marriage vs. pool smh

[center pocket]

So I have been married for 5 years now to my wife. I love her very much but she has never attempted to try and get involved with pool in anyway. If anything she always says it competes with my time for her. I am a man and i think all men have something they do as a hobby and enjoy throughout their lives, whatever it may be. Mine is pool, and man do I enjoy playing it.

Fast forward to today. Pool was conflicting with taking time from her because I have been playing alot lately. I feel I have jumped a ball in speed and have been practicing alot to ensure I can keep this speed. So we sat down and worked out a schedule last week to deconflict my two pool nights a week and her zumba and yoga classes that happen 5 days a week. I even moved my gambling night from Tuesdays to Mondays to accommodate. Now tonight is pool league, she immediately tries to make me feel like I am not a good husband if I don't stay home with her and give up league. I reference the schedule we made and she says it doesn't matter. This argument eventually ended with her saying "maybe I should have picked someone else."

I am so tired of this. I know many pool players and probably forum members on here have been divorced because of pool. I have thought of divorce for several years but I really love her to death. That being said I when I am not practicing or competing I am thinking about practicing or competing even when I am home with her. What is your guy's advice?

 

[TommyLee]

It's always on my mind too. I've worked it out this way. During the off season we go hang out with her friends at the bar and ill shoot for a couple hours and once a week if I don't have a softball tournament we got to the hall and I can shoot my little hearts content and she reads or we talk and grab a bite. Seems to work easier when I make it involve her bait and not just about pool. But the fights about softball...good god

 

[center pocket]

Like I said I know this is a common problem. My wife can't stand the pool hall and any time I go I am putting her out.

 

[bobforest]

Divorce. (or the real threat of divorce)

I'm sorry that's probably not the answer you want to hear, but the issue (as I see it from what you've posted) runs much deeper than just pool. It's about control.

I think most guys can empathise with this situation, we've all been there or are currently there... and it's a horrible choice to have to make. It seems, from what you've said, that you are prepared to listen to her and make some compromises in your life to accomodate her. If that's not enough then I'm sorry, but she doesn't love you or understand you.

Relationships are obviously complex, and I've yet to meet anyone who has a perfect relationship - but if you listen to each other and try to meet half-way on most things, then you should be able to survive the ups and downs. If you back down on this, it'll be something else then something else... until you're on anti-depressants to get out of bed in the morning.

try your best to make your schedule work, and put effort in to showing her how much you love her, but if she keeps giving you the 'you don't love me' bullshit then it's time to call her bluff... give her the 'if you don't like it, there's the door.'

just my thoughts - and i'm no expert on successful relationships

Bob

 

[TommyLee]

We go to 2 different ones, never really busy and yeah after 4 or 5 hrs she's about had it but that's expected. If you have a buddy who's wive is up for it see if you and your friend can shoot while the wives have a few drinks and hang out

 

[Toncam]

Like I said I know this is a common problem. My wife can't stand the pool hall and any time I go I am putting her out.

See we should have never let them vote, smoke or get out of the kitchen. We created this problem boys, now we got to deal with it.

Just tell her that youre playing pool when you feel like it and the dinner better be on the table when you get home and it better be hot.

She gives you any lip, just give her the old back hand like they do in the old country.
Problem solved. :thumbup:

 

[TommyLee]

Like bob said she gets 5 days you get two and that's not fair to her? I'm sure there can be a happy medium stay positive

 

[Dunnn51]

Divorce. (or the real threat of divorce)

I'm sorry that's probably not the answer you want to hear, but the issue (as I see it from what you've posted) runs much deeper than just pool. It's about control.

I think most guys can empathise with this situation, we've all been there or are currently there... and it's a horrible choice to have to make. It seems, from what you've said, that you are prepared to listen to her and make some compromises in your life to accomodate her. If that's not enough then I'm sorry, but she doesn't love you or understand you.

Relationships are obviously complex, and I've yet to meet anyone who has a perfect relationship - but if you listen to each other and try to meet half-way on most things, then you should be able to survive the ups and downs. If you back down on this, it'll be something else then something else... until you're on anti-depressants to get out of bed in the morning.

try your best to make your schedule work, and put effort in to showing her how much you love her, but if she keeps giving you the 'you don't love me' bullshit then it's time to call her bluff... give her the 'if you don't like it, there's the door.'

just my thoughts - and i'm no expert on successful relationships

Bob

Like bob said she gets 5 days you get two and that's not fair to her? I'm sure there can be a happy medium stay positive

I am no relationship expert either, but it seems women always try to do this to men after "awhile" in their relationship. I don't know what it is: but women feel the need to "get leverage, or control" in a relationship. Such a case is not mutual (50/50), it is one-sided. Her mentioning "the wrong one" thing is pure leverage against you to get her way. (she is implying,... my way or divorce) is that fair ??

I had a 12 year marriage that ended in divorce over issues of "control" Again, no relationship expert here, but why the complaint when she gets 5 days and you get 3 days ? Is it possible she envies your fondness to play pool ? Perhaps you can "scale back" playing a bit, (I know you picked up a ball and you wanna keep it), and she notices your enthusiasm for pool now.

just my .02 !

 

[Badbeat13]

Oh shit !!!

 

[ROB.M]

Post

Divorce. (or the real threat of divorce)

I'm sorry that's probably not the answer you want to hear, but the issue (as I see it from what you've posted) runs much deeper than just pool. It's about control.

I think most guys can empathise with this situation, we've all been there or are currently there... and it's a horrible choice to have to make. It seems, from what you've said, that you are prepared to listen to her and make some compromises in your life to accomodate her. If that's not enough then I'm sorry, but she doesn't love you or understand you.

Relationships are obviously complex, and I've yet to meet anyone who has a perfect relationship - but if you listen to each other and try to meet half-way on most things, then you should be able to survive the ups and downs. If you back down on this, it'll be something else then something else... until you're on anti-depressants to get out of bed in the morning.

try your best to make your schedule work, and put effort in to showing her how much you love her, but if she keeps giving you the 'you don't love me' bullshit then it's time to call her bluff... give her the 'if you don't like it, there's the door.'

just my thoughts - and i'm no expert on successful relationships
Bob

-
Best post on this site ever!!!
Way to many facts but dead nuts spot on da truth.

P.s I've told her I'll give her the old back hand a few times and all I get in reply is- don't threaten me with a good time'

Best of luck
Rob.M

 

[trob]

I'm very lucky. I was a 7 day a week pool player when I met my wife. She knows I love the game and never stands in my way of doing it. She's gone to leagues and tournaments with me and has sat there from 10 am to midnight watching me play with no complaint. She's the reason I now play apa because she wanted to play a little... nothing serious..just have some fun and since all my bca teams are loaded so apa was the logical choice. I put work in every day I don't have leagues from 3 to 5 and she always has dinner ready at 5 oclock when I'm done and never a complaint.

Btw I was asked if I would leave my wife if she would make me choose between pool and her and I said ABSOLUTELY! It's simple ... she knows how much I love the game. I would never stop her from doing something she was passionate about so if she asked me to stop playing obviously she doesn't love me as much as I thought.

 

[Charlie Hustle]

I'm very lucky. I was a 7 day a week pool player when I met my wife. She knows I love the game and never stands in my way of doing it. She's gone to leagues and tournaments with me and has sat there from 10 am to midnight watching me play with no complaint. She's the reason I now play apa because she wanted to play a little... nothing serious..just have some fun and since all my bca teams are loaded so apa was the logical choice. I put work in every day I don't have leagues from 3 to 5 and she always has dinner ready at 5 oclock when I'm done and never a complaint.

Btw I was asked if I would leave my wife if she would make me choose between pool and her and I said ABSOLUTELY! It's simple ... she knows how much I love the game. I would never stop her from doing something she was passionate about so if she asked me to stop playing obviously she doesn't love me as much as I thought.

I used to have this mentality as well. Then my wife left one day when I was out of town, and filed for divorce. Ask yourself this, when its all said and done do you want to be the lonely guy in the pool hall who is there everyday with no wife or kids, or would you prefer to have a loving wife and children? I know the answer is real fvcking simple for me. Pool is just a game.

 

[Wright Shot]

Man I fully know where you are coming from. The thing is, its not just about pool. Any hobby I get does not satisfy her. Just like Bob said, its all about control. I have had huge arguements about how I spend the very little free time I have, doing what I choose. In comparison my wife is a stay at home mom and has an abundance of free time. My wife will have nothing to do with pool. No watching, playing, or attending. Its crazy. But I stand my ground and I will not let her wear me down. Crazy Women!

Chris

 

[poolandpokerman]

Look around my pool room, 90% of guys are single, divorce, or don't give a damn. If you want to stay married, put you wife first, hopefully she will put you first. I quit pool all together for 20 years while I raised my family. That was my choice. There are a lot of happily married guys that did the same who are around my age. Hopefully you will find the right combination, it won't be easy, but it can be done. Good luck and I hope you work it out. Tom

 

[gxman]

maybe just cut out league and play on random days...

 

[YOLO]

Every relationship is different, and complicated, so I can only speak for my own situation. You will need to deal with your based on what's best for you.

I have been playing casually nearly all of my life. About 10 years ago I decided I want to get more into the game but my wife was not very keen on the idea. I wasn't looking to play 7 days a week but I did want to take it more seriously. She had never played and really had zero interest in starting.

I played on and off for a few years, tried to get her to come with, etc. but no go. She wasn't happy about my away time either and mad it clear how she felt about it. No divorce talk, just clearly stated she didn't like it but still refused to come with me.

A few years ago we started to meet some friends after work for a few drinks at a local bar, nice place, a couple of nights a week, free table! I played every night I was there and started to play really well (for a local bar player). All of our friends tried to get her to play, no go.

We went there one Sunday afternoon for lunch and I finally talked her into giving it a try. Long short on her, she loves to play now but only with me. It's become "our" quality time together.

I want to join a league and/or enter a few local opens and she is dead set against it. "It's our thing."

I am obsessed with pool, love it and always will, and would play 7 days a week if she was ok with it BUT she's not. I love her more than I love pool and am grateful she has taken some kind of interest. Even if she hadn't I would still pick her over pool, hands down.

You have to decide what's best for you. Life is short, how do you want to live the rest of the time you have left in your life? Miserable or happy? Be kind, be generous, be forgiving, be grateful, be happy.

 

[Johnnyt]

I used to have this mentality as well. Then my wife left one day when I was out of town, and filed for divorce. Ask yourself this, when its all said and done do you want to be the lonely guy in the pool hall who is there everyday with no wife or kids, or would you prefer to have a loving wife and children? I know the answer is real fvcking simple for me. Pool is just a game.

I agree Charlie. I was lucky my wife put up with me playing most every night for years. She picked up the slack staying home watching the kids at night after working all day as an RN. I feel guilty now that I put pool ahead of my wife and kids for the first 20 years of marriage. she just retired the other day. She was the southeast manager over about 60 nurses for a major healthcare provider. She made 6 figures, but if I had been home more to help out with the kids she would have gone so much further. Serious pool and marriage with kids doesn't work out well for most. I was lucky she stayed with me. 46 years and counting. Johnnyt

 

[JTs cuerepair]

It's just a game

Don't be a fool, It's just a dam game. You already answered the question . In your own words, ( I LOVE HER TO DEATH ) Remember Finding the right partner, lover, Wife, what ever you want to call it. Is one of the hardest things to do. Most go through life never finding there RIGHT ONE. If she is what you would call the one for you then why in gods name would you even think about losing her over a dam game. I'm 51 years old and have spent at least 90% of my life in a pool room, It cost me my first marriage and a relationship with my son. there is not a day that goes by that I don't regret it now. It's just a dam game man. Take it from a person who was in your shoes and made the wrong choice, In the end you will say to yourself It was not worth it.

 

[Island Drive]

I informed my wife Before I got married of my situation, it never effected our relationship.

 

[AlexandruM]

If she loves you, how can she not be proud with your evolution like a pool player?
If something is important for you, she should understand and accept this, otherwise is not love.