Sing after me, to the tune of "Hi O The Derio".
The checks are in the mail, the checks are in the mail.
Hi O the derio, the checks are in the mail. Now once more with feeling.
And now for my next announcement,
"There will be an announcement soon regarding the future of the IPT, including a schedule of upcoming events and qualifiers. Please bear in mind, that with the discontinuation of all internet gaming it has become increasingly difficult to fund the operation of the tour. We are working diligently to find new sponsorship, and there is exciting news on the horizon. At present we are talking with several major corporations who have expressed an interest in becoming part of the BIGGEST thing to ever happen in the Pool world.
The response to the excellent television programming already produced, has been unprecedented in the history of televised sports. Literally millions of people are asking for more of these shows. We will have trouble keeping up with this great demand, but suffice to say, it is my primary objective to take Pool to the very top, where it belongs. Have a beer on me, because if you think 2006 was big, wait until you see what happens later this year and in 2008. How does $10,000,000 sound. Not bad huh!
I know we have hit a few bumps in the road, but it is all part of the growing pains associated with this exciting new venture called the IPT. I am not discouraged one bit, and very soon it will all be smooth sailing ahead. Hop on board or you will miss the boat."
Overheard in the background, "What checks, why do you keep asking me about the checks? They can wait, the ungrateful idiots. I've already sent them more than they deserve. Tell Deno to tell them the checks will be going out shortly, after income tax season is over.....in 2010" (loud laughter is heard).