Well, one thing for sure, Mr. Van Boening doesn't have to pop them tags. :grin-square:
Shane Van Boening on Bullying
- Thread starter iowa_player
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Well, one thing for sure, Mr. Van Boening doesn't have to pop them tags. :grin-square:
Good stuff from Shane. The same interviewer also interviewed Mike Dechaine on bullying and Rodney Morris on advice for teens.
Seems like this kid is trying to do a lot of good. Good for him.
Seems like this kid is trying to do a lot of good. Good for him.
Like someone else said, I didn't think I could like or respect the guy any more, but now I do. He is an all around great person.
I'm not sure of the exact percentage, but it is more than 90%.
That's interesting. Here's a link to that video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81uylL6nOHg
I knew Mike was picked on because of his weight when he was younger. Funny how he handles himself so much differently than Shane does. That's not a dig on Mike. We have very similar personalities.
I was fiercely bullied throughout elementary school because I was such a good student and was really small. I went to a Catholic school where the nuns put us all in chairs assigned by our grades. I had the highest grades, so I sat 1st row, 1st seat. George and Rosemary D. - brother and sister in the same grade - sat 52nd and 53rd. Terrible thing to do to either of us. Odd thing is that the kid who bullied me the most sat only two seats behind me, so he was pretty smart, too. He was bigger than me, so he was able to deflect attention away from himself and put it on me. The rest of the class followed his lead.
By the time I reached 5th grade I had figured how to make the torture stop. I became a class clown and a mischief instigator. I got so disruptive that it was painful for the teachers to control the class, but the kids loved it and the bullying stopped. Over the next few years I was sent down to the principal's office on a nearly weekly basis, where Sister Vincensia would crack my knuckles with her ruler until they bled, but I would just stare defiantly into her eyes. By the beginning of 7th grade, my parents got the call that I was being expelled from school.
Being thrown from a parochial school into public school mid-year was culture shock for sure. Once again, I was picked on, only now it was even bigger and tougher guys. This went on for a couple years until I hit puberty before most of the guys in my class. Now I was the bigger guy with the muscles, so I did my share of bullying in return, but they soon caught up to me and we entered into a state of detente for the rest of my HS years.
I think most bullies were bullied themselves at one time or another. I know a few of the guys who picked on me had dads who drank and beat the shit out of them. I found this out later when we became friends. My own mother was a drunk, and was physically and verbally abusive to me for years. My dad wasn't much better, constantly belittling my interest in book knowledge and music. You can't blame folks for doing what was done to them by people they should have received love and affection from instead.
Damn, I don't know why I'm coming out with all this on a pool forum, but it really hits home for me. Teachers should receive training that helps to identify and eliminate this kind of behavior. It is devastating, trust me. I can only imagine what I might have become had I been accepted for my academic accomplishments rather that being ostracized for them. Social acceptance is crucial in the development of a young human, and anti-social behavior is the expected result when this is denied. All three of my kids (who are way smarter than me) had similar problems. Each of them handled it in their own unique but decidedly anti-social way. As a result, they each fell way short of reaching their true potential in life. This is a loss for them, but it's a loss for society as well.
So, I'm glad to see Shane has conquered his devils, and I see that Mike is trying to as well. I wish him luck, as he has such a talent for the game he loves. It took me over half my life to get past my demons, a life littered with drugs, drink, underachievement and downright meanness at times, even to those I loved. Now, at 60+ years, I can say that I've become a real pussycat, but I'm sure it was tough for all those I hurt along the way.
Yup, I agree. Guys with phony Internet names like "Neil", "Sfleinen", "Patrick Johnson" and such, bullied by a guy using his own "real" name: "cjssecrets4u2".
And don't thank the mods for intervening (except in Pat's case, which was a suicide). These guys just want nothing to do with you at this point.
FWIW my real name is Danny Fera. I'll send you any other info about me that you want by PM if you promise to stop spamming my Inbox with your self-serving promotions.
:wink:
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I have a vivid memory of being bulled as a young girl in my neighborhood, mainly because I was at one time the youngest on the school bus, about 5 years old.
The family across the street had five boys, all older than me, and two doors down, there was a tomboy girl who was old than me. When I would get off the school bus, they would sometimes chase me, saying scary things. I'd run all the way home, scared like a rabbit.
My dad used to make homemade popcicles in an ice tray. He'd put Kool-aid in each slot, with a cherry in the middle, and then stick a toothpick in the middle of each one. I can remember inviting the older kids over to my yard to offer them a popcicle, hoping they would start to like me and leave me alone. It did seem work sometimes. I was always relieved when the tomboy girl was nice to me on the bus.
But I have a vivid memory that I have never forgotten, and I'm ashamed of myself that I did not speak up for this boy. Down the street, they were building a brand-new house, and in the basement of the construction site, these bullies and a few other neighborhood kids cornered this boy and made him eat dirt. When I came inside the basement area, this was already happening, and I remember contemplating, even at 5 years old, to speak up, but I was scared that the bullies would turn on me.
I did nothing. I didn't stay and watch. I ran home as fast as I could, but I did nothing. It is a regret, and I still carry this vivid memory with me today at almost 60 years old. Why didn't I do something?
The family across the street had five boys, all older than me, and two doors down, there was a tomboy girl who was old than me. When I would get off the school bus, they would sometimes chase me, saying scary things. I'd run all the way home, scared like a rabbit.
My dad used to make homemade popcicles in an ice tray. He'd put Kool-aid in each slot, with a cherry in the middle, and then stick a toothpick in the middle of each one. I can remember inviting the older kids over to my yard to offer them a popcicle, hoping they would start to like me and leave me alone. It did seem work sometimes. I was always relieved when the tomboy girl was nice to me on the bus.
But I have a vivid memory that I have never forgotten, and I'm ashamed of myself that I did not speak up for this boy. Down the street, they were building a brand-new house, and in the basement of the construction site, these bullies and a few other neighborhood kids cornered this boy and made him eat dirt. When I came inside the basement area, this was already happening, and I remember contemplating, even at 5 years old, to speak up, but I was scared that the bullies would turn on me.
I did nothing. I didn't stay and watch. I ran home as fast as I could, but I did nothing. It is a regret, and I still carry this vivid memory with me today at almost 60 years old. Why didn't I do something?
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It's no surprise
to see the class Mr. Van Boening displayed turning his back on those *****s, instead of giving in to them. Little did they know they were helping to develop a superior human being by forcing him to be stronger. It is they who were actually impaired.
I've never had the pleasure of meeting Shane but, like anyone who's ever watched him draw back his cue, have been a great fan. Now, even more so.
Keep it the same, SVB. Alfie
to see the class Mr. Van Boening displayed turning his back on those *****s, instead of giving in to them. Little did they know they were helping to develop a superior human being by forcing him to be stronger. It is they who were actually impaired.
I've never had the pleasure of meeting Shane but, like anyone who's ever watched him draw back his cue, have been a great fan. Now, even more so.
Keep it the same, SVB. Alfie
We all have things in our past we wish we would have done different. Don't beat yourself up over this, just think of all the good you've done in your lif etime.:smile:
Wow, that is vivid. All I remember from 5 years old was sticking my dads car keys in a power outlet. JAM, simple neighborhood hazing helps to build unity and make boys stronger. Eating dirt is normal, we all had to do it at one point growing up. When I was 7 years old I was held down and they stuffed a grease gun down my pants and filled my drawers full of grease. It was cool, no biggie. My Moms was pissed and she walked me back over to Richie's house and yelled at Pete (Richie's Dad). Ever since that day I was part of the team.
I have a vivid memory of being bulled as a young girl in my neighborhood, mainly because I was at one time the youngest on the school bus, about 5 years old.
The family across the street had five boys, all older than me, and two doors down, there was a tomboy girl who was old than me. When I would get off the school bus, they would sometimes chase me, saying scary things. I'd run all the way home, scared like a rabbit.
My dad used to make homemade popcicles in an ice tray. He'd put Kool-aid in each slot, with a cherry in the middle, and then stick a toothpick in the middle of each one. I can remember inviting the older kids over to my yard to offer them a popcicle, hoping they would start to like me and leave me alone. It did seem work sometimes. I was always relieved when the tomboy girl was nice to me on the bus.
But I have a vivid memory that I have never forgotten, and I'm ashamed of myself that I did not speak up for this boy. Down the street, they were building a brand-new house, and in the basement of the construction site, these bullies and a few other neighborhood kids cornered this boy and made him eat dirt. When I came inside the basement area, this was already happening, and I remember contemplating, even at 5 years old, to speak up, but I was scared that the bullies would turn on me.
I did nothing. I didn't stay and watch. I ran home as fast as I could, but I did nothing. It is a regret, and I still carry this vivid memory with me today at almost 60 years old. Why didn't I do something?
To be a little blunt, I dunno if you're quite there yet Pockets... in terms of overcoming that urge for meanness and being a real pussycat now. I kinda wince imagining your kids reading that line. I can see saying that if they all ended up in jail or something... but I hope you don't mean it like "yeah my kids are working minimum wage jobs despite high SAT scores, what a waste".
Could be reading too much into it and totally not my business. I just felt like you should be aware that the experiences that shaped you... you may still be dealing with the fallout even years later.
Well, they say the secret to happiness is to have good health and a bad memory. Unfortunately, I've got it all backwards.
Sounds like Moms sorted it out, not you. :grin:
Back when I was being bullied, the kids used to mess with my lunch every day while I went up to get my milk. One day they blew the ink out of a Bic pen and into my egg salad sandwich. It made a big mess in my lunch box (yeah, I got picked on for carrying that thing, too) and my Mom yelled at me. I told her what happened and she got mad and called the school to complain.
To my horror, the very next day the teacher called out the offending students in front of everybody. During recess, they pulled me behind a tree and beat the living tar out of me. So much for parental intervention.
Generally, having parents get involved made things worse.
I was bullied last night by a member that usually posts over on the Buy/Sell side of things. He was trying to publicly embarrass me by bumping a thread I added new information to over 9 hours after I posted it. Effectively destroying his own argument against me for bumping a thread, hypocrite. We then had some heated exchanges in PM where I tried to rationally explain to him my side of things but he only wanted to see his. His last PM to me was something to the extend of you should take your ball and leave like a 4 year old.
I hate bullies. I usually don't use that four letter word lightly but when it comes to bullies I do. My very best friend in the world had a deformity growing up, he wasn't expected to live past 16 but he remained alive until he was 24. He had to deal with bullies everyday of his life and I defended him many many times and as a result was in many fights on his behalf over the years. One day I couldn't get to the bully before he got to my friend this bully punched my friend in the head which caused a him to have a brain aneurysm. He thankfully recovered from that but was never really the same. I genuinely think that if that bully didn't get to him and I was there to defend like I usually was he might just be alive today.
The thread is the one in my sig if anyone wants to have a look at who the bully is.
I hate bullies. I usually don't use that four letter word lightly but when it comes to bullies I do. My very best friend in the world had a deformity growing up, he wasn't expected to live past 16 but he remained alive until he was 24. He had to deal with bullies everyday of his life and I defended him many many times and as a result was in many fights on his behalf over the years. One day I couldn't get to the bully before he got to my friend this bully punched my friend in the head which caused a him to have a brain aneurysm. He thankfully recovered from that but was never really the same. I genuinely think that if that bully didn't get to him and I was there to defend like I usually was he might just be alive today.
The thread is the one in my sig if anyone wants to have a look at who the bully is.
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Yup, guys with phony Internet names like "Neil", "Sfleinen", "Patrick Johnson", bullying a guy using his own name: "cjssecrets4u2".
And don't thank the mods for intervening (except in Pat's case, which was a suicide). These guys just want nothing to do with you at this point.
FWIW my real name is Danny Fera. I'll send you any other info about me that you want by PM if you promise to stop spamming my Inbox with your self-serving promotions.
:wink:
Let's be clear about something here- I don't like bullying either. And, I have received more than my share of it on here. I have NOT bullyied CJ. I, for sure, have disagreed with him on a number of points. And, made my point clear on where and why. Disagreeing is not bullying. Calling names, like he does, and others, that is bullying. Big difference between explaining why one feels the other is wrong about something, and stating things and posting pictures that are only meant to belittle. Sorry you don't seem to see the difference.
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I think you've misinterpreted the point of his post. Either that, or I have.
CreedDo, I have come to have a lot of respect for you here, and I am embarrassed to say you may be right about the continuing fallout. I'm better than I was for sure, but your comment really took me aback and made me rethink this. Thanks.
No, my kids aren't in jail. They're actually wonderful human beings in spite of being underachievers by some standards. I'm actually very proud of them and how they turned out, and I would dread that they would read my words and misconstrue their meaning. I doubt it, though. We've had long talks into the wee small hours about all of this, and they are in agreement. But I should think twice before putting this personal stuff out on the Interwebs.
I was simply bringing up how bullying in school can ruin a kid's chances at traditional success. School is like a stint in the big house, only you never broke the law to get there. In prison, you can be a loner and maybe you'll be left alone. Most find a club first day and join it right away because it's safer that way. I chose the loner route in school, so I was fair game to the various "clubs". If I had it to live over again, I'm sure I would do it all the same way. That's just the way we are IMO.
I was bullied all through school until my senior year in high school. I finally got tired of it and told my parents. Mom was upset and offered no advice. Dad said to stand up to them. So, next guy that picked on me, and he was a good six inches taller than me, I told him to quit it. That made the rest of the crowd jump in and make it much worse. I figured it had to end right there, so I tackled the guy and beat the crap out of him. Unfortunately, what I learned that day was if someone is picking on you, just fight back. So, I learned to fight quite well. Took many years to learn that isn't always the best way to handle things either. But, does explain why I don't take much crap on here without giving it right back.