 15 yr old son and I usually play in.. (and my girl usually goes and watches). Earlier in the evening she asks if I'm going to it... I say to her... No, because I have apa tri-cups saturday (and I'm trying to compromise and skip a night a pool due to this.. but I didn't say that outloud).. she just says okay.
.... Then later,,,, I'm not home yet, but my girl is at my place hanging out with my son... My son calls me and asks if we are going to the tournament.. I say no.... now HE'S upset with me because he loves playing that tournament.
I get home about 10-mins later and my girl says that my son is upset with me, then asks "Why didn't you go to the tournament?"
.... this is what I'm going through at this stage
Communication.....just sit down and have a fair and honest discussion about what both of you want......right now this is leaning a lot towards game playing, and it will end badly if it keeps up......just step up and talk about it.....
Boy this sounds so familiar
I met my wife when I started a pool club in college. I actually was recruiting her. Well, we dated for 2.5 yrs, engaged 1.5 yrs. During these yrs I avg in college 6 hrs a day table time, not including the many tournaments and leagues. During this time as well, my wife was playing almost half to 3/4 the time I did so we both had a passion. Mine more a obssession. I lived drinked pool. Once we got married, we slowed down as we were buying a house and other expenses and we knew what the prioerities were. I would say our table time was maybe every other night now, mainly focued on tournament play. Then kids started coming and my wife started to have back issues and pool time was getting limited due to the kids. Almost now it is cold turkey. Well almost 6yrs later being married with 2 kids, I play 1 almost every 3 months. I might steal sometime if she takes the kids up to her parents for a visit. I was gettin mad that I didn't have my time or that she didnt realize that pool was not a hobby, and at 1 point I wanted to go pro and work my way up. However, it could not happen. I realized my kids are the most important thing. And that just recently, I can go back and play anytime. I haven't lost my stroke. it is like riding a bike, and the more older I get the more wise in play I am. So for those that struggle, a lovely lady or kids are far above the color or the chalk and that your time will come. I will give you some advice, Make the most of everything, and you will be rewarded! That means kids first and then pool shall follow. You will be rewarded!
I met my wife when I started a pool club in college. I actually was recruiting her. Well, we dated for 2.5 yrs, engaged 1.5 yrs. During these yrs I avg in college 6 hrs a day table time, not including the many tournaments and leagues. During this time as well, my wife was playing almost half to 3/4 the time I did so we both had a passion. Mine more a obssession. I lived drinked pool. Once we got married, we slowed down as we were buying a house and other expenses and we knew what the prioerities were. I would say our table time was maybe every other night now, mainly focued on tournament play. Then kids started coming and my wife started to have back issues and pool time was getting limited due to the kids. Almost now it is cold turkey. Well almost 6yrs later being married with 2 kids, I play 1 almost every 3 months. I might steal sometime if she takes the kids up to her parents for a visit. I was gettin mad that I didn't have my time or that she didnt realize that pool was not a hobby, and at 1 point I wanted to go pro and work my way up. However, it could not happen. I realized my kids are the most important thing. And that just recently, I can go back and play anytime. I haven't lost my stroke. it is like riding a bike, and the more older I get the more wise in play I am. So for those that struggle, a lovely lady or kids are far above the color or the chalk and that your time will come. I will give you some advice, Make the most of everything, and you will be rewarded! That means kids first and then pool shall follow. You will be rewarded!
She's not saying she doesn't want you playing pool. What she REALLY is saying is she wants more time with you. If you have a problem with this, perhaps you should give this moving-in decision more thought.
I'm in a relatively new relationship right now and I'm playing less pool than I did when I was single. It wasn't a conscious decision. I just enjoy the time I spend with her moreso than I enjoy playing pool. Evenso, when the events that are important to me come about, I'll tell her a couple weeks ahead of time that I plan on practicing more than usual. Yes, I actually have to make a conscious decision to play MORE.
Seriously, you can't just leave her to do her own thing because eventually she's going to make routine plans without you and that's the first sign of a failing relationship.
I'm in a relatively new relationship right now and I'm playing less pool than I did when I was single. It wasn't a conscious decision. I just enjoy the time I spend with her moreso than I enjoy playing pool. Evenso, when the events that are important to me come about, I'll tell her a couple weeks ahead of time that I plan on practicing more than usual. Yes, I actually have to make a conscious decision to play MORE.
Seriously, you can't just leave her to do her own thing because eventually she's going to make routine plans without you and that's the first sign of a failing relationship.
So, I was asked to give an update... (I've posted again earlier in this thread a couple of times)
... not much has happened yet. We haven't discussed the moving in thing again yet.... and she hasn't mentioned pool yet. However, she didn't go with me to league Monday or Wednesday because she was sick.
.. so, thursday comes along last night and this is the night of the cash tournament that my 15 yr old son and I usually play in.. (and my girl usually goes and watches). Earlier in the evening she asks if I'm going to it... I say to her... No, because I have apa tri-cups saturday (and I'm trying to compromise and skip a night a pool due to this.. but I didn't say that outloud).. she just says okay.
.... Then later,,,, I'm not home yet, but my girl is at my place hanging out with my son... My son calls me and asks if we are going to the tournament.. I say no.... now HE'S upset with me because he loves playing that tournament.
I get home about 10-mins later and my girl says that my son is upset with me, then asks "Why didn't you go to the tournament?"
.... this is what I'm going through at this stage
Sure sounds like a communication problem! You won't get 'credit' for cutting back on pool for her if she doesn't know why you didn't go! Sounds like you blew a perfect opportunity to get some 'brownie points'.
LOLthanks for the sig line
my wife and i have an unspoken agreement
she doesnt play pool
and i dont go to craft shows
or shopping malls
or to restraunts that have sissy names that i can't pronounce
it keeps the peace
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